He sat in the darkness surrounded by silence. The soft glow of the moon filtering in through the blinds as the constant beeping reminded him exactly where he was-where he had been for the last two weeks.

Glancing over his shoulder he watched the soft rhythm of her breathing as her chest fell in a soft up and down motion that mimicked the rhythm of the various machines pumping life through her veins.

Closing his eyes he tried to remember a different time. A time when each day held a promise of forever. A time when pain wasn't part of their lives and betrayal was just a word.

Laughing bitterly he ran his hands through his tousled hair as the sparkle of her wedding band seemed to laugh at him in a mocking fashion. Those days were a distant memory overshadowed long before they had entered this room. That lifetime ended with a forbidden kiss that seemed to fill the void that had built up in her life.

"How did we come to this?" he whispered to her as he walked over and sat on the edge of her bed. Brushing the hair off her forehead he blanched at the coolness of her skin "why-why did you do this-why did we become the couple we always hated?"

There was no answer to his questions. No reason to his whys. The silence was deafening as the hurt danced through his body. He had loved her-hell still loved her. The betrayal was raw but as he stared at her lifeless body he couldn't help but be filled with hurt at the thought of losing her. Anger fueled those feelings deep inside knowing this was just the end of a long emotional run-he had lost her long before now. It was only now that he finally opened his eyes wide enough to realize it.

The sound of the door opening caused him to look up. The bright lights of the hallway blinding him as footsteps slowly paced across the laminate floor.

"I'm sorry I'm so late, I was held up in an emergency surgery" pausing she picked up the chart hung over the side of the bed "a three car pile up, the driver of the second car had severe head trauma-I tried but…" her voice tapered off as she glanced up "anyways."

"Yes anyways" he echoed as he quietly walked over to the window and glanced out overlooking the shadowed parking lot. The scent of lavender filled the air and somehow it soothed him. It always soothed him, she had that effect- that simple fact sent a resounding feeling of guilt into his stomach as he turned around and was met with a pair of green eyes that held a hint of sympathy to them.

"Derek, the test all show that she won't…"

She never got a chance to finish her sentence.

"I know what the test say. I'm a damn Neurosurgeon as well Meredith, I'm your fucking boss and your going to sit her and tell me what? I don't need you to sit there and explain to me what I already know" his voice broke as he took a deep breath "I don't need you to tell me what I already know. She's never going to wake up from this-it's over, done."

"Derek I'm sorry…"

"Don't okay, don't apologize. Don't try to sooth me or tell me she's not in any pain. I know the words, the speeches, I say them everyday remember. She's my wife, and she's dead and the only thing keeping her here in this room is fear-I'm a coward."

The sound of her heels hitting the floor as she crossed the room, pierced through his heart. Her hand softly grazed his shoulder "your not a coward Derek-she's your wife, you deserve the right to be unsure. You deserve a moment to make sure your making the right decision but we both know…"

Nodding he gave into the tears that he had held at bay for so long. The hurt, the anger washed through his body as he cried for the life that was ending. Images filled his head-images of his wedding day, anniversaries, birthdays…images of her-horrible images of her in bed with another man. It was these images that led up to where they were today-it was these images that had left him in the position to say goodbye.

The softness of her arms cradled him as he cried and he was thankful for that. Glancing up he took a deep breath and finally spoke "I need to say goodbye…"