Disclaimer: I don't own KotOR:TSL, although I very much wish I owned Atton ; I can say that I partially own my Exile Lilliandra Jade.
Please R&R. I'd love to hear what you think, it'll only help my writing get better.
Flying Lessons
Lilliandra Jade – aka The Exile, General, The Last Jedi, Traitor, and most likely a whole host of other names she didn't even want to know about – lounged in the co-pilot's seat with one knee pulled up under her chin, hands clasped loosely around her leg and gloomily stared out the cockpit's transparisteel window into hyperspace.
"You know... they say that staring at hyperspace for too long will cause 'hyper-rapture' madness," Atton said from the pilot's seat, not looking up from his pazaak game. He could barely keep the smirk out of his voice. "I already told you you were crazy, even for a Jedi. There's no need to make it worse."
"Oh, ha ha. What a comedian," she groused, not looking away from the blurring stars. "Although if I were you, I wouldn't quit my day job just yet, flyboy."
"Wouldn't dream of it. I mean who else can look at you... erm... look after you... ah... help you the way I can?" he replied, waggling his eyebrows suggestively when she turned to look at him. Usually this never failed to elicit a smile from her. Not today.
"Listen angel," the scoundrel continued, frowning slightly as he put away his cards and turned his seat to face her, "Why don't you tell me what pearls of wisdom that witch parted with this time. As soon as you see it for the bantha crap it is, you'll feel better."
Lilli dropped her leg to the floor and gave him a pained smile. "I think that this was the first time she made a lot of sense."
"OK... That's it," he said, staring at her incredulously, "I'm spacing her the next chance I get." He swiveled back around to stare at the Hawk's control panel. "She's supposed to fall for my corrupting influence, not that old scow's," the Exile heard him mutter under his breath.
Lilli felt herself blush as she thought about Atton's idea of corrupting her. He hadn't been shy in telling her that it involved juma, pazaak, a locked door and most importantly, a certain dancer's outfit.
Glancing over at him, she saw a grin plastered on his face, smug in the knowledge that he had led her right where he wanted to. She had her suspicions as to the ease with which she allowed him to manipulate her, but as of yet, was still unwilling to examine them more closely. The Exile could only be grateful that, so far, the scoundrel hadn't tried to test her limits.
"Alright, alright, I give up," she told him laughingly, throwing her hands in the air, feeling her melancholy slip away, "You win." She had been planning on talking to him anyway about some of the things Kreia had said.
"Hmm... I win? So what exactly do I win?" he asked, getting up from his seat and coming over to her. He stopped and stood there looking down at her with a leering gleam in his eye.
"Oh no, you don't," Lilli said impishly, jumping up to face him. "You wanted to talk and that's all you'll get."
Sighing dramatically he walked back to the pilot's seat and said sadly, "I guess I'll have to settle for that then."
Lilli elected to not sit back down and instead began to pace around the small cockpit. "Kreia gave me a lot to think about today. I really don't want to go into into most of it," she said, holding up her hand to forestall any comments. "For various reasons, the one thing that caught my attention the most was her warning me not to rely on my companions always being there -"
He interrupted her, indignantly saying, "You know us better than that, you know me better than that." And in a softer tone added, "I won't leave you, angel... I promised. I'm through with deserting."
"I believe you, but that isn't the point," Lilli told him, stopping her pacing long enough to give his hand a squeeze. "The point is that there may be times when one of you can't be there for whatever reason. Every one of you has a different set of talents and skills that I may be coming to rely on too much." She looked at him sadly and said, "That frightens me."
He nodded his head thoughtfully and after a short pause said, "Alright, I can see that."
"You can?"
"Sure I can. Before our little adventure began on Peragus, I hadn't been part of a team since..., well, you know. I relied on myself for everything. I imagine it was kind of like that for you too."
"So the real question is, what are we going to do about it?" Atton asked Lilli.
"What makes you say 'we'?" she asked him curiously.
"Oh, don't give me that," he retorted. "You know that I'm good at reading people, particularly you, Jedi. You're practically bursting at the seams with some kind of brilliant idea you came up with."
She wasn't sure if she should be worried about the fact that the longer they knew each other, the less she could hide from him. Deciding to file the thought away for another day, she simply said, "You're right. I do want your help. I want you to teach me to pilot the Ebon Hawk."
"What? Don't you trust me to fly anymore?" he asked, grinning. "You think I drink too much? Angel, piloting a starship isn't that easy."
"I know that, Atton," she snapped, irritated that he wasn't taking her seriously. "Look, for better or worse I can handle most other things. I just feel that this is something I should do."
"You think that learning to pilot a starship is something you should do?" he asked, both skeptical and amused at the same time.
Lilli nodded her head, but after a moment amended with a sheepish grin, "OK... so maybe, I want to learn too."
"Alright then," he said, bowing to her gallantly, "whatever the lady wants, the lady gets."
The next few days found Lilli feeling very much like a novice Padawan. To her surprise, she found Atton a patient, but exacting teacher, not unlike her former master, Kavar. The scoundrel let her know, in no uncertain terms, that he would not allow her anywhere near the flight controls until she had memorized every button, light, lever and sound found in the cockpit. Of course, this was in addition to being able to recite every step in the take off, landing, docking and emergency procedures. While she understood the importance of learning the details, her enthusiasm, not to mention patience, was wearing thin.
"OK angel," Atton said, pointing to a light on the right side of the pilot's flight console, "what does it mean if this light is green?"
Lilli, who was standing behind the pilot's chair, leaned over Atton's shoulder to see the light in question. "It means that the deflector shield generator for the particle shield is working at 100 ," she answered, for what seemed to be the hundredth time.
"Good. Now if you see this-"
"Atton," she interrupted wearily, "isn't this dragging along for a bit too long now? I mean you won't even let me sit in the pilot's seat for Force sake. I don't need to be a crack pilot like you. I just need the basics."
He slowly stood up from the seat and turned to face her. Looking uncharacteristically serious, he cleared his throat and said, "Lilli, I.. well.. look, I thought about what you said, you know, about relying on all of us and I think it's important for you to know more than just the basics."
"What makes you say that?" she asked him, a little surprised at his use of her first name. My, he really is being serious.
"It's just that you're the one that keeps this misfit crew together, the one who's crucial for everything to succeed and...," he paused, raising his hand hesitantly before gently brushing a lock of her hair back behind her ear, "and.. I worry about you. There's not a lot of things I can help you with. But, at least, this I can do. Do you understand?"
She could only nod as her breath caught in her throat . She understood that he thought her survival was the only one that mattered. That she needed to have the ability to save herself in any situation, even if that meant leaving her companions... her friends... him... behind. But... she wasn't sure that she thought the same.
Regaining her voice, Lilli leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "You're a sweetheart, Atton. I really appreciate what you're doing."
"Oh, yeah? How much do you appreciate it?" he asked, grinning at her lecherously, falling back into typical Atton behavior.
"Not enough for whatever you're thinking," she laughed, smacking him on the arm. "Come on, let's get back to my flying lessons."
Finding T3 and explaining her request proved to be a bit more difficult than Lilli had expected. The little guy was unhappy about dropping out of hyperspace before reaching their destination, although he finally agreed to it after much cajoling and pleading. She left T3 interfacing with the hyperdrive and went to the cockpit to let Atton know.
"All set," she told him happily. "T3 will do it. He said we should be dropping out of hyperspace in about 15 minutes."
"Alright then, have a seat," he said, not moving from the pilot's chair.
"Um.. aren't you sitting in my seat?" she asked him after a moment, confused.
"Nope," he said, turning to flash her a wicked smirk. "Did I forget to mention that I'm going to teach you to fly the way my granddad taught me when I was a kid? It's the hands on method."
"Hands on? What are you talking about?" Lilli asked, narrowing her eyes at him, not liking the direction this was heading.
"Well... you see... you won't be able to control the yoke on your own the first time, so what we're going to do is this... you'll be sitting in front of me on the seat here so that I can-"
"Oh, I don't think so," she cut in, her voice indignant. "I'm not falling for it. You're going to have to try better than that, flyboy."
"What?" he asked, shrugging his shoulders innocently. "It's the best way, if you think about it. I need to keep my hands on the yoke so that I can show you how to control the Hawk." Giving her his most sincere smile he put his hand over his heart and said, "I promise I'll behave."
Lilli stood there gaping at him for a moment longer before letting out a resigned sigh. She knew he was right. And it wasn't so much that she was worried about him. For all of his shameless flirting, she knew that he would never cross any line without her consent.
No, she was worried about her own reactions resulting from being so close to him for an extended period of time. She didn't deny that there was something between her and Atton, she just didn't know if she was ready to explore it further right now. I guess I don't have much of a choice, do I? Letting out another sigh, the Exile moved to the pilot's chair.
Atton looked up at her with a sly grin and patted the empty space in front of him. "Better hurry up, angel. That cargo cylinder is going drop us out of hyperspace soon. You want to be ready for that."
"You just watch what your hands are 'on'," she muttered halfheartedly, causing the scoundrel's grin to grow even wider as she stiffly lowered herself into the seat.
"See, this isn't so bad, is it?" Atton murmured into her ear, his breath causing a shiver down her spine, as he reached around her to place his hands on the controls. "But, you need to relax, angel," he said, nudging her rigidly held back and shoulders. "This really isn't the best way to learn to fly, all tensed up like you are."
Irritated that it took so little for her body to betray her, Lilli concluded that this was one battle she couldn't win and she should throw caution to the wind. Closing her eyes and loosening her shoulders, she settled against Atton's chest, slowly savoring his warmth. She could sense his surprise that she had given in so easily.
"Now – this is more like it," he said contentedly, his voice a pleasant vibration under her back. "But, as much as I'm enjoying this, we're about to drop out of hyperspace..."
"Mmm..hmm...," was her reply as she lazily opened her eyes, somewhat reluctant to cut the moment short, despite her eagerness to learn to fly. Cautiously, she caught hold of the flight controls in the same manner as Atton and was pleasantly startled when he covered her hands with his own calloused digits.
The intensity of the jolt in the flight controls was unexpected when it came and she jerked her hands reflexively. Lilli was fairly certain that the ship would have lurched quite badly if not for Atton.
"See, the trick is to first push down on the controls before pulling up like you did. It'll give you a smooth transition from hyperspace," he explained, showing her how to maneuver the yoke. "How firmly you need to will depend on the ship. The Hawk's controls are sticky, but she's got powerful thrusters that make up for it."
She acknowledged him with a nod, concentrating on moving the controls back and forth experimentally.
"Why don't you try banking her," Atton suggested, amused at her hesitancy. "Believe me, she's tough to hurt and the inertial dampers will make sure you don't hurt us."
Lilli took the Hawk through a few delicate turns, slowly gaining confidence. She started to bank the ship at increasingly harder and steeper angles, and felt herself grin, delighted that the Hawk forgave her every mistake. She had never imagined that she could feel so light and free from just piloting a ship. No wonder Atton loves it so much, she thought to herself.
"You're doing great," Atton told her, a proud note in his voice. "I think I'll just sit back for a while," he said, taking his hands off the controls and folding them lightly around her waist.
So caught up in what she was thinking and feeling, Lilli unconsciously snuggled into his embrace as she continued to maneuver the ship. Atton's only response was to tighten his hold on her, and rest his chin on her shoulder to monitor her progress.
After some time, she began to come back to herself, the initial adrenaline dissipated, and realizing that piloting was actually tiring... she involuntarily yawned.
"Getting tired?" Atton asked, not having moved away at all. "Why don't you quit for today? I'll make sure that you get plenty of practice. I mean, how else am I going to convince you to cuddle up to me."
Without taking her hands off the controls she quipped back, a smile in her voice, "What makes you think I'll let you share my seat with me next time, flyboy? I think I can handle things on my own."
"What do you mean your seat? And besides, next time, we'll be taking off, so you'll need me right here," he answered smugly.
"Is that so?," she replied mock-sarcastically, as Atton leaned them forward to switch on the auto pilot. Grateful, she started massaging her cramped hands.
"Here, why don't you let me do that angel," he said, taking her hand in between his, gently kneading.
"Mmmm..." she answered languidly, once again closing her eyes and snuggling back into his chest, thoroughly lost in enjoying his ministrations. "You know... I could get used to this," she told him.
"What? Having my arms around you," he asked, his voice low as he took her other hand.
''OK, maybe that too..." she said laughing. "But no, I meant having you as my personal masseuse."
"Great," Atton replied sarcastically. "But... you know... that might not be so bad. There are a lot of things that I would need to touch then," he mused aloud.
"Is that all you think about?" Lilli groaned, half exasperated.
"With you? Well... not all the time," he answered, letting go of her hand, while pulling her against him tightly and tucking her head under his chin.
Lilli knew that she should leave soon. There was so much to do and so little time for it all. But she was having a hard time willing her body to cooperate. For the first time, in what had been a very long time, she felt sheltered and cared for.
As if picking up on her thoughts, his voice barely above a whisper, Atton implored, "Just a little while longer, angel."
How could she refuse?