Family
ElectricCircuslover: It's been awhile since I've uploaded. Stuff's going on as usual. Things were so bad I quit DA on December due to stress from family matters and backstabbing friends that I put my trust in. Depression took it's toll and I didn't know how to vent out my problems at the time. I'm doing fine right now. Have some stories to finish some gift writing for a few people. For those reading, 'I Want YOUR Bugee Bu' I am deeply sorry for the long delay. It feels like a thousand and one things to do on my end. I haven't gave up on the story and have worked on the next chapter up to the point I had do this and that. So I haven't forgotten that. By the way, I did come back to DeviantArt. My page is Shadow-Aaron-Petals since ECL was already taken.
This is another short story. I wanted to vent out my troubled mind but I ended up writing something else different from what I wanted. So it's a short story of course. I had to think deep on this one for some reason. It took me about an hour or less to write this. Gee I wish I could be quick on my other stories instead of my vents. I get so much farther XD
So enjoy ^^
Shadow sat in his room. Hearing his 'Ship of Despair' hit against broken rocks and metal from his debris field as it drifted slowly in the Zel-Zel sector of the galaxy.
Many thoughts went through his head and the only things he had on his mind was his former family. The ones he believed hated him from the start.
Tears of blood formed in his eyes towards the thoughts of his family, but mostly his mother. The sole person he actually cared about anymore. Every so often he would have feelings towards his older brother, Andy, but majority of the time he felt the words from Andy's mouth was nothing but a plea for him to come back to the family. Words Shadow didn't care to hear about. To him, the people actually cared about him died with the brotherhood between Shadow and Stitchie, a bond that unexpectedly crumbled by jealousy over the younger brother.
Many years of pain, that thought still persisted as if edged into his mind with a blade of misery. Those thoughts gave Shadow feelings he once had: Acceptance. He longed for acceptance growing up with his black fur and pupilless eyes in a colorful family of green, pink, blue, and so on. Even his skin was black with no other color but the fur that covered it.
Acceptance was a meaningless word to him now. Living in his own Hell as his family prospered with many generations soon to come in the future. He truly felt the family was better off with the branch of the family tree stopping with him and Stitchie's family. Andy often told him about Gloria loving him still through the years. Sadly for Andy, his words fell on a deaf man with a black veil over his eyes. Words from a woman madly in love with Shadow were muffled in a vortex of pain and sorrow with denial being the epicenter his life.
He felt those words from Andy was another failing reason to bring his younger brother back into the picture. Going back to Earth over a woman? It was stupid to Shadow, as the feeling of love deteriorated with the word 'acceptance.' Love was nothing next to a lie to him. A feeling that is composed of lies and pain. What's the object of love? Feel good now and die unhappy later? That's what it meant to him. Yet, Gloria still existed in head and a tiny piece of love still left to burn before hatred took over.
"What do you truly see in me?" Shadow cried, blood dripping from his eyes and onto his legs while he sat at the edge of the bed, "All of you? What do you want with me? You betrayed me, friends and family alike. Cast me aside because of your falsified fear of me, when it was you who drove me to this point. You claimed to love me but showed nothing when I left. My mother was the only one actually cared in the end. Father…Could do without in this world. After all, he isn't my real father anyways nor did he want to be the father of me. Guess it worked out, didn't it, Stitch," Shadow growled wiping the blood from his eyes, "Why do these thoughts play around in my head? Guilt trip or last moment feelings that I wish to not notice? I don't understand what goes on my mind. I wish Melody didn't hide in my ship on the last family reunion. I wish she didn't talk to me about family. This…This five year old little sister of mine has made my mind spin out of control. Something Andy hoped to achieve when he first found me out in space five years ago. But how…How did this little b-x do what Andy could not?" Shadow cried harder, slamming his face into his red bed.
"Innocence…That's what I'm thinking of. She's innocent because Melody is too young to understand some things that Andy could. But does she actually understand family or does she feel that way because insecurity? I don't know! Why am I thinking this?! The family is dead to me. THEY ARE ALL DEAD INSIDE! But yet…I'm still thinking of them now as I speak. Would the pain go away if I try to reintegrate into the family? Would anything change or would it be a replay of a cheap movie? No, it's not going to happen. You failed, Andy. I'm not coming back and you can take your words to go because I'm not buying it. If the family honestly cared they would try to do more than pretend I don't exist anymore. You may be my brother, but that doesn't mean I have to love you. Yet…I can't help but think about you too and your words you choke me with. Why must it all come down to me coming back? Why am I so important on the small scale of life? Couldn't they accept the fact that I moved out? Living my own life even if I live it in a displeasing way I was taught? What have you been telling them, Andy? What have you said to make them guilty? No, they never are guilty. I'm gone and they're happy or so they make me think or am I lying to myself?" he sighed, getting back up.
"What do I know? I'm a monster. A good for nothing monster!" he bellowed, throwing a ball of black energy, shattering the mirror on the other side of the room, "They felt I was truly a monster of the family. Always breaking things or changing into many different things. Jumba mutated me! He should be called the monster not me! So that's how they judge me? Look at me, and not the big picture? How would they like it if their body changed into some reptilian beast with eyes all their body? Doesn't feel good when the ones you love try to use excessive force to keep you down at all costs. Then comes the end, when all you feel is pain and the fur you once had is gone due to the change. It's a big laugh isn't it? Seeing me naked out in public? But, you won't understand how I feel. No one ever understands the outcast of the family. So why are they trying to understand me now? A sense of closure, guilt, or maybe they are tricking me so I would come back. It's not happening. I'm never coming back to the ones who drove me out in the first place. I'll raise all six clenched fists in the air and snarl in a egotistical victory to that," Shadow smiled, but frowned a few moments later.
"What about, Gloria? Is she a pawn in all this? Does my family care for her the same way they 'care' about me? Does she actually love me or is it all staged to get me back as well. If she was, Gloria would've wedded and had kids by now or something. Yet, she declined any male advancement onto her in hopes I would come to her loving arms. Is this a sign I've wanted but yet let blindness hide from myself? Could this be a start in something more peaceful and loving instead of the dark violent world I control? No, never. It can't be a start if Galactic Alliance still hunts me everywhere I go. I wouldn't want her to get into danger from their attempts to apprehend me. Did I say show compassion? Caring towards another?" He growled.
"If she even cared about me why isn't she here now with me now? Why is she still bawling her eyes out for me? Wouldn't it be easy to replace myself for someone more stable? After all, love is expendable with each lover that steps into either gender's life. It's pathetic as it is immoral in a life that believes so strongly into this 'strong' feeling. I'm sure they would think the same way with my brimming hatred towards my life and to myself. Wouldn't that be immoral if the feeling isn't directed physically towards the ones you hate, but yourself instead? How would she know how I feel? Does she inflict harm onto one's own self with the use of blades? Has she attempted Death's work onto herself? Will she ever realize that hope is only for the hopeless? It will take a wing and one thousand prayers to get me into her loving arms. The costs are too great for her to understand. Shade will not stop the destruction until our fusion," He paused, looking at the skeletal clock with Piasa style numbering.
"Even if I win, the possibilities of taking on an evil persona still lingers. What happens if that theory doesn't happen and I truly change? Will I still be the same Shadow or be a completely new person with a different name? As much I weigh heavily on that theory, Shade must be silenced in that order. What happens to Gloria? What will I inflict harm onto her after the fusion or embrace the kiss she longs for? This question should not linger in the mind of myself but yet it does. Could this pain be the feeling of love I keep pushing away? If so…No, it's going to happen. I'm hateful, I'm angry; I am the essence of pain and butcher of hope. Loving would violate everything I stood for. Betrayal towards my own self would make me sink as low as the family that cast me out. But…I hate them as much as myself so would that matter at all? This question is vexing as it senseless to me," Shadow growled getting off the bed.
"Love is insignificant but yet, I'm starting to feel it. There's no chance for me to go back. My decision is made. I stay here and punish these criminals to the point Death due them part," he smiled, melting in a pool of blood that traveled through the cracks of the floor.