WARNINGS: Swearing. Mild yaoi. Themes. Oooh.
DISCLAIMER: Light and L belong to Death Note and its creators, and I do not claim any credit for them.
Welcome To Nothing
CHAPTER 1
The sunset was like an open wound, shockingly red and smeared against the horizon.
Kira died.
Light Yagami woke up.
The first thing he saw was L, and the first thought that passed through his mind was:
Oh, crap.
It was odd.
After swearing mentally, Light Yagami remembered.
He remembered the warehouse and the rain tapping gently, and Near, and those big black eyes, merciless, soulless. He could vaguely remember how the eyes had been annoyingly, painfully reminiscent of L's. Near's voice, soft and low and grating across him like a saw. There was Mikami and his wild expression, expensively-cut black hair spread across his distorted face. He recalled blood and gunshots – Matsuda's gun, for pity's sake – and panic and this can't be happening.
And then he'd been running, and his breath had rasped and caught in his chest, and tears had leaked from the corner of his eyes. Every gasp of air had sounded like a scream, and the pain, tearing, agonizing pain in so many different places, but he'd kept going, fueled by the panicking monster in his head…
Then there had been the staircase, and the sudden change.
Then it had all stopped.
Now, apparently, it had started again.
Or had it?
He lifted his head.
Or something did, anyway.
It certainly wasn't the broken, blood-stained limp body that remained sprawled on the metal stairs.
Light Yagami peeled himself away from the corpse of Kira and stood up.
"Ngh," he said experimentally. He looked down at the body and felt a vague horror dawn in the corner of his mind. Everything seemed to be as slow as treacle…the staircase he was standing on didn't seem to have much substance, or did it…disconnected thoughts moved through his mind gently, like snails on death row.
That's me.
I am lying there, and I am not breathing. And yet I can make that particular observation. Hm.
This does not make sense.
This is a dream.
Look at the way the sunset changes colour, like I've eaten cookies laced with LSD. The world is shifting around me…it seems translucent…. I am lying there, dead for fuck's sake.. Near defeated me. Kira fell, with a scream on his lips. None of these things happen.
His snailesque thoughts sped up, running into each other, overlapping.
They DON'T happen. This is impossible! This is a dream!
"THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!" Light screamed into the technicolour sunset.
"Well, this is slightly awkward," said L.
L.
Memories flooded through him, and he wasn't on that weird half-staircase anymore, he was handcuffed to a man with big black eyes that glittered oddly and then he was punching him, anger flooding through heated veins, and they were grabbing at each other violently, his fist full of the fabric of L's shirt, tugging, seams tearing, and L's hair was wet and dripping and his hands were cool and damp on his foot and then he was watching those eyes close slowly and they both knew that he was Kira and that Kira had won…
"You may have won the battle, Kira," said L softly, and Light blinked rapidly. OK. So he was dreaming. And he was dreaming of L. Nothing new. But this was…different than your average dream. More lucid. And his corpse was still lying on the staircase…a nightmare?
"But it seems you didn't win the war."
Light looked up at him.
The two men stared at each other.
"Welcome to nothing, my friend."
Light still couldn't say anything. His mind was in the headquarters with L's foot spinning up to meet his face and it was standing on the staircase and it was lying broken and nothing seemed real.
"You're not saying much," L droned. He still sounded exactly the same, that soft, monotonous, flat tone...Back when L had still been alive Light had heard that voice all day long and then all night long in his dreams, taunting him. He'd never been able to quite put that voice out of his mind, even after the handcuffs were gone, even after the funeral. After a while, he'd stopped dreaming of him, but he'd never forgotten L. You couldn't forget L. He imprinted himself on you.
"The Light Yagami I knew loved the sound of his own voice." L sounded a tad…amused, like this was some casual affair, like they were back at headquarters and he was gently teasing Light in that way he used to.
"I thought I'd stopped dreaming of you," Light whispered. "What is this?"
"It's not a dream, Light-kun. Or if it is, it's one you'll never wake from."
"I don't understand…" His voice cracked, and he stepped closer to L. He still wasn't feeling anything but a vague sense of dread, and the slightest bit of relief that he wasn't alone.
But, of course, he didn't need to worry, because soon he'd awaken and this would all be over. He'd forgotten that. Who cared what L said about it not being a dream? L had said an awful lot of rubbish when he was alive.
When he was alive…
"You're wrong. This has to be a dream," he said with more certainty. "I saw you die."
He stepped even closer then. God, it was good to see L again! He could feel his emotions starting to flow gently through him again, like honey or some other viscous substance, mixing with the confusion and the unreality. He hadn't admitted it to himself, but he'd missed L, he'd missed the wordplay and the logic and the battles of wit. He'd even missed the punch-ups – it had been quite therapeutic at times to smash a fist into that blank, unmoving face.
Thank god for dreams, hey?
He reached out a hand towards L. Was he solid? Could he touch him?
The tips of his fingers came into contact with L's shirt, a familiar texture. He could feel the sharp angle of his collarbone beneath it. Damn skinny bastard.
"I killed you," he said softly, winding a coil of black hair around one long, slender finger. The alive – no, the awake – Light would never have done such a thing, but well…this wasn't real, was it…it wasn't like he'd never touched L's hair in his mind before.
It was dry and soft. You couldn't call it silky. But of course, it wouldn't be, would it? Because the world's greatest detective wouldn't care about his hair.
"My hair's nicer than yours," Light murmured.
"Indeed," L said, staying totally still, hands rammed into jean pockets. "I always found it amusing that Kira, a deranged murderer terrorizing the world with his sick, twisted ideal of justice, used coconut shampoo."
Light's face hardened. He dropped his hand. "This is an odd dream," he said, trying not to look down at his corpse. "I don't usually have nightmares, and being two feet away from my dead body could be classified as such."
L rolled his eyes just slightly, barely perceptible. "Light-kun, I think it's time you woke up to the fact that you are dead, and that this is what comes after death."
Death. Death. Death. The thought repeated itself jerkily.
Light looked down at his body.
"I'm…I'm really dead?" He sounded like a scared little boy, and he felt like one too.
In the sense that he really felt like finding some scared little boy to intimidate right now, because this was all too strange and he wanted the comfortable feeling of power back, the knowledge that he was in control.
"I would say that Kira is 100% dead." L's impassive face softened just a little. "So Near and Mello finally decided to join forces. Look what they accomplished. I am proud."
"Yeah…well…Mello's dead!" Light spat. His emotions were back in full force, dizzying him, reverberating inside him. Anger. Fury. Rage. Confusion. Denial.
Loss.
He'd lost everything. He'd lost the war. He'd lost.
"It did indeed take some sacrifices," L said. "You were quite formidable, Kira."
"I was the god! No, wait! I AM the god!" The words came out without any logical thought behind them. He was letting L see him stripped to the bone, pure raw emotion with all logic and outward calmness left behind. He would have found it embarrassing, if he had been thinking anything other than blind panic.
"I find your blunt stupidity intriguing," L muttered. He sounded a little exasperated. "But no, I suppose I should have expected it. Kira. Light Yagami. The most arrogant being I have ever had the misfortune to meet. When he is inevitably brought down by his own warped self-centredness, he refuses to accept his defeat. He will not reconcile himself to the fact that he is dead, and that his power has failed."
"Oh, GOD!" yelled Light.
How could this be happening?
He dropped to his knees, and leapt up again with a shout of horror when he realized that his knees had sunk an inch below the floor.
"I…I…and you…no!"
Light grabbed fistfuls of his hair and screamed.
L watched with something akin to amusement on his face.
He waited for a while, but Light's vocal chords still weren't giving out.
"You know, if you go on like this all the time, it's going to be a very boring eternity."
Light let go of his hair and stared at L, open-mouthed. His chest was heaving.
"You…you…you BASTARD!" he yelled. "YOU BASTARD!"
L stood up a little straighter and took a couple of steps towards Light, one hand outstretched.
"Light – " he began, but he was interrupted.
LIGHT. YAGAMI.
"What…what was that?" Light gasped, looking up to the fuzzy sky.
LIGHT. YAGAMI. I HAVE A JOB FOR YOU.
The huge, heavy voice resonated around them, seeming to come from nowhere but the air itself. It juddered down Light's spinal cord, and made his toes tingle.
"Hm. Curious," muttered L.
"Who are you?" Light whispered, wondering how much more he could take. He tilted his chin upwards, yearning with his whole soul and being for an answer, an explanation, something logical in this whole goddamn horror show. All L had done was murmur soft, cryptic things, maybe this soul-shuddering voice that came from nowhere could tell him something, give him some information he could use, something logical he could grasp…
I AM DEATH. AND YOU, KIRA, ARE NOW MY SERVANT. OR, AS THE YOUNG ONES CALL IT, MY BITCH.
Or maybe not.
A/N: Well, I hope you liked it. Reviews are very welcome. I thrive on constructive criticism, so PLEASE don't be afraid to speak up. I'm a bit nervous about posting this, actually - my first full-length fanfiction in a biiiiiig fandom, coz whoa is the Death Note fandom big. In case you want to know a bit more about where this story's going to go - this is going to be a collection of chapters, poems and vignettes all strung around a vague kind of plot. I find working like this gives me more inspiration and less chance of getting bogged down. It will always have a LightxL flavour, because I just can't resist, but I'm not planning on turning it into a full on romance thing. There will be no lemons. Sorry.
Seeya when I update next! (God knows.)