Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, but I do own the story. Don't sue me. You won't get anything.
All That Matters
By aelrayne.
Love.
I've often pondered the meaning of that word.
Being what I was, I didn't have much of a chance to experience innocent childhood love. None of us did, really. Oh, we all have found love, somehow. At least, all of us but one. You. And you have love. You just don't want to see it.
Why do you deny it? We all see it- in the way you look at her, the way you look when you see her, the way you say her name when you think no-one can hear, the way you look when she says your name, the way you look when she's in danger.
Oh, we see it, the four of us. It's not easy to see, though. You don't show it in your facial expression, but if I look in your eyes during that split second, I can see it. A flash of something. Emotion, maybe? If I didn't know you, I would think that you felt nothing for her, and that you didn't care at all.
But I know you.
I guess that's what makes you "perfect". Your ability not to care. Or at least pretend that you don't care. If that's what it takes, I'm glad that I'm not perfect.
She cares. She loves you. We see it. But like you, she's learned to hide it, to hide everything she feels regarding you. The joy, the pain…the love. Hidden beneath a veneer of cold cordiality. But like you, it's all in the eyes. If you look at her eyes when someone mentions your name, you can see the pain, and the love. But because of you, she hides it.
Why do you do this to her? It's killing her; it's killing you. You both are dying, in more pain than any bullet could generate. You tell me that it's for her safety. That you would taint her purity if you were to be with her. My friend, that's bull. She's not naïve. She may be more "innocent" than you, or I, or any of the other pilots, but the war shattered who she was. She had to become someone new, in order to survive. She is brave, and strong.
Everyone else was trained to deal with the bloodshed, the pain, and the death. She wasn't. But she dealt with her fear. Now she is the only person I know who can look down the barrel of your gun without flinching or being afraid. She is strong. And she loves you.
Like you once told Trowa, you should act on your emotions. You know, I don't think I've heard a more hypocritical piece of advice in my life. The way you act on your emotions is to threaten the person responsible for that emotion at gunpoint. I wonder if you realize that "Omae O Kosuru" doesn't mean, "I love you." Does pretending to feel nothing make you strong? Or is feeling emotion a weakness that the "Perfect Soldier" cannot afford to have?
Maybe love makes us strong. Maybe love makes us weak. But, my friend, one thing I do know is that it makes us. It shapes out lives, and it shapes who we are. And maybe that's all that matters.
Authors Note: Hello! This is my first Gundam wing fic, so please be nice! R&R, but if you don't like it, please don't send flames. Tell me what you didn't like, so I can improve! I'm thinking about doing a companion piece, from Heero's POV about Duo and Hilde. Tell me what you think, please.