So here's the deal, there was this really pretty girl who could sing, and was nice as hell. That's what the movie said anyway. I bet a hundred bucks if that girl were real, she'd be one of those mean girls. You know, the ones who always make fun of fat people and think they're always the leader. They are mostly the leader, though, I'll admit. That's the problem with movies; they never have real people in them.
Anyway, since this girl is so good at singing a guy hears her and falls in love with her, and he's a goddamn prince! The problem is, she has this crazy stepmother with a mirror that tells her she's not as pretty as Snow White (that's the name of the girl, these names kill me). So she decides to send someone to kill Snow White. This way, she'll be the prettiest girl in the world. Which makes no sense, because if she's the only one who has the mirror like that, no on e else would know who the prettiest girl in the world is, so who gives a damn anyway?
Anyway, this guy was supposed to kill Snow White and bring her heart to the stepmother. But when he sees her, her beauty stops him, or something like that. So he didn't kill her. He didn't kill because she was nice and pretty. She was nice and pretty my ass, if that guy was in the real world he'd have stab the girl right in her heart or at least give her the time. So Snow White runs off to live in the juggle and finds some animal friends on her way. She ends up living with seven little men. That's a really terrific thing to do in a children's book; tell them it's okay to just run off and live seven strangers.
Anyway, the stepmother finds out about this and gets really mad. i mean really mad. So mad that she turns herself to this ugly woman with potions and all. i figured if she can make herself that ugly with magic, why didn't she just make herself prettier than Snow White? Damn movies.
So anyway, she makes this poisonous apple, which would kill anyone that eats it. An apple, that killed me! I mean the stepmother wasn't even bothered to make a goddamn chocolate cake or something. You know, the ones with sprinkles or chocolate dips on top. The ones that Phoebe was crazy about. I used to get her one after every A+ that she got. I was going to do the same for Allie, but the problem was, he was too damn intelligent that I'd probably go broke. Allie didn't mind though.
Anyway, Snow White eats this apple and dies, and there's this really phony funeral with all the animals and 7 little men. This guy who's supposedly her true love shows up, and kisses her. Another terrific character to introduce to children: necrophilia! All they need is a snobby bastard like Ackley, and they'll win a goddamn award for this film. so after he kisses her, he just kneels down in sorrow. That's ALL he does. He just sits her. He doesn't even cry for crust sake, or even gets mad.
Anyway, the kiss heals Snow White and she wakes up and the story finishes. I bet a thousand bucks the director ended the story there, because he even knew after a month snow white's going to find out what a phony bastard the goddamn prince is.