Merry Christmas Eve!
A Christmas Wish
"Daddy?" Edward looked in the rearview mirror at his daughter as he maneuvered through the elementary school parking lot. Her dark brown eyes were full of questions.
"Aubrey?" He replied, teasing her.
"Daddy, what are you asking Santa for?"
"Hmm?" Edward glanced at her again as he exited the lot and pulled onto the main road.
"What do you want for Christmas, Daddy?" Aubrey was impatient and Edward could tell that she was close to becoming annoyed. Sometimes his daughter was just like her mother…that wasn't always a good thing.
"Um, world peace."
"Daddy," Aubrey groaned and Edward couldn't help but laugh. Aubrey was seven and, as caring and kind as she was, she was all about the presents these days.
"What? I think it would be nice," Edward bit back his laugh and reached back to squeeze his daughter's foot. "What do you want?"
"I'm not telling you."
"Oh?" Edward's eyebrows shot up. "Why not?"
"Because I already told Santa, so I don't need to tell you," she said so matter-of-factly that Edward almost believed her.
"Well, what if I need to help Santa out…or let him know if you've been good enough?"
Aubrey rolled her eyes, something she'd recently become very good at, and sighed.
"He already knows that I've been good, Daddy."
"Of course he does," Edward muttered as he pulled into the driveway of their home.
Edward still thought of it as "home" even though it had been almost three months since he'd actually spent the night in the house that he and Bella had lived in-together- for the past ten years. He guessed he could continue to call it home until the divorce was final.
Aubrey jumped out of the car and ran to the front door while Edward grabbed her school backpack and the backpack that she traveled with between home and Edward's new home, which was a small apartment across town. The arrangement had taken some getting used to, but they had all eventually found a way to deal with it.
Bella was in the kitchen when Edward finally made it inside. The house smelled like freshly baked cookies and Edward had to smile. Bella always jumped at the chance to bake: she said it helped relieve the stress after a long day at the law firm. Edward's eyes widened as he entered the kitchen.
"Must've been a long day," he said softly, causing Bella to turn and smile.
"Ha, ha," she half-heartedly laughed and shook a floured finger at him. "It's for the bake sale on Friday night."
"Friday?" Edward asked.
"Don't tell me you forgot! Edward!" Bella admonished him with her hands on her hips, but Edward only grinned.
"I didn't forget, jeez." He rolled his eyes and nabbed a sugar cookie off the counter. It practically melted in his mouth. "I wouldn't miss the big debut."
"What's a debut?" Aubrey asked when she entered the kitchen. She quickly greeted her mother, also stole a sugar cookie, and leaned up against the counter next to Edward.
"It's like…the first time. Friday is your dancing debut, my little ballerina," Edward teased and tapped the end of his daughter's nose. She wrinkled it and leaned into his side, her big brown eyes staring up at him.
"You'll be there, right?"
"Of course." Edward nodded. "Front row center. With my video camera. And my tears."
"Daddy," Aubrey giggled and wrapped her arms around his waist.
Edward bent down and kissed her head, his eyes catching Bella's as he did. She smiled softly and then turned away, back to her cooking and away from him.
"I'll see you Friday, okay? I've got to get to work," Edward said as he smoothed down Aubrey's copper curls. "See you, Bella."
Bella called a quick goodbye as Edward headed out the front door. He tried not to be sad as he left, just like he did every time. It had been a long few months for all three of them, especially Aubrey, so Edward tried to stay as positive as he could.
It didn't take Edward long to reach the fire station considering the size of Forks. Most of the guys on his shift were already there. No one snapped to attention when he walked in, and that was fine. He was the lieutenant in charge of the shift, but rank didn't always hold much power. Power didn't matter to Edward anyway; he just wanted his guys to be safe and to do a good job.
Edward tried to sleep before dinner, but Bella's face swam in and out of his mind. Divorce papers had not officially been filed but Edward could feel it coming. It was like she wanted to wait until after the holidays to do it, so he guessed he should be grateful.
It wasn't always like that, though. They were happy for so long and then one day they just…weren't. Edward chalked it up to the stress of work and life and having a kid, but he knew it was more than that. She didn't look at him the same anymore. Their love life was slowly deteriorating. It wasn't that difficult for Edward to see that his wife wasn't in love with him anymore.
He just didn't know how to fix it.
xXx
By Friday night Bella was a nervous wreck. Once she had finally gathered Aubrey and all of the baked goods in the car so they could head to the school for Aubrey's dance recital she realized that she'd only put on half of her make-up and hadn't actually brushed her hair. Bella had to give kudos to single moms across the planet who did stuff like this on a daily basis. She didn't know how others did it when she had so much help from Edward, even if they didn't live in the same house.
"Mommy, I'm really nervous," Aubrey whispered once they were finally in the car.
"Oh, baby, you're going to do so awesome. You've practiced and practiced," Bella told her as she drove through town.
"I know, but what if Daddy isn't there? I have a funny feeling," Aubrey said as she looked out the window.
Bella frowned, trying to shake off the thought of Edward not showing up to their daughter's big night. He wasn't the type to flake on something so important and never had been, but Aubrey's "feeling" seemed to seep into her as well.
After ushering Aubrey off to join the other girls and setting up her baked goods, Bella found a spot in front. She saved a seat for Edward and sent him a text letting him know where she was but by the time the recital started, Edward was nowhere to be found. Instead of worrying about where he was, she focused on her daughter. She took pictures with the fancy camera Edward had gotten her for her birthday even though she said she didn't want anything extravagant. It was about that time when the problems started. Bella knew it wasn't Edward's fault, because something inside her changed. Sometimes she wanted more than just their small town life, but Edward was so content with it.
It wasn't until she turned down a promotion and a transfer that she really started to resent him. Edward had just been named lieutenant and he loved his job. She wouldn't take that away from him…but she sacrificed something she wanted for him. Of course, Bella didn't even mention the transfer to him. He was so happy about his promotion that she didn't have the heart to tell him.
Maybe if she had things would have turned out differently.
By the time intermission came Edward still hadn't shown up. Bella checked her phone as the lights in the auditorium came on and found that he had finally messaged her back.
In the back.
She turned and found him, still in his uniform and leaning against one of the exit doors. It took a while for her to push through the crowd, but she finally made it.
"Where have you been?" She demanded once she reached him, not noticing the slump in his shoulders and the paleness of his face.
"We were on a call…I couldn't leave," he said quietly.
Bella wanted to be angry with him, but she knew Edward well enough to know when something was wrong. She looked at him for a long moment, finally seeing him and sighed. Then, she reached out, wanting to touch him or comfort him in some way. Her hand landed on his arm, which was folded across his chest.
"Was it…"
Edward shook his head, ultimately ending the conversation. She had been with Edward long enough to know when he didn't want to talk about something, especially a "work something".
"I'm here, that's all that matters." He gave her a weak smile. "And I even paid for one of your cookies."
Bella smiled and shook her head. "I've got plenty more at the house," she teased.
Edward just shrugged and dropped his arms, then shoved his hands in his pockets. "Want to take me to our seats?"
She nodded and reached for his hand, but changed her mind as their fingers brushed. Holding hands with your estranged husband wasn't something that she felt she should do, so instead she trusted that he would follow her through the crowd. They got back to their seats just in time for the lights to go down and the second half of the recital to start. While Edward watched Aubrey, enthralled, Bella watched him.
The love he had for their daughter was beautiful. It was something she could see in every little thing he did. Sitting there watching him, Bella remembered why she fell in love with him in the first place and, without thinking, she reached over and gently took his hand in hers.
Edward's stance didn't change as she did. He kept his eyes focused in front of him as he laced his fingers through hers. No one else would have noticed the slight hitch in his breath as he did it, but Bella did.
They stayed like that the rest of the program. It wasn't until the very end when Edward whispered he'd be back did he let go of her hand. Bella made her way to the stage to collect her daughter, just as Edward reappeared with a small bouquet of flowers. Aubrey grinned and threw herself at her father, while Bella watched them. The way Edward's arms held her protectively, how his eyes closed as he kissed her head, and when he pulled away his deep green eyes were glistening with tears.
After a while of mingling Aubrey took both of her parent's hands and the three of them walked to the parking lot. Edward helped Aubrey into Bella's car and, when the door was closed, Bella finally reached for him the way she wanted to before. She placed a palm on his cheek and he closed his eyes.
"Kids?" She asked softly, and he nodded knowing she was asking about the call and the reason he was late.
"A two-year-old. Newton found her. We couldn't do anything."
Bella let her hand drop from his face as she stepped closer to him buried her face in his chest. Edward froze for a moment before he let his arms wrap around her and he rested his chin on the top of her head.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
Edward smiled, but shook his head gently. She always apologized and always tried to make him feel better, it was something he loved so much about her.
"Not your fault."
"It doesn't mean I'm not sorry."
"I know," he replied as he pulled away. "Better get the superstar to bed," Edward said as he jerked his head toward the car. "I'll see you Sunday."
Bella just nodded and watched him walk away, feeling like a hole in her chest was opening up. It shouldn't have been like that. He should have been going home with them to celebrate, to let Aubrey eat ice cream for dinner while Bella pretended to protest and then the two of them would curl up in front of the fire together.
But it wasn't happening like that, and Bella knew it was her fault.
xXx
The next week was a blur, things moving so quickly that neither one of them had a chance to think about the status of their relationship. Most of their interactions were about Christmas gifts, plans, and who was picking up Aubrey from whose parents house. Having a kid on winter break was difficult, but Bella was suddenly grateful for both her own and Edward's parents.
By Thursday, though, things had started to slow down. Bella and Aubrey joined Edward at his parents' home for Christmas Eve dinner with his family. Aubrey go to play with her little cousins and everyone was polite. No one mentioned the elephant that was their separation because they all knew how hard Edward and Bella were trying to make the holiday normal for their daughter.
After Carlisle read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas to his grandchildren Aubrey's eyes started to droop, so the three of them left. Edward was tucking Aubrey into bed when she grabbed his hand and held it to her chest.
"Will you be here when I wake up?" She asked sleepily.
"I will," Edward promised before kissing her forehead.
"'kay," Aubrey muttered.
He sat for a moment and watched her sleep before making his way back downstairs to help Bella with the Santa projects. This year it was a dollhouse and he was grateful when she handed him a cold beer as well as the tools he needed.
They made small talk as he put the house together and Bella wrapped a few last minutes gifts. An hour later Edward was standing back admiring his handiwork when Bella spoke up again.
"I got offered a transfer," she said from behind him.
He turned quickly, confusion etched on his face. "What? When?"
"In September." She shrugged.
"And you didn't tell me?" Edward frowned and sat at the opposite end of the couch from her. Bella looked down at her hands and shook her head.
"You'd just been named lieutenant. I didn't want to take that away from you," she explained.
Edward was quiet for a moment, thinking, and then he let out a loud sigh.
"I would have followed you. We would go anywhere for you," he told her.
Bella felt tears prick her eyes as she nodded. "I know, and I hate myself every day for not telling you. I hate what it's done to us, Edward."
After a moment of silence Edward moved closer to her on the couch. They moved until their shoulders were touching and their fingers were locked together, both of them staring straight ahead.
"I thought it was because you didn't love me," Edward finally said. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Bella shake her head.
"Sorry to disappoint you," she teased weakly. Edward smiled and turned to her, reaching his free hand over to brush her tears away. "I thought I wanted to more than this life, more than this little town we'd always been in…"
"And I took that away from you," he finished her sentence.
"I was selfish."
"You're allowed to be sometimes, Bella."
"Not when it tears my family apart. This is my life. You are my life. I don't want anything else."
Edward pulled his hand away and rubbed both of them on his jeans. Thoughts were swirling in his head, so he leaned forward and tried to make sense of all of them.
"What do you want, Bella?"
She was quiet for a long time, so long that Edward had become nervous. He turned to her and she reached out and took his hand in hers again.
"I want you to come home, Edward."
Edward closed his eyes and nodded before pulling her to him. She ended up in his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck as he stared up at her with those beautiful green eyes. Bella smiled, but before she could speak again Edward leaned up and gently pressed his lips to hers. Her hands snaked through his hair, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss as her lips parted and her breath quickened.
"Please come home," she whispered through heavy breaths. Edward nodded and pushed her away so they could stand and, in the same movement, he reached down and lifted her over his shoulder.
She squealed in surprise but didn't fight him as he carried her upstairs to their bedroom. He set her down and locked the door behind him, smiling at Bella's pink cheeks and mussed hair. Bella quickly went to him, pulling off his shirt and kissing him fiercely. It didn't take long for their clothing to be removed and for their bodies to be tangled up in their bed.
He kissed her as he pushed himself inside, pulling her leg over his hip and moving deep within her. She held him close as they moved together, whispering her love and kissing him where she could. It was easy, being together like that, and they both knew that there was no one else for them. When she came, she cried, and Edward kissed her tears away and held her tightly. His body shuddered under her hands as he buried his face in her neck.
"Still perfect," he whispered and she laughed softly.
"I love you," she replied.
"Same," Edward teased.
They lay together for a long time, neither one of them speaking, just enjoying being home together until Bella sat up quickly and jumped out of bed, pulling on her clothes haphazardly.
"Where's the fire?" Edward asked and Bella rolled her eyes. He loved fire jokes.
"We've got to go pretend to eat Santa cookies or she'll be onto us," Bella explained and Edward groaned, but obeyed.
A while later, well after midnight, they fell back into bed fully clothed and exhausted. Edward folded his wife into his arms and kissed her gently, contentedly.
It was the best night's sleep either of them had in a long time.
They were, of course, awakened a few hours later by movement on the bed and soft giggling. Edward was the first to be roused and he squinted at the end of the bed, seeing Aubrey there. Her hair was a mess of copper tangles but her eyes were wide and bright. Edward felt like he finally knew the meaning to the phrase "like a kid on Christmas morning" because his daughter was full of joy.
"Hey, kiddo," Edward greeted her as he sat up. She quickly scampered to the head of the bed and snuggled up to him, smiling. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, Daddy," Aubrey whispered. From her other side, Bella reached out and tried to calm her daughter's hair.
"Are you ready to open presents?" She asked, but Aubrey shook her head and grinned at her parents.
"Nope. I got exactly what I wanted already."