Sirius Tale
Disclaimer: The universe and Sirius are owned by JKR, and the song is Dying, Dying by Five For Fighting. The only thing I maintain is the OC Anna Wade.
A/N: This is the last in my MWPP series and is all about Sirius and a girl I created. Told from Anna's point of view. Hope you enjoy it!
I'm Dying, Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again
I'm Dying, Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived
There's a shade come over this heart that's coping with laying down to rest
I'm Dying to live without you again
I thought it was a good idea to go shopping downtown at a little outdoor market I had passed by a couple times on my way to work. That was until the rain came. I went across the street into a little deli to avoid the rain that came down in floods at a time. My clothes were wet, including the clothes I had just bought. No one expected the rain. I sat down and opened up my laptop to check the reports on how long it would last, but it seemed the rain had sunk through my bag and damaged the hardware. Unfortunately, there were people around, so I dunk into the bathroom, where I flicked out my wand.
It only took a light muttering above the elevator music that lightly played in the background to get it back on. The second it was fixed I rushed back out, while sliding my wand gracefully into my coat pocket.
The report read "a few hours" so I decided to sit down and get a coffee to kill the time. In between ordering and checking my blog a familiar face went by—yours.
I'm Dying, Dying to find a distraction, get you away from me
I'm Dying, Dying to reach a conclusion, so that the world can see
It's the same old story of love and glory that broke before it bent
I'm Dying to live without you again
Much to my chagrin, you saw me the second my blue eyes caught your chocolate ones. Your dark hair still hung in whisps around your temple. You smiled as you approached but it suddenly disappeared as you seemed to have caught my expression.
"Sirius Black." I said flatly almost to myself, but you heard.
"Anna Wade." You offered back with a side smirk.
That one expression brought flashes before my eyes. Flashes of you and me, slick. It all started with Potions class our first year of Hogwarts. Walking into the room was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. He flipped his hair, the girls in the room gushed, and he plopped into the seat next to me like he owned the place. He looked around as if trying to find someone, but he found me instead. You found me.
"Hi Gorgeous," you said with a wink and just as I was about to respond back you leaned a little. I was kind of confused so I leaned too. Then you leaned back and I caught the hint. When I turned around I saw a beautiful blonde haired girl on my other side. As I looked back I saw where you were really looking.
Years later we still sat beside each other in potions class, but until 5th year you never noticed me. It was then that our teacher assigned us a project. We had to pair off as usual, but this time, she made it very clear, you and James would not get to pick your partners. You instead were paired up with the least likely person to get you into trouble—me.
You said hello and acted politely, but you were irritated. You didn't want me.
"How have you been, Wade?" you offered to take me out of the past.
I smiled more to say thank you than anything. Thinking of the past is too hard now. "I'm good. I'll be even better when the rain passes."
The first time you left I said goodbye
Now there's not a prayer that can survive
The rain stopped about the time you walked away and I rushed out to find rescue in the streets. I ran as fast as I could from the moment I was on the other side of the door. The rain had created puddles in almost every alley, but I slushed through it all the same. When I reached the end of my running ability, I stopped in an old alley way and cried.
I remember every detail of that project, but most of all I remember the look on your face when we completed the most elaborate 5th year potions project ever attempted—the polyjuice potion. We completed it and changed into our best friends, and when it wore off you hugged me and then…
You kissed me.
Without thought, you just kissed me. And when we separated you looked deeply into my eyes and brushed my brown hair out of my face. It took me a while to recall what had happened but then I blushed and said what had been haunting me for years.
I love you, Sirius Black.
You looked at me for a second and then smiled and said, I love you, too, babe. It was casual and easy, just like you. None of it was real. I loved you my whole young adult life and all I wanted was for you to say you loved me too, but not like this.
That's when I said goodbye to you, Sirius. Goodbye to the hopes that lived in my heart. And sure enough by the next week you had a new "thing" and I was just one of the girls in your black book with a check next to her name. There was a rumor going around our 6th year that you had a secret goal to shag every girl in our year. Sorry to say, babe, but I think it was true, even if unintentionally.
You hurt me that year, but I tried to get over it. I left Hogwarts with enough dignity intact to get a good job with the Ministry. I had forgotten about you, for the most part, love, and I know you forgot about me. But this moment, this one rain trickling moment was enough to conquer every barrier I had put on my emotions all these years. You came back into my mind, and everything about you. Every girl loved you for your looks, Sirius, but I saw something more. Intelligence and confidence shinned in those eyes, a means to an end with a witty addition to the mix. That was who I saw that first year and always saw every time I looked into your eyes. You fed my affection with your spunk and you flamed the fire when you kissed me. There was no doubt. No one was like you, or ever could be. You were and are one in a million. You are a shinning star, love.
I'm just sad that everything I loved about you was also my demise. I loved your spur of the moment attitude, your flighty ambition. No wonder you ended up in a downtown deli instead of the Ritz. Sorry I wasn't enough to conquer it.
Dying, Dying to die just to come back so we can meet again
Dying, Dying to say what I always should have said
It's a strange emotion this but there's still hope in this
As long as there's a breath...
I'm Dying and I can't live without you again
She couldn't possibly remember it, I thought to myself as I left you. It was so long ago, that day, when I kissed you. I was so light headed from the potion. Becoming Potter was a little too rough to handle. I know what you thought of me after that day. You hated me, because…I couldn't love you.
It all started our first year. I went into potions class with my head held high and I was doing great until I saw you. For the first time in my life my heart skipped a beat. I didn't know why. You weren't outstandingly beautiful, and I didn't even know you, but something made this 11 year old boy gush. You looked at me and smiled, and instantly I knew why my heart skipped a beat. You were more than just a pretty face. You were clever and interesting, it was all there in that one expression. Your smile made me weak, so I plopped into my chair, accidentally, next to you. I tried to remain cool and calm and just as I was about to lose control I found my savior. Next to you sat a gorgeous blonde haired girl who was batting her eye lashes at me. I smiled and said "hi beautiful."
It was a mistake because you thought I was talking to you. I couldn't stand the look on your face when you say who it was meant for. That was the moment I knew I would never look at any girl the same. I'm not a guy who falls in love, babe. I don't know that emotion. I avoid it as best I can. It's something scarier than he-who-must-not-be-named and more intense than the coffee you were drinking today.
That day I kissed you was after months of getting to know you. It was so intense I couldn't avoid the moment anymore. I gave into my emotions. And when you said you loved me…I couldn't tell you the truth. I said I love you like it was superficial, but I couldn't tell you that I thought about every night when I went to bed, and I dreamt of kissing you since the first moment I met you.
From that moment on you wouldn't talk to me at all. I broke your heart, but a broken heart is better than the pain of losing love once you get it. It never would have worked, I was too childish and stupid, and I still am in many ways.
I just wish that today when I saw you sitting there dripping wet looking amazing, that I just could have said I was sorry.
It's a strange emotion this but there's still hope in this
As long as there's a breath...
Maybe I'll see you again. Maybe I'll be able to tell you the truth. Maybe, but my knowledge of myself says no. I am a silly man. I just hope you find happiness, beautiful girl.
I'm Dying and I can't live without you
I'm Dying and I can't live without you again
I dry my tears and pick up my things again. Sirius Black, goodbye, I say to the night. The stars shine down and I think of my shining star. You may never see me again, but I will remember you forever. You will be real for me in every moment of my life, because…I can't live without you. Not again.
As the beautiful brown haired girl left the alley she headed back home to find solitude from Sirius's face. The day was getting chillier than it had been and she could have sworn her heart grew colder.
Just as she left, though, another figure walked by. It was a guy with chocolate eyes and long hanging hair. He glanced into the alley almost instinctively and then brushed his hair out of his eyes. It was only a small second, and then he continued on by.
Neither returned again.