Nothing's Fine, I'm Torn
A FanFic dedicated to Harry Styles. Harry's lifelong friendship with best friend Sophie is tried and tested during his stint on The X Factor; can it survive the ups and downs on his new lifestyle?
Finals Night
"The phone lines have been frozen and I am about to reveal the two acts still in the final and the act who has received the fewest votes and has finished in third place" Dermot welcomed back the show after what felt like the longest ad break of my life "So let's welcome back the finalists and their judges"
The music played as Dannii and Matt, Cheryl and Rebecca and Simon and the boys stepped out onto the stage. I took Hannah's hand who was sat beside me, being Louis' girlfriend she knew what it felt like. Harry was on the end next to his best friend Louis, his eyes looked around the audience at the acts family and friends and adoring fans, his eyes landed on me and he managed to give me a small, shaky smile. I blew him a kiss and he looked down to his feet, he was so scared and I could sense it. I love you I whispered under my breath.
"In no particular order the first act through to the next stage of the final is..." Dermot stopped for his painfully long pause, Harry's eyes stayed fixed on the floor and I took Hannah's hand and crossed my fingers "Matt" The crowd erupted into cheers and I clapped out of courtesy, I'd had a chance to meet the other acts and any of them on the stage deserved to win.
Harry lifted his hands to his mouth and his eyes were fixed on the floor, he looked like he was about to burst into tears. All I wanted to do was run onto the stage and hug him, tell him everything was going to be okay. I wouldn't care if I was dragged out by 6 foot security men and banned from the studio, the other boys looked to Simon for guidance, and he gave them all a reassuring nod and smile. Louis looked around and saw Harry with his head down, he tried to look under to check he wasn't crying and reached out his hand to comfort his best mate.
"The second act still in the final is...Rebecca" Dermot announced and my heart sank to my feet.
The boys looked devastated; Harry turned and clapped to Rebecca before Dermot called them over. Watching the boy's journey from the auditions to tonight made the tears that had been building up flood down my cheeks and I sobbed uncontrollably watching my best friend trying not to break down on stage in front of the nation.
The famous theme tune sounded in the studio and the boys gave Dermot a hug before heading off the stage. Hannah and I were directed backstage along with the boy's families to where we could see them. I ran, I didn't care about the security, once I saw Harry sat on the floor, resting against the wall with his head in his hands I had to get to him.
Niall, who was trying to comfort him, saw me running towards them and stood up, he smiled at me before going to see his parents. I sat down on the floor next to Harry and put my arm around him "You did great" Harry broke down into sobs and it broke my heart. I didn't know what else to do other than hug him; I had never seen a boy cry like this before.
"Harry listen to me, this isn't the end for you; this is only the beginning. You made it to the final three and you had tough competition. You've seen the amount of adoring fans that scream and burst into tears when you smile at them, that fan base is just going to get bigger. Simon believes in you, the boys believe in you, your fans believe in you and I believe in you" I tried my best to comfort him, my efforts seemed to pay off as Harry sat up and looked at me with bloodshot, watery eyes and gave me the best smile he could manage.
"I don't know what I've done to deserve a friend like you" Harry's voice was hoarse from the long night and all the crying. The word friend is what hurt the most. It felt like someone had punched me in the gut causing my stomach to plummet. I knew many girls would kill to be best friends with a member of One Direction, but there was no denying that Harry had matured from the scrawny little kid I used to chase around the garden because he stole my favourite Barbie doll and was threatening to pull her head off.
"I'm not going anywhere" I put my hand on his cheek and smiled at him. I didn't realise until I looked up that my words had a double meaning. I wasn't going to abandon Harry at a time like this when he needs true friends who aren't just hanging out with him because he's a member of One Direction, but I wasn't going anywhere literally. I had got so absorbed in Harry that neither of us had noticed the backstage corridor had filled with people.
Harry stood up and held out his hands pulling me up off the floor, before I had a chance to say anything he pulled me into one of his insanely tight hugs. I relaxed against his chest and enjoyed the warmth I felt radiate off him "I have to go, but I'll be back soon"
"I'll be here" I smiled and watched as he and the other boys were directed back to the stage ready for the winner to be announced.
The contestants had organised a final party back at the X Factor house, much to the annoyance of the cleaners who would have to tidy up after everyone had gone the following morning. Louis and Niall were acting as the party entertainment standing on the table in the centre of the room dancing along to The Time Warp. I honestly didn't know how someone could have as much as energy as these two boys messing around trying to teach everyone the dance. I noticed Zayn slip out of the room and disappear, he hadn't been himself all night. I gave my drink to Harry and followed after Zayn.
"Zayn!" I called and he stopped halfway up the stairs turning to look at the person who had called him, I ran to catch up with him and stood on the step below him "Are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine, I was just going to start packing my stuff up, you know be the only organized person in this house" Zayn answered and gave me a smile, but I wasn't convinced.
"I'll help?" I questioned, I didn't want to force my presence upon him.
"That would be great" Zayn nodded and continued up the stairs, I followed after him and he pushed open the door that had been the boy's room for the past weeks and you could tell. There were dirty clothes all over the floor, none of the beds were made and there was half eaten food on the cupboards.
"Nice room" I commented sarcastically.
"The cleaners never did our room for some reason" Zayn replied as he started looking around the floor for his belongings. I decided to be useful and started collecting things off the floor, holding it up and then throwing it on the bed of the person Zayn told me it belonged too.
"You should be downstairs partying with everyone" I told him wanting to find out what was wrong with him. In a way I felt like a mother figure to the boys, I'd always been the one who had supported them from the beginning. I remember being at boot camp with them and pushing Zayn to go on stage and dance despite being nervous and opting to stay backstage.
"I don't really feel like partying, you know?" Zayn sighed and looked in the mirror. It was no secret that he was vain, but this wasn't for vanity, his eyes were watering and I knew something was up, I dropped everything in my hand and stepped over to him.
"What's wrong?" I asked turning him to face me, he didn't answer as the tears fell down his cheeks and I pulled him towards me and wrapped my arms around him.
"I don't want it to end Sophie" Zayn sobbed into my shoulder and I tried to comfort him. The boys were moving in together next week, but I knew this wasn't just about the boys. Zayn had become extremely close to Geneva from Belle Amie along with all the other contestants.
"I know, but it will all be alright" I rubbed his back trying to comfort him "Staying up here isn't going to make it better, you should be downstairs celebrating the last night with everyone"
"It sounds stupid, but I didn't want people to see me cry" Zayn stepped back and wiped his eyes, before turning and looking in the mirror "How do I look?"
I chuckled "You look fine"
"Is my hair still in place and everything?" Zayn ran his hand along his always perfect hair. I'm sure he went through more cans of hairspray a week than I did a year.
"Zayn your hair is in place now get your gorgeous, vain arse downstairs" I ordered pointing in the direction of the stairs, he laughed and gave me one last hug before leaving the room, he held the door open for me and we joined the party again.
Harry was still standing where I left him holding my glass, he smiled his goofy smile when he saw me "Where have you been?"
"I was just talking with Zayn" I didn't lie to him, I never lied to Harry mainly because he always found a way to find out the truth in the end and he knew when I wasn't telling him the truth. One of the many things I adored about this boy.
"Talking" Harry winked with a cheeky grin on his face.
"Is someone jealous?" I grinned at him before purposely shaking my hips as I walked towards Louis who had got everyone dancing. I glanced over my shoulder to check Harry was watching before breaking into the sexiest dance I could manage, his eyes narrowed as he watched me swaying my hips to the music and he stood up from his slouched position looking like he would punch anyone who touched me. I turned to face him and curled my finger calling him over.
Harry slowly walked over and I took this as an opportunity to check out my extremely hot best friend. Dressed in a tight navy Jack Wills t-shirt and baggy Chino's tucked into his favourite boots it was easy to see why girls loved him and his curly mop of hair. If his appearance wasn't enough to make you fall in love his personality and characteristics surely were. Harry stopped in front of me just as the song changed to Make You Feel My Love by Adele.
Harry rolled his eyes at the choice of song. I'm sure being a contestant you got sick of this song, but I loved it "Want to dance?"
"I would love too" I smiled and placed my hand in his allowing him to pulled me close and we slowly started turning in a circle.
"Thank you" Harry bent down and whispered in my ear, I kept my head on his chest not looking up to him, the sound of his heart was comforting to me.
"For what?" I asked not sure as to why he was thanking me.
"Everything" Harry answered before stepping away and twirling me around. I smiled up at him and returned to where I was before "You're the best friend I could have ever asked for, you mean the world to me"
Harry's words should have made me weak at the knees, but one word stood out and I couldn't fight the gut wrenching feeling. That's all Harry saw me as, a friend. I stopped moving with him and tried to hold back the tears. My feelings were so much stronger than those you should have for a friend, but it was clear he didn't have the same feelings for me "I'm sorry, I need some air"
"Sophie?" Harry looked at me confused. I glanced up at him through teary eyes and rushed towards the back door. I gasped as the cold air hit my bare legs and arms, there was a thin layer of snow settled on the ground and my breath lingered in the air when I breathed out "Sophie..." Harry followed me outside "Oh fuck its cold"
"I'm sorry, I just needed some air, it was too crowded in that room" I made an excuse, I never suffered from claustrophobia and Harry knew that.
"I need some air is another way of saying I need some time alone to think" Harry raised an eyebrow and sometimes I hated him for being so observant "Tell me what you're thinking about"
Us.I shrugged not being able to think of a lie quickly enough and to be honest I didn't have the energy to make it sound convincing anymore. I had spent the last week being supportive to all of the boys, calming them down when they got nervous about the final and just generally being their mum away from home. I hadn't had time in ages to think about myself, it had all been about Harry and the X Factor. There was no point being supportive if I was feeling down about my own troubles. The person who I usually confided in about my problems was busy following his dreams.
"Sophie please, you're worrying me" Harry furrowed his brow as he tried to figure out what could be wrong with me. Was he really that naïve or was I just too subtle for him to work out that I am head over heels in love with him. Why else would I have put so much effort into helping him and 4 boys I only met a few months ago when I was supposed to be at school finishing my GCSE's? I'm not fame hungry, I've witnessed first-hand the screaming fans that follow you when all you want is a sandwich from Sainsbury's. It's not the life for me.
"I just needed time to think about everything" I smiled lying to him again. Harry was already emotionally exhausted as it was without me telling him how I feel, it could wait.
"At least come inside, it's minus 50 out here" Harry shivered and opened the back door, the heat from the house flooded out inviting me back inside.