Notes: This is a short character study for Jiraiya. I was wondering where he might have been during the Kyuubi's attack and how he took the news. (The title comes from the prompt that spawned this drabble, so feel free to ignore it.)
Disclaimer: Naruto (c) Kishimoto, not me.
It wasn't until weeks after the fact, once Konoha had gotten back on its feet, that the news about the Kyuubi's attack started to spread outside the village. When he finally found out through his information network about what had happened to his student and his hometown, Jiraiya actually forgot how to breathe for a fraction of a second.
He abruptly left the bar table where he had been sitting with his informant and made his way to the public restroom, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible and knowing the entire time that he was failing miserably. Everything in him was screaming that it could not be true - he would have known; someone, Sarutobi, would have sent word to him and surely Minato would have asked him to get back and help defend Konoha! But while his emotional side was busy firing off denials, his rationale was slowly taking it in - a Kage's death was serious business and such rumours would have never started unless they had a foundation of truth.
He finally made it behind the sanctuary of the restroom door, only to collapse at its feet. He sat and stared at the white wall before him, suddenly feeling like he was not the one whose life had just fundamentally changed. Everything around him had stopped: the world had gone quiet and the echoes of his contact's words were spinning around in his mind. He could no longer feel the presence of the crowd on the other side of the door. Shock had picked his conscience up and tossed it away to drown in the blankness of the wall before him.
He found himself feeling like the most inadequate failure in the world. His team-mate Orochimaru had deserted Konoha and, despite everyone's warnings - Minato's warnings, Tsunade's, Sarutobi's - about the futility of chasing after him, Jiraiya had gone on anyway. He had left the village and his friends behind, secure that they would still be there when he eventually returned, and now he had lost them. He was no closer to finding Orochimaru than back when he had left and now Konoha might be in ruins and Minato dead.
The Toad Sage sat in that bathroom for the longest time, until the informant he had been with finally came to check up on him. As the door opened behind him, Jiraiya felt like he was slowly clicking back into place in his body - finally, he could move again - and a sense of clarity and purpose took over his mind. He knew what he had to do then.
Jiraiya picked up his half of the tab and did not hesitate to push all thoughts of Orochimaru aside and get on the road that would take him back to Konoha.