Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you hate your life right now.
Why? Because it sucks balls. Of course you are only exagerating, but the feeling is still there. You hate it right now. You hate HIM. You hate HIM and how he loves HER.
You wonder for only a moment what it would feel like to be loved for once. Loved instead of feared. Loved instead of ignored. Loved instead of hated. To have someone love you instead of shy away from your touch. Instead of hide from you in fear you might do something to them.
Like you ever would. You are not able to hurt anyone. You care too much about them to harm them. To hurt them in the same way they hurt you.
You wonder for only a moment what it would feel like to be loved for once.
Only a moment.
You force yourself to turn away from the subject and focus on what you are trying to do. Homework. You can do this. It's just some stupid homework. No problem.
But your thoughts keep turning to HIM and how much you want HIM to love you. Love you in the way you love him. Love you the way he loves HER. Love you the way those people in your shitty romcoms love each other.
If only for a moment. If only.
Your math homework lays half-finished on your desk as you walk over to your bed and flop down.
This is stupid. You don't even know why you think about him so much. He's just some stupid guy you met several years ago that just seems to fucking hate you.
Not like you care. Not like you spent the last year and a half thinking about him and how much you want him to love you. You weren't thinking about him. Thinking about what it would feel like kissing him, loving him. What it would feel like if he kissed back, loved you back.
Whatever, you don't care, remember?
You don't care.
Not at all. Not about his stupid 'ironic' shades. Not about his stupid hoodie you want to just curl up in. Not about the way he smiles sometimes. Those rare times he smiles make your heart flutter. Not about how when he gets flustered only the tips of his ears turn red. The same shade of red his shirt usually is. He always wears red. It's his favorite colour. It's yours too, but you don't tell HIM that. How he watches My Little Pony for 'ironic purposes' even though you know he likes the show. How he bites his bottom lip when he thinks hard about something. Or how he runs his hands through his hair when he's frustrated. Or how he stutters sometimes when really flustered. Only when he's REALLY flustered though. Or how much you pretend to hate his rapping when you would gladly listen to him rapping for day on end. Or how he smells faintly of apples, mostly due to the fact he drinks the stuff like its life support. Or the way he always seems to have a reason to be where ever he is. No matter what the situation. Or how he thinks quickly under pressure and always knows how to get out of a sticky situation. You don't care about any of that. None of it matters to you.
Just like his soft lips don't matter to you. Nor the thoughts of wanting to kiss said soft lips.
Not that you would EVER actually do that. No, you are way too afraid to do that.
You still don't care. You can't care. Because if you care that means you like him and you don't. You don't like him. You hate him. You hate him and his stupid guts. His stupid hair and stupid everything.
You glance over at the clock and groan. This is stupid. You need to actually get some sleep in. You have school tomorrow.
Collage. Stupid stupid collage. You are in your second year and you could probably hate the campus more if HE didn't go there. Why did he have to choose this collage? Why do this to you?
You thought you were over him. You WANTED to be over him. And yet, here you are, 2 in the morning, and can't sleep because you are so worked up over him.
You just can't stand him. Things were almost better again. You had almost everything going for you. Of COURSE he would show up to ruin things. OF COURSE he would show up, all 'knight in red shinning armour' and turn everything upside down.
Why can't he look at you the same way he looks at her? This is pointless and stupid. He only ever notices HER. Never YOU. Just. Why can't he look at you the same way? Talk to you the same way? He knows she doesn't like him like that, but yet he still tries. Why can't he notice you? Why can't he see what he does to you? How much he means to you.
This is stupid. So very stupid.
You wonder only for a moment what it would be like to be loved.
Only a moment.
Maybe if you were a girl? Would that make things different? Whould he notice you? Is he like his best friend John? Is that why he doesn't love you the same way? Probably.
What would you even look like as a girl?
You try to picture it. Your hair long and wavy. Deep red eyes hidden behind contacts and makeup. Small breasts, small figure. Skirts and all. Would he like you? Does he even like shorter girls? Maybe he likes taller? Jade is almost as tall as him...is she his type? What would you look like if you were like Jade? Would you even be pretty? Would he love you then?
He probably wouldn't. Even if you changed for him. Only for him. He still wouldn't love you the same way. He would just look right past you to her like he always does. It wouldn't matter how much you tried. It wouldn't matter how much you wanted him to notice. It will always be like that.
Even if you had been born a girl. He never would have noticed you. He met her first anyways. You never had a shot. It was always her. Always her that he loved, never you.
You feel stupid for thinking like this. You find it stupid. You would feel weird if you were a girl. You belong as a boy. That's just how you were made. And he wasn't meant for you, that's all.
Only, its more like YOU just weren't meant for HIM. You still feel like he's the ONE. The one to spend with for the rest of your life. The one to grow old with and die with. To live with, to love with, to charish and have. To hold and call yours.
But he's not. YOU'RE not. He was meant for HER. And SHE was meant for HIM. No matter how you look at it. Those two love each other, and they belong together.
Its just how love works.
You wonder for only a moment what it would be like to be loved.
But only for a moment.
...
Tada! unrequited DaveKat slightly sadstuck. Yep yep yep. There we go. Sorry its lame. Just something I wrote up really quickly and thought I would post. How'd I do? Reviews are always helpful!