You're Beautiful
Aoshi ran his hand behind Misao's ear, along the back of her jaw, then rested at the base of her neck. He massaged that spot for a moment, eliciting a small pleasured sound and a small smile from the woman.
Then he got up and left.
Misao opened one eye. She knew what was going on, and had known that he wouldn't be sleeping around her that night. She knew the signs, the symptoms. She knew what he did on those night, and it broke her heart, for she also knew that she could do nothing to stop it.
Some days, she just wasn't the distraction he needed. Some days, the past proved much stronger than she was. Those were always the nights when he would leave.
Misao got out of bed, wrapping herself in a kimono that was lying by the bed. With a saddened expression, she walked out onto the porch and leaned against the support beam, watching where she knew Aoshi was.
She had known him so long, she felt she could see him still, despite the inky blackness of the night with no moon. She no longer had any desire to actually follow him on these nights. She had done so twice, and she knew watching him made no difference. She knew that it only hurt them.
But still, Misao could not stop herself from going out there, picking out the spot amongst the vegetation where he would go, and allow himself to be over-whelmed by the past.
Self loathing, self hating, Aoshi would cry silently. Not tears, for those had long since been spent. He would release his anger, his fury. Once he drained himself he would come back. Misao believed he would never leave her again, and it was only this conviction that stopped her from doing anything.
Misao never tried to cover up these events. When Aoshi stepped out of the forest, she'd straighten up and wait for him to walk to their house. He would look her in the eyes for a moment, then look away, ashamed. She would walk out to greet him, silently, wrapping her arms around him. Letting him know that everything was fine, that she was still there.
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Misao always knew that she alone would never be enough. The scars left by the loss of the Oniwabanshu could never be soothed. There were moments when Aoshi and Misao were happy, though, despite their loss. Usually, they had no problems, save for those nights. So Misao would say.
There were always moments when Aoshi wasn't there. He was there physically, but he'd be looking elsewhere. Misao had a feeling it had to do with what he could have had. The flower and title of the strongest. When she noticed these moments, she would mention going to see Himura, asking for a rematch. Aoshi would always tell her they were done, there was no need to contend with him.
"What are you searching for, then?" Misao always wanted to ask. Something told her it was a secret, that maybe Aoshi himself didn't know what he was looking for.
Again, all Misao could do was assure him of her presence in every way possible.
Someday, she hoped, Aoshi would know that, in her eyes, he was the strongest, that she held the flower and was waiting to bestow it on him. She wanted him to know that he was beautiful to her.
But she also wanted him to discover that for himself. If he looked her in the eyes, if he looked close enough, maybe he would.
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*Sigh* Another kinda depressing Aoshi Misao fic. This ones tiny and what I get for waking up early... but anyway... This one is kinda a song fic, without the song being mentioned. Like the last fic I posted, where I stole the chapter titles from the songs, only, not... Again, it's Nick Lachey. So many of his songs sound like Aoshi Misao.... Anyway, I don't really like all of the song fics, and I figured I'd put my own spin on things, and this is what I got...
Another thing I guess I should put is disclaimer. Characters belong to Watsuki-sama. The song "Beautiful" belongs to whoever owns Nick Lachey, I guess.
Ok, now I guess I'm done. Maybe I'll try some more.