A/N: For this FIC Pretend:

-The Twilight movie never came out.

-Instead Remember Me was released in its place and that Rob starred opposite Kristen Stewart in this movie as opposed to Twilight.

-Edward and Bella did have sex in Breaking Dawn but Bella didn't pregnant right away.

-Instead Bella and Bella get to have the standard Newly-Wed Year before that happens.

-Since Nessie isn't in the picture yet Bella is obviously still human.

Disclaimer: All Twilight Characters Belong To Stephanie Meyer.

The Vampire vs. The Englishman

"Bella, do we have to watch 'Remember Me' again?" Edward bores his eyes into his wife pleadingly.

"No, we don't have to. Do you want to watch 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire' or 'Little Ashes' instead?" She offers trying to compromise.

Edward hangs his head down hopelessly before getting off the couch, walking (more like dragging at human speed) to the DVD cabinet, and handing his beloved a half-hearted compromise of his own.

"Oh!" she says grinning at the DVD case Edward has placed in her hands, "'How To Be' I totally forgot about this one! Good choice, babe."

"Can I ask you something, love?" Edward asks turning to Bella as the end credits graciously start scrolling down the screen.

"Sure."

"What is it about this guy you like so much?"

"What guy? Oh, you mean Robert Pattinson?"

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever his name is."

"Well, truth be told, he reminds me a lot of you except with blue eyes and a really hot British accent." Bella answers, blushing and looking away from her husband.

" Ah, I see…"

Without warning Edward snakes his arms around Bella's waist and pulls her swiftly onto his lap.

"So," his lips are now centimeters from her ear and his voice has dropped to a seductive whisper with seamless English charm woven into it. "If I slid in some blue contacts and talked in a British accent I'd never have to be subjected to another one of these films again?"

"Hmmm… Huh? What?" Bella manages to sputter out, though thoroughly dazed.

Sensing his advantage he continued but this time all traces of English gone.

"I'll bet this Robert Pattinson guy can't dazzle you like that."

"Robert… who?"

"That's what I thought." He chuckles, triumphant.

Edward lifts Bella off the couch with one arm and flips off the TV with his free hand.

"I do believe we have a new headboard to break-in, Mrs. Cullen." He says carrying her to the bedroom.

THE END