AN: This story is (mostly) set in 1916, because I wanted the child to be born at a time when she still could have been Cora's child as well and had I not changed the original timeline, that would have been rather difficult.
So for this story, let's just suppose that the Abbey was turned into a convalescent home in 1915, that Robert had his dalliances with Jane around that time and Cora caught some dangerous illness at that time.
Let me know what you think!
Kat
P.S.: I am fully aware of the fact that this story is highly unrealistic, but the idea popped into my head and I have been caught up in the Sentimental Haste story so much, that I just felt it would be good to work on something slightly different (that is not my real life work or cleaning the house or doing the dishes or something like that.)
"And then?" Her heart is beating like drum.
"Then I took her to bed."
"While I fought for my life."
"Yes. But I did not know that. I didn't know how seriously sick you were."
"Why are you telling me this?" Why does he have to make her life to so difficult? She was happy not knowing and it is his problem that he feels so guilty about it.
"I, because" he is looking for words, she can see that and then it hits her like a pang.
"Because Jane is pregnant, isn't she?" All the color has left her husband's face now.
"Yes." This is her worst nightmare come true.
"Robert, I could have forgiven a few kisses, maybe even a night with another woman, our marriage has been rocky at best for almost a year now and I am more to blame for that than you are. But I cannot forgive you having a child with another woman."
"I know, darling."
"Don't call me that. The time for that has passed. I have to leave."
She feels sorry for her father, she can't help it but she does. Her mother left seven months ago, has been living in London ever since and her parents have not spoken a single word since then. She understands her mother's reasoning, she wouldn't have reacted any differently. She almost hates Matthew for having proposed marriage to another woman, but that is her own fault after all. But it is certainly not her mother's fault that her father produced a bastard child with a maid. Although it is very hard for her to think of her little sister, that little helpless baby, as a bastard. Because she loves her sister. Her mother said that it did not bother her, that she even expected her and Edith and Sybil to love their little sibling. And Victoria is such an adorable little girl and she feels sorry for her too.
Victoria's mother died a few minutes after her birth, her maternal grandmother isn't interested in the little girl and so her father, their father, brought her home to Downton. Her granny, their granny, had a fit and left. She is staying with Aunt Rosamund who apparently had a similar fit when she heard that the Earl of Grantham was raising his bastard daughter in his home. The girl has been at the Abbey for four weeks now and four days ago, her father sent the nanny packing and he was right to do so. That vile woman had called Victoria a bastard to her face when she thought that no one was listening, but both she and Edith had heard and in very rare sisterly agreement they sent the nanny out of the room, called for their father, told them what they had overheard and the nanny left that same hour. She had thought that one of the maids would double as a nanny, she even asked Anna, she, Edith and Sybil all offered Anna to release her form her duties to them until a new nanny was found, but Anna told them that Carson and Mrs. Hughes had both expressly forbidden any of the staff to help with the baby and that any disobedience in that regard would result in immediate dismissal without a character. And that the orders of his lordship or any of the young ladies had to be disregarded in this case. They are all rather loyal to her mother.
Victoria has been sick for almost four days now, Dr. Clarkson says that it is bronchitis. The poor girl cries constantly, she can't be put down because she can't breathe then and her father has been awake for over 40 hours now. She, Edith and Sybil tried to help, but the child screams bloody murder whenever they hold her and try to comfort her. After all they don't really know how to handle a baby. Their father tried to show them, but while what they have learned might have been enough for them to hold Victoria for a few minutes after tea, it is not enough to constantly care for her when she is so sick. She walks towards the nursery and finds her father there with a frantic look upon his face.
"All the nurses are needed Papa, I am sorry," she says and he looks even more defeated now.
"She is burning up. And I don't know what to do Mary, I am too tired. I can't do this much longer. Edith and Sybil both tried to help again but it is just not working."
"Let me try again." So she takes her sister from her father and for a split second she thinks that for once the girl will remain quiet, but then Victoria screams an ear piercing scream that makes her head hurt. "I am sorry Papa, I wish I could help, we all do. Please believe that."
"I do," he says. "I can't do this much longer. And there isn't a single person in the world who could help me." She nods and takes in the desperate and haggard look of her father and her heart breaks for him because she knows it to be true that no one can help, but while she nods she realizes that it might not be true after all.
"Papa, I'll be back. I have to do something."
"Mama, please. You have to help. Please." The sheer desperation in her daughter' voice, her daughter's fear for both her father and her little sibling is what finally, after a 15 minute conversation on the telephone, make her give in.
"Alright. I'll come to Downton. I should be there at six." So she packs a few things, she is sure that she won't be staying long, she can't, the house and everything it reminds her of would suffocate her. But there is a war going on, so she doesn't need many dinner dresses anyway and there are still some left at Downton in any case. She is surprised when she sees all three of her daughters at the train station and when she looks at them she knows that Mary did not exaggerate. They all look horrible and she feels the urge to help much stronger than she did a few hours ago.
She follows Mary up to the nursery, Mary knocks, opens the door and says
"Papa, I found someone who will help you." Robert turns around and for a moment he looks relieved but when he looks at her, his look changes to one of confusion.
"Mary, please leave us," she whispers to her daughter who for once in her life listens to her. One look at Robert tells her that he is in desperate need of help and that so is the child. The girl keeps whining, although at least she isn't screaming.
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to help."
She came to help. He needs help so desperately but he can't accept her help, he cannot ask this of his wife. He cannot ask his wife to take care of her husband's bastard child. Victoria now begins to wail at the top of her lungs again and Cora pulls a face, though not one that indicates annoyance but rather pity. She steps closer to him, so that he can hear her over the child's constant cries and asks "What's wrong with her?"
"Bronchitis and an ear infection."
"So she needs to be held up right."
"Yes. And I had to fire the nanny. The girls help where they can, but they have never dealt with a baby before and Carson keeps all the servants curiously busy, so it's mainly been me taking care of her."
"For how long have you been awake?" There is quite a lot of concern in Cora's voice which surprises him.
"More than 50 hours I think."
"Oh dear." Cora says this in such a soft voice that it causes a shiver to run down his spine. Without saying anything else she takes his daughter from him and he lets her and their movements are practiced and fluent, they have done this countless times before after all. Cora very gently strokes the child's head and amazingly the little girl stops to cry. "There we go," Cora says and looks at the little girl with quite a loving expression on her face.
"Robert?"
"Yes?" He knows he is staring at her.
"Go to bed. Let me take care of her for a few hours."
"I can't ask that of you."
"No, you can't ask it of me. But I am offering it to you and you can take me up on that offer. And you should, seeing as you are about to fall over."
"Cora, I"
"I'll wake you if necessary. You can't help her right now, you are too worn out. She'll be better off with someone who still has her wits about her."
"I am so tired I can't think anymore. I just function, but I don't think."
"Then go to bed and sleep. I promise I'll take good care of your little girl."
"Alright." He strokes the little girl's head and gives her a kiss on the forehead. Only when he is almost through the door does he realize that after he kissed his daughter on the forehead he kissed Cora on the lips. He turns around and looks at her but she is busy with the child.
"So, what are we going to do? Oh, I see, nature has called." The child begins to whimper then and Cora says "Fair point little lady."
"Cora, I can do that and go to sleep afterwards."
"It's alright darling. Go to bed." He stares at her and a second later she begins to stare at him and he can see tears in her eyes. But she smiles at him and nods, and so he leaves his daughter with the woman that he loves and goes to sleep.
She doesn't really know what just happened, but the moment she took her husband's child from him, when it was inevitable that they touched, she felt such a strong urge to wrap her arms around him and to tell him that everything, really everything would be alright again that in the moment she knew that despite what she had been thinking for the past seven months, her marriage isn't necessarily over.
A few weeks ago she began to doubt her reaction to Robert's confession. Of course he hurt her, more than she has ever been hurt before, but it wasn't his intention and if she had not neglected him so much, maybe if she hadn't insisted on turning their house into a convalescent home, Robert would not have gone to bed with that maid. Her daughters have told her that all Robert ever does is mope around and miss her and she misses him too. So much that sometimes when she goes to bed at night in their huge and almost empty house in London, she wraps herself in his blanket and pretends that he is there with her. When Edith told her that Jane had died giving birth and that Jane's mother had no interest in the child and that thus Robert had brought the little girl home to Downton, she told her middle daughter that such an honorable act was rather typical for Robert and that she wouldn't have expected anything else.
When she had been alone in her room again that night she couldn't help but think about what Robert had done and her chest had constricted with a longing for him that was almost unbearable. And when Mary had called her, what really held her back and made her not jump at her call and say that she would come right away was that she thought that she should not want to help. But she did want to help. She wanted to help her daughters, this poor little girl and her husband. Her husband most of all. And when she saw how desperate he looked, yet how gentle he was with the girl, all she wanted to do was to tell him that she loves him and that she has forgiven him. But she couldn't do that. So she took the child from him, felt the sweet and warm weight of the baby rest against her and when Robert kissed her on the lips out of habit, she kissed him back. Only very briefly, but it was enough for her heart to soar. And then she called him darling, without thinking about it and for a brief moment he looked happy. She wants him to be happy again, she wants them to be happy again. And now she is left with the girl. That woman's girl. Her husband's bastard. Her husband's little girl, a child who cannot be blamed for the unfortunate circumstances of her birth. She looks at the child and the girl looks just like Mary, except for the fact that her eyes are the exact shade of blue of Robert's eyes. If she didn't know any better, she'd think that this child was hers as well. Maybe that is because Jane looked so much like her, but maybe that is because this child has so much of Robert and almost nothing of her mother.
She carries the girl through the house and sings the lullabies she sang to her girls. She feeds her with the bottles prepared in the kitchens and she does everything else that needs to be done for a sick child. When Dr. Clarkson comes to examine the girl, he looks rather surprised to find her in the nursery and not Robert. After he has done his work he assures her that little Victoria is doing much better but that she still needs care. She briefly wonders about waking Robert to tell him but then decides against it because he certainly needs his sleeps. Her daughters come to see her and she talks to all of them at the same time face to face for the first time since she left the Abbey. She has of course seen them quite frequently since then, they take turns visiting her in London, but this is something different. Edith and Mary leave first but Sybil stays behind for just a minute.
"Mama, I know it is none of my business. But if you can make this right again, then please do it, he missed you so much. And you missed him too." She gives her youngest daughter a kiss on the forehead and then tries to put Victoria to bed, but the girl begins to cry the moment she is put down, so she lifts her out of the crib again and settles down with her on the bed that is usually reserved for the nanny.
When he wakes up again, he has no idea what time it is but he decides to get up and see how his daughter is doing. The house is eerily quiet and he wonders if it is the middle of the night. There is a low light on in the nursery and when he walks in, his chest constrict even more than it usually does when he thinks about his wife. And he thinks about her constantly. He loves her so much and he regrets what he has done so much. He misses her so much that he keeps sleeping in their bed, on her side of the bed and he often takes the blanket that somehow still smells like her and pretends that she is there. And now she really is here, is sitting on the bed that is normally used by a nanny and his little girl is fast asleep on his wife's chest. Cora has her eyes closed, but she is quietly humming the same melody for this little girl she used to hum for all three of their daughters. He quietly sits down next to her and then gently touches her arm to not startle her.
"Robert," she says and looks at him uncertainly.
"How is she?" he asks.
"Much better. Dr. Clarkson was here, he said that she could sleep lying down again, but she wouldn't stop crying so I gave in. She fell asleep as soon as I had taken her from the crib. She is like Sybil, I suppose." She chuckles at this. "How are you?"
"Much better as well."
"Good, you slept for almost 30 hours. You must have needed that rest desperately."
"I think I did. Thank you Cora. It really wasn't your problem."
"I don't want you sick or exhausted."
"Thank you. It would have been your right to sneer at me and tell me that it was all my own fault."
"And how would that have helped? How would that have made anything better?" Cora sounds like Mary now.
He looks at her and she turns her head to him. He hasn't really looked into her pale blue eyes for more than half a year now and he realizes again and very painfully how much he missed her and how much she has just done for him. For her husband who cheated on her while she was fighting for her life, for her husband who has a child with another woman. And she took such good care of that child for him.
"You are an incredible woman."
Now it is her who says 'thank you' and he doesn't know how it happened, but they begin to kiss. Not just a fleeting kiss on the lips, but a real kiss full of passion and need and most of all love, mutual deep love for one another. He takes his daughter from her and puts the little girl into her crib and mercifully she doesn't cry. He takes Cora by the hand, leads her to her room and opens to door.
"You still sleep in here," she says.
"Yes."
"On my side of the bed."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I love you." He says it just like that, there is no reason to beat around the bush. He wants her to know that he still loves her. He knows it is incredibly selfish, but he can't help it and there is a tiny glimmer of hope, a tiny voice inside his head that sounds quite like Sybil, that tells him that maybe, just maybe, his marriage isn't over.
Cora now kisses him and pushes him towards the bed and they frantically undress each other. He knows that she wants and needs this as much as he does but he still asks her for permission by looking into her eyes and she nods and him and whispers a hoarse 'yes'.
They both begin to cry afterwards and they cling to each other as if their lives depended on it.
"I love you too," Cora says in between her sobs and he presses a kiss on her forehead. They eventually calm down, but don't let go of each other.
"We have to talk, I think," he says to her.
"Yes."
"Cora, I love you. More than anything in the world. I missed you so much during the past six months that I cannot put into words how much it pained me. And never have I regretted anything as much as taking that maid to bed just because I felt neglected by you. I should have just told you that I needed you. And I need you now. Although I'd understand if" She shakes her head and he stops to speak.
"Do you regret having the child?" He expected that question but this is something he cannot compromise on.
"I regret what led to her existence. But I love my daughter." To his immense relief Cora now smiles at him.
"Good. Because you wouldn't be the man I love if you didn't love your daughter."
"What does this mean? For us?"
"I don't know. I've been going over it in my head for the past six months, so this is not a sudden thing, or something brought on by being back in a familiar place, but something that I have considered very carefully. I think we could, maybe even should give our marriage another chance. If that is what you want too."
"Yes." He takes her hands in his and when he does he realizes that she is wearing both her engagement and wedding ring.
"I only ever take them off when I go to bed and I put them back on the next day." She looks at his hand and he shows her the wedding ring she placed there so many years ago.
"Are you sure though? That this is right for you? Can you trust me again?"
"Yes. I do trust you. I have no reason not to trust you. No darling, don't argue. Just accept it. I have had more than half a year to think about it and I have gotten weekly reports from our girls about how miserable you were. I need no further proof, just one promise." He looks at her and nods.
"Promise that should you ever feel neglected by me again, you will tell me."
"I promise." She kisses him then, but they are not done.
"There is still the matter of Victoria."
"The rather unfortunate circumstances of her parentage certainly aren't her fault."
"So you were the one who said this to the girls. Because they keep saying that too."
"Yes. Before I left. I told them to love their sibling. I asked them to not hate or dislike a sibling because they felt they had to be loyal to me. I told them they could do both and I told them that they could still love you as much as they always did. I think it was important for Edith and Mary to hear. Not so much for Sybil, it is in her nature to love anyway."
"She got that from you."
"Maybe." She smiles a careful smile at him and then continues. "There are two ways of dealing with your daughter. The first one would be to leave her to you, for me to not really care about her, to accept her presence but nothing more. To make a real distinction between her and our girls. Let her grow up with her father."
"And the second way?" He hopes she is not going to say to send her away because he couldn't do that. But he doubts that is what Cora is going to say, in fact he hopes it is the complete opposite.
"To let her grow up with her father and a mother. To not make a distinction between her and our girls. To let her be one of our girls." His heart stops beating and although he hoped she would say this, it still makes him love her more than ever before, although he did not think that was possible.
"Could you do that? Could you love a child that is mine but not yours?"
"I think so. I don't think I'd be able to do anything else after a while. So why fight it?"
She hasn't been back at the Abbey for four months. She left when her son brought his bastard daughter home but now she has to go back. Brought on by something to do with her mother, Mary finally got her act together and apparently sent a ten page long letter to Matthew, explaining why she rejected him and that she still loves him. In a romantic gesture that can only happen during war time, Matthew sent her a letter that only consisted of one question. Mary wrote back a letter of just one word and Matthew applied for leave and was granted it. And now they are getting married. The wedding is rather rushed and not a grand affair at all, but they did not want to wait and the romantic in her understands this. She loathes facing Robert, but she looks forward to seeing Cora who has apparently spend the last three months at the Abbey. She supposes that her daughter-in-law runs the convalescent home, although she wonders how uncomfortable dinners must be at the Abbey with both Robert and Cora present. She asked Sybil about it in a letter and Sybil replied that they weren't uncomfortable at all and that the whole family rather enjoyed them. She is full of admiration for her daughter-in-law, who seems to be able to be friendly enough to Robert to make them having pleasant dinners together every day. When she gets back, there is no welcome committee, but she asked for that because for the life of her she does not want to greet Robert in front of everyone watching. She does not want to see him at all, but that cannot be avoided if she wants to see Mary get married and she does want to see that.
She finds Mary in the library and the girl tells her that her mother is taking a walk, that she only left a few minutes ago and that she might be able to catch her. Because there is a mischievous smile on her granddaughter's face she expects Matthew to arrive any minute and thus decides to really go after Cora. She does not want to intrude on the little time Mary and Matthew have together. So she leaves the library through the window doors and walks down the path she knows Cora usually takes. She walks briskly and what she sees when she walks around the first bend makes her believe that she surely must be dreaming. Cora really is on that path, but she is with Robert, they are standing rather close to each other and she sees how he places a kiss on his wife's lips. Cora smiles at him and then strokes his cheek, something that Violet finds utterly perplexing. When Cora moves away from Robert a little, she sees that they have the child with them. How is that possible? How can Cora allow Robert to kiss her, let alone in the presence of his bastard child? How can Cora be so loving towards the man that broke her heart into a thousand pieces?
"Robert!" she calls out and they both turn and then walk towards her.
"Hello Cora dear, how are you?"
"Very well, thank you." She scrutinizes her daughter-in-law. She really looks well.
"Cora, would you excuse us? I need to talk to Robert." She really does because before she says anything to Cora, she has to set her son's head straight.
"Mama there is nothing"
"I could tell you that Cora shouldn't hear. I know. And I also know that you will tell her later what we talked about but I want to talk to you alone now." Cora laughs out loud at this and then turns to Robert.
"I'll bring our little lady inside." She watches as Cora first takes the child from Robert and then places a kiss on the girl's forehead. "Come on sweetie, we'll leave your Papa and your Granny alone." She then shifts the girl onto her hip, turns to Robert, touches his arm with her free hand, says "I'll see you in a bit," and then leaves. She has never been so stunned by anything in her life.
She opens her mouth to say something but then closes it again. She takes a deep breath and tries again, but the words refuse to leave her mouth. Robert looks at her and he almost smiles.
"We've decided to work on our marriage." She saw that.
"So she forgave you?"
"Yes." She can't believe it.
"And she did not insist on you sending the child away."
"No."
"She's accepted the child?" How strong must Cora be? How in the world is that American able to deal with this? To have the proof her husband's infidelity in front of her every day? To even care for that child?
"Yes."
"How?"
"She says she loves me and it is true. I know it is." Robert is kicking a stone with his shoe. He used to do that when he still was a child.
"Do you love her?" If he says no she will slap him across the face. Like the nanny sometimes used to do when he still was a child.
"Of course I do."
"Don't ever hurt her again."
"I won't. I am trying to make up for it every day although I know that it can never be rectified." He sure is right about that.
"I have to talk to Cora."
"She'll be in the nursery." She leaves but when she is almost at the house, she turns around and looks at her son again. If his wife has forgiven him, maybe she should too. But the scandal, oh the scandal.
"So please put her to bed. We'll come and check on her a little later." She hears Cora give instructions to the nanny.
"And you my darling girl, sleep well and dream of a better world." Through the open door of the nursery she can see Cora say goodbye to the child for now.
"Cora," she says when her daughter-in-law leaves the nursery.
"Hello. Are you finished talking to Robert? Would you care for some tea?" She does not understand how Cora does it.
"How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Cora."
"Let's have some tea." The go to the sitting room and sit down.
"So?" She seems to only talk in very short sentences today, but she is too shocked to say more than that.
"I still love him. It is as plain as that."
"And the child? How can you deal with her the way you do? How can you be so gentle and … loving towards your husband's bastard?" Cora now goes red in the face.
"Don't call her that."
"It is what she is."
"I do not want you to call any of my children a bastard." Cora must have lost her mind.
"Your child? She is not your child."
"Is she not? Am I not the one who takes care of her when she is sick? Am I not the one who feeds her several times a day? Am I not the one who holds her when she can't fall asleep lying down? Robert does all of that too of course. She is our child and I will not discuss this with you."
All she can do is stare at her daughter-in-law in wonder.
"Do you have any idea how strong you are?"
"It is easier to deal with than you think." Cora has her signature dreamy look on her face, a look that the girl has displayed for thirty years whenever she talked of or thought of or looked at or talked to Robert.
"I don't know what to say. But I admire you for your strength." Cora smiles at that and says
"Thank you."
He watches his youngest daughter play with his dog. He thinks that Isis is too big for her to play with yet but Cora is standing close by and Victoria seems to share Cora's courage when it comes to doing the unconventional. Victoria now picks up a stick and throws it a few feet from her and Isis, ever the good and loyal dog, gets it for her and places it in at her feet.
"Did you see that? I made Isis get the stick."
"Very well done," Cora replies and smiles at the girl.
"I'll do it again. Watch me, Mama."
"I am watching you, my dear girl," Cora says in a slightly exasperated but yet amused voice.
"Telegram for you my lord."
"Thank you." He takes the telegram and opens it and its contents make him so relieved he almost begins to cry. "Oh thank God," he says so loudly that both Cora and Victoria turn his way. He walks towards them, lifts his daughter up and then puts an arm around his wife.
"The war is over. It is finally over."
"Really?" Cora asks in disbelief.
"Yes. The war is over."
"Let's go inside and tell everyone."
"Yes."
He lowers Victoria to the ground and the little girl takes his left and Cora's right hand and thus, with their youngest daughter between them, they walk back to the house, a house in peace at last.