Disclaimer: Dont own YnM or Trading Yesterdays Shattered. Everything goes to respective copyright owners. Kein money!
A/N: Okay, so this idea has been bouncing around my head ever since I heard this song days ago and it hasnt left me alone. I didnt wanna do it initially (I wasnt sure I could pull off this idea convincinglyHisoka allowing himself to get dragged into highschool antics, silly boy!) but I eventually caved. Depending on the response I might write more to this idea, well see, but for now Im satisfied.
As for the costumes, well, its an immature idea and theyre immature! So bzzzzzzt /raspberry
In case you didnt get it from the disclaimer, the song is called Shattered and its by Trading Yesterday.
Shattered
"And Ive lost who I am and I cant understand why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love"
It was just a stupid retrieval at a highschool in some little backwoods town whos biggest claim to fame was that it was about twenty minutes away from a small hot springs resort. Hisoka hadn't exactly been pleased that hed been tossed (yet again) into the role of a student while Tsuzuki got to futz around as a janitor and do nothing all day, partly due to the aforementioned reason, somewhat due to his empathy, and mostly due to the fact the enrolment meant that they would be there longer than he wanted to be (because that was always the case when they had to get undercover like this).
Damn stubborn ghost, not coming what it was called and hiding so damn well, thereby making the stay longer than was necessary. It ticked him off.
Tsuzuki would probably tell him that everything made Hisoka grumpy and that he should lighten up. Well, Hisoka thought as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat in the backstage of the auditorium, Tsuzuki could suck it.
He took back the uncharitable thought the very next instant and couldn't have been happier that he hadn't said it aloud. The man's depression lately had taken a turn into near-unmanageable crisis and the blond just didn't know how to comfort him. It SUCKED to be able to only stand next to the happily smiling brunet, awkward and able to do nothing simply because he didn't know how.
He wanted the man to know that he was there for him, always, that he cared for him immensely but he didn't know how to express it.
Well, with any luck
Hitomi Fujioka gave him a quick thumbs up while plucking at guitar strings and Hisoka didn't bother restraining his glare, his heart beating up a racket in his chest. Fujioka had been the one either stupid or courageous enough to approach him (It depended on who you spoke to) to ask him to help her and her little band for their backwoods high school's talent show. She'd barely gotten three words in before he'd snarkily cut her off and let her know how much he didn't care.
Shed only-too happily brought up the way he stared after that 'cute, new janitor', then, and told him that she knew how close they were AND understood the look in his eyes when he accidentally stared. Stunned into silence, Hisoka could only listen with red-cheeked embarrassment as she'd thrust a piece of paper into his chest (ow emotional backlash ow), reading all excitement and sympathy and determination as she explained that 'this will DEFINITELY help you tell him how you feel, I promise'.
He'd said he'd think about it, and had stomped off to his next class with the paper unwittingly clenched in his hand.
He was supposed to be here on a case, damnit! Not whimpering into some microphone to an audience that couldn't give two shits either way.
Hed read the lyrics that same night and had stared them down until morning. The moment Hinata had found him the next day, Hisoka had wordlessly nodded before he'd really realized what he'd been doing and hadn't been able to bring himself to regret the decision.
When Tsuzuki and Gushoshin Elder (there for no reason comprehensible to Hisoka) had found out, the former had been delighted of course, and had squealed about telling the entire department. Predictable bickering had followed and the chocolate haired man had been forced to fend off Hisoka ("Don't you DARE TELL THEM, you IDIOT!") and Elder ("This is no time to be playing with children, boys! Hisoka, youre supposed to be on an investigation-")
"Aw come on Gushoshin! Hisoka hasn't had a chance to be a kid in a long time, this wont interfere with the job that much, I promise!"
The pair of them had paused for a moment, shocked and equally wide eyed before glancing at eachother. Gushoshins feathers had ruffled slightly, guilt twisting the line of his beak as he thought about this.
Hisoka blushed, had turned away and Gushoshin sighed with a nod.
"As long as it doesn't interfere, fine. Just don't get over your head, Kurosaki."
"Hn. Whatever."
Tsuzuki had pushed him into it, head over heels. Suddenly, Hisoka's attentions weren't focused on where they should be on the investigation, but rather on after school rehearsals, study sessions, general hanging out time and even costume fittings. The lattermost was due to a certain boy named Daisuke Hiroki who, upon Hisoka coming to his first rehearsal, had proclaimed he had "FOUND MY GOD OF BEAUTY! I must create something to match the sudden fall of this glorious muse!" and had promptly rushed off to what the blond could only guess was the home-ec room. Hitomi had caught him as he'd swooned, overwhelmed by the feelings the bespectacled boy had given off upon his hasty departure and had exclaimed that Daisuke was just like that sometimes. She'd laughingly set him upright and asked if he could sing.
Hisokas eyes bored into her, then.
"You dragged me into this without even knowing if I could sing?"
"A-Ah! Er, well, uh, that is, uh-!"
The blond wasn't even sure if he could string together a tune himself and had lamented mentally over this as another boy, the keyboardist, had settled at a piano and, pressing a key asked him to match it vocally. It hadn't been overnight progress, because singing to yourself in the cellar of your home to keep the horrible feelings away and singing for recreation were two entirely different things, but he'd gotten it.
The keyboardist, Ano Niwa, told him that he was impressed by him. Hitomi quickly explained she knew he'd had it in him the entire time (her strong feelings of relief suggested otherwise) and Daisuke had tried to glomp onto him, pouring out simpering adoration and awe.
Apparently Daisuke was the drummer. There would be no getting rid of him, and Hisoka lamented the vestiges of his sanity.
Tsuzuki, to Hisoka's shock and faint guilt, was all too happy to oblige him. The man was already used to doing most of the footwork on his own, but the younger boy couldn't help but feel bad, as if he was neglecting the man.
Actually, he knew he was and he had a sneaking suspicion that had been at least part of the sweet-freaks motivations the entire time. By the time the fairer detective had figured this out, though, there was only a week left until the talent show and it was too late to back out.
'Was' being the keyword.
The time had faded so quickly it left the Shinigami reeling and. So suddenly, as if the past month and a half had never been there at all he was standing backstage and chafing under the confines of the costume Daisuke had made.
The costume. Uhg. It left what remained of his masculine pride severely wounded, maimed and left in a closet to die somewhere on a cruise ship in the Atlantic along with Tsubaki-hime, the only girl he'd ever felt anything for. The damned thing comprised of a kimono wrap, silken crop top which exposed most of his belly, with ridiculously long bell sleeves and was in black and silver. Matching stupidly tiny pleather shorts with a hint of silver filigree around the bottoms was what he wore to cover his chastity, and to top that off he wore sheer stocking and stupidly high costume geta that had taken hours of practice to master.
Why Hisoka had bothered mastering them at all was still somewhat of a mystery. Upon seeing the outfit he'd initially exploded of course, a flush of mortification rapidly spreading down his neck and leaving him hot. Daisuke had whimpered and cowered, pleading with him and suddenly the blond realized that the brunets eyes were a shade of blue approaching purple.
He'd been putty in the drummers hands after that, suddenly unable to say no.
The others were all in similar costumes of course, though only Hitomi's was close to revealing as much skin, and they'd all had stupid wings attached to their backs. Stupid. Stupidstupidstupid. It was all stupid.
Hisoka bit the inside of his cheek, listening to Ano fiddle with his synthesizer as Daisuke fussed over him, tugging and pulling at the sleeves of his costume before turning his face this way and that to apply a hint of make up.
Uhg. Make up? What was left of his pride vanished as quickly as it had taken to apply the damned stuff. It was so little nobody would probably realize it was even there, but still.
Why was he doing this again?
He ran the lyrics over in his head one more time and breathed out a sigh, softening under the brunets ministrations as he remembered.
'Tsuzuki-Im doing this to show Tsuzuki how I feel. Putting up with this-all of this, leaving my pride as a Kurosaki in shambles is worth it to let him know I care. Its worth it one thousand times over.'
The brunet in front of him suddenly stilled and straightened his rectangular, thick rimmed glasses, shooting a smile down at him. Hisoka blinked as the excitement and infatuation warped suddenly into soothing comfort and turned to stare up at him. The Hiroki boy smiled warmly and clasped his shoulder with a firm hand.
"You look breath taking, Hisoka-kun," The other boy murmured breathily. "Tsuzuki-san is going to fall head over heels for you, trust me."
A flush spread like wildfire over his cheeks and the blond gasped softly, eyes hurriedly taking to the floor. Licking his lips, Hisoka shifted and shut his eyes, feeling a shiver of anticipation rush through him.
"Its not like that, Hiroki-san." He whispered, causing the boy to chortle.
A hand grasped his chin and pulled his face upright. Daisuke told him to look up and not to blink as he quickly uncapped a tube of mascara, running the small brush carefully across his lashes.
"Sure it isnt."
Blinking under the weight of his newly coated eyes, he shifted and sat back in the plebeian fold out chair, closing his gaze away and concentrating instead on the emotions in his heart.
'Tsuzuki...' He thought to himself and felt a breath of comfort steal him over.
"Prelude to Darkness is on in five!" One of the stage managers called out, the stupid name alerting Hisoka to his imminent embarrassment ('Don't think like that,' he chastised himself quickly.) and Daisuke quickly rushed off to tend to his drums, leaving him alone.
Or, alone for the most part at least. Hitomi was staring at him, he sensed, as she strummed and tuned her guitar, and the blond shifted under her gaze before forcing himself out of his chair. He was walking over to the curtains before he knew it, and gently Hisoka lifted a corner to peer outside, heart pounding anew.
There he was, in the front row of course. Gushoshin was in his lap, parading as a stuffed toy (it was a well worn act). Tsuzuki was looking like something close to content and the blonds breath caught at the sight of it.
This had better work.
Hisoka's eyes strayed for a moment passed the acrobatic act currently flouncing about the stage, and toward the back of the audience. His breath caught in his chest and he choked as he caught the sight of most of the Shokan division of Enma-Cho happily chattering between themselves, invisible to the masses as they breathed and shivered happiness and excitement.
"Terazuma-san-even Tatsumi and Konoe! Those bastards!" The shinigami hissed as he back peddled from the curtain, face turning red again.
Nervousness and hesitation raced across his senses anew, turning him jittery and reluctant and scared. Behind him, Hitomi voiced sudden concern but Hisoka didnt have time to pull himself together before the acrobatic act was filing backstage and the lights darkened behind the curtains.
That was their cue. He fought back a whimper.
NO, he screamed to himself as two sets of hands ushered him out once the stage was set, passed the curtains and into the dark of the auditorium. 'I dont want to do this, I dont want to bleed my heart dry in front of my co-workers!
I only want to do this for Tsuzuki!' Hisoka twitched and cried in his mind, biting deep into his lip, stage fright threatening to overcome him.
He was breathing hard when Hitomi began to strum her guitar in a soft, husky acoustic tune
One, two, three, four five, one, two, three, four, five six pause onetwothreefourfive and he;d missed his spot to jump in. Feeling the eyes of his band-mates digging apprehensively into his back, Hisoka desperately sought out the eyes of his partner in the audience. Shaking, his fingers grasped the microphone stand as Hitomi played her part again, Ano silent.
He found them. Purple hues held the slightest hint of concern, barely discernable through the darkness and Hisoka breathed a soft sigh of relief.
'There you are...'He thought to himself, to Tsuzuki and to his motivation as his eyes drifted shut.
He breathed in deep, found his centre as his cue came up again, and opened his mouth to breath sibilantly into the microphone.
"Yesterday I died, tomorrows bleeding..."
His voice rang out over the audience and he felt them jump from the stage at the sudden noise, hesitant and small. Forcing himself into the music and trying desperately to control his jitters as excitement and anticipation stole the back of him, Hisoka told himself that the stage was dark still ("To add to the atmosphere!" Daisuke crowed as he explained, gesturing wildly at his friends over the table, one hand waving a sheaf of papers while the other threatened to poke out eyeballs.) and by the time the lights came on he'd have lost himself.
Hopefully.
"Fall into your sunlight...The futures open wide, beyond believing, to know why hope dies..." He'd been a child, when it had happened initially.
"Losing what was found, a world so hollow, suspended in a compromise..." Breath in, breath out and again. "The silence of the sound, too soon to follow, somehow sundown."
"And finding answers," Hisoka told himself, his voice remaining husky and soft but no longer nervous. "Is forgetting all of the questions we called home, passing the graves of the unknown."
'You taught me that, Tsuzuki.' His eyes opened again, mascara heavy lashes parting gradually. The blonds heart was still pounding sharply behind his ribs, giving his voice a breathless fervour as it bashed up against his lungs but a warmth had overtaken him now, numbing him. It was probably adrenaline, Hisoka realize belatedly as his eyes found the audience and, by default, his inspiration again.
'Now if only I could help you learn the same-No, Ill teach you.'
"As reason clouds my eyes, with splendour fading, illusions of the sunlight-And the reflection of a lie will keep me waiting, love gone for so long.
And this day's ending, is the proof of time killing all the faith I know, knowing that faith is all I hold"
Hisoka shut his eyes again, tightly this time as memories sang unbidden from his moving lips, hardly shaken from years gone by. How Hitomi had written something so devastatingly close to home was beyond him and it frightened him a little. She couldnt possibly sense it, could she, he thought as Ano broke in with soft and melancholic keyboard, a lifting tune while the girl paused.
The lights began to gently push away the shadows.
"And I've lost who I am," He told Tsuzuki through his microphone, Hitomi's acoustic picking up again. "And I can't understand why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love."
That hurt to admit.
"Without-" He could hear Daisuke and Ano begin to hum into their headsets over the hush of the crowd, but Daisuke's drums were still silent. "love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on but I know all I know is that the ends beginning-"
She couldn't know the way his mother hit him and called him MONSTER in a shrieking, crazy voice while his father watched impassively. Hitomi couldn't possibly have this knowledge when he'd told her nothing over that almost two month period about how he'd broken early in life and gone cold, his heart icing over with stony logic instead of emotion.
And then, Muraki had come.
Hisoka flinched to himself, eyes drawing rapidly closed again. He could feel Tsuzuki's silence and pressed on, arms raising.
He exhaled and relaxed, brow drawing upward as his hands gestured, turning gently into himself. "Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart let me go and I will run-
I will not be silenced."
No. He would never let that man win, damnit. His geta clicked against the stage as his hips shifted, beginning to move in tune to his band mates rising hum.
"All this time spent in vain, wasted years-wasted gain," Frustration nipped at the edges of his voice but his soft singing never rose into a yell, staying even over the course of Hitomis and Daisukes and Anos lifting soliloquy. "All is lost, hope remains-" 'I could have had everything...'
Hisoka's eyes flashed open, a shade of startling green as the soft light suddenly lit the room.
"And this war's not over. Theres a light, theres the sun," Hand raised and outstretched, the blond gestured out with a grimace in his brow, staring Tsuzuki down. "Taking all the shattered ones to the place we belong,"
He lifted his breath, his hand rising with it and set his shoulders.
"And his love will conquer!"
'I never knew the sun before you!' Hisoka screamed in his head as the light and music reached a sharp crescendo, Daisuke hitting a sharp pattern suddenly with his set, momentarily blinding as he took a large breath, singing out deep from his diaphragm as he moved into the stand, fingers tight around the microphone. 'You helped me, you saved me, pleaseallow me to do the same!'
"And I've lost who I am and I can't understand why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love," The blond sang, his geta clicking and stomping as he moved back and forth with the waves of the softly screaming instruments at his every side, instinctively trying to draw his spellbound brunet deeper into himself. "Without love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on but I know all I know is that the ends beginning-"
'Your depression is overwhelming you!' He sobbed within himself as he shook his head in denial of this, sandy blond hair snapping against his cheeks and an itch developing behind his eyes. 'Please don't let it consume you! I'm right here, can't you see? You're never alone Tsuzuki, never alone.'
"Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart," Hisoka reached out in spite himself to his partner, his forest green eyes glowing in desperation. "Let me go and I will run, I will not be silenced- All this time spent in vain, wasted years-wasted gain. All is lost, hope remains-"
The weaving blond stomped down hard, his entire body moving as he shook his head hard, eyes shutting for a mini-second.
'I will never let you go. I know youve had it hard, but please listen to me!'
"And this .over!" A twist of his ankle and Hisoka ripped the mike from the stand as it crashed to the stage with the end of the verse, determination etched into his every facet as he glared his partner down, moving to the edge of the platform. He never heard the audience's gasp, he was entirely too focused on the older shinigami.
"There's a light! There's the sun," 'We're all here for you, don't you see? Everybody loves you Tsuzuki, we're all here for you! Tatsumi, Watari, Wakaba- Hisoka thought viciously as his free hand swung to the side, body swaying with the gesture as he gesticulated at the group near the back. "Taking all the shattered ones to the place we belong and his love will conquer all..."
The jade eyed youth exhaled gently, the fierceness draining slightly from the rigid set of his shoulders and leaving a tiny tremble dancing across his battered frame. The feathered wings at his back shivered with every jerk and bounce of his body, moving with him like what he imagined a real set might feel like and he wondered what Tsuzuki thought of him right now.
'My love is here for you Tsuzuki. You dont even have to ask for it.' Hisoka paused, catching his breath and a tiny smile slipped across his glossed lips. 'It's always been here, even if I've been bad at expressing it. I love you Tsuzuki.' He whispered within himself as he raised the microphone to his lips again, breathing the last bit of the stanza into it like a reaffirmation.
"Yes his love will conquer all..."
The music tapered down, slowly, until it was only Hitomi and himself again.
"Yesterday has died...tomorrows bleeding...fall into your sunlight..."
A couple more clips of his band-mate's eight string, and the blond was left shivering with the sudden hush of silence. Eventually, clapping, and then cheering rose in the audience that mostly consisted of other highschoolers and parents but Hisoka didn't hear it. His eyes were only on his sweets-loving partner as the world grew progressively number until the microphone was slipping from his quaking fingers.
It hit the floor with a sudden shriek of feedback, and a small sigh slipped from the teens lips as his knees knocked together, body listing sharply until he hit the floor in a sideways roll.
Hisoka wondered if he'd heard a strange, heavy thud when his eyes drifted shut again.
He never heard the screams.
"Bon isnt used to expressing himself so much," Watari-san explained with a gentle smile as he looked over the infirmary bed at the boys worried mates. "and he over did it a little bit but hell be fine. He just overwhelmed himself."
"Oh thank goodness." Hitomi breathed, a hand on her chest and Daisuke released the stiff air he'd been holding in a deep relieved sigh. Arms crossed against his chest behind the pair, Ano's body released the tension he hadn't been aware it'd been holding and his eyes traced over to the still form in the bed.
It had definitely been shocking, the dyed-redhead thought as he remembered the exact moment when the blond had hit the ground, body completely limp on the stage. 'I never thought he would faint like that, but maybe I should have expected it...'
Kurosaki-san was small and thin, as if he didn't or had never eaten enough, with a brisk standoffish attitude that led Ano to believe he wasn't used to expressing himself properly. Intrinsically, he'd understood that the slighter boy had probably had it rougher than most kids, which was why he had'nt initially chased him off when Hitomi had brought him to them.
Now he wondered if he'd underestimated it, with this sudden, shocking reaction. The custodian-man obviously hadn't expected it either, because his voice had been petrified when he;d yelled the boys name and jumped suddenly on stage to gather the limp blond into his arms as if he'd always been there. He'd stayed that way, huddled over the boy with his dark, menacing trench coat and gently shook him until the odd, blond haired doctor with his odd owl and a brown haired man wearing glasses had similarly rushed over.
Blood pressure and glucose had been taken onsite among anxious murmurings from the crowd before they;d moved to the schools small infirmary. There, the pair had introduced themselves; Watari-san as the boy's family doctor and Tatsumi-san, his legal guardian.
It made Ano wonder what the hell that new custodian had to do with any of this, and he'd mumbled as much to Daisuke.
The short haired brunet looked at him like he was challenged.
"Isn't it obvious?" The other boy had mumbled to him quietly. "They're lovers!"
That had thrown the redhead for a loop. The custodian and Kurosaki-san? But Hisoka was barely older than any of them, only sixteen and while admittedly legal in most of Japan (if not all) Tsuzuki-san had to be at LEAST twenty-five years old!
"But-but-"
"Just think about it," his friend continued to murmur to him as he'd gently pulled him aside. They stood at the exact same height but Ano had never felt so small. "the way Tsuzuki-san sits with him and holds his hand, how he rushed to him when Hisoka-kun collapsed and carried him all the way here like he's done it before! His body language screams possessiveness and protectiveness and earnest love! Not to mention the way Hisoka-kun sang to him the entire time, crying out his love for the world to hear and reaching out so desperately-oh!"
Ano blinked, realizing that Daisuke had retreated into his own world when the brunet pulled away, face clasped between his palms as he blushed and spun.
"Isn't it romantic? And even though I'm so jealous of Tsuzuki-san for holding the beautiful Hisoka-kun's affections I could never begin to begrudge either of them! They're perfect, oh so perfect!" The drummer sang, making his fellow pianist sigh as he watched his friend melt into a puddle of Daisukegoo on the floor.
Mouth quirking to the side, he glanced over at Kurosaki-san again and realized they had the attention of everyone surrounding the bed, sans the out-cold singer himself. Blushing as bright as his hair, the teenager bowed and hurriedly excused himself for some water, leaving Hitomi to deal with their ranting friend.
Tatsumi was smiling in a rather soft way, and Watari chuckled before glancing over at the also-blushing Tsuzuki.
"Is that true Tsuzuki? Are you and the bon loversssss?"
"N-No! Its not like that! Hisokas too young and-and-"
"Mmmmn..." A soft moan escaped the feverish shinigami on the bed, the boys brow momentarily drawing tight. Within Tsuzukis grasp, his hand tightened and Hisoka shifted closer to the older man.
"Shtoopid...Shtsuzuki...stop...noisy..."
Tsuzuki stopped, pausing at this mumbled whisper before a gentle smile stole over his face and he reached out to press the cool cloth back to the blonds forehead.
"Sorry, Soka-chan, I'll be quiet now." He whispered to the now sleeping teenager, his entire being exuding tenderness and warmth.
Above the pair, Watari sighed and shrugged at Tatsumi who only adjusted his glasses with a wry shake of his head. Hitomi couldn't restrain her soft giggling as she tried to tug Daisuke down from his romance-induced high.
Later that night, when they'd all (including the still out-cold Hisoka) retreated back to the pairs hotel room, Tatsumi peered up at Tsuzuki passed the rim of his beer and slowly exhaled.
"Tsuzuki."
"Hm?" Answered the brunet, who'd dutifully remained by Hisokas side the entire time.
The shadow-wielder adjusted his glasses and gently set down his Yebisu, affixing a steady gaze on the other man. Silence reigned for a couple of moments before he mustered up the nerve to speak again.
"How have you beenfeeling lately?" For some reason, Tatsumi couldn't quite shake the young Kurosaki's performance from his head. Even though the blond had not yelled once, his entire body had spoken a keen sort of desperation that didn't need vocalization.
He'd thrown every nuance at it at his powerful partner, who'd sat stunned and mute in the audience.
Tsuzuki had obviously been expecting his question, because he sighed, glancing momentarily at Watari (crashed out on the floor with 003 from too much beer) and Gushoshin (likewise) before looking back over.
"I've been..." He began, then paused, back tracked, and finally looked down at the sleeping Hisoka (not yet stripped of his costume), reaching down to resecure the blankets around the small boys shoulders. He continued, voice halting and tentative. "not well, but..."
A loving smile swept across Tsuzuki's lips and he gently brushed the long bangs from the younger detectives eyes.
"I think Ill get through."
Tatsumi smiled and sat back, content with this for-once genuine answer, and nodded.
The man had gotten the message then, that was good. The secretary could smell the scent of good things to come.
"Good, I'm glad."
"Me too." Tsuzuki breathed, resting his forehead against Hisoka's for a bit before leaning back in his chair to watch the boy sleep.
Secondary A/N: So, you never realize how many apostrophies and quotation marks there are in a story until you have to go back and REDO THEM ALL. Seriously, FFNet, what the fuck why did you erase all of them? If anyone could let me know how to bypass this so I don't have to spend hours mulling and re-mulling making sure I got everything (I probably still missed a few...), it'd be appreciated (to say the least).
...I like Daisuke. :"D
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