~ Guilt ~
Sirius Black & Marlene McKinnon
Marlene stares ahead, her palms red and sweaty after hours of rubbing them together nervously.
She stares. Stares at the black clock on the wall, he'll be home soon and then she'll have to tell him. and if he doesn't kill her, she'll probably kill her self.
How do you tell the love of your life you slept with the person he hates the most?
She is angry, not at him and not even at... him, she is angry at her self. And she deserves everything she is about to get. She wantes him to yell, scream and maybe even kick her out. She wants him to do something, do anything to her, anything that would make this even the slighter better. Because if he punishes her then maybe she can forgive her self. Maybe.
The door creaks open and the breath in her throat hitches. This is it.
He walks in and finds her curled up on the floor, staring forward and avoiding his eyes.
"Marlene? Are you okay?" his eyebrows raise as he kneels down next to her and strokes the blonde hair from her eyes. "What happened?"
She chokes on the words and coughs, he grabs her by the shoulders and makes her lean forward, slowly patting on her back until she can breath normally again.
"Baby, what's wrong?" he's growing afraid now and she bites her lip. She really doesn't want to tell him, but she knows she has to.
"I'm sorry." she chokes out, her breathing getting heavier again.
"Sorry for what?" his eyebrows are still raised.
He puts a hand on her thigh. "Marlene, tell me what's wrong."
"You're going to hate me." She admits. She knows she deserves it, she even wants him to hate her, but at the same time, she doesn't. She can't stand the man that she loves to hate her. Even for how much she deserves it.
"I could never hate you." He says and strokes more hair from her eyes, it's wet from her tears and she knows she must look like a monster. But it doesn't matter, she is a monster. She shouldn't even be crying, she doesn't deserve to cry.
She looks down and fiddles with her skirt, she can't find the right words. There aren't any right words for this.
Suddenly his hand grasps tighter around her thigh and she knows that... that he knows.
"When?" he says and his voice is harsh, but still.. it's not harsh enough.
She doesn't want to say, she doesn't know how she can say it.
"More often than once?" is his next forced out question.
She shakes her head.
He gives away a half growl and a half sigh.
"I'm sorry," she chokes out again. She forces her self to look up and at him. "It's okay for you to hate me."
He looks down and at her and shakes his head with a sigh. He then changes his position so he isn't kneeling down anymore but sitting, back pressed to the wall. "I don't hate you."
She shakes her head again. "Yes, hate me. Hate me please."
"No."
She looks at him, red puffy eyes begging for him to say something, something that will make what she did .. better... less guilty for her. "Hate me." she says again.
"Marlene McKinnon, I can't hate you!" he growls out. "I don't want to hate you. This isn't your fault."
She looks up "Yes it is. It is my fault." she chokes on the words again.
"I know why you did it. I was an ass."
"No!" she screams out. He can't do this, not this. No. He is not taking the blame. "No, this is not your fault!"
"It is." he shakes his head. "I know you didn't want me to go and fight, but I still did it, I put my self and you in danger. You had every reason to be angry. It is my fault."
"No! It is not!"
"I went after Bellatrix -"
"Sirius NO!" she shouts.
He falls silent. "I still don't hate you." he says after some time.
She looks away. "You should."
"I hate him." he says determined.
"Hate me too." She looks down. "I was drunk, not that its an excuse I just ... I don't know."
"Did he take avantage of you?"
"I could've stopped him."
She looks away from him when he cups her cheek. "I'm going to find him."
His voice is dark and rather scary.
"Sirius please-"
"And when I do he should hope that I don't fucking murder him." he's angry now, but its wrong, he should be angry at her or at least at both of them.
"Should I leave?" she chokes up.
He looks at her and shakes his head "Do you think I'd ever throw you out?"
"I deserve it."
He sighs, "Marlene, I understand. It doesn't mean that I'm not angry for it. I am. But, its not enough for me to want you to leave. I don't want you to leave ever. Okay?"
She looks up and at the boy - no the man that is the love of her life and she can't believe that she'd betray him like this.
"Tell me you wont ever leave." he orders.
"I wont ever leave. I'm so sorry, I love you." she breathes out and lets him hug her.
And she is, she really is sorry.
And he forgives her, he really does forgive her.
Because like he is the love of her life. She's the love of his life.
A/N: I have no idea what made me want to write this, it just.. lets say someone must have hexed my fingers and they just took over me and wrote this o.o But I'm rather happy with it, its different :) Tell me what you thought please?