One Puzzling Word
By lfleurdelys
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and its characters belong to its respective owners.
She was sixteen years old and as the cliché went, she was sixteen and never been kissed.
Unlike her friends, she did not find herself daydreaming about boys and she never went out with anyone for that matter. She did not understand the reason, but she never found anything fascinating about boys in general. She saw images and portrayals of love between a boy and a girl in movies but she shrugged her shoulders at the thought. Inventions, she told herself. They were mere inventions to create blockbuster movies and sell tickets.
She didn't believe in that kind of love.
Her friends tried to set her up in blind dates and other relationships but she always shook her head. She didn't want to go. She told them the truth. She was not looking for a boyfriend. Once again, she received the stares of friends or strangers who were eavesdropping. They were all wondering the same thing.
Sixteen years old and not interested in a boyfriend?
What was wrong with her?
So what?
She was not the typical teenage girl and she never claimed the contrary. Even her mother was starting to worry. But wasn't it a good thing that she wanted to concentrate on school, her family and friends? It was often frustrating and perhaps, more than ever, she started to become frustrated with herself. What if she was wrong? Sometimes at home, she stared at the moon from the window of her bedroom and wondered if she should give a chance at this whole matter.
Maybe.
Why not?
One day, she went to the library and hid behind shelves. She sat with a romance novel against the back wall. She didn't want to be close-minded. She wanted to comprehend these so called emotions that came with this one word. Love. Of course, a romance novel did not provide the answers she was looking for and she quickly gave up on the idea, laughing at herself for reading it.
Weeks went by and it became a quest, an obsession.
To find what love was.
She wasn't sure how this resolution started. She could have sworn that a few months ago, she was denying its existence... And yet, she had to admit that she saw too many examples around herself to forthrightly deny it. She saw the blush that crept on her best friend's cheeks every time she talked about her boyfriend; she felt the profound affection her parents had... And it was then that she made her decision. She needed to find an answer to her question.
How hard could it be?
A month later and she discovered that the task was not a piece of cake. She didn't understand why she didn't feel this romantic love everyone was talking about. She sighed. She couldn't understand it.
Honore de Balzac once declared, "True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart." Elizabeth Browning wrote "Love doesn't make the world go round, Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." Quotations that were meaningless to her. The wording made sense and her mind registered the information but her heart did not feel it.
She thought of asking her friends about it. But she decided against it at the last minute. She was not sure how to begin the topic and she felt silly for asking about something she should know. Or at least it seemed that way. No one was ever questioning what love meant. How do you understand it then? How do you acquire this knowledge? She believed she could solve this puzzle and yet...
There was a missing piece.
She found herself thinking about the matter many times a day. She knew that something was missing, as if she was missing the bigger picture. She could not pinpoint the error she made but she knew that it was there, somewhere. She confidently said to herself that she would find it soon enough.
She buried her nose under literary works. Aphrodite, the goddess of love in Greek Mythology. It was said that she had the power to spread love. Scarlet O'Hara and Rhett Butler, a classic and timeless love story, set in the past. There were so many references... but none could explain to her its true meaning.
She was ridiculously floating in a sea of confusion and frustration.
As simple as that.
After three months of fruitless search, she finally gave up all together. She raised her eyes to the sky and sighed deeply. She was not one to give up easily but desperate thoughts called for desperate measures. She decisively concluded last night that there was nothing she could do about it. She would never understand what love was.
It was time to move on.
Two days later, her friend called her and provided her with a wonderful and much needed distraction. Her friend was hosting a party at her house, as a celebration for the end of the school year. She took a quick glance at her closet before picking a comfortable and nice outfit for the evening. Her failed quest about the said topic was still lingering in the back of her mind, but she shoved the thought away, unwilling to ponder over it at the party.
It was better this way.
"Serena!" her friend exclaimed as she gave her a quick hug. "I'm glad you made it!"
"Thanks Lita." She answered, smiling. "You know I wouldn't miss your party!"
She laughed, "But of course! I will catch up with you later. I need to be the perfect hostess to my guests," she added with a grin and a roll of the eyes.
Her friend departed and she took a deep breath, looking at the crowd for familiar faces. She spotted her friends who were avidly talking to two young men in the living room. She decided to join them for lack of a better thing to do. From far away, she recognized the tall blond-haired one as Mina's boyfriend, but remained puzzled at the other stranger.
"Hey you! Glad you're finally joining us!" her friend greeted her, as she approached them.
"Serena, I'd like you to meet someone," Amy told her as she turned toward the dark-haired stranger.
"Hi, I'm Darien." He announced charmingly and extended his hand.
She felt sparkles and fireworks as their hands touched, and inadvertently raised her eyes to him to be lost in the depth of his fierce gaze.
"I'm Serena. Nice to meet you."
She smiled as she felt a strange and unknown feeling lurk in the corners of her heart and suddenly she understood it...
Love at first sight.