"Nels," Harriet Oleson called out in annoyance. "Nels! Where is the ointment…" She walked down the steps to the basement of the Oleson Mercantile. "Nels… if you're not down here…" She paused as something on the shelf caught her eye. A red-haired, overall wearing doll smiled at her creepily. "What an ugly doll," Harriet said in disgust.
"Look who's talking," the doll smiled.
"Harriet," Nels called out as he woke up. Harriet's screams woke him up. "Harriet," Nels said in annoyance as he raced down the stairs. "If this is about the ointment…" Suddenly, he slipped on Harriet's blood. "That's going to take a long time to clean up," Nels lamented.
"How did you put up with that for so long," the doll asked in frustration.
The next day, Charles Ingalls and Albert Ingalls walked down the stairs of the Oleson mercantile. "Pick out anything you want, son," Charles smiled as Albert raced into the basement. "And then, I want you to meet the rest of the family…"
"Him," Albert smiled as he pointed at the red-haired doll.
"No," Charles sternly said. "Anything but that…"
"Why not," the doll shrugged angrily.
"I need to keep him alive for the time being," Charles angrily said.
"That's ironic considering how many characters you kill off," the doll shrugged.
"You listen, Charles," Charles Ingalls angrily said. "My made-up adopted son is going to become the source of tragedy on this already tragic show. He will burn down the blind school. His girlfriend will be killed by her clown mime rapist. He will face a nasty drug addiction. And, he will face a mysterious disease while becoming a doctor… you are not going to kill him now. Not before I shock various parents' associations more than you have…"
"Man, Pa," Albert sighed. "I don't know if I want to be a part of this family anymore…"
"Of course you do," Charles Ingalls said. "Even though tragedy and a series of unfortunate events will always follow this family…"
"Oh, stop with the Lemony Snicket references," the doll said as he rolled his eyes. "My name is Chucky, not Charles. And I'm going to kill you and your made-up adopted son. Why do you always take your shirt off and shave when the original Charles Ingalls never shove and never took off his shirt?"
"Because I look bad with a beard, like you," Charles frowned. "And I like showing off my…"
"Bronzed torso," Chucky sighed in frustration. "I know… I know… now, I'm going to kill both of you and…"
"Happy Hunger Games," Effie Trinket announced as she walked into the basement. "And may the odds be ever in your favor…"
"Stay out of this, Effie," Charles Ingalls sternly said. "We're from two centuries after the time setting of our show, and one century out of our current time…"
"The Hunger Games are timeless," Effie said as she adjusted her wig.
"What are these 'Hunger Games,' Chucky asked.
"A bunch of teenagers try to kill each other," Effie smiled.
"The next century may not be so bad after all." Chucky smiled. "I think that I'll watch these Hunger Games…" He smiled again. "Chase down the hill… Laura Ingalls style…" He ran after Albert and Charles, chasing them down the hill.
"What's that, Pa," Albert said as he heard the theme music.
"Our theme song," Pa smiled.
"Will all weeks be this stressful," Albert asked.
"More or less," Pa smiled.