I hope to lose myself
For good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me
It's You
It's all I know
Nathan Scott walked into his kitchen, just like he did every morning. His coffee waiting on the counter, with three sugars and no milk. Like it always was. It never went cold, because he always arrived at the same time every single morning. 7:32 am.
And his wife knew this.
Haley knew every single thing about her husband. His annoying habits, his funny quirks. Those are supposed to make her smile, right? She's supposed to love those things about him. It should be cute that he wakes up at the exact time every day, even on weekends and they didn't have to get Jamie up for school. She's supposed to love him more and more everyday, like in the love songs. Or chick flicks.
But she doesn't.
Getting married in her junior year, over coming an almost divorce, having a baby on graduation, going to college as a family, surviving four months of hell. Fairy tale, right? It was.
Until Nanny Carrie.
She had trusted that woman. She had trusted her with her husband, and most importantly her son. She had trusted her to take care of her house, the place it had taken years for her to build into a home, a loving home.
But Carrie destroyed every inch of that trust. She had started hitting on Nathan as soon as Haley left the house on the first day. And Nathan was vulnerable because he was still recovering from his accident. Then he betrayed every single amount of trust Haley had for him when she found them in the shower weeks later after returning late from a basketball game, which she had only attended for him. Carrie had started saying that Nathan loved her, and she loved him back. Of course, Nathan denied everything; he said that she had jumped in the shower when he was in there. He swore that she had kissed him days before, and that was it. Carrie meant nothing to him.
Haley knew he was lying.
She knew that it was more than a kiss.
She knew that he was attracted to the Nanny.
She knew that if she hadn't have caught them, then it would have lasted for months until he left Haley for the slut.
Maybe that was the reason she hired her, Haley's not really sure.
James Lucas Scott. He was the only reason she stayed with Nathan. Jamie had told her that he hated her for making his amazing, precious Daddy leave the house the day after Haley caught them in the shower. So weeks later, Haley forgave Nathan. Well, she acted like she did. But she could never truly forgive Nathan for cheating on her, which he swore he would never do.
So now here they are, waking up at the exact same time every morning, getting dressed, drinking black coffee, waking their son up, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, putting Jamie to bed, then making passionless love together.
Nathan kissed her on the cheek. ''Morning, babe.'' he greeted groggily, before grabbing the morning paper from the counter and walking towards the couch to read the sports section, the only part he ever read.
As soon as he turned away, Haley quickly wiped her now wet cheek. It should make her feel guilty. But it doesn't. Because that kiss used to make her tingle, but now it makes her feel gross.
''Morning.'' she said softly, giving him a small smile.
Just like every single morning.
TRIC was busy, like every other night. The only reason Haley had decided to attend was because Lucas had announced that he was turning his book An Unkindness of Ravens (which Haley was featured in), into a movie. And he wanted all of his friends to meet the movie producer.
Nathan wrapped an arm around her shoulders, making her involuntarily shudder at their place at the corner booth of the club while they waited for Julian Baker, the movie producer, to arrive. Haley still didn't feel guilty, because that image is still in her mind, the one of Carrie and Nathan in their steamy bathroom, both with towels wrapped around them. Nathan's guilty face. And Carrie's smug smile. The steamy bathroom.
''So, what's this guy like then?'' Haley asked her best friend, casually moving away from her husband, so his arm would fall.
Lucas rolled his eyes, he didn't exactly like the guy, but he was making him thousands of dollars. ''He's annoying, and pretty dorky. You two would probably get along really well, Hales.''
Haley laughed; already warming up to the man she hasn't met. ''Hopefully. You think Hilary Swank would play me?''
''Nah, she's not nearly as beautiful.''
Her eyes widened at the unfamiliar voice. It wasn't Lucas', Peyton's, Brooke's. And it certainly wasn't Nathan's. She turned her head and it felt like her breath had been completely knocked out of her. This guy... he was the most beautiful one she's ever seen. And yes, she knows who her husband is. But this guy, it was like he didn't even know it. He had this gorgeous grin on his face, which made her stomach flutter. He had these pretty brown eyes.
Just like hers.
So she smiled at him as a soft blush rose to her cheeks, unknowingly making his heart race. ''Thank you.''
''You're quite welcome.''
Lucas rolled his eyes again for the second time, feeling protectiveness over his sister-in-law. ''Guys, this is Julian, the guy who's producing the movie.''
Julian slid into the booth, next to a smirking Brooke Davis. ''Nice to meet you all, I'm Julian Baker.''
Peyton stayed silent the whole time, this was Julian Baker. She had dated him in L.A. when she and Lucas broke up after his proposal. She loved him, and he loved her. But of course, he couldn't fill the Lucas shaped whole in her heart. And Julian knew that, so they broke up. She had never expected to see him again, never.
But Julian barely noticed the - now dark blonde - curly haired girl. As soon as he entered the club, his eyes had landed on her. Even with all of the dark lights, he could tell her naturally soft her skin was. And her curled brown hair was amazing. Just like she is. This woman was truly stunning, easily the most stunning woman he's ever laid eyes on. His stomach started doing summersaults, and he actually felt a little dizzy. And her eyes were pretty, they were brown.
Just like his.
Yes, he knew she had a boyfriend, husband, whatever. He knew that when he saw the guy wrap his arm around her shoulders, but he also saw how she discreetly moved away from him in slight disgust. And this gave him hope.
''I'm Haley,'' she immediately introduced. ''Maybe you've read about me?''
She knew what she was doing, flirting. While her husband was seething from next to her from Julian's comment, and the blush that had rose on her cheeks.
Julian grinned that grin. ''Haley James, I've read all about you.''
She was married, he realised. Which meant he had to force his grin not to fall. He had read about her, and she was the character he had been drawn too. She was a nerd, like him. And when Lucas wrote about her, he couldn't help but laugh at how cute she sounded. Now seeing her in the flesh, he knew that he was right. Yet, the fact that her husband was glaring at him didn't create fear. It just made him more determined.
''I'm Nathan Scott. And her name's Haley James Scott, by the way.''
Julian fought the urge not to glare at the basketball player. He had never understood how Haley had fallen for him when he read it in the book. She was too sweet, too kind, too innocent. While according to An Unkindness of Ravens, Nathan was the complete opposite, even though his brother loved him dearly.
Ring. Ring.
Haley quickly grabbed her phone and her eyes widened in panic when she saw the caller ID. ''Junk? Is Jamie okay? What is it?''
''Um, hey Haley. Um, Jamie's just been sick. I thought you should know.''
''I'll be right there.'' she said quickly, fear rising in her chest over her baby boy, the reason she was sat next to the man she was.
And then she hung up.
''What is it? Is it Jamie?'' Nathan asked in concern.
Haley nodded. ''Um, yeah, he's sick. I'll go and look after him, you stay.'' She hadn't suggested that because she wanted Nathan to stay and have a good time, but because every time she was with Nathan that image was still there. The steamy bathroom.
''Are you sure?''
''Yeah,'' she kissed his cheek quickly. ''I'll see you later, guys. Great to meet you, Julian.'' she said, shuffling out of the booth and hurrying out of the club.
Julian watched her go with a sigh, though slightly happier over the fact Haley had only kissed Nathan's cheek. He didn't exactly want to see them have a love filled kiss, even though Julian knew that there was no love between them anymore. Even though Nathan didn't know it yet.
He moved his hand slowly across the table, before knocking Brooke's glass of wine all over his lap.
''Oh!'' Julian gasped, feeling the white wine soak his pants, pretending to be shocked. He quickly stood up and grabbed a napkin. ''I should go to the bathroom.'' he said urgently before running away from the table and the direction of the bathroom.
Before making a turn to the exit.
The whole time feeling like something was pulling him in the direction of the beauty outside.
Haley stood against the wall of the club and took a deep breath, she wasn't quite ready to home yet, and she just needed to breathe. That was something she's not done for a while. Everything has been so hectic lately with her and Nathan getting the marriage back on track, which tore her apart because it was the last thing she wanted. She had never told anyone about Nathan's affair, because she had always said that she would never stay with someone who cheated on her. And she is not going to let people look at her in pity.
So it's one big secret, just dying to escape.
''Haley?'' a soft voice said from in front of her.
Haley opened the eyes she had closed while taking that deep breath. And she immediately saw those eyes. ''Julian, what are you doing here?''
''I don't know,'' he said honestly. ''I just- I just wanted to talk to you.''
''About what?''
''I don't know,'' he repeated. ''I feel like... connected to you or something.''
Haley's heart started to beat frantically; she's never felt like this before, never. Not with Nathan, never like this with Nathan. Maybe it was because Nathan was her first. He was her first love. She's never experienced a stronger feeling that that before, because she never knew it existed.
Until now.
''Me too.'' she whispered.
Julian took a small step closer to her, and they were inches apart. ''Your eyes look sad,'' he observed softly. ''Why are your eyes sad?''
Haley closed her eyes for a second, before reopening the ones now filled with tears. ''Because I am sad.''
''Why?''
His hand reached up and cupped her cheek softly, and her face leaned into it. They fit perfectly. ''Nathan, he cheated on me.'' she whispered, unable to understand why the man in front of her made her reveal that secret. And unable to understand why she felt guilty, when Nathan done worst to her.
If Julian was able to kick Nathan Scott's ass, then he would. And if Haley James Scott wasn't driving him crazy with feelings right now, making it impossible to leave her, then he would be going to get hurt trying to defend her.
''He's crazy, you know? Completely bonkers.''
Haley giggled despite herself. ''Bonkers?''
''Yep. Wacko, psycho, messed up, banana's.''
Another musical laugh escaped her lips, making that grin appear, which made her knee's go weak.
''You make me smile,'' she told him. ''Like, really smile. No one's been able to make that happen for a long time.''
''Is that because you're happy?'' Julian inquired. ''Like, this second, are you happy?''
Haley nodded; her tears now disappeared, thanks to the staggeringly gorgeous man in front of her. ''Yeah.''
''I can't imagine how he could hurt you,'' he whispered, moving his face into the crook of her neck, smelling her sweet scent. ''You're beautiful, so damn beautiful.''
''Julian,'' she moaned softly. ''We can't do this, this is wrong. So wrong.''
Julian moved his face back, staring at her lovingly. ''But can't that make it so right?''
Haley suddenly felt dizzy by their closeness, she's never felt like this before, and she knows it. It was all so new. Even though guilt was swimming around in her stomach from what she's doing.
The steamy bathroom.
She grabbed the back of his neck and crashed her lips onto his. They both felt like the movies, where fireworks fly across the fly. Their hearts started to race frantically in rhythm with each others as their lips moved in sync. Their soft moans were like music to their ears. This moment, it was perfect. Something she never experienced with Nathan. And he had never experienced this with Peyton either.
When they broke away. Brown met brown.
Little did the owners of these eyes know that they were going to have an affair.
But they already knew that they were going to fall in love with each other in the end, no matter what. It was inevitable.
So Nathan could have Carrie, and Peyton could have Lucas.
As long as Haley and Julian had each other, nothing else seemed to matter.
AN: Anyone that knows me would know that I adore Naley and Brulian, they are truly amazing. But Haley and Julian have always been weirdly made for each other, maybe? If you don't like this, blame YouTube. I got the idea after seeing an awesome H/J vid. And Julian is my new fave boy, he's taken Nathan's spot because he's on the show more, and more fluffy. So yeah, I love him. And yes, I know Haley isn't the type to cheat, but Nathan did it first.
Oh, and if you hadn't guessed, this is loosly based at some point in s6, whenever Julian arrived. The song was 'You' by 'Switchfoot'.
Anyway, I know this sucks. But if there's anyone who thought that it didn't, then could you leave me a review? Please? I'll love you forever.