A/N: Based on the song by Miley Cyrus - I dedicate this story to my friend Gail (for whom it was written) and to my Aunt Dorean, who I lost to cancer last October. I miss you...
HANNAH MONTANA
"I MISS YOU"
It was a cool day in February when Lilly Truscott noticed something was wrong with her best friend Miley Stewart (sometimes known as Hannah Montana). They were walking home from school, and Miley had become unusually quiet and distant. When they reached the Stewart home, Miley headed upstairs to her room without a word. More than a little concerned, Lilly followed her.
"Miles, are you okay?" Lilly asked as she entered the room. Miley was standing near her bedroom window, staring out at the street below, her back to Lilly.
"Not really," Miley replied quietly.
"What's wrong?" Lilly asked, walking over to stand beside her best friend. Miley turned to look at her, unshed tears shining in her eyes. She stared at Lilly for a long moment, an unseen war raging inside her. Then, finally, she spoke in a soft, sad voice.
"Today's the, um… anniversary… of the day my mom… you know." She had trouble even forming the words. Lilly's eyes widened when she realized what Miley was trying to say, and instinctively she wrapped her arms around her best friend in a fierce hug.
"Oh, God! I'm so sorry, Miles! I didn't know!"
"It's all right, Lils," Miley managed. "There's no way you could've. It's not like I talk about it much… or like to." She gently pulled away from the hug and sat down on her bed. Lilly sat beside her.
"I don't blame you," Lilly replied. "I can't imagine what you must be going through. Is there anything I can do?"
"Could you… stay here with me?" Miley asked. "You know, spend the night? I really don't want to be along tonight…"
"Of course I can! Anything you want, Miles!" Miley managed a small smile.
"You haven't even asked your mom yet," she pointed out. Lilly waved the concern aside.
"Ah, don't worry. She'll see things my way," she said confidently.
"I think I'm glad you're on my side," Miley laughed a little. "Thanks, Lils."
"Hey, that's what best friends do," Lilly said. "You need me, I'm here. I'll warn you though – no best friend of mine is gonna cry alone in my presence!" Miley tried to smile again, but she felt tears beginning to flow instead.
"Come here," Lilly said softly. She held out her arms and Miley sagged into them, sobs overcoming her. Lilly held Miley in her arms, gently rubbing her back and rocking her back and forth.
"Just let it out, Miles," she whispered to her best friend. "I'm here for you." True to her word, Lilly was crying too, though she tried her best to control it.
"T-Thank you… Lilly…" Miley managed through her tears. Slowly but surely, her sobs began to subside.
"Anytime," Lilly replied, smiling warmly.
"I miss her so much," Miley sniffled. "I wish you could have met her." Lilly swallowed.
"I'm sorry I never got the chance," she said softly. "I bet your mom was a great lady."
"She was," Miley replied simply. "I think you and momma would've loved each other."
"If she was anything like you, I know I would have," Lilly said, smiling. Miley grew silent then, and Lilly got the distinct feeling she was thinking about something. Finally, she stood up, grasping Lilly's hand in her own.
"Come with me," she said simply. "I want to show you something." Lilly nodded and allow Miley to lead her to over to the Hannah closet. Inside, in a darkened corner behind several of her dresses, Miley pulled out a small red and black shoebox. The word 'Mom' was written on it in silvery highlighter, in what Lilly recognized as Miley's handwriting.
"Miley…" she started, not entirely sure this was appropriate for her to see.
"I've never shown this to anyone," Miley said, staring at the box. "Not even daddy." She looked up Lilly, her deep blue eyes filled with sorrow.
"I want you to see it," she said simply. "I'd like to be able to share this with someone… and I want that someone to be you, Lilly. You're my best friend." Lilly swallowed back a painful lump in her throat.
"Miles, I… I don't know what to say," she stammered, blinking back more tears of her own. "Thank you… for trusting me." Miley smiled.
"That's what best friends do, remember? I love you, Lils."
"I love you too, Miley." They walked back to the bed and sat down, and Miley carefully opened the box. The first thing she pulled out of it was a picture of her parents, both looking very young, and Lilly realized from the tuxedo Miley's father was wearing in the picture and the flowing white dress worn by her mother, that it had to be from their wedding day.
"Miley, is that…?"
"Yup; that's my parents on their wedding day, Lils. Daddy gave me the picture a long time ago, when I asked him for a picture of momma. I think… I think he was having a hard time looking at it, y'know?" Lilly nodded slowly.
"I can understand." She looked at the picture and smiled. "Your mom was really beautiful… especially in her wedding dress."
"That's why this is my favorite picture of her," Miley said proudly. "Well, except for the one by my bed. Don't tell anyone, but Jackson was along for the ride too!" She pointed at her mother's mid-section in the picture.
"Oh! You mean she was already…!"
"Yeah… kinda scandalous back then, I guess," Miley said with a grin. "I came along a bit later." She brushed her thumb softly across her mother's face in the picture. Finally, with what appeared to be great effort, she carefully set the picture aside on her bed and reached into the box again. This time, Miley's hand emerged clutching a small glass figurine of a ballerina. Staring at it, Miley's bottom lip began to tremble.
"Hey," Lilly called out softly. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to, Miley." Miley shook her head.
"S-sorry," she whispered. "I really do want to share all this with you Lils, it's just… hard."
"I know," Lilly said, putting her arm around Miley again, "and you don't have anything to be sorry about, you hear me? I know how much it must hurt. Anyway, I've got an already-soggy shoulder ready and waiting if you need it, okay?" Miley chuckled softly.
"Thanks, Lils; I'll keep that in mind." She took a deep breath. "So… you're probably wondering why I have a little ballerina in there, huh?"
"Maybe a little," Lilly responded teasingly. Part of her dreaded the story she was sure went with the little figurine, not because she minded hearing it, but because she was worried about her best friend reopening the painful old wounds of her mother's passing.
"Well, when I was seven years old, I had my heart set on having a ballerina cake for my birthday." Miley smiled sadly. "My parents looked all over the place, but they couldn't find one anywhere. Of course, Franklin, Tennessee isn't exactly a big place to begin with. Anyway, when I saw just a plain ol' cake sittin' out on the kitchen table, I started bawling. Not 'cause I was mad or anything, I just wanted a ballerina cake so bad." She looked up at Lilly then.
"Back then, I wanted to be a ballerina when I grew up," she said simply. "Momma used to have these little figures she collected; she told me once she'd had them since she was a little girl. I used to stare at her little ballerina figurine all the time, pretending I was one, and attempting these god-awful pirouettes." Miley laughed at the memory.
"When momma saw how upset I was about my birthday cake, she took this little ballerina down off the shelf and put it on the cake for me. I still remember what she said: 'There you go, Miley… now my little ballerina has a proper ballerina cake!' I was… so happy…" A tear began to trickle down Miley's cheek.
"After the party… momma gave the figurine to me. She said it should really belong to me, because I liked it so much. She'd had it since she was a little girl… and she just…" Miley squeezed her eyes shut, unable to speak any more. She felt Lilly's fingers entwine with her other hand, as the other girl tried to comfort her.
"Your mom gave that to you because she loved you," Lilly said, willing herself not to cry. "She knew how much you liked it, and how happy it made you… and she wanted to see you happy. That's what love is, Miles; when you give of yourself to make someone else happy, and their joy becomes yours."
"When you get so deep, Truscott?" Miley managed, smiling despite herself. Lilly smiled back.
"I have my moments," she quipped.
"So does that mean you'd be willing to give up anything for me, just to see me happy?" Miley teased.
"Sure," Lilly replied with a grin. "As long as it's not my skateboard; gotta draw the line somewhere." Miley couldn't help but giggle.
"I'd probably break my neck on that thing anyway," she laughed. "Thanks, Lils; I needed that." Wiping away her tears, Miley moved to place the little ballerina figure gently on top of the picture of her parents' wedding day. She hesitated for a moment though, and then a beaming smile lit up her face.
"Would you… would you like to see it, Lils?" she asked carefully. Lilly was touched to the depths of her heart. She knew how special and personal the little ballerina was to Miley, and how special it had been to her late mother. That Miley would offer to share it – even for a moment – meant more to her than words could say.
"If… if you're really sure you're comfortable with that, Miles," she managed. "I'm really honored you'd trust me with it, even just to look at it." Smiling, Miley drew up beside her best friend and gently lowered the little ballerina into Lilly's hands. Lilly swallowed, trying hard not to cry again.
"Just be careful," Miley said. Lilly nodded.
"I promise," she replied solemnly. Holding the little figurine carefully in one hand, Lilly reached out with the fingers of her other hand to gently stroke it. It was made of pale white, hand painted porcelain, very smooth and cool to the touch. Its eyes were painted blue, its hair was brown and it wore a pink dress and tutu. A tiny tiara, painted gold, rested on its head.
"It's beautiful, Miles," Lilly said reverently. Even more so, she thought, knowing its special meaning to her best friend. Very carefully, she handed it back to Miley.
"Thank you for sharing that with me, Miles. I know that couldn't have been easy." Miley smiled.
"Well, you're special Lils; that made it easier."
"Okay, stop trying to make the best friend cry again," Lilly teased her, laughing a little. "You think you'll give that to your daughter someday?" Miley looked at Lilly thoughtfully.
"Someday," she agreed after a moment. "I think I'd eventually like to pass it on, to someone who understands how special it is; to someone who'll love it just as much as momma and I did."
"As much as you love it, too," Lilly added.
"Not possible," Miley said half-seriously. She turned back towards the shoebox.
"Don't be so sure," Lilly said under her breath, smiling to herself. She watched as Miley reached into the box again, this time emerging with what appeared to be a small greeting card. An image of pale, pastel flowers decorated the front of it. Miley delicately opened it, her hands shaking slightly, and turned it around to show Lilly. The familiar face of Susan Stewart smiled out from a small picture of her. Beneath it, in flowing script, her full name was written followed by the date of her birth and…
"God…" Lilly whispered, wincing. She realized what she was looking at now, and what the card in Miley's hand had to be.
"You okay?" Miley asked her, sounding concerned. Lilly blinked.
"Me? What about you? Miles, that's…"
"Momma's announcement," Miley finished for her. "I kept one for myself, you know, after…" Lilly nodded numbly.
"Doesn't it… doesn't it hurt just to look at?" Lilly asked carefully.
"Like a rusty knife twisted in backwards," Miley responded quietly. Lilly could see the renewed pain in Miley's eyes and she felt her heart ache in sympathy.
"Then why…?" she asked again.
"Because I don't ever want to forget, Lils; as much as it hurts, it's still a memory I have of momma… and I don't want to lose any of them. They're… they're all I have left…"
"I'm sorry," Lilly said apologetically. "I know how precious those memories must be… even the painful ones." Miley smiled sadly and rested her head on Lilly's shoulder.
"That's not the only reason I keep it, though. Look." She handed the announcement to Lilly, who wordlessly began to read it:
In Loving Memory of Susan Brooke Stewart
Born: September 5, 1967 – Nashville, Tennessee
Entered Into Rest: February 21, 2001 – Franklin, Tennessee
Angels Fly Thee Home
"Turn it over," Miley instructed her. Lilly did so, saw a poem was printed on the back in the same flowing script as Susan's name. Lilly recognized the words of the poem almost immediately.
"Miles, this is one of your songs… I mean, Hannah's songs!"
"Not exactly," Miley admitted. "That was the first song I ever wrote myself… and I didn't write it for Hannah. I wrote it for my mom." She reached out and drew a trembling finger along with embossed words.
"I dedicated it as a poem, at momma's… service." Lilly looked at her.
"You mean you got up and read it… in front of everyone?" she asked quietly. Miley nodded.
"I cried the whole time; I'm surprised anyone could understand me." She smiled sadly.
"I wish I could've done a better job, for momma." Lilly squeezed her in a tight hug.
"Miley, you did something most people couldn't even imagine doing… and the fact you did it at all shows just how much you loved your mom. I bet she was looking down from heaven and smiling on you." Miley managed a teary smile.
"Thanks, Lilly… I sure hope so."
"Trust me," Lilly said, smiling back. "She loves you, and she's proud of you."
"You used to call me your angel…" Miley sang softly.
"Miles?" Lilly asked, concerned.
"I'm all right," Miley replied. "Sing with me?"
"Miles, you know I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket," Lilly argued. Miley laughed.
"You aren't that bad; besides, I wanted to try and sing it again for momma, but I'm not sure I can make it all the way through. If you sing with me, though…" Lilly held up her hands in surrender.
"All right… for your mom; but if you hear babies crying, don't blame me." Miley laughed again.
"I love you too," she chuckled. She took Lilly's hand in her own, and together they started to sing…
-----
You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from Heaven
You'd hold me close in your arms
I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me
-----
I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha-la-la-la-la
I miss you
-----
You used to call me your dreamer
And now I'm living out my dreams
Oh, how I wish you could see
Everything that's happening for me
I'm thinking back on the past
It's true that time is flying by too fast
-----
I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha-la-la-la-la
I miss you
-----
I know you're in a better place
But I wish that I could see your face
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me
-----
I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha-la-la-la-la
-----
I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha-la-la-la-la
-----
I miss you…