The cool night air was burning her lungs, the wet grass threaded to claim the feet beneath her.
"Let's go, Emma! You're not done until you're puking it all up!" Mary screamed at her.
Emma let out a low growl and continued on her seemingly endless suicide sprints. She begged her stomach to lurch already. It had to be getting close to three in the morning.
I don't even know why she is so angry, It's not like she really even cares. It was just bad luck that Mary was driving by that party. It was bad luck that she saw me stumbling out of that house. Just bad luck.
She kept pushing.
Faster.
Longer strides.
Soon, the tightness and burning in her chest wasn't about the running or the immense amount of liquor in her system. It went deeper than that. She felt the loneliness seeping from her bones, the abandonment and the loss.
No! I left all of those feelings behind! I'm not that scared little girl anymore. I buried them with Neal.
She reached the end of the field, her foot slipped on the damp grass; she reached out her arm to catch herself.
Fuck, how many more of these is she going to make me do?!
"You'd better get your ass up or I'll add bleachers too! Now, move it!" Mary screamed at her. Again.
"This is fucking ridiculous!" Emma screamed back at her as she began running again.
Mary raised her eyebrow and folded her arms over her chest.
Now we are getting somewhere. This is the first she'd spoken since I picked her up.
"You did this to yourself! You chose to drink yourself into oblivion! I didn't do that!"
"No! You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time!" She yelled as she passed her.
"I'd say it was the perfect time, Emma! What would have happened to you if I hadn't showed up?"
"The same thing that happens every fucking time! I would have been fine!" She screamed, throwing her arms up as she finally stopping.
"Keep going." Mary said matter a factly.
Emma shot her a glare and continued running.
"And you wouldn't have been fine, Emma! You're not fine!" She yelled.
"I am fine!" She yelled. Begging herself to actually believe it.
"You are allowed not to be okay Emma." Mary said quietly enough Emma couldn't hear her.
Mary had been watching Emma for a while now. She saw her in the halls, keeping her head low and eyes always fixed on the floor. She was in two of her classes, her best student actually. Smarter than anyone her age. Most fifteen year olds didn't care much for school, but Emma seemed to thrive on knowledge.
Emma tried to stay under the radar and to most, she had. But Mary had noticed her the very moment she walked into her classroom. A fading black eye accompanying her, along with a few others Mary was sure were hidden as well. When she had tried to ask about them Emma had brushed her off, saying she walked into a door. She made it her personal goal to get to know everything she could about this young girl.
It hadn't been easy, small talk with Emma was almost useless and the fact that she almost always avoided eye contact. She never really participated in class, but the few times she did, she always kept her voice just barely loud enough to actually understand.
Mary had bumped into her one late evening as she was leaving the school building. Both of their bodies landing hard on the pavement. Emma was wearing worn down looking work out clothes, they hung loosely off her small frame; beads of sweat dripping from her head. The loud angry music pounding from her headphones somehow didn't surprise Mary. She could tell this girl was hurting but also didn't want anyone's pity.
"Oh, Emma! I'm so sorry; I didn't see you there. Are you alright?" She had asked.
Mary reached down to help her up but she flinched away. Mary quickly pulled her arm back, not wanting to frighten the girl anymore than she already had.
"No, I'm sorry, Ms. Blanchard it was my fault. I'm just not used to anyone still being here this late. Are you okay?" Emma said in a low voice as she stood.
"Well your fellow classmates left me with many letters to send home to their parents about the last exam we took." Mary laughed as she picked up her purse. When she rose she was met with a pair of large round eyes, filled now with horror.
"Wh-what?" Emma asked.
I studied so long for that fucking exam. If Mr. and Mrs. Newell find out I failed I wont eat for a week. And it's getting way too hot to be wearing long sleeves again.
"Oh, no, not your exam Emma. You actually had a perfect score. Don't tell anyone else though, I will be having a serious talk with everyone Monday morning. No, I sent your parents a different letter. A good one, I promise." Mary said quickly. Watching as the horror was replaced by embarrassment.
"Oh, you didn't have to do that." Emma said as her eyes found the ground.
"Yes, I did. They should know how well you are doing. In both of my classes." Mary said with a smile as she placed her hand on Emma's forearm.
"Well, thanks." Emma whispered.
They stood there in a comfortable yet awkward silence for a while. Mary's head was swimming with questions that she was dying to ask Emma. Newfound maternal instincts were fighting their way to the surface.
"Are you okay, Emma? It is quite late for you to be out here." Mary asked. Searching her eyes for a hidden answer.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just like to run at night. No one is around to bother me and it's cooler." Emma said, inwardly begging Mary not to ask any more questions.
"Do you run often?" Mary asked.
Emma thought about her question for a moment, if I said yes she may start asking questions about home. If I said no, she may think that I'm lying and call my foster parents. That is the last thing I need right now.
"Emma?" Mary asked, pulling her from her thoughts.
"Yeah, sorry. I do. I like to run and since they won't let me in the workout rooms, running is all I can really do. I like to stay in shape." Emma said. Trying to think of a way to end this conversation quickly.
"Why won't they let you in the workout room?"
"I don't know. It's a bunch of dumb football jocks. They probably don't want to be shown up by a girl."
Mary gave a small chuckle. "You're right about that, I suppose."
"Well I better get going, I don't want my parents to worry." The sentence felt like vinegar in her mouth.
Like they even know that I'm gone. Or would care if I was.
Mary took a look around the parking lot; it was empty except for her car and a few of the janitors.
"Do you need a ride home? I don't see your car here."
"Oh, no that's okay. I don't live far. I usually run home. " Emma said.
"I would really feel better if you let me take you home And if it's not far it's really no problem." Mary said. And it would be great to be able to talk to you some more, get you to trust me.
"Ms. Blanchard I promise, I will be okay. I need to finish the last bit of my run anyways." Emma tried to give her a reassuring smile.
After some very intense silence, Mary finally decided she was fighting a losing battle.
"Just promise me you'll go straight home and stay on well lit roads."
"I will Ms. Blanchard." Emma said.
Mary gave her a look that was filled with concern.
"I promise." Emma said.
"Alright," Mary sighed. "I'll see you on Monday. Have a good weekend. Be safe."
"You too, Ms. Blanchard." Emma said as she started to walk away, putting her headphones back in.
"Oh, and Emma," Mary said.
Emma turned back to look at her.
"My door is always open. You know, if you ever need to talk." Mary said gently.
Emma's brow furrowed slightly. "Thank you Ms. Blanchard but I'm okay, really." Emma forced a smile and turned back around.
Mary watched her run down the street, out of sight. As she got back into her car, Mary couldn't shake the feeling that there was so much more going on than just running at night. Emma had gotten so scared at the thought that Mary would be sending a letter home to her parents. It was more than a typical teenager worried that they hadn't passed an exam. There was more. But Mary couldn't quite put her finger on it.
She tried her best to put those feelings behind her, but she knew they would linger. She would feel better when she saw Emma again on Monday. The worrying wouldn't stop over the weekend.
Emma rounded the last corner on her street and slowed to a walk. She was close to her home.
Home. What does that even mean. It sure as hell isn't this place. This place is a living nightmare. I'm lucky if Noah was even able to sneak me more than a piece or two of bread tonight.
As Emma walked up the few steps to her front door she could already hear the yelling. She placed her hand on the doorknob and prepared herself for what was on the other side of it.
She opened the door as quite as she could. She could hear Mr. Newell yelling at his wife. She knew she shouldn't eavesdrop but it was hard no to when the words were being screamed.
"You think I wanted this?! Huh? Do you think I wanted to have these two brats in our home? No! This was all you! And they don't pay us nearly enough to keep our fridge full! You need to ask them for more money! Or we will ship them back to wherever the fuck they came from!"
Keep your fridge full? It was never full. All they money you get for us you spend on booze or drugs. Noah and I are lucky if we eat your scrapes.
"I'll ask for more money. But why don't you get off your lazy ass and get a job! I'm so sick of you just lying around here all day bitching until you get your next fix! What about me?! I have to care for these mongrels! Where is my fix? Huh! Where is my fucking fix?!" Mrs. Newell yelled back at him.
Emma rolled her eyes and ran up the stairs as quick as possible before they saw her. She ran to her room and quietly shut the door. Noah was sitting on her bed. Well, her make shift bed. It was just a ratty twin size mattress with a single thin blanket.
"You're back late." He said looking up from his book, glancing at the clock.
"Ugh, I know. I got stopped by a teacher." She said as she threw her book bag on the floor, throwing herself down next to him.
"A teacher? You didn't say anything, did you? They are already being worse than usual, we don't need a teacher snooping around." He said to her.
"No, idiot I didn't say anything to her. I did pass my exam though." She smiled up at him.
He put his book down and gave her a high five. "See, I knew you could do it! That's awesome Ems."
"Whatever, you know I wouldn't have passed without your help." Emma said.
"Well I am much smarter than you." Noah smiled. "You really reek. Take a shower."
"I will. But, I was wondering…" Emma started to ask.
"On the top self in the closet." Noah said without looking up from his book.
"You're the best!" Emma said jumping off the bed.
"Yeah yeah. It's getting pretty hard to sneak food for you. She kind of just throws it on the counter. I grabbed as much as I could before he got to it." Noah said.
"I know I just needed to run today. After last night, I needed to let off some steam." Emma said as she pulled the plate down. It held a now cold, frozen chicken patty with what was either mushy green beans or mushy peas.
"Ugh, they serve better food at school." Emma said as she picked at the patty.
"I know. But that is all there was." Noah said sympathetically.
"No, I appreciate it. Really." Emma said.
They sat there in silence for a while, Noah reading his book and Emma attempting to eat.
Noah and Emma had been in this house together for about a year, they had grown close to each other quickly, both knowing that they needed someone to lean on in this hell hole.
Noah was fourteen and a grade below Emma in school; they had both been in the foster system since they were babies. Neither one of them ever knowing their parents, all Noah had was a book that his mother had supposedly left for him.
A small inscription on the first page saying that she loved him and that she was sorry. Noah struggled a lot with this. On one hand he wanted to believe that his mother loved him and had no choice to give him up. On the other he felt like she didn't fight for him, that she never really loved him at all.
And all Emma had was a white baby blanket with her name woven into it. The blanket was the only thing they had left her. Whoever they were. Left by the side of the road. Nothing but that blanket to comfort her.
At least his mother thought enough of him to write him a note. I wasn't even worth that much. Emma thought bitterly. She scolded herself. It wasn't Noah's fault, he had been abandoned too. She wanted him to find comfort in something, god knows they both needed it.
After she finished her food she got up and headed for the door. Opening it slightly, listening for signs of movement; luckily there weren't.
"I'm going to take a shower." Emma said to Noah.
"Okay," He said closing his book and standing up. "I'm going to head to bed. I'll see you in the morning Ems."
"Sleep well." Emma gave him a half hug as he walked down the hall to his room.
She walked to the bathroom and locked the door. She pealed off her smelly clothes and put them in the hamper. She looked at herself in the mirror and frowned deeply. She had large bruises covering her abdomen and upper arms. The four fresh cigarette burns on her back were just starting to scab over, her eyes were sunken in and she had dark circles beneath them. She hated how much this life had taken from her; sometimes she really just wanted to give up. But she had to make sure that Noah was okay, she wouldn't let her shit life define her.
No matter what anyone told her.