MORNING ON RED DWARF
All was dark on the Dwarf. In Rimmer and Lister's room, there was a murky darkness which passed for black, which gave out a clear message that this was night time. Rimmer, in the bottom bunk, slept silently and seriously, his face leaning calmly on the pillow, blanket pulled up around his neck. Waiting for the morning. But he shivered unconsciously and slipped his thumb into his mouth as the entire room was rocked by a giant snore from above.
Moving towards the upper bunk, first visible was Lister's foot, dangling low into Rimmer s personal space. This was followed by a roughly-clad leg leading up to a very disarranged blanket, not really keeping Lister warm. His face was squashed against the pillow giving him a very odd expression, and he leaned precariously over towards the bunk edge. But he slept on.
Cat was not far away. He was curled up in assorted warm fluffy blankets, resplendent as always, in purple quilted pyjamas bordered in gold. He lazily batted mice as he slept, and dusted his immaculate attire off with a preoccupied air. He seemed half-awake already but when awake he always seemed to be half-dreaming anyway.
Kryten lay in the room next door. In all the hugeness of the whole ship, and the ill rapport between its occupiers, it was ironic that they all slept so close together. But still, even in sleep Kryten's movement sensors picked up the Cat's vague muscle spasms. It was odd; he found himself getting tired towards the end of the day, and needed a full eight hours of battery recharging time before he felt up to the daily tasks. Surely a design oversight, he mused while dreaming, and began to construct the ideal mechanoid, but somewhat more womanly than himself...
Outside in the corridor, the stars seemed immobile as the ship rushed through space at millions of miles an hour, hurrying somewhere where it would never get, for no reason other than to keep its inhabitants sane. As a giant white moon swept past the ship like a giant football, suddenly somewhere a light flicked on.
Kryten's eyes opened immediately. He stiffly sat up and stood up, in one movement. 'Must make Mister Lister's breakfast,' his cerebral circuitry immediately ordered him. After going through his pre-day checks, running through his memory banks and checking Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity to get his logic circuits working, he strode out of the room. He didn't hesitate to look in on the Cat as he walked by, but he left Mister Rimmer and Mister Lister alone.
Perhaps half an hour later, the lights in Rimmer and Lister's room flicked on with a jolt. Rimmer immediately knew it was time to get up and do his morning run, he must keep a routine to stop himself going mad, he might get as far as C deck today...but really all he wanted to do was go back to sleep.
Then, something fell from the sky. Well, not the sky, there was no longer any sky, but certainly from above. It was...a dark, large-ish mass, unmoving, curled. Then it gave a groan.
"Good morning Lister," Rimmer said with cruel joy. "You seem to have foolishly fallen out of your bunk. You ve had a, if you'll excuse the pun, 'rude awakening', I believe."
"Smeg off Rimmer!" were Lister's first words of the morning, and very comforting they were too. Lister's familiar accent and words, not to mention sentiment, seemed to ground Rimmer suddenly. He could see what to do next. "Ah, my back hurts. I think I pulled something."
"Well I'm certainly not giving you any help with that. I'm off for my morning run," Rimmer proudly retorted, though making no move to throw off his duvet. "Well I would be, if there weren't some great hulk lying in my way complaining of injury."
"No, seriously, I think I ve broken my spine. Just have a look will you, " Lister said, and raised the back of his ancient holey T-shirt.
"Nothing would induce me," Rimmer said, though he peered with a morbid fascination and unsure expression. "No, there's nothing. No white bone sticking up through the skin, no blood streaming out of anywhere. You haven t even got a red patch. In fact, you are supremely healthy. At least, you would be if you laid off the curries a bit and accompanied me on my morning run."
He finally got up, and progressed to change into his running gear. Lister stopped complaining about his back. He averted his eyes and delayed standing up.
"What time is it?" he asked at length.
"Time to be getting up, Lister," Rimmer immediately replied, snapping the waistband of his shorts as he tucked his T-shirt in.
"God Rimmer, you re always starting aren't you? You never lose an opportunity to insult me. You think sometimes it might be a bit of fun not to be such a smeghead for a day?"
"I don't know what you mean," Rimmer replied stiffly, limbering up out of the room.
EVENING ON RED DWARF
Rimmer stood in a corridor, looking out at what could naively be described as the sky. It was pitch black, of course, and the stars, though technically they should appear exactly the same to the average human, seemed different and wrong somehow. Foreign constellations reign his stars eternally. And...he always fell back to thinking about his own existence. He could cease to be at the push of a button, or exist for ever if there was nobody to push it. His purpose in life was to entertain a human life form whose future was utterly sealed, to die on this ship millions of miles from anywhere, and who hated him anyway. A bit of a worse dilemma than not having a boyfriend, or whatever the soaps featured nowadays.
He checked his watch. Half-past nine at night. Almost time for bed. And that meant cocoa-time. But today, just today, he was resistant to following the normal routine. Smeg, surely he had some independent will remaining. Just for today, he would carry on watching the moons circle the ships, totally unknown and unnecessary moons whom nobody would ever notice or love...
"Hello," Lister said, sliding his arms around Rimmer and leaning comfortably on his shoulder from behind.
"Hello," Rimmer replied sadly, stroking Lister's hands abstractedly.
"Now don t tell me you've gone and contemplated existence again have you?" Lister admonished playfully. "Because you know that makes you sulky."
"I'm trapped, Lister. There's no hope because it's already over, for you as well as for me. My life sucks, Lister." He turned to face him, searching for an answer. There was none.
"Rimmer, you're thinking about it the wrong way". He moved to step back but Rimmer whined. "Everybody's life sucks. Everybody is going to die. But we've got to have as good a time as we can while we're here."
"Yes," Rimmer said unsurely. "Yes," he repeated, with greater affirmation. "Yes, I do like that bit about having a good time." He grinned evilly, and Lister pulled his head down to his shoulder, smiling.
"Now, what deck haven't we visited..." he bega pensively.
"How about we make sure you aren't on the top bunk to fall off tomorrow morning," Rimmer replied, drawing back seductively and pulling Lister's hand to lead him away.
"Sounds good to me."
"And I can check that back out properly."
"Mmm..."
Their voices faded into the distance as the Cat prowled by on the hunt for fish. Kryten's humming was heard lower down, cheerfully polishing the ever-pristine windows.