As a fan fiction writer, I do not believe you should have to keep everyone in character all the time, hence most of the characters in this story being OOC, but not enough to make them completely unrecognisable. I apologise in advance for any spelling or grammatical errors, as it is my own proof reading because my computer is hopeless, this has now been edited since yesterday when it was posted. I realised my mistake with the Itachi scenes, as it was midnight when I was going over editing, this has now been fixed. :) Enjoy the first chapter of Thud.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor do I own the song "Black Betty"- Spiderbait.
Sakura sighed as she threw down the senbon she was using to remove the lint from the arms of another of her cloaks, and proceeded to run her hand through her long pink hair in frustration. The kunochi let loose a small amount chakra, laced with killing intent in the direction of the blue assed, knuckle brain, whose room happened to be next to hers.
Why the fuck am I so frustrated with having lint on my nice black, clean Akatsuki robe you may ask? I mean, it's lint, so what right? It's not like it never happens or anything. No. Not even. That fat, motherfucking fish decided it would be funny to put a damn bath towel in with most of my robes, hence me being incredibly frustrated at having to clean lint off of every. Single. One.
Sakura stood up slowly from the cherry blossom themed vanity dresser and neatly hung her uniform up in the walk in wardrobe, and then strolled down the deep purple, brightly lit hallway to the kitchen. Apparently the giant fish man had decided it was feeding time too, she glared daggers at an overly smug looking Kisame Hoshigaki, who was currently leaning against the black polished kitchen top, eating the last of the dango.
"Uniform all clean then Kitten?" He asked with a flash of sharp pointy teeth, a malicious glint passing through a beady black iris. Sakura barely managed to restrain herself from shouting at him, and instead ground out, "Fish face." in response.
"You know…" he began thoughtfully, "you really should have learnt by now not to put towels in with your robes," He mused with a smirk, "it leaves them all... linty." The smirk had turned in to the biggest shit eating grin anyone had ever seen on an S-class criminal, but was soon evaporated as she gave him a malicious smirk of her own.
Itachi's focus turned quickly to the loud, destructive noises emerging from the kitchen, realization dawned, and he rolled his eyes inwardly. His partner really never would learn, and Itachi was less than surprised that the pink haired kunochi was beating Kisame to a pulp. Again. Pein was going to burst a blood vessel over this. Itachi smirked to himself as he entered the kitchen, which then grew wider when he finally saw the extent of the damage Sakura had caused.
"Sakura." Itachi said in an amused tone. Said kunochi whipped herself around to face him, though not before launching Kisame through the kitchen wall and in to the living room television on the other side of the next room. Oh Pein would definitely burst a blood vessel, and it would probably be the one on his forehead that bulged out really far whenever he got angry. Itachi smirked at Sakura as she sighed.
"He did it again, Itachi." She stated bluntly.
"KAMI-SAMA FUCKING DAMN IT, SAKURA!" Pein yelled and slammed his hand down on his desk; said kunochi watched him breathe in and out a few times, one of the calming techniques she recognized from Konan's teachings. "All repair expenses will come out of your pay, and if you ever destroy one of my mansions again, I will put chakra suppressors on you, and lock you and your cousin in the dungeons for a month with your only company being Tobi." He seethed, his pure anger radiating off him and bouncing around the room.
"But Leader-sama…" Sakura whined. If looks could kill, Pein would have killed the small twenty one year old a thousand times over. "Kisame put a towel in with my uniform again, and this isn't even the first time he's done it, oh no, this is the third time in a month, and he..." she trailed off.
"I am well aware of that, Sakura." Pein ground out.
"Then maybe it would be an idea to lessen the punishment, Nagato." Konan spoke from the shadows; she then drifted forward in to the light, and placed a hand on Peins shoulder, "Kisame will pay half." She informed the kunochi in front of them. Pein sighed in response and dragged his hand across his face, knowing that there would be no arguing with his fiancé. "Thank you Sakura-san, you may leave." Konan smiled, Sakura bowed towards the pair.
"Thank you Konan-sama, for your generosity. Leader-sama."
Sasori turned to Sakura who was sitting at the breakfast bar, "Cousin, you really must stop letting Kisame get to you." He watched her sigh and droop her head.
"I know Sasori-kun, but it's not my fault he's an asshole." Deidara snickered towards the two, as he was sprawled over an awfully comfortable looking black leather recliner.
"You're lucky Kakuzu isn't here, Kitten un, he would have made you and Kisame clean up your mess with tweezers, yeah." Sakura jumped over the back of the matching black leather couch and crossed her legs, looking curiously at the extravagantly large, shiny new television.
"What are we playing, Blondie?" She asked, reaching for a controller.
Deidara grimaced at the pinkettes nickname for him, but it still wasn't as bad as Hidan calling me Barbie. He visibly gulped as he tried to push the horrific memory back to the recesses of his brain. 'Fuck' went through Deidara's head as thought as that night came back in a full vivid force.
Flashback
Hidan was drunk and standing in the living room with his rock music up full noise, Deidara walked in to find him singing completely out of tune to some song that involved the words 'black betty' and 'bam ba lam' at this stage the rest was completely unintelligible as Hidan mumbled the rest of the actual lyrics and only joined in to sing those two lines with excessive volume. Suddenly, Hidan was behind him with his hands on Deidara's hips, and not so subtly hitting on the blonde bomber.
"Hey Barbie girl, you're looking gorgeous," he paused to sniff Deidara's recently washed hair, "how 'bout you an' me go back to my room and get a little freaky, hmm? I'd like to..."
The memory trailed off and Deidara shuddered as he once again suppressed it, before Hidan could describe, in detail, what he'd like to do with "Barbie".
"Halo 4, un." Deidara said in response to Sakura who had begun to watch him strangely, until he started up the game in the hopes of millions of hours of television and gaming would cause him some severe, long term memory loss.
Kakuzu was using his tendrils to stitch Hidan's right arm back on to his torso when he heard Hidan groan.
"You'd better not be getting off on this, you masochistic bastard." Kakuzu seethed.
"Of course I'm fucking not, you demented old man." Hidan screeched, and not long after swore even louder as his immortal body started to regenerate the damaged cartilage.
"Shut the fucking hell up, you idiot." Kakuzu whispered fiercely. Neither of the zombie brothers could believe how badly their recent assassination mission just went, there would be hell to pay when Pein found out. Sure they had killed their target, but the whole idea of assassinating someone generally involves stealth and no loose ends, and not having around fifty grass ANBU hot on your ass. Deidara would have done a stealthier job just blowing up half of Kusagakure than what the two achieved tonight.
"Nononononononononono. Fuck. Damnit. NOOO!" Pein sweat dropped at the sound of hearing Sakura's screaming, and the distinct blasts from plasma guns.
"Shoot him, un!"
"I'm fucking trying!"
"Don't yell at me, yeah! You're the one that's getting us killed, un!"
"I'M NOT FUCKING YELLING!"
Pein was seriously considering recruiting new members to replace these two; at least Tobi was good for something. Maybe he would just beat the pair in to a bloody pulp. Pein sighed and walked in to the still destroyed living room, ready to put the two in to line, but someone else got there first.
"Shouldn't you two be doing something other than playing video games?" Itachi's monotone voice rang out to the doorway where Pein was standing.
"I agree. Sakura, you two have been playing that for three days, and it's sunny today, why don't you do some sparring?" Sasori added from the kitchen, since the wall was still missing where Sakura launched Kisame through.
"What I good idea Sasori. Sakura and Deidara, outside for sparring. NOW!" He ordered. The pair that was previously glued to their game jumped out of their skins at the sound of Pein's voice, Kisame snickered at the two, but it was quickly transformed in to a whining groan as Pein added, "Kisame and Itachi will accompany you." The four nins trudged out the door, with the exception of Itachi. Uchiha's never trudge.
"Shrimp Tempura, Leader-sama?" Sasori offered as he watched him sit down at the breakfast bar in defeat. Pein nodded, at least Sasori was useful.
-
The earth shook as Itachi watched Sakura throw her fist to the ground and crack the hard soil beneath her, and redirect Deidara's flurry of bombs in to the cracks. He enjoyed watching Sakura fight, and when they sparred she made for a wonderful opponent, the grace and power behind her movements didn't escape him. Kisame grinned pervertedly next to Itachi; he looked at Sakura like a little sister, but was an utter pervert and watched Sakura spar merely because she wore tight clothing. Itachi shook his head as Deidara was launched across the clearing by a particularly violent right hook, Kisame chuckled next to him; he loved to tease the pink haired kunochi, and found it hilarious when someone other than he, was on the receiving end of her brute force.
"Pein's going to have a conniption over this." Itachi stated simply when Sakura let loose a punch into the ground, shattering it.
"I know." Kisame was on the verge of giggling like a school girl, " 'Tachi, your eye's bleeding again." Itachi stared at him in complete and utter horror. "I think you should let Kitten look at it." He said worriedly. Itachi continued to stare at him, not even trying to contain his horrified expression. He wasn't horrified that his eye was once again bleeding, oh no. It was the fact that the shark man felt that his name needed shortening in the first place.
"Kisame..."
"Hmm?"
"Please. Refrain from calling me 'Tachi," He seethed, "or I'll..." His threat was cut off as Sakura let loose a blood curdling scream.
Without hesitation, Kisame and Itachi reached Sakura in an instant, only to find that Zetsu had curled his hand around her ankle, and was now slowly emerging from the ground.
"I got your leg!" Black Zetsu cackled. "Leader-sama's looking for you, cherry blossom," His white side added, then his black side cut in nonchalantly, "You know, the vein in his forehead that starts protruding from his head every time he wants to murder someone for doing something idiotic, is looking rather close to bursting, just thought you ought to know." He snickered as he disappeared underground.
"What the actual fuck?" Pein was seething again, and very nearly ready to blow a fuse at Deidara and Sakura, but a crash sounding from the trees at the edge of the clearing they used to train, made him pause. Kakuzu and Hidan appeared on one of the larger boughs of the tree, looking whiter than usual and caked in blood, Pein begin to speak, but he was once again stopped by Hidan, who was trying to hold the two of them upright, begin to collapse, the two tumbled down as they all rushed forward in the hopes of reaching them before they hit the ground. Pein and Deidara caught the pair, but only just.
"Get them to the infirmary." Sakura ordered as the two still conscious males stood, looking at her like stunned mullets, "NOW!" She yelled, and they quickly scrambled to get the zombie brothers to the safety of the infirmary.
If possible I would love some feedback on my writing; constructive criticism is always welcome :) I don't expect everyone who reads this to rate or review it, but I would greatly appreciate anyone who does. Au revoir.
Side note: Oh my fuck, I apologise to everyone, this is only the second time I've been through this looking for mistakes and I am ashamed of my lack of English skills when I wrote this, considering I have just gotten top marks across my year for creative writing. So once again this has been edited, I'm too much of a perfectionist to leave it as it was, and hopefully now it reads better.