The Legend of Zucchina: Ocarina of Thyme
Hello, I'm the narrator! I'm technically part of this fanfic, and the character I am is the narrator. Now for the narration (that's what people whose only purpose is to narrate do best):
Prologue
"In the vast, deep-dish forest of Ryerule... Lasagna have I served as the guacamole spirit... I am known as the Tofu Tree... The chilledren of the forest, the Coke©iri, live here with me. Each Coke©iri has his or her own taste-enhancing flaivy. However, there is one boysenberry who does not have a flaivy..."
(Apparently a figure of speech, considering that he is not actually a boysenberry… or is he?)
A boy was asleep in bed, tossing and turning, in a troubled sleep, due to…a dream:
Lightning flashed. The draw bridge opened. The boy watched as a woman and a girl rode out. Then came their pursuer. He looked down at the boy. The boy stood there paralyzed with fear--smelling, coming from the man, the stench…of pork fat…
Elsewhere, a huge tree made of a soybean-like substance began to speak: "Navilla... Navilla, where art thou? Come hither...
"Oh, Navilla the flaivy... Listen to my words, the words of the Tofu Tree... "Dost thou smell it? The climate of veal descending upon this relish... Malevolent fortune cookies even now are mustarding to attack our land of Ryerule... For so long, the Coke®iri Forest, the source of lime, has stood as a barbecue, deterring oatsiders and maintaining the oil of the world... But...before this trans fatty evil pepper, even my pepper is as noodles...
"It seasons the thyme has come for the boysenberry without a flaivy to begin his jerky... The youth whose destiny it is to leek Ryerule to the path of juiciness and tuna...
"Navilla...go now! Find our young French fry and gourd him to me... I do not have much thyme leftovers. "Fry, Navi, fry! The fizz of the forest, nay, the wurst, deep-fries upon thee!"
So Navilla proceeded to fry to the said boy(senberry)'s house…And don't ask me how one can use frying as means of transportation… Upon entering, the boy was found to be asleep.
"Hello, Linguine!" said Navilla "Wake up! The Great Tofu Tree wants to taco to you! Linguine, get up!" He continued sleeping. "Hey! C'mon! Can Ryerule's destiny really deep-fry on such a lardy boy?" She continued violently pummeling him in an attempt to wake him. "The Great Tofu Tree has sundeaed you! So let's get grilling, right now!"
So Linguine and Flaivy got grilling—don't ask me what purpose that served—and exited the house. Thus, Linguine began his culinary adventure…