I was recently going through some old papers, and found a poem I had written for school. It was originally created in response to Lord Alfred Tennyson's "The Lady of Shalott." When I re-read it, I got the idea for this one-shot. Well not at first, at first I contemplated the irony of a poem I wrote a year ago completely expressing my feelings now.
Recently some really horrid stuff happened, and while I am not going into details, lately I have felt really depressed and betrayed. So much so that I could not really write. But once I found this, the words just seem to come, and I feel a lot better now.
Any way, I really liked the basic theme of the previous poem and decided to change the lines around to fit the emotions that Usagi feels after the big break-up. I ended up changing a lot, like most of the poem. Honestly though, I like this version of the poem better than the one that I wrote last year.
Either way, here it is. I hope you like.
A warning though, this one-shot contains character suicide, so if that makes you uncomfortable then please do not read.
Once upon a time
In a place so far away
Lived a princess in her tower,
And there she waits by the hour,
For something more than this life
As a simple queen—some king's wife.
A lonely princess gazes up at the beautiful Earth. It has forever captured her heart. She wishes so much to one day go there—to the forbidden planet she loves so. And one day, she knows she will make that wish come true.
She knows not how or when, but one day, she will journey to the Earth.
"My true love will come," she says in tears,
Trying to quench all her fears.
On a beautiful moonlit night, a young girl finds herself in an unknown place. A wish made had been granted.
She looks around, mesmerized by the calm beauty of her surroundings. Flowers and trees that she has never seen before catch her immediate attention. The moon so gorgeous from the Earth. To stay here forever would be a dream come true. Such peace resonating from the garden; and a calling. A gentle tug at her heart, which tells her that she shall be complete one day.
"Who's there?" a man's voice breaks though the quiet garden. "I know someone is there. This area is forbidden." Fear grips her heart. Forbidden, yes forbidden. The whole of the planet is forbidden and she knows that she must not be caught here, for it shall mean her death. She steps back and cloaks in shadow, praying to every God and Goddess that he moves on.
The voice moves closer and she sees its owner. A gasp escapes her lips. He is beautiful. But more than that, there is something that draws her to him. This was the tug on her heart—the constant calling. She wants to be with him.
The fear gone now, she takes a step forward and enters the light of her moon.
"Through my window's vast expanse
I see a world of love and chance.
It gives me hope that I shall find
The one I will always call mine.
No matter what the other's say,
I wait for him day by day."
"He's not worth it, Usa-chan," a blue-haired girl whispers comfortingly to the broken girl in her arms. The tears continue to flow. "He is not worth your pain." It hurts her so to see the girl like this. Her first friend, the girl who brought light into her life, reduced to a shell of her former self.
"Oh but he is," said girl whispers to the wind. So quiet is her voice that her friend does not hear. But Usagi knows the truth in those words. He is worth it, because she loves him. And the pain will not stop until she is with him again.
And even though he does not want her, she can never forget.
A voice resonates through the peace
All her worries begin to cease.
To the window, she rushes to see
The one with whom she wants to be.
Sweet serenity in his arms
Finding love without any qualms.
"Endymion, you came," the young princess glees with his sudden presence. He moves closer and wraps his arms around her.
"I promised that I would, my love." They stand together on the moon, content in each other's arms. They know that what they are doing is forbidden. Any yet, they still sneak off. They shall not be separated.
"Are you the man I think you are,
My chivalrous knight—my shining star?
She waits for the blow that never comes. Opening her eyes, the greatest of horrors lies before her. Her dearest beloved had stepped in at the last moment and took the blast meant for her.
He falls to his knees, blood pooling in his hands, flowing over onto the battle-ridden moon lands.
"No," she whimpers as he falls to the ground. She leans over him and hold him close to her. This cannot be happening she thinks. He cannot leave her.
She tightens her grip around his body, as her tears begin to flow. She holds him so tight, almost as though she can force his soul to stay. Her eyes, wide and frantic, blindly stare out at the war ground. She is alone.
You said we'd always be together
But I guess nothing lasts forever.
"I don't love you!"
"I will kill you, Sailor Moon."
"My queen," a man kneels before the evil woman. He reaches up and kisses her outstretched hand. His princess of so long ago looks on with infinite sadness.
"Destroy her Endymion." The irony to die by loves own hands, she thinks as he moves to strike her. But though the pain, she defends herself, determined to bring him back to her. And if she cannot, then at least she will die with love in her heart.
The pain cuts deep
No longer shall I weep
For what will never be—
The love between you and me."
In a blade, she finds pain's release;
The scars, a price for heart's peace.
A drop of blood hits the floor. It splatters over the tile creating a beautiful abstract design. She stares at it longingly as tears coarse down her cheeks. She never thought that life would turn to this. She never thought that she would end up here, cutting into her skin to find sanity. Today was the start of the end for her.
Did he ever really love me, she wonders. Another drop falls to the ground. Was this all just nothing to him? Did he even care?
One more follows. Or was he just after her power and body but realized that it was not worth it after all. What caused everything to change?
And another, and another. She sinks to the floor. Her eyes are swollen and red from tears already spent. She grabs a towel and some wrappings. Have to keep up the image.
Everything is returned to its previous condition. She pulls down her sleeves to cover the evidence. She turns and walks from the room; time to return to reality.
Her heart breaks; Love's time has ended;
The choices here can't be mended.
She thought she saw love in his eyes,
Turned out to be full of lies.
"I don't love you," he spits out and immediately focuses his eyes on everything but her. At first the smile stays on her face, but slowly the words sink in. Those horrible words that begin to bring down her world.
"I don't understand," she whispers, barely able to form words. The shock is too great. Tears gather in her innocent blue eyes. You can see her heart breaking. She looks up at him, questioningly, but he only averts her gaze.
You can see it in her eyes, she loves that man so. She truly does not understand what happened to change everything.
They looked to have been the perfect couple. But looks can be so deceiving.
All hope forgotten in a moment,
Death to come for Moon's atonement.
Her will gone, too late to save,
To her pain she becomes a slave.
"He's a stupid jerk, Usa."
"You deserve so much better."
"Think of it this way, now you can go guy hunting with me."
"Bastard."
"No good liar."
The list goes on. It hurts her to hear them say such things. She knows that they are just trying to make it better—to take away her pain. They want to help her move on. They don't understand, though. Through all the pain, she still loves him.
She tugs her sleeves down. An uncomfortable sensation invades her body and she looks down to concentrate on her feet.
"Usagi," Rei's voice cuts through the tension, "we'll always be here for you, okay. I know it hurts, but we are always here to help." The other girls nod in synch. She looks up at Rei and smiles. A weak, tired smile, but a smile all the same. Her heart swells with the comforting words.
But she cannot help but think back to Rei's face. There was something in her eyes that made Usagi question just how much did Rei know.
The cold pierces her lonely heart
From the world she wishes not to part.
But it is all too much for her innocent soul
Everything begins to take its toll.
So innocent she is; so full of dreams. But what are they worth without love.
"I don't love you." Those stupid words repeated over and over again in her mind. Why, even after everything, does he continue to haunt her like this? If only they were happy memories that found their way into her dreams.
But no, only nightmares find her now. And they slowly kill her even more.
"I feel my life leaving me
And know that we will never be."
The moon rises overhead,
By morning's come she'll be dead.
Lies down and closes tired eyes,
Her soul at peace under starry skies.
Life has no meaning anymore. Every day the girls smile at her and try to cheer her up. They want the old Usagi back, but she is long gone. Their attempts at comforting the broken girl are met with no results.
She takes the knife and runs it against her porcelain skin. Multiple scars already litter her arms and wrists, but they are not enough. She needs more. More release from the pain, more release from this world.
How could he do this to her? They were destined to be together and yet he turns and throws it all in her face. She loves him so deeply; and so the cuts are deep, for that is the only way that she has found.
The blood flows freely from the new wound on her wrist. It just does not feel enough, and so she makes another mark. She just wants it to all end.
She sinks to the floor. Her eyes seem so dead. No tears fall now. She's done weeping. She is done with the pain.
Soon blackness encroaches on her vision. She is so tired and lies down to rest. Just a little nap and then more scars. Her eyes close for what will be that last time.
Death has come, the world goes on—
Guess he was just a dream all along.
When they find her, it is too late. The blood pooled around her still form. And though her eyes are red and puffy and scars travel across her body, she is beautiful.
Her face captured forever in a moment of complete peace. Like a broken goddess—a fallen angel—she shines through the horror of the act. Gone from this world—she is finally free of the pain.
I know this is depressing and all, but this is what I feel right now. When I found my old poem, I really wanted to just write for Usagi and in a sense I have written out some of my own feelings. No I am not suicidal or anything like that, but some really bad stuff has been happening and I feel completely betrayed by a loved one.
I just fell that this story is very fitting for the confusion and depression that I am going through.
I do hope that I have not offended anyone. I know that suicide can become a very touchy topic for some people and I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable by this story. I only want to express an idea of what I am feeling.
I would like to also state that I do not condone suicide or cutting in any way. I would like to believe that there is always a better option. But I do understand that sometimes the depression is too much. I just always try to look at the perspective of 'who are you leaving behind.'
Thank you for taking the time to read and please review. All forms of criticism are accepted and greatly appreciated.