A Poker Story
By Anna Yolei
This story is weird and unsusal, even by my standards.Basically, the TNG crew is playing a game, and one of them comes up with a story to hustle money from the others. Based on an idea I got watching an episode of "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air". Rated PG-13 so I can write anything I want. This is sorta a crossover fic as well. I don't own anything but the ficcy.
*********
Will Riker looked over at the other players at the poker game they held each week. Beverly was arranging her cards in descending order, Deanna had placed hers facedown on the table and Data looked back at him with no expression. Of course, Data never really had an expression on his face anyway.
"I see your five and raise you ten," Beverly said.
"I'll double that," Deanna added. Data added some blue chips to the table and everyone held their hands out for everyone to see. Will had the highest had, three kings. He grinned as he took at the chips to his part of the table. Meanwhile, Deanna and Beverly were pissed that Riker won every time.
"Yeah, Will Riker strikes again!" They hated the gloating even more.
"How do you do it?" Deanna asked.
"I dunno. I just really get to concentrating in poker."
Beverly just looked at him. She always lots replicator rations whenever she played against Commander Riker. This was not fair! Just once, she said to herself, she wanted to win the poker game. Hell, she remembered the first time she played poker against Jack and Jean-Luc and lost when she got distracted by their story about how the Ferengi met the Vulcans. She then learned it was faked, but it has worked to serve its purpose….
This gave Beverly Crusher an idea. She cleared her throat.
"Hey, does anyone want to hear a story?" She asked.
"I'm up for it," Deanna Troi said.
"Did you ever hear about what happened at Deep Space Nine?" she asked. Data gave her a curious look and Deanna looked at her.
"No, what happened?" Will asked.
"Well, if you put some chips on the table, I'll explain."
They all placed money on the table and Beverly began to deal the cards.
"It all began on the Enterprise NX-01-"
Data cut her off. "Doctor, that ship was decommissioned some two hundred years ago."
"That's true Data, but let me explain. The Enterprise was on a mission to find the Xindi and had to go through the Delphic Expanse…."
*********
Archer and T'Pol were walking down a corridor to Engineering.
"T'Pol, are you coming to Movie Night tomorrow?" Archer asked.
"No," the Vulcan replied. "I find movies to be a waste of time."
Suddenly an anomaly appeared out of nowhere, but it wasn't any ordinary anomaly. Not that there really is such a thing…but this one was super unordinary! This as a temporal anomaly, and when it passed by the two of them, it sent them to different times in history.
"Wait, wait…" Will stopped Beverly. "You expect me to believe that?"
"Well, they were in the Delphic expanse at the time. The normal laws of physics didn't apply there most of the time."
"Very true, Doctor. Please continue."
"Right. As I was saying…"
The next thing T'Pol knows, she finds herself in a middle of Deep Space Nine, only she didn't know where or what the hell it was. It took her by surprise how many alien species were there were. She stood there for a long time before Kira Nerys came up to her.
"Excuse me, Vulcan. May I ask what you are doing here?"
T'Pol noticed this woman had on attire which was similar to hers. "I was just leaving to find a friend." She walked away and Nerys walked on, not knowing much about Starfleet history. The first place that caught T'Pol's eye was Quark's Bar. She saw a large crowd there and figured it was the most logical place to start her search for Captain Archer.
Quark had had a bad day. First, his nephew Nog went to school, so he was short one worker. Then his brother Rom broke a whole stack of glasses. On top of that, Odo was riding his ass again and spying on him. It just wasn't his day. Suddenly, he saw T'Pol walking into the bar, and his mood improved greatly. He left from behind the bar to greet her.
"Oh, hello, oh lovely one!" T'Pol just glared at him, then began to notice he looked slightly familiar.
"May I ask what species you are?"
Quark gave her a curious look.
"You don't know a Ferengi when you see one? We made first contact with your species in 2152 on the starship Enterprise."
"That was only last year."
Quark laugh. This Vulcan was more than a little off, but her cute firm rear made up for it. "What are you talking about? This is the 24th century!"
Well, this was unbelievable for T'Pol. The Vulcan Science Directorate had determined time travel to be impossible.
"Are you sure about that?" She asked this…Ferengi.
"Of course I am, as sure as this Cardassian outpost belongs now to Starfleet!" He laughed. "Now, can I interest you into a drink? I normally don't do this, but I'll make it on the house for you!" He made a grab at her chin, but she pulled away.
"Can you tell me where the captain might be?"
"Captain? Oh…you mean commander Sisko? I'll show you later. Right now, a drink."
T'Pol sat down next to Bashir, who was about to leave. He took a double look, thinking the Vulcan next to him looked a hell of a lot like the one that served on the first warp capable ship in Starfleet's history, but knew Andorian ale did weird things to people.
********
Will sighed at his hand-a queen a two a five and a pair of sevens. "I fold."
Beverly proudly showed her royal flush and pulled in her money.
"Doctor," Data asked, "You seemed to know a lot about what happened to T'Pol. Where was Captain Archer?"
Beverly had not thought of that. "Captain Archer….hmm…." Oh, boy….
"I know!" Deanna chimed and gave a wink at Beverly. "But…we need more money in this pile."
Will, who still had the most money, threw in some more chips, as did Beverly and Data.
"That's much better." The idea popped into her head as Beverly dealt another hand. "Now, Captain Archer was also in the 24th century, but not on DS9. He was sent to Voyager."
**********
Captain Archer was now in a dark room, which from his surroundings looked like a futuristic cargo bay. He picked himself up and began to walk around and look for T'Pol.
While walking around in Voyager's cargo bay, he stopped a curious sight. There was what looked like an alcove. A woman was sleeping upright in it. A metal object was placed where her right eyebrow should have been and she wore a catsuit while looked a lot like something T'Pol would wear. Then he heard a beeping noise, and a woman's voice cut through the air.
"Regeneration cycle complete."
The woman in the alcove promptly opened her eyes and stepped out. She took two steps before noticing this new person, which she knew wasn't a crewman on Voyager.
"Who are you?" She barked.
Archer placed his hands over his head. "I mean no harm. I'm Captain Jonathon Archer from the Starship Enterprise NX-01. I am not from this time period. And you are?"
"Seven of Nine, Tertiary unit of Unimatrix zero-one."
"Where are we?"
"On the Federation Starship Voyager. I can arrange for you to meet the captain. I'm sure she can find a way to take you back to…."
"The year 2153. I'm on a mission to save Earth, and since I'm here, I guess I succeeded." He pointed to her optical implant. "What's this?"
"I was part of a species known as Borg. We assimilate others into a collective. When Captain Janeway rescued me, this optical eye replaced the one I had as a Borg."
Assimilation…collective…this seamed familiar to him….
"You look like my science officer, T'Pol. Speaking of her, I have to find her, so can we see you captain…um…"
"Janeway."
"Yes, Janeway." He followed Seven of Nine out the cargo doors, and couldn't help but noticed that she was way hotter than T'Pol.
***********
"As for T'Pol-" Beverly began, but then noticed Will had gotten four aces. "Damnit!"
"Aha!" The commander grinned and took his booty. Everyone turned in their cards, as they had run out. "As interesting as this story is, it can't distract me from winning this game!"
"Oh, is that right?"
Data had figured out what the girls were doing. He signaled for Deanna to come in closer while Beverly and Will were talking.
"Counselor, you might want to tell Commander Riker about what happened with First Officer Spock that day."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Then it hit her. "Oh…I gotcha!"
"Hey Deanna, it's your turn to deal." Beverly handed the deck to Deanna, who began to shuffle them.
"Anyway, back to what was going on at DS9-"
"Wait a minute, Doctor," Deana cut in on Crusher. "Aren't you forgetting the thing with Spock?"
Beverly's eyes grew big. "What thing with Spock?"
"The thing with Spock."
"Oh…you mean when he and Kirk were sent to DS9 by the same anomaly that hit T'Pol and Archer? Oh, I know that!" She gave a psuedo laugh. "I can't believe I almost left that out, but since you brought it up, why don't you tell us?"
Deanna got nervous as she dealt the cards.
"Right….So, um… there the Enterprise-A was in space and the anomaly hit them…"
***********
Kirk and Spock found themselves in the Promenade after an anomaly hit the Enterprise.
"Mr. Spock, where are we?" Kirk looked around in awe.
Spock folded his hands. "It appeared we are in the future, Captain. The question of how far into the future we are."
"Perhaps we could get some answers in there. It seems like a lively place." Kirk pointed over to Quark's Bar. "Come on, let's go."
The entrance to the bar was quite crowded, so it was hard not to bump into people. As it turned out, Spock literally runs into T'Pol, who was on her way out to find Commander Sisko on her own. Apparently, all Quark was interested in was getting oomax before showing her anywhere on this station. Spock looked at the woman he ran into, and knew instantly who it was, even if it seemed a little impossible.
"Subcommander T'Pol."
She looked up at the tall Vulcan man. "You are correct. And you are?"
"First officer Spock of the Starship Enterprise. This is my Captain, James T. Kirk."
"You cannot serve on Enterprise."
Kirk looked at her. "And why not?"
"That is the name of my ship."
"Ah….." He looked over at Spock. "T'Pol, we are also not from this period of time. We are Starfleet officers and were hit by a wormhole."
Data glanced over a Deanna.
"Counselor. You said it was an anomaly."
"Oh…my mistake. Wormhole, anomaly, it's all the same."
Deanna winced as Beverly kicked her leg. "So, they were hit by –"
"-a temporal anomaly," Kirk told T'Pol. "We are trying to find the Captain of this ship. Could you help us?"
"First of all, the Captain is a Commander and secondly, this is a space station. Apparently, this used to belong to a species called Cardassians."
"Thank you, Subcommander," Kirk said. She really wasn't a bad-looking woman. He looked over at Spock, who also found her attractive.
"T'Pol, it would be the most logical decision to stay with Captain Kirk and myself."
"I agree."
"T'Pol," Spock added while moving closer to her, "It is not every day one gets to meet one they admire. Perhaps we could dine together." He placed a hand on her shoulder. Kirk covered his smile as T'Pol continued to walk. He wished he had asked her.
"Perhaps later. If we find a Starfleet officer from this time period, we will be able to find the Commander." Luckily, they didn't have to look far. They passed the holodeck, where Sisko and his son Jake were exiting.
*********
"Yeah! I win!" Deanna pulled the chips.
By now, Will's stack was much smaller than before, but he found he really didn't care.
"Deanna, what happened to Captain Archer and Seven?" Riker asked.
"Oh, I forgot about them," Beverly said. "I want to tell this part of the story, if it's okay. Pay up, people." Everyone handed in money. Data noticed he was a little short on money.
"Well, while Seven and Archer were getting acquainted…"
Janeway was in her bed with Commander Chakotay. They were both nude, and they had had the best sex of their life. She placed a hand thought his hair while he smiled.
"Beverly Crusher! Enough of your J/C fangirlness!! Tell the story right!"
"Okay, okay! Geez!"
Captain Janeway was in her Ready Room. She got a chime from the door.
"Come in."
Seven walked in with Captain Archer. Janeway's head turned to the side. No, this was impossible…
"Doctor, is this some kind of joke?"
Archer looked as confused as he was. "I'm not a Doctor, Captain Janeway. I'm Captain Jonathon Archer from a Starfleet vessel called Enterprise."
Janeway nodded. "I know you. You saved the Earth. Glad to meet you."
Archer took her extended hand. "The pleasure's all mine."
"Well, lucky for you, we happen to be a Starfleet Federation vessel."
The Federation sounded familiar to Archer. He may have heard it from Daniels, but he wasn't sure." I ask your assistance because a spatial anomaly brought me here. I also can't seem to find my Vulcan science officer. Her name's-"
"T'Pol, yes I know. One of my favorite figures in history."
"You know about her?"
Janeway smiled. "Every Vulcan child knows about her from their earliest school days. If not for her standing up for herself about her Pa'Nar syndrome, Vulcan mind melds would still be frown upon. My Tactical officer has these abilities. I'm sure he'd like to thank her when we find her."
Archer grinned himself, finding this hard to believe. "I'll tell her myself."
"Okay then, but just one question. There have been...rumors over the last 200 years about you and T'Pol. Did you two ever…you know?"
"Captains," Seven cut in before Archer could dignify that with an answer. "This may be best to continue this conversation in Engineering, where we can make efficient use of our time."
"You sound a lot like T'Pol, Seven."
She said nothing as the three of them walked out.
Once there in Engineering, B'Elanna was able to figure out a way to send him back by reconfiguring the transporter. It took a lot of convincing on Janeway's behalf to get Archer to go on it, but he eventually did. As B'Elanna beamed him up, Seven fell onto the transporter and was beamed away with him.
Torres looked at Janeway. "Whoops…hee hee…"
*********
Riker laughed. "She fell on the TRANSPORTER?! What the f-?"
"Yup. Fell right on it."
Data showed his three queens and took the stack of chips, which saved him. Even if he did know the story was fiction, he was curious to see the end.
"But-" Deanna began, "Seven and Archer didn't go back to Enterprise. Oh, no."
*********
Archer looked at where he was. Seven of Nine was observant too and quickly realized where they were.
"This is Deep Space Nine."
"Excuse me?" Archer turned to get a better view of his surroundings.
"This is where Voyager left dock from. It is commanded by Commander Sisko. This here is the Promenade." Seven pointed around to their present location.
"Seven, you came aboard Voyager after they left port. How do you know this?"
"The database on the ship." He nodded. "At least I can tell Captain Janeway what the Alpha Quadrant is like now."
"The Alpha quadrant?"
"You have not seen much of space with your warp five vessel. There are four quadrants. DS9 looks over a wormhole which leads to the Gamma quadrant."
Archer smiled at this thought. So not only did they save Earth, Starfleet had expanded out throughout the galaxy. He made a note to call Soval when he got home.
"Well, Seven, let's see if there's someone here that can help us." They caught sight of a woman in a blue uniform and decided to follow her and see where she went.
*******
"May I ask where the Subcommander and the others were?" Data was curious as to how she would tie up these ends.
"Well, that's the funny thing. Archer and Seven were less than five hundred meters from holosuite that T'Pol, Kirk and Spock were by, but went in the opposite direction. Meanwhile, Sisko had stopped because he's seeing three of Starfleet's most recognizable faces in front of him, and their all supposed to be dead…well, Spock's still alive, he's not that old for a Vulcan-"
"Get on with it!" Will yelled.
Sisko stopped in front of the trio, then blinked three times.
"Dad?" A fifteen-year-old Jake Sisko looked at his father, then back at the people standing before them. "Whoa…we did leave the Holosuite, right Dad?"
"You are not hallucinating, Commander. I am indeed First Officer Spock and this is Captain Kirk and Subcommander T'Pol, respectively." Spock extended a hand out to Ben. "I am honored to meet you."
"As am I." He shook each of their hands. "Now, exactly what happened to bring you here?"
"An anomaly passed through our ships," T'Pol explained. "The next thing I knew, I was here, in your central area of the station."
"It's called the Promenade, Subcommander."
T'Pol eyed the sexy dark man. "You may call me T'Pol. I resigned my commission at the Vulcan High Council nearly eight months ago."
"So…you were in the Delphic Expanse before you were sent here?"
"Yes." The two of them looked into each other's eyes for a moment.
"Commander," Spock began, "Could you help return us to our time period?"
"Of course, Ambassador. I'll take you to our Engineering department." Sisko led the way, followed by Kirk and Spock, T'Pol, and Jake, who was practically drooling over her.
Kirk leaned over to Spock. "Scotty would have loved to see this."
********
"Aw, hell, even I would love to see this!" Will laughed for a moment till Beverly showed her hand of a three jacks and two eights. "Aw, son of a …"
The doors to the Holodeck opened and Jean-Luc Picard came in. Everyone stood up at his rare appearance to the card table.
"At ease," Jean-Luc told them. He pulled up a chair between Will and Beverly and Deanna handed him the stack of cards. "So, what were you talking about when I came in?"
Beverly rubbed her neck as Deanna's eyes shifted around the room.
"We were talking about the time when Spock Kirk and T'Pol were sent to DS9 by an anomaly, as were Archer and Seven of Nine, who got transported there." Beverly kicked Jean-Luc's foot lightly. "It's a great story for poker, don't you think?"
Jean-Luc picked up quickly.
"Oh, yes, Beverly. What part were you on?"
"We were talking about….when Seven and T'Pol got in a fight, Jean-Luc."
Deanna and Will busted into a fit of laughter, with Troi laughing much harder.
"I do not understand why a physical alteration would be amusing," Data said. Will placed a hand on Data's shoulder trying to recover his breath.
"Data, these were two very closed off women. Seven was trying to regain her humanity and T'Pol is…. well, Vulcan. Some things don't change much in three hundred years, and Vulcan nature is one of them. And these ladies were gorgeous!"
"Will!"
"But not as pretty as you, Deanna…Mmm…but I am curious, which one won? And what would they possibly fight about?"
"It would be a difficult match," Data replied. "While Subcommander T'Pol is a very fit woman, even by Vulcan standards, Seven of Nine has the strength of the Borg implants that Voyager's EMH was not able to remove."
Jean-Luc laughed a belly laugh. "You know what? Perhaps sometime I should write a program with the two of them in a wrestling arena…" He stopped in mid-sentence as he became aware of the entire table looking at him in shocked amusement. He cleared his throat and dealt the cards out. "So, Beverly, what were they fighting about?"
"Um…" She looked at Deanna's direction for help.
"Captain Archer, sir."
Now it was Beverly's turn to laugh. She collected herself to tell this story.
*********
Seven of Nine looked at Captain Archer. She found that he was a very tall male, and his eyes were green. She could tell though the uniform he was exceptionally fit. He was much sexier than Commander Chakotay, who in his own right was good looking. He and Janeway were such a good pair-
Deanna shook a fist at her.
"What did I tell you about the J/C…?"
"Sorry."
Anyway, The woman they had followed led them to the Sick Bay, where she met with another officer in uniform.
"Hello, Julian."
"Jadzia." He bushed his hair back in a seductive fashion. "I've been waiting for you."
Jadzia ran into his arms and kissed him. She began to pull off his uniform….
"BEVERLY!!!" Yelled everyone at the table.
"No one said anything about D/B. Geez, I'm horny, what can I say?"
Jean-Luc leaned closer to her. "How about 'Hey Jean-Luc, let's get it on "Harbinger" style'?"
Will chimed in, "I like the sound of that! Oh….um…" He got nervous as Deanna gave him evil looks.
"Doctor, it would be best if you were to tell the correct events of the story," Data said.
*********
Archer and Seven got help from a Trill officer about the place they wanted to be at. They walked in the direction they came from.
"I would never have imagined we'd have other species in Starfleet," Archer told Seven in amazement. "Back in 2153, my ship only had two aliens, a Vulcan and a Denobulan. Then there's Porthos."
"Porthos?"
""Oh…my beagle. But the fact that Starfleet's grown so much is great. And you have a Vulcan tactical officer on your ship?"
"Yes, Lieutenant Commander Tuvok. He has been in Starfleet for over eighty years, and is a loyal officer."
Archer scoffed at this last remark. A loyal Vulcan was a foreign to him as hot ice cream.
"Seven felt an attraction captain Archer. He was much like the Captain Kirk that Icheb studied about in his Starfleet history, but was more attractive…" Beverly paused wondering whether to discuss the appeal of K/S, but decided to save that for next week.
"You would be an efficient member of our Voyager crew," Seven told him. Her idea of a compliment. Archer blushed.
"And you would, um…be a valued member of Enterprise, Seven of Nine."
Seven stood closer to him and placed her hands on his ass. Archer thought he should push her off of him, but it wasn't every day a good looking woman came to him. Her hands moved to his hair and she brought him in for a kiss. Archer gave in and began to make out with her as T'Pol and everyone else got into viewing range.
"T'Pol," Sisko pointed to their direction, "Isn't that Captain Archer…and Seven of Nine?!" That was not even possible! Then again, neither was the fact that Captain Kirk was standing next to him, as was a Spock that was eighty years younger than the one he knew. T'Pol said nothing as she watched Archer wrap his arms around a woman who she did not know, and was certain Captain Archer did not know too well either. She walked up very quickly to them both while everyone else stayed behind.
"Captain." In one word, she was able to put all the dismay and envy that her face didn't show. Archer and Seven turned around to look at her.
*********
Beverly looked at her winning hand. She was now winning the table, and one more round may wipe out Will's stash and that smug smile off his face.
"What happened?" Jean-Luc asked.
"How badly do you want to know?" Her eyes met with those of everyone else. Will looked at what was left of his winnings. He really wanted to hear the end of this. In a hast, he pushed the last of his chips in the center of the table. Everyone else, who were also low on money, did the same.
"Oh, goodie…"
********
"May I ask who you are?" T'Pol said to Seven.
"I am Seven of Nine, Tertiary Unit of Unimatrix zero-one."
"That is not a name."
Archer stepped between the two of them. Kirk thought to himself how he wished he had popcorn.
"T'Pol, there you are. I've been looking all over for you! Listen the commander's officer is right this way-"
Sisko stepped to the two of them. "I'm the commander, Captain. Sisko's the name. Ben Sisko."
"I also require assistance," Seven told him. "I need to be sent back to Voyager."
"What you require…Seven….is a bit more decorum in public places."
Seven looked at Subcommander T'Pol.
"You sound a bit jealous. However, I know this is not the case as you are Vulcan. Am I correct?"
T'Pol just glared at her like she did whenever Trip Tucker said something stupid. Which is a lot, actually. Just make one wonder "Just how in the hell did they ever get together?!?!?! T'Pol was also not happy that this Seven of Nine person was wearing the same burgundy attire in a similar style as she.
For no reason at all, T'Pol went up and gave Archer a big smooch on the lips. Of course, Archer didn't push her away either, but Seven didn't like this at all. She had Archer first! Meanwhile, Archer was, while very happy to have two sexy women fight over him, was also confused by T'Pol's behavior. He had given up on the two of them ever becoming a couple and had moved on to Hoshi Sato, but now…
Before he got to ask, Seven landed a punch right under T'Pol's jaw. She was knocked down by the shock of it, but quickly recovered. T'Pol used her foot and kicked Seven behind her kneecap, causing her to fall on the floor, where they went at it by pulling each other's hair and bitch slapping each other.
Meanwhile, a crowd of people, mostly men, came around to watch. Jake's eyes lit up till Sisko covered them. Spock lifted an eyebrow at this. Kirk was as happy as a lark. Archer got between the two and ended it. A bunch of people got mad at him and gave him dirty looks at they left. Just then, a flash of light appeared and so did Q. He was smiling.
"Hmm…." He looked at all of them. "Starfleet's finest, eh? Well, this is a hoot! I was always curious what would happen if these two ladies got together. Now I know."
T'Pol took two steps towards Q. Seven took a running start at him and leapt on him and punched him. He orbed out quickly after than, then reappeared next to Archer and placed an arm around him, knowing he wouldn't fight him.
"Jon, my man! How's it going with those Xindi?"
WHAM. Archer socked him in the face and then picked him up by the collar of his uniform.
"Who the hell are you?" he growled. "And what do you know about the Xindi?!"
"I know who he is," Ben said. "This is Q, an omnipotent being and he's going to put us all back where we belong. Aren't you?"
Q sighed. "All right. You all are no fun anyway. Except her." He pointed to T'Pol and winked. "Want to have my baby?"
Q didn't know when to shut up, but Archer's fist knew how to show him to be quiet. As soon as Q wiped his face off, he snapped his fingers and took everyone back to where the belonged.
*********
"And I wipe the table clean!" Beverly concluded.
"Aw! I lost!"
"You'll win next week, Number One." Picard stood up. "I must leave. It's going to be a long day tomorrow." He walked out the doors. Will turned to Beverly and asked what happened after that.
"Oh, well, you'll never know. No money, no story. But it was a fun story don't you think?"
"Riker thought on that.
"Wait…you hustled me, didn't you?" Deanna busted up in laughter. He threw up his hands and laughed.
*********
Later that night
Beverly heard a chime at her door. She was quite sleepy and didn't want to get up, but she did, thinking it was Jean-Luc. She opened the door to see Captain Archer and Subcommander T'Pol. Beverly let out a Hoshi Sato type scream and ran away to her bathroom, gave them one more look, then ran in.
Will Riker and Deanna Troi pulled off their masks.
"That'll teach her not to hustle me!"
The End!
********
From Anna Yolei:
OMG, I didn't realize this fic had so many spelling errors the first time I posted it!!! Well, now since that's been corrected, I hope you enjoy the story. For more crossover fun, read "What the Hell?" and its sequel "What the Hell? That's F*cked Up!" G'Nite!