Fourteen days it had been, since the voices had left. Fourteen days there had been an eerie silence in his mind that he was never able to truly shake. It was daunting. It was a silence that often left him feeling ill if he thought too deeply about it. Mostly due to the fact of buzzing energy that blurred the edges of his mind. His demons. They were still there, he knew. They were laying in wait for some kind of trigger; some kind of release from the mysterious bounds that kept them at bay. It wasn't something Jon exactly understood, why they had grown silence. Why they had no words to snarl and bark in his direction, even when he had almost lost the person that had so quickly become so important to him. Even as he was wrapped up in the violence of beating the man responsible for Ryan's sufferings and tortures over so many years of his childhood, they had not plagued him. Not even as the man he once loved had delivered to him the same kind of violence on him, spitting words of distain at the younger man as he did so. Even as he had indulged himself in vices that he had been attempting to rid from his system. Alcohol running through his veins on few occasions, but it had not lit the same fire as it had used to. It hadn't turned him into the same monster he used to be. Nothing would make them return; nothing would break their bounds and set them free to swarm and erode his mind. And Jon had always thought a knowledge like that would make him content; happy even. But it wasn't how he had thought it would be. The demons were simply silenced. Not gone. And Jon knew that the moment he let his guard down, they would return. It was a fact that kept him teetering on edge of a breakdown he desperately did not want to come; an edge that left him nervous and desperately clinging onto the hope that the buzzing energy and the demons behind it would simply vanish. And that hope and that nervousness? It had his temper growing shorter by the minute. Several times he'd lost his temper as of late, lashing out at himself and his surroundings in order to unleash the raging anger inside of him. And it was something that he needed to control; needed to learn how to unleash in any other way then the violent tantrums he'd grown accustomed to. He'd always known that it was a bad way to handle himself and his feelings; but now it seemed more paramount to change his ways. Before, all he'd have to worry about was himself, and then eventually Chris. A person that would at least somewhat indulge the Shield member in his violent ways. Never before had the younger man really had a reason to snap himself out of the aggressive and abuse ways that had become his life. Up until thirteen days ago.
Jon wasn't sure if it was simply coincidence that Ryan had crash landed in his life in a big way a mere day after his voices had silenced, or what. But thirteen days ago, he had. The older man being caught up in a storm of long-forgotten feelings and the life of another man that was far from anything he expected it to be. A growing curiosity had filled Jon ever since the arrival of the former talent on the social site where he spent his spare time dwelling. An opinion formed from brief times working together through NXT had soon disbanded; and a sheer fascination had taken it's place. A fascination that, in a short thirteen days, had transcended any level that he thought it would have. Or even that it could have. Somewhere in the past thirteen days, Jon had fallen in love. And in a lot of ways, that scared the shit out of him. Paranoia beating down on his mind just as the beads of steaming hot water were beating on his frame right now. The last time that the Champion had found himself in love; it was something that was far from conventional or blissful. It was violent and raunchy and a level of toxic that he never wished to inflict upon anyone again. Especially not Ryan. There was something about the older man that made Jon's mind and anger simply halt in its tracks. Maybe it was the look in his eyes or the slight shake in his voice when he would witness Jon's tantrums. It was like he was scared. And that was a fact that made Jon hurt to the core; it was a fact that made him berate himself continually for thinking that his bouts of anger were acceptable; it was a fact that made him want to hold Ryan in his arms and never let go. And it was a fact that prodded at the silence in his mind. Jon never wanted the older man to fear him, in any way. He didn't want to become the catalyst of violence and terror, now that Ryan's father had been removed from his life. Jon knew that he never wanted to hurt Ryan; but was all too terrified that one day he wouldn't be able to control himself and simply… would. But there was something else tinged in the former talents eyes; something else running smooth through his voice when he would speak out into Jon's anger. Something that Jon could only interpret as care; as some level of love that he would never deem himself worthy of. But Ryan did, and somehow that seemed good enough for the Shield member to be able to accept it at least.
Stepping from the warm confines of the shower, Jon held his bare and dripping frame in the cool air of the bathroom, hissing slightly as the temperature change nipped at his body and forced his teeth to lightly chatter as the exhaust fan retracted all the warm air from the room. Reaching out for a towel, the younger man made quick work of ruffling his hair to a somewhat dry state before wrapping the towel loosely around his waist. A quick glance in the mirror forcing the same wave of confusion over him as it always did. Why would Ryan choose to love him? Someone that looked like him and acted like him and had the history that Jon had? He could so easily find someone without the awkward looking smile and the scars lacing his frame from years of abuse. He could easily find someone who hadn't been raped, who hadn't been abusive to those he loved, who hadn't almost killed a friend. The younger man would always hold the thought in his mind of his flaws and insecurities, and would always tell himself that he the former talent could do better. But for some reason that Jon was yet to find out? Ryan didn't want to do better. He seemed to want to stay here with the broken man that Jon viewed himself to be. He seemed to want to help. He seemed to want to fix what had the champion feeling broken inside. And for the first time in his life; Jon was prepared to accept all the help he could get. Regardless of what one glance in the mirror would make him remember of himself. Not that it matter all too much what it made Jon remember; because Ryan had an uncanny ability to simply make him forget.
Emerging from the bathroom lazily, hand gripping at the base of his locks as he rolled the kinks out of his neck, Jon's gaze instantly fell on that of Ryan. A small, genuine smile pulled over the younger mans expression as he took in the site. Sat on the hotel rooms small loveseat couch, nothing but a pair of blue boxers and a pair of socks; Ryan looked at peace. Even with bruises and break riddling his frame, the older man seemed to find it so easy to bury himself in the simplicities. To Jon, it was something completely admirable. It struck a breathless feeling into his chest. Leaning his shoulder against hotel room wall to simply watch, the smile refusing to leave his face. Never before had he been able to simply look at someone the way he was now; basking in the glow that would radiate from the older man, no matter what. Hand clutched to teddy bear and eyes clued to a television screen sporting cartoons, no doubt - the Shield member noted the fluttering in his stomach as he watched on; transfixed by the innocence of the scene. Jon had resided in his mind that his partners ability to have suffered through the harshest of life's times and yet still come out the other side with a sense of innocence and clarity? It would always remain one of his favorite things. It made a protective heat run through the younger mans frame; gave him a sense of purpose and feeling of being needed that he had longed for all of his life. In thirteen days, Ryan had seemed to do the impossible. He seemed to have breathed a new kind of air into Jon; an air that burned hot in his lungs and travelled his blood to pump into his heart. Ryan was playful and adorable and all of the things that Jon never was; all of the things that Jon thought he hated. But the man his eyes were set on now? He made all of that judgement and that fear of being emasculated wash from him; with something as simple as a word in his direction, a smile, a kiss. A kiss from the fellow Ohio native, could honestly make Jon forget the world. And that was something of a desperately needed saving grace. Ryan was simple; yet endlessly intriguing. It left Jon feeling like he knew everything and nothing all at once. But, for the moment, it was the way he liked it. It was actually another thing he loved about the older man; he seemed to be truly interested in Jon. He seemed like he wanted to know all that there was about him; like he wanted to know the things that others hadn't reached. Maybe even the things that Jon himself hadn't. And it made his being swell with a pride that he hadn't known. Ryan wanted to know everything and nothing about Jon too. And it tugged lovingly on his heart.
Attention still focused solely on the older man, Jon found himself fiddling with the side of the towel nervously. It was an effect Ryan had that the Shield member still hadn't grown used to. And it was something that Ryan seemed to never leave unnoticed. The older mans attention drawn to Jon now, all the champion could do was smile. Arms outstretched in silent plea for a hug and light words laced with slight concern of 'What's up, J-Bear?' spoken towards him; it all made a small laugh escape the younger man. Pushing off of the wall with a small shake of his head, Jon dropped his still wet and towel-clad frame onto the couch next to Ryan - strong arms wrapping around slender waist before pulling the older man onto his lap. Gazing just a moment, a million thoughts trampled through the Shield members mind about his concerns; spurring him into a state of fear-driven dizziness. Stretching his frame to press soft lips against the other mans own, an addictive and favoured taste washing his taste buds. Eyes fluttered closed and Ryan took his effect; letting Jon simply forget the world.
Maybe Ryan did want to know all that was in Jon's mind. Maybe he did want to know everything and nothing and any little spec in between. And maybe Jon would show him. But he was sure there was one thing that Ryan likely would never know; that in just thirteen days, he had more than mended Jon's heart.