Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½™ in any way, shape or form. I probably could try to claim ownership of the fancharacters Blight, Cinder, Grit and Sooth, but I doubt I'd be successful.
Author's Notes: I apologise in advance for the opening paragraphs of this story, but I just couldn't resist referencing "Sacrifice ½", the story with which I truly broke into fanfiction writing (not to mention I couldn't think of a better way to open the story). Don't worry; after this first chapter the characters from S½ will NOT be intervening in this story in any way, other than Storm and Blight serving their quasi-MST3000 roles.
I apologise for the length of this chapter too, I don't know much about humour, and even less about romance, so I'm desperate for some feedback and advice. This story probably won't be referenced in Sacrifice ½, but that depends on its popularity.
By the way, this –like all my Ranma ½ fiction- is set strictly in the Anime universe after Season 7.
Arc 1: Ukyo and Mousse
Chapter 1: A Foolish Challenge
Storm couldn't help but inhale softly as he stepped through the creaking doors that led into Blight's sanctum sanctorum. It was natural instinct; the human side of him knew entering someone's home without alerting them first was bad mannered. The Mage side of him knew that Mages generally reacted to the presence of strangers in their territory with instinctive ferocity. But then again, Blight and his fellow doppelgangers invaded his home all the time, and he never went berserk. Maybe it was because of the whole "parallel selves" deal.
"Bleah!"
Storm stifled a startled yelp and spun around wildly, only to find the source of the noise was some obscene scuttling thing crawling along through the shadows of the wall. He swallowed the urge to crush the thing under his boot in retaliation and returned to trying to find Blight. As he walked through the dark, decrepit house, he wondered precisely why he'd chosen to seek out the darkest of his alter egos for company. Then he recalled that he was still mad at Cinder, that Sooth grated on his nerves and that Grit, as a Geomancer, just wasn't his ideal for company. And then there was the fact that Bleak Marsh was the only parallel world he could access.
More out of idle hope than any real belief he'd be there, Storm headed for the dining hall were he first met Blight and his fellow Others. As he'd expected, there was nobody there but a stained dish on the table alongside some used utensils; Blight had evidentially eaten a meal there and left his plate behind for some unknown servitor to deal with. Without the slightest clue where to go next Storm settled for simply picking a door at random. Of course, that was a rather bad idea, especially in a Necromancer's house- he didn't make it more than twenty feet down the corridor he'd chosen before he tripped –rather painfully- over something in the dark.
"Screw this."
A single word of power and Storm had some illumination, in the form of a coruscating personal corona of electrical energy. Finally, after several minutes of searching down more corridors than a house the size of Blight's should be able to have, Storm finally managed to track down his counterpart, hunched over something in a small, dark room.
"Hey Blight, what are you doing?"
Storm couldn't help the pleased smirk that slithered onto his face as he achieved what he had thought impossible; he had startled Blight, startled him so badly with his sudden breaking of the silence that the Necromancer audibly yelped and visibly jumped, whatever he had been obsessed over flying from his hands into the air. Instinctively, Storm leapt into the air and caught the object, dropping gently to the ground and ignoring Blight's dirty look to stare at the thing now clutched softly in his grasp.
Essentially, it was an orb carved from some dark green-tinted black crystal, but it had been carved so that instead of being a smooth sphere it had thirteen irregular faces, though how that was possible Storm had no idea- he attributed it to the warped craftsmen of Stygia. Currently, twelve of the faces had had mystical sigils inked onto their surface, though for what purpose Storm didn't know.
"I'll take that back thank you!" Blight snatched the orb from Storm's uncaring grasp, whereupon Storm turned his curiosity upon the Necromancer.
"So what is that thing anyway?"
"First off you tell me why you're here."
"Why? Because today's the day that love potion you sprayed Nabiki with wears off, that's why. They aren't going to rope me into their madness this time."
Blight blinked in confusion, then slowly shook his head and resumed studying the orb.
"Whatever. Anyway, this… this is my Veil-Piercing Eye. A mystical artefact of my own creation, it allows me to peel away the layers of reality, to see worlds beyond the world where I am currently located."
"Why in the name of the Great Storm would you want something like that? I mean, we Ranmas are chaos-magnets; we get enough havoc happening in our daily lives without going looking for more."
One of Blight's eyes gently rolled to scrutiny Storm in a manner that would have unnerved most others before he spoke.
"You know how it was my… hobby… to bring us all together?"
Storm nodded his head.
"Well, this orb is an extension of that hobby. I use its reality-shifting powers to search through the weaves of fate, time and destiny to seek out other versions of ourself. Other Ranmas, that I might learn of them and their ways. Care to join me in my latest scrutiny?"
"Well… I normally have this thing about spying, but… what the hell, I need to kill some time anyway."
At Storm's answer Blight gently drew his right index finger to his mouth before biting it savagely, using the blood that slowly trickled from the punctured flesh to trace the thirteenth and final sigil onto the Eye, which promptly went from glossy darkness to clear and full of luminescent mists. Blight settled into a seat and Storm seated himself nearby so that he could see the images within the Eye without discomfort. Blight hissed and murmured under his breath, invocations clearly designed to activate the Eye's powers.
The mists within its depths parted, to reveal a strange scene. A Ranma, one who Storm could only describe as a "gothic bishonen", stood at the head of a vast army of monsters, demons and walking corpses. Besides him, a figure who turned out to be a scarred, leaner and meaner-looking version of Genma clad in strange, Western-style armour and clutching a grisly banner gave a patriarchal smile at the Ranma before pulling down his visor and turning to face what was evidentially an on-rushing enemy army before the mists rolled back over the scene.
Storm turned an eye towards Blight, but received no answer as a new scene appeared within the Eye. This Ranma was a deranged cyborg, laughing insanely as he slaughtered unaugmented humans with a weapon that resembled a screaming two-handed katana, the "mere" edges of a normal sword replaced with the flesh-ripping fang-chains of a chainsaw. Blood spurted from his latest victim as the mists –with somewhat greater speed than before, Storm thought- covered the scene.
Again and again the mists rose and fell, revealing new Ranmas and then covering them up. Storm was beginning to get bored with this –it felt too much like channel surfing for his liking, not that he knew what channel surfing was- when Blight suddenly chattered something, whereupon the mists stopped and sound, at a much greater volume and quality than before, began to fill the room.
"This looks promising…"
This was turning out, like so many had done before, to be a really bad day for Ranma Saotome. Firstly, his father had managed to get a weak but still viable lucky strike in on him during the morning's "training". Then, Kuno had attacked him with surprising ferocity at school; he had almost been challenging, so fast was he moving and so easily was he shrugging off Ranma's hits. Then he'd suddenly stopped and fallen asleep on the ground. Of course, that meant Ranma was late for class, which meant he got sent out into the hall yet again. Akane had joined him shortly afterwards for some reason or other- she'd been in a really bad mood all morning, and Ranma had no idea why.
Naturally enough, Akane in a bad mood meant that Ranma soon ended up getting sent hurtling through the air, ending his flight by smashing head-first through the roof of Ucchan's and landing on the grill with such force he'd broken it. Ukyo had been furious, but she'd calmed down after Ranma explained that it was Akane's fault. And he offered to take her on a date to make up for it- he never would have said those words normally, but Ukyo had been looking even madder than Akane, and he did not want to see an Akane-esque temper tantrum from Ukyo. After all, she was a better martial artist than Akane, which meant she could really hurt him.
Unfortunately, the Saotome Luck pretty much demanded that Ranma and Ukyo's "date" ended up running into Shampoo, who had instantly demanded that Ranma dump Ukyo and take her on a date. That had led to a prolonged battle between the two, during which they had somehow ended up outside the Cat Café. Things were normal until that point- annoying, but still normal. Then Ukyo insulted Shampoo's intelligence and skill, whereupon a barrage of throwing daggers had suddenly erupted through the window, forcing Ukyo to frantically deflect them with her battle spatula. The busted window had been completely destroyed as a figure had erupted from it, voicing his infamous battlecry.
"Shampoo!"
And that was why Ranma and Shampoo were now blinking in confusion as Mousse, glasses on his head as usual, glared daggers at an equally angry Ukyo. Cologne pogoed through the front door as Mousse pointed a vehement finger at Ukyo, for once actually gesturing at the right person.
"How dare you! How dare you insult my Shampoo like that! I won't stand for it!"
"So what are you gonna do about it chump?" Ukyo smirked, twirling her battle spatula in an attempt to psyche out her opponent. Her attempt failed as Mousse's face tightened.
"I, Mu Tsu, of the Joketsuzoku, hereby demand a formal apology from you for the way you have spoken to my fiancée! If you refuse to apologize, then we must fight to settle our grievances!"
That little declaration earned surprised expressions, not only from Ranma, Shampoo, Ukyo and Cologne but also, unbeknownst to them, the watching Storm and Blight.
"Mousse…" whispered Shampoo, Ranma blinking in confusion as he turned his head to stare first at the strangely nervous-looking Shampoo, then at the defiant Mousse, then at the gobsmacked Ukyo, and finally at the solemn-looking Cologne. The elder Chinese Amazon heaved a faint sigh as she pogoed into the space between Mousse and Ukyo.
"As senior elder present, and an official representee of the High Council of the Joketsuzoku, I acknowledge that a formal challenge has been made by the Joketsuzoku Mu Tsu towards the Outsider Ukyo Kuonji. Will you present your apology or must this dispute be resolved by means of a trial by combat?"
Ukyo turned a disparaging glance towards Cologne before resuming glaring at Mousse.
"I ain't apologizing to no Chinese bimbo; if four-eyes wants to fight me then I'll gladly kick his ass!"
"And the Outsider has made her decision clear. By the laws of the Joketsuzoku this is now an official match between Ukyo and Mousse. No interferences will be tolerated and all results are final. The challenged one may choose the battlefield. The battle will take place at a time mutually agreed upon by both combatants."
"The sports field at Furinkan High School and right now!"
"I'll be there! And be prepared to lose!"
Mousse turned in the proper direction and leapt off, bounding across the rooftops with Ukyo, Cologne and Shampoo bringing up the rear. Ranma blinked in confusion.
"Now what the heck was all that about? …Ah well, I guess I don't got nothing better to do…" So saying, he leapt off after them.
"I agree; what the heck was that all about?"
"Watch, and you'll see soon enough."
With school ended there wasn't many students left around Furinkan High. But the news of an official duel between Ukyo and Mousse, a unique event even in Nerima, quickly drew a pretty large crowd, including Nabiki and her small gaggle of fellow racketeers, who quickly started taking bets. Akane, evidentially in a better mood now, also turned up, though Ranma made a point of keeping away from her in case she found precisely why Ukyo and Mousse were fighting in the first place. From her position in the middle of the field, interspersed between the two martial artists, Cologne raised her staff and then spoke loudly and clearly to the two of them.
"This is the last opportunity either of you have to settle this without combat. Will either of you back down?"
"Never!" the pair snarled in perfect unison. Cologne heaved a weary sigh.
"Then… begin!" she swung her staff downward and leapt out of the arena as Mousse opened the combat with a barrage of his trademark throwing knives. Ukyo deflected some with the flat of her battle spatula and dodged the rest.
"Nice move, but you're not the only one who knows how to throw stuff!" she smirked, grabbing a clutch of spatulas from her bandoliers and launching them at the Hidden Weapons Master. Mousse flipped backwards to avoid them and then leapt straight up, hurling down a cluster of bombs, which Ukyo sent hurtling straight back at him with a single swift blow from her battle spatula. The slightly scorched Chinese Amazon retaliated by launching his chain-attack from his right sleeve, Ukyo dodging most of the projectiles but softly gasping in pain as an edge from a trident's head sliced a small, shallow cut in her side. Another barrage of throwing spatulas forced Mousse to move, though he retaliated with chains from both sleeves.
Ukyo leapt over not only the chains but also straight over Mousse, dropping a flour bomb on him at the pinnacle of her jump. The moment she landed she clutched her battle spatula in an offensive grip and charged towards the white cloud, only to strafe-roll to the right as a sudden flurry of darts hurtled from the flour; she had forgotten that Mousse was used to fighting blind. As she scrambled to her feet a chain lashed out from the dissipating cloud and ensnared her battle-spatula, Ukyo frantically clinging to it as the chain forcefully retracted, attempting to pull the weapon from her grasp and disarm her.
"Ukyo's got this in the bag." Declared Ranma, earning a curious stare from Akane and the nearby students, some of which began trying to change their bets.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Ukyo and Mousse can both fight at either range, but Mousse prefers to fight from a distance, right? Well, as long as Ukyo stays away from him Mousse can toss out an endless supply of weapons and try and nail her. However, Ukyo's better up close and personal, yeah? With that spatula of hers, she can end this fight in one good strike. And she's got a golden opportunity; I wonder if she can recognize it? Ah…"
In the field, Ukyo suddenly stopped trying to resist Mousse's attempts to pull her battle spatula from her grasp. Instead, she suddenly charged towards him, releasing her grip with one hand to use it to throw the last of her spatulas at him. Distracted by the projectile weapons, Mousse was unable to react in time to prevent Ukyo striking him with a vicious up-sweeping blow from her weapon, which launched him high into the sky to land with crashing force inside one of the soccer goals. Mousse twitched a little, tried to rise, and then collapsed. Cologne pogoed back out onto the field and raised Ukyo's hand.
"I declare Ukyo Kuonji the winner!"
Ukyo grinned like a Cheshire Cat as cheers rose from the students who had bet on her and groans came from those who had bet on Mousse. Ranma gulped as Nabiki directed an icy look at him; he knew she would blame him for this. Ukyo sauntered over to where Ranma, Akane and Shampoo were sitting, walking up the Chinese Amazon and smirking.
"Heh, I won sugar. Looks like Ranma will be going on a date with me after all."
"What! Ranma…"
"Now, Akane, it's not what you think…"
Shampoo's reaction to Ukyo's triumph was to smirk back at her, puzzling the okonomiyaki chef.
"Whatcha smiling at?"
"Shampoo think Ukyo be bit too busy to go on date with Ranma."
"And why is that?"
"Yeah, why is that?"
"Shut up and watch stupid."
Ukyo's eyes suddenly widened as she felt a tingle run down her spine. She spun around to see Mousse, newly returned to consciousness, standing behind her.
"And what do you want? I beat you fair and square!" there was a twinge of nervousness in her tone despite her expression of confidence, which began to gradually melt away as Mousse simply stared at her with an unreadable expression on his face. Before she could do more than mouth her next question, Mousse cupped her chin in one hand and gently pressed his lips to hers.
"What the?"
Ukyo's eyes widened to an extent she never would have dreamed possible as she simply stared dumb-shocked at Mousse, on whose face a faint hint of sorrow could be seen. It was he who broke the silence first, the words that fell from his tongue clearly leaving a bitter aftertase.
"Woda Airen. Wo ai ni."
Ukyo did the only thing that occurred to her to do. She fainted.
Blight made a gesture which caused the volume of the Eye to cease, though one could have seen Mousse gently lifting Ukyo from the ground as anarchy broke out around them. Blinking in confusion, Storm turned to Blight.
"Okay, what just happened? I though the Kiss of Marriage was Joketsuzoku women only!"
"No, it's just Joketsuzoku warriors only. It applies as much to the few male warriors of the tribe as it does to the females. Just be glad that Mousse knew about your Jusenkyo curse by the time he fought you."
Blight ignored Storm's sudden attack of nausea and resumed watching the Eye, restoring the volume and increasing it to cover the sounds of his counterpart being violently sick. This world looked interesting…
Okay, now, I know this sucks- no humour, no romance. But hey, you have to start somewhere. Please review!