title from "love song" by sara bareilles.
featuring: badass!molly.
Tell Me to Breathe
sherlock holmes is going to die. don't tell john.
Sherlock is the first to understand. He is always the first (and the last but that's a different story isn't it john john john—) but it still must be mentioned. Nothing is held back in Sherlock's mind, and this is no exception.
Except, perhaps it should be—not for sentiment or timing is it he's learning John's teaching him and Mycroft is worried but it makes Mrs. Hudson happy why should it be an exception?
(Sherlock Holmes is going to die.)
. . .
Molly is too observant too clever and looking sad?
What does that mean?
(John has never seen sad people; drunk and dead and traumatized but never sad.)
(Sherlock hasn't either. It is probably a good thing that Molly has, in the end.)
. . .
She is a saint a blessed saint. For the first time in his life, Sherlock sees Molly Hooper for Molly Hooper and not the girl who works at St. Bart's and lets him see dead bodies even when/if he really shouldn't.
"Thank you." It is the first time he has meant it (don't tell john).
(Molly doesn't.)
. . .
He goes to her after he and John becomes fugitives, after he understands that he is going to die.
"What do you need?"
Sherlock takes one step closer. "You." (you may not be john but moriarty doesn't know you will you tell him you have to tell him molly molly thank you thank you)
(don't tell john)
. . .
The plan is quick and easy and when the time finally comes he doesn't fake any of it.
(He doesn't want to fall—doesn't want to die. But with John here, with John watching and Molly waiting (i'll catch you when you fall don't worry)—falling is like flying. There isn't a more permanent destination.)
"Goodbye John."
"No—!"
But he throws the mobile away brings his arms into the air leaps—
(A bird taking flight—)
John will understand; he has to. Molly already does.
(A bullet straight out of the barrel—)
This is for them, and Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade. So no one will hurt them. (he isn't he isn't he isn't)
(Both of them in the middle of a case—)
Sherlock blanks after he closes his eyes.
. . .
(He doesn't open them until he watches John march away from his empty grave. And even then, he's not too sure how aware he is.)
. . .
"I'll keep you updated. On John."
Sherlock hesitates in the doorway. London is dark and cold, and for a horrifying second, Sherlock is terrified.
"That is, if you want me to. I mean—"
"Do try not to be too obvious in your observations," Sherlock drawls, striding out the door.
(don't tell john.)
(Molly doesn't.)
. . .
Molly is good at keeping her word. At precisely seven o'clock every other evening, he receives a text about John.
FROM: MOLLY
19:03
He's helping Lestrade with
another case. Something
about stolen jewelry.
Molly H
FROM: MOLLY
19:01
Went to his therapist
today. He looked sad.
Molly H
FROM: MOLLY
19:05
He looks skinnier. He
hasn't had a case in
weeks. Lestrade tries.
Molly H
. . .
Sebastian Moran is easy to find, even if he is the last.
(And that horrifies him more than Molly's texts.)
It can barely be called a standoff, but it is more than a chat (this was a nice chat but daddy's had enough now gotta be off). In the end, Moran is dead and the gun is warm in Sherlock's hand.
(He's never liked guns.)
Moriarty's crime syndicate is dust and ashes.
Now, it has been a year and it is time to go home.
. . .
(and he's so very very afraid because what if home isn't home anymore what if john john john molly said john hasn't changed not too much not so much but he doesn't sound like john john—)
. . .
(i'm sorry.)
. . .
FROM: SHERLOCK
15:35
Is John still at Baker
St.?
SH
FROM: MYCROFT
15:37
The door is unlocked.
Mycroft
FROM: SHERLOCK
15:41
Don't expect a thank
you.
SH
FROM: MYCROFT
15:44
Don't be stupid.
Mycroft
. . .
John isn't home, and that is probably for the best. He doesn't want to interrupt his work.
Not right now, not when he just came back.
Sherlock will make him late tomorrow.
. . .
Waiting is boring. Why did he decide to wait?
. . .
(London is dark and cold outside, and for a horrifying second, John is afraid, Sherlock sees, and does not understand why.)
. . .
FROM: MOLLY
13:31
I'm glad you're back.
Molly H
. . .
"You absolute bastard."
John is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, and even though it's been a year, he looks different. Too skinny, and he's favoring his right leg. His left hand is trembling and his eyes are tired; nightmares—well, mostly insomnia, but nightmares too. His face is twisted in fury and weariness and hope and sadness.
(you look sad. when you think he can't see. who is john being sad for?)
Sherlock stands. "Yes. I am." He takes one step closer. "And I'm sorry for leaving—for dying." One more step and now he's in reach and in danger of being punched. "You were going to die, though. You, and Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade, if I didn't jump."
John sighs. "Of course we were."
Promptly, then, Sherlock gets punched in the left cheek and he's reminded of when Sherlock had John punch him to get into The Woman's flat. He gets punched again in the jaw, and Sherlock takes it but he won't take the third punch and not just because his face really hurts.
He curls his fingers around John's wrist. He doesn't know what to say.
. . .
FROM: SHERLOCK
08:51
What do I tell him?
SH
FROM: MOLLY
09:01
The truth, stupid.
Molly H
. . .
(how do i tell you i'm sorry that it was for your own good when you already know and you keep telling me it's alright but it isn't john john i'm sorry i'm really sorry john)
. . .
They end up hugging in the middle of Scotland Yard and Sherlock doesn't care, now that he has his blogger back.
They end up hugging, and clinging and laughing and crying and Sherlock doesn't care, not an ounce because he is home and alive and John has forgiven him and they can go back to normality, even if it will take awile but it's still possible it is Sherlock has missed John and everything so much it's good to be back it really is.
(Tell John.)