Unrequited Love

~So I look in your direction,

But you pay me no attention,

And you know how much I need you,

But you never even see me~

What was this pain? Why did it hurt so much? Why did my heart feel like it was being torn to shreds? Why did I feel so broken?

I had pondered these four questions for days now. The crew was worried. They would tip toe around me, treating me like I was some kind of fragile piece of glass. I could tell that my attitude scares them. I place my right hand lightly over my heart as I gaze out into the depths of the ocean. Sighing, I try to piece together a mask that wouldn't break; a mask that I could show to my nakama and have them believe that nothing was wrong, a mask that would hide the truth from him. Yet no matter how hard I try, I know it is truly impossible for me to make such a mask so great is this agony.

"NAMI-SWAN!~ ROBIN-SWAN! ~ Yūshoku no junbi ga dekite iru!"

After watching him day after day and seeing him fawn like that over Nami and Robin, I finally see the truth. Accepting the truth that he could never love me is a hard thing to do, even if I try to ignore it. Too bad I have only just realized how great this stupid mistake is.

Why did I have to get so excited over something so trivial? Why did I have to get so hyper that I forgot that it was a bad idea to set down the shiny piece of metal out under the sun and near the map Nami had just finished? Why did I have to be so… so… so STUPID!

"Oi! Luffy, NIKU!"

I ignore him. Taking a deep breath, I slide off the figurehead and hold tightly to the railing to stabilize myself. Walking carefully I make my way to the library, keeping my breathing slow and deep so as to keep my vision from wavering.

"Luffy! Oi! Luffy! Kimasu ka?"

I haven't eaten in who knows how long. I guess I probably look really skinny and not my best but I can't bring myself to even look at food anymore. Any kind of cooking makes me sick to the stomach with despair. Even knowing my need for sustenance could not bring me to touch any kind of food.

Stumbling as my vision fades for a few moments, I precariously regain my balance. When I reach the library door, I place my right hand on the handle, taking a moment to rest for a bit. Turning the handle, I push open the door and softly tread inside before slowly pushing it back into place. When I have turned around, I observe all the books and strange tools enclosed in the room. Being as careful as possible, I stagger over to the place where Robin stores her books. I run my fingers over the spines of the books until I find the one I am searching for. Pulling it off the shelf, I walk over to the nearest empty wall to rest. Heaving a broken sigh, I slide down the wall to rest heavily on the floor.

Stupid me; to even think it would be possible… Could I have been any more of an idiot? I was always getting them into stupid and avoidable situations. Opening the book I remove a slip of paper. Reading the words written for me by the dark-haired archaeologist that seem inscribed on my heart hurts more than before, but I know they are true.

My breaths are shaky and I can no longer focus on what I meant to do. My hands release their gentle hold on the paper and it floats to the floor. I lay my head down on my knees as I begin to lose myself to the pain of frightful memories and sheer exhaustion.

A tear rolls down my face to rest upon the paper as my past becomes, once again, the only thing I see.

Yūshoku no junbi ga dekite iru! – Dinner is ready!

NIKU! – MEAT!

Kimasu ka? – Are you coming?

A/N - I hope these translations are correct but if they aren't than I am truly sorry. I do not own One Piece or the characters. Note I revised and edited this, to those who reviewed thank you, I think I can understand now why I like this story. I think I am taking the story in a different direction than I originally intended but at least I am continuing it. Thank you for putting up with the wait and know that this is the only story I plan to work on. If you wish to help me with writing/correcting it please contact me through either the FF mail or Tumblr, which is satchitan.tumblr.com. Thanks!