Disclaimer: We own nothing. We're not stupid and write fan fictions of our own book. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, let me tell you the strangest tale you have ever heard. This tale includes me, Lily Evans, my best friend, Teara- Jade Stallone, the hottest man alive, Sirius Black… and also his little friends, and who could forget everyone's favorite little 5th year ho of Hogwarts, Dorothy Hotington.
Anyway, as I was saying, this story starts off with me, T.J., and a bathroom during Charms. "So," I said, putting on my new chocolate-frog flavoured lip gloss, "who are you going to the back to school dance with?"
"You know no one would want to go with me.." she said all melancholy- like, flipping her ungodly pretty hair. No one wanting to go with Teara-Jade Stallone? They must all be on crack. "What about Remus Lupin?" I said suggestively. My God, they are perfect for each other, both gorgeous and tall. Well, not as gorgeous as Sirius, but who is? "I guess.." she said. Jesus, what pleases this girl? "Well I suppose you could go with John Smith.. Joe Shmo… Or James Potter." I winked at her, and she blushed. I rule at this game. Unfortunately, before she could come up with a lame answer, someone came in.
I didn't even have to see who it was to know it was Dorothy. I could smell the Marauder's cologne looming around her perfectly perfect ho-bag head. "Hey guys!" she said all perkily, "Are you guys hiding in the bathroom? You've been gone for almost 20 minutes! Tee hee! What are you talking about? Boys? Are you talking about boys? Who are you guys going to the dance with? Lil, I think you should go with James-" WOAH THERE! Somebody turn this girl off, STAT! "-you guys are so perfect for each other and he really likes you a lot and ohmigod I really wish I could go but it's only for 6th and 7th years, I'm so jealous!!" I almost cried with joy: no ickle 5th year hoes ruining my perfect evening with Sirius- If he asks me, of course, I don't want to seem as desperate as I really am. " I couldn't stand this infernal racket any longer, so I grabbed Teara-Jade and walked out of the bathroom while pulling a smooth line, "Well, we must get back to class, 'bye Dorothy…" When we were walking out in the corridor Teara-Jade scoffed, "Why does Dorothy hang around the Marauders so much? She's like, their groupie or something! How do they put up with her? I cant even stand her for two fricking minutes!" I nodded, "I'll tell you, she has a great body, she is really pretty and she wears her robe really small and too short." T.J. shook her head and her pretty blondie-brown hair fwapped me in the face and stuck to my lip gloss. I crinkled my nose and wiped it off my pretty, not to mention tasty, lips. "Oops, sorry!" she said, though this comment was overlapped by our joint screams of surprise whilst we were scooped up in a huge net (which appeared out of nowhere, of course) and showered with whipped cream as Fillibuster Fireworks exploded beneath the net. All this, naturally was right as the bell rang and everyone and their owl filed out into the corridor.
Lovely.
I could think of 5 people that could have done this, though one isn't technically a person: James, Sirius, Peter, Lupin, or Peeves. Probably a combination of the 5. Of course, being the brilliant person I am, the 5 guilty ones were laughing hysterically in the back of the large crowd that had formed. Actually just three of them were there. And only two were laughing.
Lupin and Sirius were laughing so hard pumpkin juice was coming out of their noses. But why was Sirius- my love- laughing at me? Can't he see his damsel is in distress? And where was that little fat boy that was obsessed with the Dark Arts? And where was Peeves? And why wasn't James laughing along with his little group?? Not that I care. Could he LIKE me? Probably not being the attention-seeking moron he is... He's the wrong person anyways, why can't SIRIUS like me? I hate this forever!!! My life is such a lie… I wonder is Sirius's life is a lie or not… Maybe… Could I make his life not a lie? I hope so. Wouldn't it be grand if both of our lives were a lie at the same time?! OW!! Oh.. It seems Teara-Jade is talking to me. "Lily! Hello? Did you get too much whipped cream in your ear?" I looked at her like she were daft a moment, my mind was with Sexy Sirius.. I think that's what I'll call him from now on. Sexy for short. "What?" the crowd was beginning to thin, and so was the net, I began to fall 20 feet down, actually I only fell 14 feet down, because I was caught at 6 feet. At this time my mind was run-amok with wild fantasies of who could have caught me. These wild fantasies being Sirius. Unfortunately, I opened my whipped creamed lashes to see none othe than the scum of Gryffindor, James Potter. I screamed and thrust myself out of his arms and tried to run to Sirius- ok, let's pause, this next part will fill you with horror and betrayal, so I advise reading no further, but if you insist- and tried to run to Sirius, only to find the love of my life carring my best friend away. DEVIL! I began to cry; how could he do this to me? How could TEARA-JADE do this to me? I ran up to the tower, well, attempted to, but I got stuck on that damn stair. Great. That was the best day of my life. HARDLY! Just when I was contemplating 13 ½ ways to kill myself there on that stupid fricking stair, 'Prince' Potter came rushing to 'save' me. Made my day even better, let me tell you. "Lily! Are you alright? What happened? What's -wrong- with you? I was just trying-"
"Stop it, Potter."
"Wha-?"
"No. Don't talk to me." James' eyes were all shiny, like he was about to cry. Priceless moment, you should have been there. But then his voice hardened and his hazel eyes were soft again. He has really nice eyes.
And I did NOT just say that.
Potter seemed to have noticed that I was obsessing over his beautiful- I mean spew- colored eyes, (Spew. That sounds like a name for some kind of house-elf club) because he smiled at me. He has a nice smile too…
"Well, 'Evans', even though you think I'm a stuck-up prat will you still let me help you get your leg out of this stair?" I almost forgot about that pesky stair… It swallowed up to my ankle at that time… "Erm- Sure." I am one smooth operator.