The title explains it all :D
Before you read this…It does contain ItaSasu and always will, cause they are my favorite pairing :3 So if you read this without knowing that and hate it, don't blame it on me!
Crack of Doom
Introductions
"Ahem!" Sasuke coughed out, mic in hand. He brought his other hand up to tap his finger on it. "Is this thing even working, aniki?"
His brother didn't answer, as he was too busy looking at a piece of paper that was in his hand, so Sasuke just shrugged and continued with his speech.
"I'm here to tell you what this story is about…because…well…our author is currently trying to fall asleep at one in the morning." He took a glance at the bed behind him, seeing tired eyes glare back at him.
Not a good sight. At all.
"Anyways, as the title says it's crack." The Uchiha smirked. "As in insanity crack. Not cocaine crack, because that's just weird."
Sasuke heard a sigh behind him and turned around to see his brother getting up from his position on the floor. He was, by the way, just laying on his stomach. Not in some yoga position or anything, because Uchiha's don't do that. That's like seeing Fugaku singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, which, by the way, is Sasuke's favorite song.
"Not." Sasuke said stiffly, but don't worry, he's just in denial.
Itachi raised an eyebrow, things were getting pretty weird for him. Especially at one in the morning, when he really should be cuddled up with Sasuke in bed. Honestly, he had no idea why he had agreed to this at all.
"And just so everyone knows, Itachi is minez! M-I-N-E-Z! Minez! Got it?" Sasuke looked towards the camera with a glare. "You guys better get it or you will diez by the power of my Chidori!" The raven gave out a little spark to prove his point.
"Otouto…this is rated 'E'. How are you going to be able to keep it rated 'E' if you're suggesting incest between me and you?" Itachi inquired quietly.
"It's rated 'E' for erotic-ness, nii-san…" Sasuke answered back smartly.
"Oh…well, sorry for reading in complete darkness."
"There's still light from the camera, aniki…"
"Stop being a smartass and continue." Itachi said, rolling his black eyes.
"Was just stating the facts." The younger pointed out, getting a irritated look from the elder.
"You know what?"
"What?" Sasuke challenged.
"Since you're obviously not going to continue, just give me the mic." Itachi growled, putting his hand out.
"No! It's my lines! It says so in the script!" Sasuke held the mic protectively, glaring at the man who dares to separate them.
"I can't see the fucking script so just hand me the fucking mic, Sasuke."
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No! Minez!"
"Sasuke, I'm warning you…"
"No! It's my lines so I'm not goin-"
Thump.
The two ended up on the floor, Itachi straddling Sasuke. The older wrestled the mic from Sasuke's possessive hands, ignoring the screaming 'NO!'s from him.
…
Five minutes later, Itachi held the mic victoriously in his hand while Sasuke was cuddled and sobbing quietly on his chest.
"I really hate you, you know." The little raven muttered between sobs.
"I love you too, Sasuke." Itachi stroke his brother's back, attempting to soothe him.
"-hic- You're so mean…" Little Sasuke cuddled himself deeper into the muscled, yet surprisingly soft, chest of his brother.
"I'm sorry."
"You stole my lines." Sasuke continued to accuse.
"I know."
-hic- Okay…I'm done now…"
"Good boy." Itachi kissed the boy's check and tighten his hold.
"Love you, nii-san…"
"Love you, too. Now then…I can continue with the introductions." Itachi shifted Sasuke a little to get comfortable.
"As Sasuke said, this story…will it's not much of a story, more like a collection of one-shots. Anyways, it's crack. And it's always going to contain the pairing: ItaSasu. As in me and this adorable little uke in my arms." Itachi mentioned towards the little bundle.
"Although, I will let him be seme sometimes, but that's only rarely."
"I get to be seme?!" Sasuke shot up with wide eyes, staring at Itachi in surprise.
"Yes, but-"
"I. Get. To. Be. SEME?!"
"Yes, otou-"
"This better not be a joke or I'm going to kick your ass!"
"Shut up and let me continued."
"Right!" Sasuke did the little zip-your-mouth-and-throw-away-the-key motion that teachers love making kids do.
"As I was saying until someone interrupted…"
"Sorry…"
"I thought you locked your mouth and threw the key away…?"
"I picked the lock."
"Right. Anyways, this will contain AU (alternate universe), OOCness (out of character…ness…), incest (whoot!), Yaoi (enough said), swearing, random-ness, insanity, crack, not possible things (as in doors appearing out of nowhere), sexual themes (me and Sasuke gettin' it on), and a whole lot of other shit that (the author could not think of right now) will be discovered later." Itachi concluded, nodding his head.
"And now, the disclaimer!" The older Uchiha announced to the camera.
"And I get to do it!" Sasuke piped out.
"Why do you get to do it?"
"Cause you stole my lines, so now I'm stealing yours."
"Fair enough, hurry it up though."
"All characters used in this work belong to their original owners." Sasuke had sounded pretty childish in his attempt to sound professional.
"And this applies to all the chapters in this work."
"Oh! And Itachi's cock belongs to my ass." The older raised an eyebrow to that.
"So that's it then…" Itachi muttered out to the camera.
"Yup…" The younger answered back blankly.
"…So…"
"What?"
"How do you turn the camera off?"
"You push the on/off button, Einstein."
"I can't fucking see the on/off button, smartass."
"It's right there! Here, I'll even push it for you!"
Click.
Beep.
"…Uh…"
"I'm pretty sure that wasn't the on/off button, it's still on otouto."
"...Yeah…I'm not blind, aniki…I'm just in shock right now…"
"…It just started recording…"
"Nii-saaaaaan…" Sasuke whined out desperately.
"Yes?"
"Don't tell me we have to start all over!" He cried out in despair and buried himself into Itachi's chest.
"…I won't say anything then."
Confused? I know I am…
Questions will be answered if you give Sasuke a cookie when you review! He wants cookies! :D And also! Ideas would be much appreciated :3
Till next time!