Merry Christmas guys :-)
Have wonderful holidays and here is a little Bellarke present for you. It's my first smut and I don't know, I don't think it's good enough to be called like that but, well, maybe you think different xD I hope you enjoy this anyway and have a wonderful time with your family and friends. I'll see you around…
Pandorathefirst beta-ed this OS. Thank you and merry Christmas!
The "vow" is from a german song called "Sag einfach ja" from Tim Bendzko...
I wanna come home, Clarke
Bellamy stared at the beer bottle which he held in his hands, while he peeled the label off. He was deep in his thoughts, sitting on the couch of his sister's apartment, remaining silent as Octavia talked to him. Or was she talking to Lincoln on the phone? Bellamy didn't know, he was still too far away. He thought about Clarke, asking himself how she was doing and if she felt as bad as he did. He thought about their two year old daughter Maya, who he had barely seen the last three weeks.
Three weeks. That's how long he has been crashing on his sister's couch and had barely spoken to Clarke. Since three fucking weeks his life had turned to hell again. Since Clarke and him were taking a break. A break. A fucking break. And what was the reason for it? He. He was the reason why Clarke and he had this marital crisis. Well, actually it was because of Murphy and his foul play, and while Bellamy had seen through his scam, Clarke – the do-gooder she always was – believed Murphy's shit about looking for redemption and becoming a better person! He really loved Clarke with his whole heart but he couldn't believe how naïve she could be sometimes. He tried to convince her to see through Murphy's plan, to make her doubt it, to be careful, but she didn't listen. She didn't want to, and when he said that people didn't change, especially people like John Murphy, she told him, that he had changed. She always believed in the good thing, in the human being and that was one of the reasons why he loved the blonde so much but god damn it, why did she have to be so stubborn?
Yeah, he had changed – because of her. He didn't know if he deserved to be called 'a better man' but he knew that he wasn't the douche he had been at the beginning. She changed him. She made him good and without her Bellamy wasn't sure if he could go on like this. He needed her to be good, he couldn't do it without her. Of course they had a daughter, of course he still was responsible and everything but he drank a lot, much more than he should. Especially since the last try to make it right again, which just ended in a total chaos and another fight, he drank more beer than in the last year. Bellamy knew that it wasn't the right way, he knew that he not only hurt himself but also hurt his baby sister who was taking care of him. Octavia talked more than enough with him, trying to knock back some sense into his head, just like tonight.
"If you love her you have to fight for her Bellamy. You have to go to your house and talk to her."
Bellamy snorted scornful, still looking at the label, "She doesn't want to talk with me O."
"Then make her, Bell. Make her listen, god damn it! You can't just give up. She is the love of your life and just because of this bullshit that Murphy did – or didn't do – you can't just sit here in myapartment and pity yourself. You have to put your pride aside Bellamy, otherwise you will lose her."
Octavia touched him gently and caressed her thumb over his arm. She smiled at him, trying to encourage him. He looked up, right into her green eyes and forced his lips into a weak smile. He bit his bottom lip, his sister's words repeating themselves in his head. Of course he knew that she was right. He had to get up and fight for his marriage, for his family. But could he really put his pride aside and admit to himself that he might be wrong about Murphy? And that he should trust her? It was probably the only way to get his life back, his family. But God, he just knew how people like John were, he had been one of them so many time ago. He just wanted to protect her. Bellamy didn't want to get Clarke hurt.
Bellamy bit his bottom lip, still watching his sister before swallowing down the lump in his throat.
"I just miss them so much," he whispered, feeling the tears rushing to his eyes. He put the bottle aside, hiding his face in his hands, trying to keep his emotions in check. He ruffled his hair and felt the pitiful gaze of his sister.
"I know Bell. But you are the only one who can do something about it, who can change something. You two are just too stubborn for your own good but you love each other. You both have a daughter for God's sake. Clarke loves you. She is just hurt, and just as you, too proud to make the first move. You have to talk to her. And, which might be even more important, you have to trust her. That she is doing the right thing, especially if it comes to John. I know that you don't trust him because of your history but maybe he really is looking for redemption. I mean, Clarke sees something in him, something that is worth saving. And maybe she is right. You two weathered so much more and much worse than this. And I am tired Bellamy. I am so fucking tired of watching you suffer and pity yourself. You drink too much alcohol and I know that you love Clarke but I … I am scared that you might cheat on her because of your hurt ego, when you and Miller are on the barhop."
"I would never cheat on Clarke Octavia. No matter how bad it is right now, I love her and I would never do this okay?!"
"I know Bellamy, I know. But, I don't know, I don't know how your male brain works so –"
"So we are cheating on our wives as soon as we lay eyes on some other woman?" Bellamy asked half amused, half offended.
Octavia shrugged with her shoulders, "Like I said, I don't know. I'm just worried about you okay?"
"I know," Bellamy said, grasping the beer and taking the last sip, "I know O."
There was a short silence. While Octavia was eyeing him carefully he looked at his wedding band, turning it to and fro between his thumb and index finger. Two and a half years. It had been August the 21st when they stood in front of the preacher in their own big yard, and said their vows. They had just finished the renovation of the old house Bellamy had bought out of the blue. It stood a short drive outside the city, in the country and so they decided to have a wedding in their own garden. It had been a beautiful day, but nothing had been more beautiful than his Clarke, his wife.
A long, dramatic sigh pulled him out of his thoughts. "I am sorry Bellamy but Lincoln and I are meeting in ten minutes at the movies, so …"
"Yeah, of course. No problem. Go, have fun," Bellamy said and he thought that he had to push her out physically because she didn't move, mentally debating if she should go or cancel the date.
"Sure? I don't want to leave you alone." Her eyes flew to the empty beer and Bellamy knew immediately what she was worried about. He gave her a look, "I promise I will be okay Tavia. And I won't drink anything else than water for the rest of the evening. I promise and now, go!"
His sister sighed in surrender and got up. Before she left the living room, she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I love you Bellamy."
"I love you too."
"And Clarke loves you too, you know that, right?"
Bellamy nodded. "Yeah, I know and I love her and if you don't leave within the next ten seconds I will kick you out myself."
Octavia laughed and rushed out of the apartment, leaving Bellamy alone.
Clarke bit her bottom lip as her fingers hovered hesitantly over the contact in her phone with the name 'Bell' on it. She was sitting on the couch in the big living room, wrapped up in a blanket and watching the stupid TV show Bellamy and she used to watch together. It had been three weeks since he had moved to his sister's apartment. Three weeks since Clarke has slept alone in the big king-sized bed upstairs, missing her husband every day and every night. She was tired of fighting, of the silence and of being alone. It hurt every time when Maya asked where her father was or when Bellamy dropped her off after spending an afternoon with her. She was just too little to understand what her parents were going through. Which might be some kind of bullshit but Clarke was annoyed by Bellamy's overprotection and his god damn trust issues towards Murphy and especially towards her.
Why couldn't he just stop it and start to trust her? He was supposed to trust her but it was different since she took care of John. What the hell was Bellamy thinking? It was her job as a social worker to help Murphy to fit in the society again and just because Bellamy and Murphy had done some things in their past together that were unmoral and dangerous it didn't mean that Murphy still wanted to be this guy. Of course she could understand Bellamy's worries and maybe Murphy tried to provoke him some times when they met (and Clarke was with them) but that didn't give Bellamy the right to punch John in the face or to control her, to patronize her. She just wanted to help Murphy and she really believed that there was something good inside him, just like it had been in Bellamy. And why didn't John deserve the same change of becoming a better person as Bellamy did?
But she still missed him, despite this dispute. She still wanted to have him back, to have her family back because their fight didn't only affect them but also their friends who didn't know what to do – except of trying to bring them back together. Clarke knew that it was kind of childish and stupid, that Bellamy and her still were in a fight but she was just as stubborn as he was. But slowly but surely Clarke had reached a point where she couldn't care less about who was right and who should give in first. She had to put her pride aside, especially for her daughter who had nothing to do with it but who was the biggest victim.
It wasn't like Bellamy and she hadn't tried to talk about it, quite the opposite. They had tried it three times but every time it escalated (mostly because Clarke was on her way to meet Murphy, or he had just called her). And every time Bellamy heard this name, he got mad and started again with his overprotective behavior.
Her fingers still hadn't touched the smartphone as a loud thunder pulled her out of her thoughts. She hadn't noticed that it started to thunder outside. The rain clashed against the window. Clarke's eyes dropped to the clock – it was nearly eleven o'clock. She had to sleep, otherwise she would look like a zombie tomorrow, which would be awkward because she had an important meeting. The blonde key-locked her phone without contacting Bellamy and emerged from the blanket. She sighed loudly and was walking towards the stairs when there was a persistent knock on the door.
Clarke frowned. A visitor? On a Tuesday night? While it was storming outside? Clarke's first thought was that it would be Bellamy but he had a key, he didn't need to knock. So it had to be one of their friends and for a short second Clarke thought about pretending to be asleep but the light was still on in the hallway, so whoever was on the other side of the door knew that she was still awake. Clarke waited a few seconds but the knocking didn't stop, so she opened the door and stopped in her tracks.
Bellamy stood right in front of her. A soaked Bellamy, wet to the skin and slightly out of his breath. He swallowed when he saw her and a weak smile rounded the corners of his mouth.
"Bellamy," Clarke said softly and surprised and a cool gust made her shiver. She pulled the cardigan tighter around her, arms crossed in front of her chest.
"Hey," he answered and wanted to speak further but Clarke cut him off.
"I don't think it's the right time to speak Bellamy. I have an important meeting tomorrow and –"
"You don't have to say anything Clarke. I, I just want you to listen okay?" His eyes were begging, his voice was desperate and he just looked like a kicked puppy.
"Please Clarke, just give me five minutes."
Clarke swallowed heavily, closing her eyes for two seconds because it still hurt to be in this situation. And still she was too proud to say 'fuck it Bell, I want you to come home again'. "Okay."
Her husband nodded in thanks and breathed out loudly before he started to talk.
"I won't apologize for the things that I did Clarke. I am not sorry for wanting to protect you and Maya. I am not sorry for not trusting Murphy –"
Clarke rolled her eyes and opened her mouth because she was tired of his big ego and his trust issue, but Bellamy held up his hand.
"- but I am sorry for not trusting you. I know that you think that there is something good inside of John and even if I don't think the same, I have to trust you. And accept that you are always taking care of everybody else and that's one of the reasons I love you. I just don't want you to get hurt and I will always do everything I can do to protect you. But I also know that you make your own decisions and that you know what you do. I am not sorry for punching Murphy and yes, I was kind of jealous because I didn't like the way he flirted with you but ... I want you to know that I really trust you and that I love you, Clarke. You are the love of my life and I miss you, both of you."
His forehead was carved into a deep and pleading V, his eyes were begging for mercy and she just knew how desperate he was to come home because she just felt the same way. But on the other hand she couldn't just forget what he had done and their arguments about Murphy and her decision of helping him. Of course they had gone through a lot more than this but … but Bellamy stood here, right in front of her and put his ego aside and apologized for not trusting her. Wasn't this what she wanted? Clarke bit her bottom lip, her heart rumbled in her chest and the heat rushed through her body. Her eyes were locked with Bellamy's before they scanned his face, his wet hair and his heavily raising chest.
The silence was unbearable, she was weighing his words and her thoughts, her desires. Finally she sighed, her eyes mirroring the emotional twist she was in.
"What do you want me to say Bellamy?"
The man in front of her sighed, he rubbed his forehead almost in an annoyed way before he spoke, licking his lips and locking his intense gaze with her unsecured one.
"Just say yes. Yes to the journey with me. Today you just have to say yes. Just say yes for "I won't go without you". Yes, for a life with me. I'll carry you wherever you want to go. If you can bear the bliss, a new life will begin. Just say yes. Yes to us."
His voice was a whisper and if she hadn't heard and known these words already she hadn't understood him. His gaze softened but never had been more intruding. Clarke swallowed hard, her eyes filled with tears because he had repeated some part of his vow and instead of sunshine and a happy smile, Bellamy was all wet and … broken.
Clarke's breath was shaking, she had to concentrate on not starting to cry. But she remained silent, so Bellamy ruffled his hair, letting his gaze drop to the floor. When he looked back at her, his eyes were filled with tears.
"I, I can't sleep without you Clarke. I'm a total mess and I don't want to pick up and drop Maya every time I want to spend time with her and leave her then. I, I … Clarke, I just want to come home."
Home. Clarke breathed shakily, then she nodded, barely noticeable.
"Thank god."
The next thing she knew was that she was pressed between the wall and Bellamy's body, hearing the door shut and his lips on hers - hard, demanding, and desperate.
It only took her a moment before she responded to the kiss. Her arms crushing behind his neck together, pulling him even closer, not caring that he was soaked from the rain. She just wanted him close, closer than right now, closer than she even could imagine. The friction wasn't enough, so Clarke lunged forwards, pressing her mouth against Bellamy's. Her hand vanished into his wet hair and she sighed into his mouth at the feeling of his hair between her fingers. God, it felt much better than she remembered.
Bellamy's hands had left her face and wandered down, cupping her breasts, pushing his pelvis against hers, letting out a deep animalistic groan into Clarke's mouth. He stroked her tongue with his own, making her finger's burry into his soaked sweater. Her leg wrapped itself around him, being a soundless order and satisfaction rushed through her body as Bellamy's hand grabbed her thighs and pulled her up, pressing her back even further into the wall, slowly breaking the heated kiss.
His eyes were blown with want and lust. Clarke could barely stand the anticipation of what would come. They both breathed heavily, eyes locked. Her right hand found itself back into Bellamy's hair, which she was stroking gently. She put her forehead against his, closing her eyes and just taking the moment in. They remained immobile until Clarke felt Bellamy's lips on hers again. But this time they moved slowly, but more intensive and intimate than the first time. He cradled his hand in the nape of Clarke's neck, pulling her softly closer.
The blonde smiled against his mouth as she responded but only to pull away, eyeing his clothes.
"I think we should get you out of these, otherwise you might catch a cold and I can't survive another week with a sick baby in this house." Clarke licked her lips, grinning as Bellamy laughed.
"Of course. We should remedy then." As he moved them Clarke put a hand on his chest, arching her eyebrows.
"Were do you think are you going?"
"In our bedroom?" Bellamy said confused, but still smiling, which faded as Clarke shook her head.
"I don't think so. The living room is much closer … or the kitchen." She added, biting her lip in a sassy and anticipated grin.
Bellamy blinked. "Well, it's not that I want to start another fight but, I think the bedroom is the much safer choice, considering that Maya –"
"- that Maya isn't at home tonight," Clarke cut him off, her lips near his ears, burying her teeth in his earlobe.
His husky groan in the back of his throat made her giggle. She pressed her lips against his pulse point, sucking and biting it. Bell pressed her harder against him, walking towards the living room.
"Taking the easy choice. That's weak Blake, really weak," the blonde teased, letting out a short "Oh" as Bellamy dropped her on the couch, bending over the armrest before crawling over her, the manic gaze never letting her eyes go, not even for a second.
"Always judging too early Mrs. Blake, always too early," he retorted and laying his lips on her throat, peppering it with hot and wet kisses, while his hand found its way under her shirt.
Clarke licked her lips, clearly enjoying his treatment. She loved the way he called her Mrs. Blake. It made her heart race.
"I'm not judging too early sir. I am judging out of experience," she teased further and knew that she hit a soft point. Bellamy barked out a laughter, beaming from one ear to another when he stopped kissing her skin and faced her instead.
"Out of experience? Well we have to freshen up your memories then. Because I only getting started in here. You will have your chance to scream my name as loud as you can in the kitchen as well, I promise." Murmured Bellamy near her shell and making her shiver.
"I will nail you down on it Blake."
"Don't worry, I am perfectly capable of nailing myself into you. But thanks for the offer princess."
He smirked smugly against her skin, she could feel it. She also felt the hot pool in her underwear because damn, he was talking dirty to her and she hadn't had any sex for more than four weeks now!
"Good," she said, "then stop talking and get to work."
"Always so bossy," Bellamy grinned towards her but before he could even move an inch Clarke couldn't hold back any longer and crushed her lips against his, grasping after the hem of his wet shirt and pulling it over his head.
She captured his lips again with hers, sliding her tongue in his mouth, swirling it around, challenging him. Bellamy's hands grabbed her hard, not shy of showing her how desperate he wanted her. He bit her bottom lip gently, then sucked at the point where her throat met her shoulder. He bit her flesh, sucking even harder as Clarke arched her back, and pushed herself against him.
Her fingernails drew sharp, thin red lines over his back, earning herself a moan of pleasure from Bellamy.
"Take off your pants," she demanded. He did as he was told, and as soon as Clarke got the chance she slipped a hand under his briefs and took his dick into her hands, stroking it strongly.
Bellamy closed his eyes in pure pleasure, dropping his forehead against Clarke's shoulder and breathing heavily, moaning some slurred words against her skin.
"Gosh," was everything Clarke understood. She grinned playfully, totally satisfied by the control she had over her husband.
Even though she liked it, she couldn't hold back the spicy comment, "Like I told you, I was judging by my experience." Her hand grasped harder around him, which made Bellamy breathe in sharply but it was like she woke something up inside him because he pulled his face back to look into her eyes with his dark eyes.
"And like I told you, I won't let you finish your business in here," he promised her and without a warning he started palming her breast, removing her nightshirt short after that, just to take her nipple into his mouth. His tongue played around the soft spot and Clarke couldn't hold back a moan because it felt way too good.
Bellamy put his wife on the kitchen table. She had been begging for fucking her, for filling her in with his dick. She wanted him to make her scream – again.
Because even if he was as desperate as Clarke to be inside her, he insisted on being an ass. He started to finger Clarke on the couch, letting her climax build up and just as she started to moan and to scream he forced himself to stop, an evil grin on his lips.
"Don't you dare stop this time Blake, otherwise I will kill you and finish it myself," Clarke muttered against his lips as he pulled her ass closer to the edge of the table.
"Not very convincing. Nothing I wouldn't like to see, to be honest," he joked but he knew that Clarke knew that he couldn't hold himself back much longer. He wanted to be inside of her. He wanted to feel her, he wanted to be close to her. But she had challenged him, so he would hold back until she begged for mercy.
His back was strewn with red marks, he literally felt the hickeys showing up on his neck, just like they did on Clarke's body. And he couldn't feel anything but pride. How she was panting, her whole body flushed and desperate for more, for him, for her orgasm.
Slowly Bellamy lowered himself, biting her thighs before putting his mouth on her clit, sucking against it like he had all time of the world. He still was teasing her, driving her mad. Her fingers were scratching his scalp, pushing him further into her. "Faster, please Bellamy." Clarke moaned.
It was like music to his ears when she said his name like this. It had been far too long since he had heard it. And even if he didn't want to give her what she wanted at the moment, he couldn't hold himself back any longer. He wanted her to come, he wanted to be the one whose name she was screaming, besides the good old Lord's one, while falling over the edge.
So he did what she wanted him to do. He sucked harder, faster. Feeling her whole body shake, while her hands were grasping for a hold on the table. Her breathing got louder. Her moans became stronger and more frequent. "Oh God, yeah … Bell, oh Bell…" The end of his name ended in a loud scream as she climaxed.
She was still coming down from her high when Bell straightened up and wiped her cum off of his mouth with the backside of his hand. He bent down and pulled her into a long kiss, before taking of his shorts and pushing himself inside of her. He took a sharp breath, swallowing down his own moan because it felt like he never had been in her before. She was tight and wet and now he cursed himself for dragging this whole thing out for so long, far too long because he couldn't control himself any longer except for a few deep thrusts. Her whimpering and panting didn't help either and so he paced himself, bumping into her faster. Her legs slung around him, pulling his ass and his cock deeper within her.
As he got faster he grabbed Clarke's waist and held onto to it, steadying himself at the same time while his eyes were locked with her wide blown pupils. She was still red in the face due to her previous orgasm when she started to mouth 'O's' and 'A's'.
The heat crawled up his neck, his hips got faster, his own moans got mixed up with Clarke's. Her breasts were bouncing up and down with each thrust, she bit her bottom lip and Bellamy was near to black-out as he groaned loudly, letting his white hot heat spill into her.
With a sweaty forehead Bellamy tried to catch his breath, watching Clarke coming back from her second climax. He licked his dry lips, lunging forward to kiss her body gently before pulling out carefully, grinning at his wife's exhausted face.
"Refreshed your memory?" He asked playfully and laughed as she punched weakly against his chest. "Shut up."
Bellamy eyed Clarke closely as she propped herself on her elbows and sighed loudly and somehow regretfully.
"Too bad, I really liked this table."
Bellamy frowned. "Liked?"
Clarke nodded, "Yeah, liked. After we had sex on it you definitely have to make a new one because I won't let our daughter eat on something we had sex on."
Bellamy barked out a laughter, "I think I can arrange that."