Chapter 1

Bella's P.O.V.

Ever since that day in the forest with Edward and Jacob, I had been torn. I was torn between making Edward happy and doing my damndest to see my best friend again. I tried so hard to convince myself that just having Edward back was enough, but unfortunately it just wasn't true. The fact was that I would always be unhappy without Jacob in my life.

No one should have to give up their best friend, right? It just wasn't natural. It certainly made it extra complicated, thought, when your fiancé and your best friend were sworn enemies. It definitely put me in an awkward place.

"I just don't think it is safe." Edward had said for the millionth time, in response to my request to go to La Push and see Jake. Edward was beginning to sound like a broken record.

"I will not be in danger." I protested, raising my voice.

"You have witnessed it, yourself, how volatile he is, Bella. I cannot willingly permit you to put yourself in danger in that way."

I groaned and folded my arms over my chest, "I'm positive that he views me being with you in the same manner."

Edward's mouth was turned out in a grim line, but he nodded his head, "I'm sure that he does, and he is probably right."

"So, why is alright for me to put myself in danger to be with you, but not him?"

Edward's answer was matter-of-fact and one of the stupidest responses I'd ever heard, "Because I'm selfish."

I was so tired of the bickering over this very situation. It seemed as though Edward and I argued about this day after day. I didn't think I was asking too much to want to see Jacob, but clearly Edward thought there to be some horrible reason why I shouldn't. Despite his reservations he was never able to give me a good enough reason against it.

"I'm getting tired of this same song and dance, Edward. He's my best friend!"

Edward scoffed, "Let me be your best friend, Bella. I can do that for you."

My face softened, "Edward, you have my heart, you are my forever and I will never want anyone as much as I want you, but I still need my friend."

Edward growled, "We're not having this discussion again tonight."

I folded my arms again, pouting. It was always the same story with the same ending, why should I suddenly expect different results?

"Besides, you need to get some sleep; you have a busy day tomorrow." Edward bent his head down to place a gentle kiss on my forehead, breaking my resolve.

That was most definitely the case, too. I groaned inwardly at the thought of Alice and I shopping for wedding decorations. I had to hold in the gag that was threatening to escape; I didn't want Edward to get that look on his face like he always did when I complained about the wedding. For some dumb reason he thought my aversion to weddings was a direct reflection of my lack of commitment for him. How could that be anymore untrue; after all I was going to become a vampire so that I could spend eternity with him? How much more commitment did he need?

I forced a smile on to my face in an effort to avoid another negative conversation that I wasn't in the mood to have. I was still mad about not being able to see Jake and I didn't need to get started on my ant-marriage kick too. "You're right, I should sleep."

He smiled too, "Good, then we are finally in agreement about something."

I almost laughed, he just looked so hopeful. His smile was always able to remove me from any bad mood that I could be in. There was nothing in the entire world like Edward's beautiful smile.

He bent down again to kiss me, this time he aimed for my lips. I was a willing participant in this operation, opening my mouth a little bit, begging for a deeper kiss. He sighed and twisted his fingers into my hair, giving in to my willingness for a few short seconds. Then he pulled himself away from me and looked at my delirious face. I loved that feeling that I always got when he touched me, but I thought that I must look like a blooming idiot; what with my glazed over eyes and goofy grin on my face. I almost grimaced thinking about it, but then I thought better of it. I didn't want Edward to think that I was displeased with his kiss.

"Goodnight my love, sleep tight." He slid into bed beside me and tucked me into the blankets, protecting me from the cold of his body. He knew I didn't care if I was cold as long as he was close to me, but he always hated the thought of me freezing while I slept.

As I lay there, comfortable and safe in my lover's arms, I couldn't help but think of Jacob again. I thought about how unhappy he must have been since we last saw each other. Things were awful difficult on him; first he is just a normal human teenager who has a best friend who he gets to see almost every day, then he discovers that he has the werewolf gene and it changes everything he thought he knew about himself, and then he loses his best friend to the thing he was born to hate; his immortal enemy. It hardly seemed fair that good people like Jacob could have to go through all of this in such a short period of time. It bothered me so much that I grew increasingly more and more upset until I felt my eyelids grow heavier and the darkness overcome me.

I woke the next morning to a beautiful sunny day. There was just something about the sun to put you in a completely wonderful mood. I smiled and stretched out my arms, welcoming the day. It took me a few minutes before I remembered my horrific schedule for the day. Ugh! I did not want to go traipsing off to ridiculously expensive stores to look at doilies and wedding cake toppers.

I groaned and threw my legs over the side of my bed, reluctantly getting out of my warm, comfortable paradise. I looked at the clock on my nightstand and realized that I only had an hour until Alice would be there to pick me up for our wonderful adventure.

I grabbed my bathrobe and headed into the bathroom; glad that Charlie had already left for the station and I didn't have to fight with him. Charlie still hadn't gotten over the whole ridiculous thing with the motorcycle. And that was all on top of the fact that I had ran off to Italy for three days without him knowing where I was and that I was safe. Maybe that hadn't been the most considerate thing I could have done, but what other option did I have? I couldn't exactly take any extra time preparing a detailed description of our travels, as it was I was almost too late to stop Edward from killing himself.

I shivered at the thought of Edward's body being ripped apart by that horrible Volturi. Who did those jerks think they were anyway? I huffed and it came out more like a sob. I now grasped the concept that Edward loved me, but why in the world would he have wanted to kill himself over me…it seemed so completely preposterous and wasteful; Edward was entirely too precious to end his life like that. Not even I had tried to kill myself after he had left me broken and alone. Maybe that meant that he loved me more than I loved him….could that be true? I didn't much care for the thought of that; there was no way I was even close to deserving of his love, I should definitely be the one with the surpassing love. It ripped my heart apart at the seams to think that I didn't love him as much as he loved me; it was just further proof of how faulty humans were. I wouldn't ever truly be able to love with everything I was until I was perfect like him.

I sighed, why did he want to marry me so much? I was just so faulty….so completely human. There was no way that I could compete with the beauty, grace and perfection of a vampire. It sickened me to think of the two of us walking down the aisle; him with his angelic grace and me looking hideous and tripping over my own feet. What a graceful princess I should make on what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life.

Maybe there really was something completely wrong with me? What if I was even faultier than other humans? Most human women got excited at the idea of marrying the man they loved and getting dolled up in a beautiful, expensive gown….but not me. The thought of pearls and lace made me want to vomit.

With all the time I devoted to dread and feeling sorry for myself, I had to rush to finish getting myself ready and eating my breakfast before Alice showed up to take me to my doom. I realized that I needed to work on my mood, so that Alice didn't want to slap me upside the head while she did everything she could to give me the dream wedding that any sane, normal girl would want. Oh, why couldn't I just be normal? Why couldn't I be girly and giddy at the thought of all the attention I would be receiving? Why couldn't I at least be even a slight bit horrified at the thought of monsters being real and me being in the center of it all? Yes…there was certainly something wrong with me.

"Bella? Bella, are you almost ready?" Alice rapped on the door.

"Come in, Alice." I yelled back, putting my dirty dishes into the sink and rinsing them out.

She opened the door and smiled as she walked in. "Are you ready for some girl bonding time?"

I almost gagged, but forced a smile anyway, "Sure. Where are we going?"

"I thought we'd start in Port Angeles and see if we have any luck there. If that doesn't work out then we'll just have to see what happens." She pulled the hood down off her head and smiled at me.

I raised my eyebrows; I did not like the sound of that. "Charlie told me to stay close to home and I don't really want to make him angrier at me than he already is. Frankly I'm lucky that I am actually able to go out at all."

She smiled at me, "I know all about Charlie's terms, he and I went over it all yesterday."

I nodded, "You're just lucky he likes you."

She laughed, "I guess I am, otherwise I would just have to kidnap you." She linked her arm through mine and led me out of the house.

I arrived home by nightfall, worn out and irritated. If I had to watch Alice squeal over one more place setting I was going to kill myself. I realized that I should have just given her free reign to pick whatever she liked and let her do it herself. I mean, it wasn't as if I was going through with this ridiculous fiasco for my own benefit.

I was sitting in the car with Alice and she turned to me, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For letting me do this for you. It means a lot to me that you let me drag you around to look at things you're obviously not interested in just to make me happy so that I can make a happy day for my brother."

I smiled at her, "I want to make everyone happy, I really do. Trust me, my aversion to weddings and all things associated with them doesn't have anything to do with my feelings for either of you."

"I know that, Bella. It would be selfish of me to think otherwise." She reached over to gently squeeze my hand, "Bella, you are a sister to me and I love you. I just want to see you be happy too."

"I am really easy to please; there are only a couple things I could ever need."

"Your immortality?"

I nodded, "That is definitely one of them, yes."

She cocked her head to the side and contemplated my reaction, "There's more, isn't there?"

I nodded, dreading bringing this one up. I sighed, "I want to see Jacob."

She tensed up for just a second and then she relaxed, "Yes, he told me that has been a constant argument with you two."

I groaned, "Yeah."

"He's just trying to look out for you."

"I know, but it's ridiculous really. Jacob would never hurt me; he must be able to read that in his thoughts." I looked at her, hopeful, "And you can't say that you can see him hurting me in my future? Right?"

She frowned, "You know I can't see the wolves, Bella."

My shoulders slumped, "Even so, isn't it my choice who I pick to be my friends?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and ran her hands through her hair, "I suppose so. I will have a talk with him."

I threw my arms around her tiny frame, "Thank you so much, Alice."

"I can't make any promises about how it will turn out, but I will try my best."

I smiled brightly at her, "I can't even begin to tell you how much that means to me."

She nodded, "Your werewolf really means a lot to you doesn't he?"

I nodded, "Yes, he does. He was the only one who kept me sane while you all were gone. I owe a lot to Jacob."

Alice nodded at me and I think she did understand. "Edward and I are like that too. He's my best friend and I wouldn't want to have to walk away from him, even for Jasper."

I had to practically hold my jaw shut to prevent it from dropping to the floor; I was totally dumbfounded that she got me. I hadn't given Alice enough credit at all.

She squeezed my hand before walking me into my house. "Charlie will be home any minute." She smiled, "And, don't worry, he's in a good mood."

I smiled, "Well, I guess prayers can be answered."

She smiled back at me, warmly, and gave me a quick hug before she went back to her car and drove off into the sunset.