TITLE: Dream a Little Dream of Me

AUTHOR: Obi the Kid

RATING: PG

SUMMARY: A Yappy Obi story. Obi-Wan has nightmare visions of Qui-Gon in his dreams. (dialogue only fic)

DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. I make no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.

"Master!"

"What is wrong with you and why are you standing in my bedroom doorway, Obi-Wan?"

"I'm making sure you are still you and not some freak in a plaid skirt or some weirdo god with a scruffy Beard of Doom hanging off your chin."

"More nonsense? Next you'll go on about me stealing a child from the desert, drooling all over his mother, hanging out with a giant orange frog and Palpatine dancing around in black socks and boxers as he tries to take over the galaxy."

"Ooooh, I remember that. Scary stuff, and disgusting too, but no, this is different. Maybe worse. Although I don't know how anything can be worse than Palpy with his pale white chicken legs strutting around in boxers and black socks. Yikes! You know how wrong that is, right? I can't sleep. Can I get in your bed?"

"No. In fact, get out of my room. I see you inching further in. Get out."

"But, Master, I had nightmares. Fifteen of them. All in a row."

"Obi-Wan, that's impossible. You've only been asleep for an hour."

"I dream quickly."

"You dream as fast as you talk evidently."

"Please don't make me go back to sleep."

"Fine, go out on the couch. I will make you some warm tea and you can tell me all about your dreams."

"Here's your tea."

"You drugged it, didn't you?"

"I did not drug your tea, Obi-Wan."

"I saw you dump white powder into it."

"That was sugar."

"Ooooooooooooooooooh. I do love sugar."

"Tell me about your nightmares."

"Which one should I start with?"

"How about the most frightening one?"

"Well, your daughter got stolen and you had to go get her. You must have shaved your beard and cut your hair in order to do this, and then you proceeded to go on a murdering and maiming spree. You went all ninja on these guys and said, 'If I find you, I will kill you.' And THAT freaked me OUT! I woke up screaming. Did you hear me?"

"Yes, but I try to ignore you. Did I find my daughter?"

"Only after they tried to sell her. You bought her with bad guy money. What's with you and buying people anyway? First the kid in the desert and now this chick!"

"Chick? Wait…I didn't buy that child in the desert. His mother let me steal him. Wait…stop it! See what you are making me say? Crazy things. Stop it. Continue please."

"You were also this haunted house guy. That house was creeeeeeeepy. Had faces coming out of the wall and stuff. There was this blonde guy there too. His nose sorta looked like yours, except more smooshed. Um. Yeah. Smooshed. Did you punch him in the face, Master?"

"No. Continue."

"Well, you died a lot in my dreams. You trained some guy named Bruce to become a giant bat. I'd like to be a giant bat, Master. Can you train me to do that?"

"Not possible. I'm having the most difficult just getting you to swing your light saber without slicing holes in my knees."

"Don't hate me because I'm short. Anyway, you trained this guy to become a bat and then you died. It wasn't sad though. I sort of felt like cheering. That's mean, right?"

"Extremely. Next."

"At least you didn't have the creepy beard thing happening there. Just a goatee."

"I had a goat on my face?"

"No, a goa…never mind. Speaking of hair and faces though, in two of my dreams you had the scariest facial hair in the history of facial hair. And that's a long history, Master. The first one I just remember you sitting at a bar with this giant dark shaggy thing on your face. I think it was trying to devour your lips. It was so terrifying that I completely forgot what else happened in that dream. That's pretty bad, Master, right? The other nightmare, you were some sort of god. When did that happen? Ego trip much? You kept saying RELEASE THE KRAKEN. I think the Kraken was the giant Beard of Doom on your face, but who knows. Your ego in that dream was the size of Texas, so I never did get the chance to see any Kraken."

"What?"

"Nothing. Let's see what else…oh you and this group of guys were driving around in his black square thing with wheels and a cheesy red stripe down the side. This dark guy – he was like Master Mace on steroids - had the coolest hair ever! Can I shave my head and just leave a strip down the middle, Master?"

"No."

"Oh and you smoked too. Smoking is bad for you, Master. I know you know that. It was some nasty cigar thing. Smelled icky. No beard, but you did have really short white hair."

"Dreams are not smellable, Obi-Wan. And was my hair was scary?"

"Not so much, but then came the nightmares about you and adult mush and that was where I got off the bus and had to change the channel."

"You were on a bus? And you can't change the channel in your head."

"Yes, I know that now. You were teaching people about adult mush and that made me throw up. Did you hear me throw up?"

"Yes, but I try to ignore you."

"Thankfully that one didn't last long. A couple of my dreams had you running around in funny costumes and killing people with swords and guns. You even wore a skirt. Really, Master? How can you be a big bad killer man while wearing a plaid skirt? Didn't work for me. Sorry."

"You weren't scared?"

"No, just weirded out. BUT, not as weirded out as I was when I dreamt about you stealing some crazy wild chick from the woods and trying to train her. She screamed a lot. It hurt my ears. She didn't speak normal either, kept talking about things going like a tae en da win. I tried to slap her. Did you hear me?

"Yes, but I try to ignore you."

"Please don't adopt anymore strangers, Master. As I am sure you've noticed, it usually doesn't pan out too well. And it's funny that even in my dreams you have this thing for pathetic life forms."

"I am what I am, Obi-Wan."

"I did have one good dream. Sort of. Well, no. That's not true. It was horrible really. And it was in black and white. Is it possible to dream in black and white? A lot of people died, but you saved some. And then you cried. It was sad. Ghandi was there too, but I should have been there to hug you."

"Yes, that would have made me feel so much better."

"Sarcasm? How cruel. Don't use my love for mush against me, Master. It would have made you feel better though. Hugs always do. It's just a fact. Deal with it. But I wouldn't have hugged you after this other dream. You spent the entire dream in the bathroom with ah…issues. Very stinky issues. It's what happens when you try and make deals with people who want to kill you. I don't think you washed your hands either. You're a nasty man, Master. Oh and then you fell in love on a garden on the roof and probably did the adult mush thing, but thankfully my mind spared me that. I think you died again though in the nightmare after that one. You and some other guy kept wandering around the woods on horses with silly hats on. Well, the horses didn't have silly hats on, but you did. You were mean. He was mean. You were both mean. Even I wouldn't have hugged you. And I hug everyone. Take from that what you will. You both deserved to die. Not that I'm glad you died, Master, but sometimes, it just has to happen. You know what I mean? When someone is that irritating?"

"I know exactly what you mean, Obi-Wan. Any other nightmares?"

"Ummmm…yes. Not scary though, but you were dressed as a really big orange hairy cat. Three times actually. And you had this really deep voice. You sounded like Darth Vader, but in giant cat form."

"Darth who?"

"Vader. You know, the guy that jerk boy becomes."

"Jerk boy? Oh, that child I steal from the desert."

"Now you're getting it, Master!"

"Anything else? It's late, I'm tired."

"You should take these things more seriously, Master."

"Yes, I should, but I'm not. Next?"

"You on Hoth being chased by giant fake wolves and watching your friends get eaten alive?"

"Scary?"

"Very. I yelled for you. Did you hear me?"

"Yes, but I try to ignore you. Anymore bad dreams?"

"Just the same one I always have. They're like on some sort of time loop. You know, you get killed by the crazy flipping red-tattoo guy with horns on his head. Remember? I've told you that before. It's when I'm twenty-five."

"Oh yes, I remember. Twenty-five and still an apprentice. Don't remind me. It represents my failure as a teacher. I apologize for that."

"You should have hugged me more; I would have paid better attention."

"No. And moving on, is that the end of your dreams?"

"I think so. Scary stuff, huh?"

"Not really. Suck it up, Padawan. If you can't handle a few frightening dreams…"

"I know, I know, I'll never be able to kill that Sith Lord."

"Uh…okay, yes. Let's go with that."

"Fine. I'll go to bed now, Master. Thank you for the tea and for staying up with me."

"Freeze, Padawan!"

"What?"

"You are heading for my room. No. You go to your own room."

"But…it's scary in there. The walls are so bald and blank."

"You are not putting those posters up again."

"What was wrong with them?"

"They were giant, blown up images of me."

"But you're my idol, Master. My hero. And kids my age put posters of the people they admire on their walls. Didn't you have a poster of Master Yoda on your walls when you were my age?"

"No. You think your nightmares are bad. Imagine mine if I'd have done that."

"I would have screamed like a girl. Would you have heard me?"

"Yes, but I would try to ignore you. And please don't scream like a girl. I can't have my apprentice sounding like a girl."

"Master Bren screams like a girl, and she can kick our tails to Hoth and back, so I don't think screaming like a girl really means anything. But I agree, no posters of Master Yoda on my wall. Okay, my nightmares are over now. I'll go to my own bed. Goodnight, Master."

"Goodnight, Obi-Wan."

"What if I have more bad dreams tonight? If I scream, will you hear me?"

"I will hear you."

"Will you ignore me?"

"Probably."

"Okay, I'm cool with that. I'd still like you to train me to turn into a giant bat though."

"Bed, Obi-Wan. Bed."

"No more scary beards, right, Master?"

"Obi-Wan!"

"Giant wolves?"

"Obi-W…"

"Haunted houses, crazy wild chicks and plaid skirts?"

"One…two…"

"You just wait until you have a nightmare, Master. See if I coming running to you!"

"You will. You'll think you need to hug me, only to be rejected when you arrive. Go to bed, please."

"Yeah, then…wait…what's not nice, Master."

"If you sleep all night in your own bed without anymore screaming, yelling, throwing up or slapping invisible dream people, I promise to hug you in the morning. Deal?"

"Deal! Bye! (Five minutes later, yelling from his bedroom) IS IT MORNING YET?"

The end