Title: The Last Feeling
Author: Feshnie
Genre: Angst
Warnings: Character Death
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His bag was finally filled to its fullest but he left it open, nearly afraid of the true fact that it would probably be the last time that he would pack his things in that place that he warmed up enough with to call a home; a place to return to after tiring days. He looked about in his small square room and took in the dark and dank walls. It had been a while since he returned to the Black Order and his old room had somehow been destroyed in half by a machine gone haywire. He had been given a new one which was farther away from the dining hall much to his pleasure.
The averagely comfortable bed that he slept in just the other night felt cold under his palm and on it was the luggage that he had just finished packing a few seconds ago. His body, weary from the most recent battle, longed to sleep on it once more but he knew he shouldn't. His mind would not allow him to be there, where it was easiest for him to remember the comrades he made and the ones he lost.
Although Linali had told him, in her content but drained voice, that he still had much to live for but he felt that staying there was like the moment had become the last chapter of his life.
The Millennium Earl had been defeated and it finally hit them that they were finally free from the burden of being the Innocence's sacrifice. Some finders had even returned to their homes. There was still the job of erasing the few akumas that were still around but he was excused of the work.
He looked at his left arm that was tucked in a makeshift sling and felt it twitch. His right eye blurred and warmed with renewed tears but he gave a blink and turned to the open door. The hallway was calm and quiet without a single shadow passing.
Last night they had thrown a victory and welcome party. He was treated like a hero coming back from a long journey. Somehow, deep down, he just couldn't identify the reason to the treatment. He kept to himself that night and before he headed to bed, he went to visit the main hall where hundreds of coffins were laid in rows. At first, he passed the line of black coffins and kneeled in the middle of the mass of white coffins containing corpses of finders.
His good hand shook as he placed it on his chest and, with a sob, he apologized to them. His head was bowed low but he could feel a person kneel in front of him. He looked up with tears running down his scarred cheek and blinked to focus on the man.
"There is no reason for you to apologize, Walker-dono," the man said, his eyes looking a bit puffy from crying over his friend. "I know for certain that everyone here feels grateful for the defeat of the Earl. If anything, I feel that I, representing all of my fallen comrades, want to profusely thank you for making our dream of a bright future come true."
He felt paralyzed after that even as the man stood up and left. It wasn't until about 10 minutes later that he stood up and randomly expressed his gratitude for their support to open coffins in a low voice. All around him, the atmosphere was filled with a lot of solemn emotions. Mumbles and sobs filled the room and there were the occasional loud bawls. He did it until he reached the black ones that he had purposely missed before. His legs nearly gave out under him when he read the name of a fellow exorcist that he once traveled with. His hand fell upon the coffin lid and his heart clenched at the thought that beneath that piece of wood was nothing but air. With another sob, he walked to the middle of the line of black coffins and gave a bow.
"Your efforts did not go to waste," he said in a loud, clear voice despite the lump in his throat. "I can say now that I have taken revenge for you and brought the Earl of Millennium, the destroyer of mankind, to his rightful place. Thank you for the commitment that you gave in our long journey."
His words were not replied but as if of an instinct that he had suddenly developed, he could feel that they understood. Slow, deliberate steps were taken as he walked back along the line that he came. Just before he reached the end though, he stopped and looked at another empty casket. As if being tugged down, he collapsed to his knees and pressed his forehead onto the cool surface.
"Hey, this bean sprout grew a few inches taller," he joked in a low voice. "You made Linali sad, you know? I wonder what you'd say if you knew she was mourning over your nonexistent body. You'd probably tell her off for it. I hate it when you do that, stupid. It gets on my nerves that you think you're all mighty and stuff."
The words flowed naturally out of his mouth as if he was talking to a person and not an empty black box. True, he disliked the man but now that he thought about it, he didn't really spend as much time with the man like Linali had and once again, his heart clenched. It felt like he had spent a long time just sitting by Kanda Yuu's coffin before he finally felt that he had lectured enough and left to go to bed.
Back in the present, he had finally pulled and fastened the clasp of his bag. Slowly, he stood up and gave the room one last look-over before pulling his luggage upright. His hand stayed on the handle as he stared at the picture decorating his wall. It felt ironic that his room had a picture of a joker when he, himself, was named the crowned clown.
"I've walked a long way, Mana," he spoke, pulling his hand from the bag handle and touching the picture. A shiver ran down his back as he ran his hand over the grey background of the portrait. It felt cool under his rough fingers. "And I will continue walking until I die. Are you still by my side supporting me?"
No answer came and he pulled his hand away. The crooked smile on the joker's face seemed to be mocking him and, oddly, he felt more encouraged to leave the place he had been calling home.
With a last lingering look, he picked up his bag and left the room.
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A/N: Read and Review.