I remember when I first met you, Hikaru. I was… almost selfishly exhilarated at this chance, the third chance, I had been given on my path to the Hand of God. I saw you as my vessel, a malleable ship to lead me to my long-lived dream. I should have known you would want more than that. I lied to myself, you know, and being disillusioned… it's a terrible way to go through one's life. Don't ever become like me, Hikaru.
When you took control for the first time, I was surprised. You weren't great; in the utmost honesty, your playing style was rather mediocre, but I could see potential in you, just as I can see a bit of potential in even the dullest of minds. Maybe that is another fault of mine.
I can't be with you forever, Hikaru. That day will come soon… so very soon. I can feel the distance between us growing, steadily, more and more, each day. It's in my imaginary bones, in my imaginary heart, running through my imaginary veins like a slow-acting, venomous poison; a beautiful poison, but a poison nonetheless. And it's breaking me down, little by little. It's worse than dying, worse than waiting a thousand years for a chance that might have never came. I want to be with you until you notice me again. I want you to turn to me and tell me an honest, "thank you." I won't justify your actions, your ignorance, nor your lack of caring. I know that it's wrong of you to simply cast me aside like this. But I'm already dead and long forgotten; who says you should continue to care? Only my name exists in this world, and that is not enough to keep me grounded. I can't even touch you, not even hold you in my arms for one precious moment. God, why did you give me this boy? Do you like placing me into these horrible situations just to see me suffer? Do you really have a grander plan than my life? What more can I give you…?
I want to take control again, to play the games that should have been mine all along. Maybe, just maybe, it might slow the dreaded process… because I like you. I like you even more than my Torajiro. There's just something about you… it almost makes up for the pain I go through every day. Almost. You're like a slowly burning candle, Hikaru, and I'm the accumulating wax. Once I cool, away from your flame, I will be forgotten and you shall burn on brighter than ever. I hope with all my heart that you won't feel betrayed by my absence… betrayal is almost worse than disillusionment. I'm not abandoning you. You know that, right?
I can't hold your hand forever, Hikaru, just as I can't live out the rest of my borrowed time like this. Can you understand? You've changed me for the better, I should hope. You… made me realize that it's not just about me. You helped me learn to care again. It's so easy supress emotions to the point of extinction. You have your own Go, my child. It's become a part of you, a part that you might not see for a long time, but I hope that you will discover it with my passing. Learn how to use it, and burn brighter than I ever did… although I will no longer see your progress, I will feel it, wherever I am… wherever God takes me next.
I will never forget you, Hikaru. Even if God wipes my memory clean, has me reborn, or sends me to hell: I will never forget you. I'd rather die another brutal death. So don't forget me, okay?
I'll always exist in your Go, so please… never forget me?
A/N: I thought of this story while listening to "In Memory" by Shinedown. It didn't turn out the way I thought it would, and wasn't really true to the song... but the lyrics reminded me a lot of Sai. I've seen the series about 3 times the entire way through, and I always cry when Sai vanishes! I hope you enjoyed reading this story, and please... please review. T_T Hikaru no Go's fandom is small enough! We need people like you to contribute to it! It'll take less than a minute! All you need to say is that you read it! I'm a hit and runner, I'll admit it, but I recently stopped that bad habit.
*pleading stare* So please review? It would do my heart good... and my health! I'm sitting here with an aching head, and an upset stomach. My best ideas always come when I'm sick. Don't ask me how- it might stop the ideas from coming. Writer's block really, really sucks, and listening to people complaining about it sucks even more.