theme: post canon
prompt: rumor
for: written for the LJ sasusaku month. Dedicated to Stella (smos/thecrazypot) and Reg (seynee) for the amazing chat sessions, Tom Felton flailing and for just being awesome friends! And to the SSM crew, who pretty much made me move my ass and write again. :D

Gossip Is Your Friend
by: cutecrazyice

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Did you hear? Sakura got laid last night. Big time."

The drink Naruto had been gulping down blew out of his nostrils, scattering around the table and causing Kakashi to wrinkle his nose under his mask.

"Ooh. Who got under her pants?"

"Some newbie shinobi who's totally hot. His name is Lan. We were out for her birthday and he took her home. She was pretty tipsy."

Kakashi's eyes widened, finger pausing from turning a page of his orange book.

"Oh, Kami. I bet it was wet and wild."

"No. Um…I think it was slow and sweet."

"Nah, I bet it was fast and hard."

The three girls of Rookie Nine laughed and chatted, completely absorbed in their gossip to notice that three men from another secluded table had gone from eating to gaping in mere seconds.

Well, except for Sasuke. He was too busy frowning at his warm tea.

When the girls left, they finally got over the shock enough to speak.

"Teme? Aren't you supposed to be her boyfriend?"

"Hn."

Now Naruto was looking at him doubtfully. "You are, aren't you?"

"…"

"Naruto," Kakashi said, "I think that's Sasuke-talk for no."

Sasuke looked up and opened his mouth.

"Unless there's something we don't know, Sasuke?" Kakashi interrupted before he could say a word. Translation: if you've been corrupting our only girl and you've never asked for our permission, then you're so dead.

Sasuke closed his mouth and went back to his tea.

A few minutes later, a very bothered Naruto spoke up again.

"Teme? Aren't you at least dating her? I mean, we gave you permission and all."

"Hn," Sasuke replied reluctantly.

Silence.

"You've been dumped!" the blond exclaimed excitedly.

Sasuke glared. "No."

"Oh, boo!"

"We just got back from a mission half an hour ago, dobe. I haven't even talked to her."

"Exactly. She just replaced you, teme."

"Idiot."

"Bastard."

"Loser."

"Baby."

"Children, now is not the time to fight," Kakashi chimed pleasantly, putting his book down and smiling under his mask. "Now is the time to verify this floating information, so we will know who to target and decapitate. Agreed?"

Naruto nodded his head. Then he and Kakashi turned to stare at Sasuke expectantly.

It took the raven-haired Uchiha a second to sip his tea before comprehending the meaning of the stare and almost choking.

"No," he bit out. "I'm not calling her out."

Naruto sneered. "You wuss. So you admit she really dumped you?"

Sasuke stood up from his seat and began to walk away.

"I'm not calling her out. I'll just check up on her."

When the door closed behind him, the blond laughed gleefully.

"He's so easy to manipulate. Hey, Kakashi-sensei, what do you think – Kakashi?"

Naruto stared at the empty seat beside him, frowning.

"Damn it. They left me with the bill."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

It took Sasuke ten minutes to reach the neighborhood where Sakura's apartment was located, and it took him another five to stare at the door with the frown still on his face. The frown turned into a scowl when he remembered Naruto's words, along with Kakashi's stupid plan.

Just because he took her out for dinner a few times didn't mean they were dating – and what was Naruto trying to imply, anyway, saying that he gave Sasuke permission to do so? Absurd. Seriously absurd, and not even worth thinking about.

So why was he thinking about it?

Still scowling, he finally decided to get this done and over with, and raised his fist to briskly knock on the door. It had to be done, because he knew Kakashi and that idiot blond weren't going to stop harassing him if he just let this go. One set of knocks became two, then three, then four, until Sasuke finally deduced that his female teammate wasn't home – or maybe she was and was still sleeping (she was supposedly drunk, after all), or...

Wait. Sakura wouldn't do that, right?

Not with some random stranger. She simply wasn't like that.

She wasn't.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!"

The double entendre had Sasuke abruptly pausing, ears perking up in disbelief. Then before he could react, the door was just as abruptly pulled open, and a head of messy pink hair poked out. When her bleary eyes blinked and registered recognition, she opened the door wider.

"Sasuke-kun, you're back! Come in."

It took him a while to tear his eyes away from her and try not to gape – or at least, tear his eyes away from what she was wearing. Her shorts were so short that it could not be called regular shorts anymore, and her long-sleeved black shirt was that of a man's – one he thought didn't look familiar. Realizing what that could mean, his eyes widened fractionally before he controlled his reaction, but not before she saw it and stared at him in concern.

"Sasuke-kun? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he blurted out, looking back up at her face. "I need breakfast."

She eyed him as if he had suddenly just grown three heads. Deciding to be more polite, he rephrased his words.

"Can I have some breakfast?"

She nodded her head slowly, smiling. "Uh, sure. Come in!"

He stepped in without preamble, his eyes immediately zooming in on the living room, ready to spot someone else occupying the space. It looked immaculate and untouched, pillows arranged on one side and magazines stacked neatly.

Suspicious, Sasuke quietly listened, trying to detect muffled footsteps or any sudden movements from the closed bedroom on their right.

"Sasuke-kun?"

He whipped his head towards her, nearly backing off when he found her close and looking utterly confused.

"Breakfast," he repeated plainly, unable to think of any other excuse.

"…yeah. Come on to the kitchen."

She walked on, leaving him alone as he peered at the bedroom door. Now why would she close it, unless she was hiding something? She never closed it when Team Seven visited to raid her kitchen for food, or lounged around in her couch to watch television. Was somebody inside, waiting for her to come back and strip off her – wait, not hers at all – shirt and—

His thoughts were interrupted by Sakura's voice as she called out his name. Still absorbed in his theories, Sasuke made his way into the kitchen, mind leaning towards his first formulated one (he always trusted his instincts) and inwardly working overtime on how to catch—

All thoughts stopped at the sight that greeted him.

His pink-haired teammate was cursing under her breath, muttering words like hangover and clumsy again and again. Her butt wiggled, causing him to focus on the flesh clothed in pale blue cotton before his eyes quickly darted upward to stare at the wall. Then back at her. Blood rushed to his face.

"Sasuke-kun, can you get the coffeemaker started? I can't find the mugs, but I'm sure I placed them down here." Her voice was muffled and her upper half had disappeared inside the cupboard, rummaging and making rackety sounds. Her butt stuck out again as she spread her knees and dug deeper.

Mouth suddenly dry, he went to set up the coffeemaker.

This was not the time to get distracted. He had a mission to accomplish to make sure that the rest of his teammates behaved, and to make sure that Sakura didn't get reckless and throw aside whatever common sense she had just for some stupid one-night stand. He was going to stop this shinobi once and for all.

Now if only he could find said guy.

Finally finding the mugs she was looking for, Sakura stood up and preceded the ritual of coffee-making, turning the stove on and sleepily gathering pans and ingredients to cook eggs and bacon. The smell permeated the air like warmth on a rainy day, making him realize that he had not had anything since his return but tea.

When everything was ready, she laid out the food on the dinner table without preamble and picked up her steaming mug, sipping with relish.

"Mmm." She closed her eyes and moaned softly, using the sleeves of her (not hers!) shirt to cup the mug. The action slid her shirt down from shoulders, exposing ivory skin…that had pink scratches on it.

He blinked.

Did he – did that guy scratch her? While they were…

Annoyance boiled in his gut. He ate as fast as he could and drank his scalding coffee without so much as a pause. Then he stood up from the table.

"I need to use your bathroom," he announced bluntly, already striding out of the kitchen.

"You can use the one in the living room."

That's right. She had a second bathroom in her living room.

Mind working to think up excuses, he went with the first one. "I don't like the one in the living room. It's pink."

She blinked.

"Huh?"

"I hate pink," he lied, inwardly biting his tongue as her eyes widened at that statement, obviously interpreting it as something else. He became aware of her hair, flashing like a warning beacon.

Too late.

"Oh," she murmured quietly. "Um, it's just a bathroom. The bathroom inside my room is kinda not functioning well."

Cursing himself, Sasuke opened his mouth to apologize—

And heard a very loud thump from inside the closed bedroom door.

He froze.

She froze.

Then he was moving, heading straight for the source.

"Sasuke-kun," she began, "I don't really think it's a good idea—"

He growled at her, ignoring her protests and taking out his kunai.

"Sasuke-kun!" she hissed, alarmed. "What—"

"He is dead."

"What?"

"Nobody touches you. He hurt you."

Sakura's temper flared. "You can't hurt him! He's sweet and innocent, and he didn't mean it!"

Sweet? Innocent? Didn't mean it?

This guy was dead. Dead.

Unstoppable, the raven-haired Uchiha charged, slamming open the door and looking for the source of the noise. Something moved beside him, intent of attacking clear. Readying to defend himself, tension coiling in his muscles and veins, Sasuke faced him—

"Yip! Yip!"

And stared instead.

"Yip! Yip!"

"Now look at what you've done," Sakura scolded, glaring at Sasuke. "You woke him up and got him excited." Walking towards the bouncing, barking creature, she enveloped him in a hug, and was immediately rewarded by huge paws all over her. She fell on her butt, sniffing the dog and making pleased noises.

Sasuke kept on staring, dumbfounded.

"Whose is this?" he asked.

"Yours."

Her answer took him aback. "Hn?"

"My gift for your birthday in July." She scowled at him. "Akamaru's love child. I was trying to train him before I gave him to you. But now you ruined the surprise. Anyway, there's the bathroom."

Ignoring where she was pointing, and the way her shirt rode up as the dog – beast, really – nuzzled her excitedly, he kept interrogating.

"Whose shirt are you wearing?"

"Huh?"

"Shirt? That one you're wearing?"

"This old thing? It's Naruto's. He left it here last month. I washed it and claimed it."

"Who's Lan?"

Sakura looked up and gaped. "How did you know the dog's name?"

Huh.

"Where were you last night, Sakura?"

"With the girls."

"At a bar getting drunk? With guys?"

She frowned. "No…at some jazz lounge. Just with the girls. Drinking a bit, but not so much."

"Wha—"

"Hold up," Sakura interrupted. "Let me get Lan some food first."

Lan barked happily at the mention of his name, tail wagging and beady eyes shining.

When the dog became preoccupied with the bowl of food Sakura had set for him, she turned back to Sasuke and leveled him with a measuring stare.

"Sit."

Sasuke glowered. Like a dog? "No, I—"

"Sit," she practically barked, pointing at her bed. Scowling, he sat abruptly and waited for her to speak.

She observed him for a few more seconds before finally saying something.

"So? What's wrong with you?"

"Hn."

"Don't hn me. Why are you acting so weird? You've been that way since you came in the door."

He almost corrected, saying before he came in the door, but held his tongue.

"Sasuke-kun? What's wrong?"

Worried now, she knelt in front of him, placing a palm on his forehead, then his neck. He tried not to gulp as she checked his temperature.

"Sasuke-kun?"

Noticing how close her pink lips had gotten and smelling the hint of coffee in them, he fisted his hands and concentrated at a spot over her shoulder.

"You got laid," he blurted out.

"…huh?"

"Your girl friends told us you got laid."

"Told you?"

A pause.

"We…overheard it," he reluctantly amended.

Silence.

"Are you jealous?"

"No. They asked me to check up on you."

"Which you could have just ignored, knowing those two possessive idiots."

Busted.

Stubbornly holding on to his explanation, he still stared straight ahead as he felt the bed dip beside him, and from the corner of his eye, saw her stare straight ahead as well.

"You're jealous," she whispered in amazement.

"I'm—"

"I know when you lie, Sasuke-kun," she began. "And…I didn't get laid last night."

There was no accounting the relief he felt at that. Already embarrassed beyond Uchiha standards (because Uchihas never got embarrassed), he made a move to stand up and leave.

She stopped him with a hand on his knee, sliding it higher.

His eyes widened. His heart thundered.

"But," she murmured, "there's nothing wrong with getting laid today. Like…right now."

His loins heated.

Whipping his head, he saw her staring back at him, lovely green eyes uncertain and tongue unconsciously licking her lower lip. The blood that was roaring in his head rushed southward, but he reprimanded himself and tried to reason out with his common sense. This was Sakura. Sakura. Touching her, even kissing her, meant permanence, and commitment. It wouldn't be a one-time thing.

Perhaps he had remained quiet too long because she removed her hand and abruptly stood up, cheeks turning pink.

"Er, sorry about that. I was kidding, really. You know how I am when I'm drunk and sleepy. Sometimes I don't think coffee is enough…"

He realized he didn't want it to be a one-time thing.

"…and you can just ignore what I said and take a look at Lan, because he's seriously adorable and you need a companion like that. I can teach you how to…"

Because she was babbling, and making a show of leaving, he stopped her in the only way he could think of at the moment – grabbing her arm and pulling her down until she sat on his lap awkwardly.

Sakura squeaked. Then she held her breath as one of his hands moved to her waist, steadying her before trailing down to touch her warm bottom. The other was already on her pink hair, bringing her closer.

"Shut up," he said.

Then he kissed her.

An hour later, Lan yipped in the background, and hid under the couch as the moans and groans intensified.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"So, teme, how did it go? Is she really seeing that Lan dude?"

There was a very smug look on the Uchiha's face that Kakashi didn't fail to notice. Naruto, however, was too absorbed in the upcoming answer to really observe.

"…kind of," Sasuke finally replied.

There was a very brief explosion of curse words before the blond settled down and continued pestering for information.

"So, who is he? Is that his nickname? What's his real name? Should we kill him now? WHERE IS HE?"

"Tch. No need, dobe. I…took him off her hands."

"And you didn't inform us?"

"Che. It was easy. Don't worry."

There was some pouting and some more insisting from the blond for Sasuke to say the guy's name, but the Uchiha refused. In the end, Naruto gave up and went back to his ramen, slurping hungrily.

Five minutes later, a group of girls slid in unnoticed, occupying the space behind them. There was a rush of orders before Ino's voice vibrated loud and clear.

"Oh, my Kami, guys, did you hear what happened?"

"What, Ino?"

"Hinata got laid! Big time!"

Naruto froze, then choked.

Sasuke smirked.

a/n: Reviews are love. :D Share some love? *nudges*