Last Kiss
I couldn't believe it. It literary felt like someone has reached into my chest and ripped out my heart, and that someone was Shane.
The look on his face when he said those words- those horrible words that I had never ever wanted to hear from him- was imprinted in my mind. The way those dark beautiful eyes that were now filled with sadness looked at me. How his lips moved slowly but steadily like he had practised this speech hundreds of times. I even think I saw a small tear form in his eye, but he never let it fall.
I replayed the memory over in my head for the tenth time.
I was sitting on the couch waiting for Shane to get home. I had no idea where he was and was starting to get worried when he walked through the door. He didn't yell out or stump down the hallway like he usually does; he just closed the door carefully behind him and silently walked into the living room.
"Finally, it's about time you got home! I've been worried. I thought you didn't have work today?" I rushed over to him and kissed him. It was different from our usual kisses. There were no fireworks or birds chirping in my head. Something was wrong; Shane seemed so distracted and was barely kissing me back.
"What's wrong?" I asked, worried again. He still hadn't said anything.
"Umm… Claire… I think….we need …to talk." He said hesitantly.
I sat back down on the couch, my panic increasing by the minute. Shane sat beside me, well, not really beside me. It was like he was trying to get as far away from me without sitting on the floor.
"What's wrong?" I asked again. Shane was sitting there fidgeting with a thread of the lounge.
When he spoke his voice sounded strange, full of pain.
"This isn't working Claire." He said barely above a whisper.
"What's not working?" I thought I knew the answer but for some reason it just didn't make sense to me.
"Us, this", he waved a hand between us.
I froze. I knew for sure what he was saying now. He didn't love me anymore. Maybe never did. I don't know why I was surprised. I'd known this was going to happen eventually, knew that soon he would realise that I was just a small plain geek and break my heart.
But what I hadn't known was how much it would hurt. Tears started streaming down my chest started to hurt from lack of oxygen, whenever I tried to breathe it was like there was a thick brick wall in my throat stopping me. I couldn't sit there anymore, couldn't look at him.
I ran up the stairs as fast as I could. As soon as I was in my room I slammed the door and slowly slid down it.
And that's how I got to where I was now, Laying on my bedroom floor in one of Shanes old t-shirts. It still smelt of him and I closed my eyes I could imagine that it was his arms around my waist instead of my own.
I think Shane had left at some point. I didn't care. All I wanted to do was sit here on the floor and cry myself to sleep. And for now that was all I would do.