Wishing You Were Here Again

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I didn't come up with the idea for Stargate Atlantis. Wish I had, but I didn't, thus I do not own Atlantis or its characters.

Updated a few things. Sorry about the confusion. Enjoy

She could hear the drops of rain pounding on the window pane. She had always enjoyed its sound. Calm, soothing, refreshing: a keepsake of how precious and fragile the world is. When she was little that's all she could hope for – the rain. Not today.

Today it was only a sad reminder that he was gone. Bitter sweet. The weather reflected how she was feeling. Gloomy. Upset. Hurt. But more than that.

Words couldn't begin to describe the burning sensation in the pit of her stomach. All the rage she had been feeling before he left was now replaced by her desire to bring him back just so she could strangle him.

That morning started out the way it usually did with them. Fighting. He had gone through the gate and she was happy she didn't have to look at him.

But once the wormhole closed all she felt was regret. By noon that regret was replaced by dread. They had agreed after their last fight that he or she would never go off world angry at the other. Now they had broken their promise to each other. A promise that not many people knew about except Rodney who happened to be spying on them at the time they made the pact. Now it was too late for apologies.

They had lost him. No she had lost him. He slipped through her fingers. If only she had just held on for three more seconds, then none of this would be happening. He would be here, standing next to her, telling her to take a breath.

That wasn't going to happen. Not this time. This time all she could do to stay sane was berate herself behind closed doors in the quiet of her balcony – their balcony.

"It wasn't your fault you know," She jumped at hearing a voice beside her own. She hadn't even heard the door swoosh open behind her. "He wouldn't have listened to anybody. You were no exception." He stuffed his hands into his worn pockets. It had been a long day.

But she should have been. He should have listened to her. In fact he almost had. She could see it in his eyes. A moment of doubt. That's what she had seen. A moment of doubt. Her window and she missed it. She had spent too long trying to convince him to listen. She should have just forced him.

"You know, it's hard enough as it is knowing we lost him," He placed his hand on her shoulder. "We don't want to lose you too, Elizabeth."

She turned around, patting his hand. A tear escaping down her cheek. He wrapped his arms around her, consoling her. This was only the beginning of what he knew to be a long road of morning.

"Thanks Rodney. You've been more than just a good suck up these past few days," He smirked knowing that a sarcastic response was better than no response. He knew that behind the façade she, Elizabeth Weir, was taking his death harder than anyone else. "You've been a true friend."

He sighed leaving her the way he had found her. Alone and heart broken.

She knew that he meant well. They all did: Teyla, Ronon and Carson, but it wasn't the same. John had always been her strength. Her voice of reason. Yet he was more than that. She knew it. John knew it. Hell, everyone in all of Atlantis knew it. Caldwell – despite her hardest attempts – knew it. What was she going to do now that he was gone? She needed him.

He had left defeated, tired and hungry. Ha. Imagine, him saying those three words – not out loud obviously – but to admit to it even in his head. That was something. He had admitted to defeat. Did that mean he was a failure? Nah. Not him.

He could get out of this situation just like every other time.

Except now he didn't have his team – or his gun (sounds pretty bleak so far). No water. No his team. Ronon. He would be handy. That guy was always handy for something. Whether you needed one knife or a dozen knives, Ronon was your man. Ever since the 'kidnapped by Ford and forced to infiltrate a Wraith hive ship incident' he knew he could depend on Ronon for resourcefulness. All those knives would be useful right about now. Teyla would be nice to have around. She was the only sane one on his team. Let's face it. His whole team would be pretty handy.

Great. Not only was he alone – again – but he was talking to himself. Again. Only this time he wasn't in a safe time dilation field, with cool people with neat powers. He's alone in the middle of...

"Peachy, just peachy. I don't even know where I am. My life is beginning to sound far too much like a broken record. Let's see: first attempt to save the day. Check. Then get into trouble. Check. Next risk life to ultimately save world. Check" He let out the breath he had been holding in. The list was longer than he thought. "Get butt kicked by either Wraith, Iratus bug (technically a Wraith), Genii or not so friendly natives. Check, check. Yep that sounds about right so far. What else? Rodney thinks of amazing plan. (However I won't be telling him that. Wouldn't want him to think I appreciate him or anything like that.) Escape, but not before making everyone back home think I'm dead. And last but not least return home only to be greeted by another form of punishment. The infirmary. Hopefully soon to be a 'check.'"

Only right now the infirmary sounded far more appeasing than walking under a blazing sun in the middle of who knows where with little resources while walking aimlessly in the hopes of stumbling upon some sort of civilization. Even then his chances of finding a friendly, willing to help civilization are slim to none. Because let's face it. He's Colonel John Sheppard, where he goes trouble follows shortly after. Yep the infirmary definitely sounds pretty good right about now.

Not to mention this time around he was missing a few things to fulfill his little broken record. Number one Rodney and his amazing escape route, number two the rest of his team, and number three ... well there is no number three.

He just wanted to get home.

It had been more than just a few days now. It had been a month, almost two. Caldwell wouldn't wait any longer. There were a few people that she would like to strangle right now who claimed they couldn't wait any longer.

John needed to be put to rest. The people wanted closure. They wanted a service. There needed to be a memorial service.

It was hard for her to admit that they might be right in thinking he was gone. She wanted so badly for him to just miraculously come waltzing into her office. Just to see his grin again, that would be all that she needed.

Instead she had to face the music as cliché as it sounded and suck it up. After all, she was the only one holding back. The only one holding onto the glimmer of hope that John Sheppard was still alive. Everyone elsewanted closure – everyone except for her.

What do you think so far? Please review so I know if you want me to continue. Till next time.