Becca drummed the steering wheel as she waited for her daughter's school to be let out when the glint of her wedding ring caught her attention. She smiled ponderously as memories resurfaced in the recesses of her of her mind. The sharp sharp ringing of the after-school bell snapped the brunette from her reminiscing; looking up, she was met with the sight of her little girl running towards her all smiles and gold stickers decorating her arms.
"Mommy! Mommy!" Emily breathlessly giggled at her mother upon reaching the car. "Look at all the stickers Ms. Brown gave me!"
Stretching her arm right under Becca's nose, she started prattling all about her day and how she got the stickers.
"…this one is for raising my hand before answering Ms. Brown and this is for helping Tommy with his shoelaces and this one is for having my homework and this…."
Becca laughed and pressed a kiss on her daughter's outstretched arm. "Good job kid. Better than when mommy was in school. Let's go buy ice cream to celebrate, yeah?"
A happy squeal met her invitation, a squeal that sounded so much like…. Becca shook her head and focused on Emily.
"This is a one time thing though; You know don't want to spoil your dinner, right?"
"Yes mommy. It's like Friday celebration!" Emily nodded eagerly. Becca gave her daughter a half grin as she drove off towards their favorite ice cream parlor.
As the pair enjoyed the pleasant afternoon sun, contentedly licked at their melting ice cream cones at the stoop of their home, Emily looked at her mother in all seriousness an eight year old could muster.
"Mommy, what's a soul mate?"
That got Becca's ice cream going down the wrong pipe, inducing a small coughing fit.
"What brought that question on baby?"
"Jesse at school told me everyone has a soul mate."
"Well baby…." Becca reached out and was about to smooth out Emily's hair when her wedding band caught the sun's light, winking at her. Becca retrieved her hand and twisted the ring on her finger fondly as a deluge of memories came back to her.
"It's a.. Well, it's like a best friend, but more." Becca started.
"I'm so glad I met you. I think we are going to be really fast friends." Too close. Too close. That was the only thing running through her mind as the girl who practically forced her to join this a capella group pulled her in.
"Wel, you saw me naked so…" an awkward wink.
"Alright I'm going to get a drink. This ginger needs her jiggle juice." A not-so-innocent booty shake that made her eyes zone in to the svelte body of this redhead she never thought would be her closest, bestest friend.
Another memory merged with the memory of their initial meeting. Warmer, friendlier.
"You seem tense. Do you need a back-rub?" a confident smile was gracing Chloe's breathe-taking features. She nearly gave in, knowing from past experience that Chloe's hands worked miracles in removing the kinks in her neck and shoulders when she stayed hunched over her laptop for ungodly amounts of time. But looking around, she was too bashful to agree to Chloe's offer since the Bella's might make a lot of embarrassing, good-natured 'Bloe' comments.
"Several body parts are rubbing my back right now. Thank you." She opted to snipe back. Chloe was undeterred, knowing Becca wanted the back rub as much as she wanted to give it. She winked slyly to relay that she understood what Becca was really feeling and trying to say.
She smiled at the memory that was so vivid she could almost smell the grass and hear the owls hoot from almost ten years ago. "It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else."
"You know Becca, we're very close but I think this retreat is really gonna let us discover everything about each other." Chloe moved to brush away a strand of hair that fell over her eye. Her smile was as warm as the summer night. She never thought the sun could shine in the night but here was Chloe, the personification of the sun, convincing her to give this retreat a chance.
"Is that right?" she muttered stubbornly, not wanting for Chloe to know she was at the precipice of giving in.
A hum of agreement and a wink. She wasn't fooling Chloe one bit. Chloe knows, she always knows what she was feeling and thinking. They were so in sync they were almost the same person, two bodies sharing one soul...
"It's someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don't make you a better person... you do that yourself- because they inspire you." Becca breathed out as a memory of a stormy night and a stormier argument that taught her a life lesson flashed before her.
"I know I fucked up Chloe! I'm sorry! Don't! Please don't go! If you want me to tell everyone we're together, I will! I'll tell everyone!" She screamed into the air, her hair was whipped about by the wind and rain. In the flurry of events, both of them were now standing under the torrential rain, arguing over the continued way she kept secrets and avoided situations that was out of her comfort zone. Chloe had been very patient with her, comforting and understanding, never pushing her but had enough sense to nudge her to the right direction albeit unsuccessfully. The straw that broke the camel's back was when Becca outright denied their relationship and brushed Chloe off as just a random college experiment, just so she would avoid the looks and the questions about being gay. The moment the words slip out of her mouth was the moment she knew was the biggest mistake that she had ever made and the hurt she saw in Chloe's eyes before the said girl ran out into the rain was unimaginable.
Chloe turned around to face her, sobs racked her lithe frame. She shook her head, not being able to find words to express how much she was hurt. "Becca…"
"I know that I'm not much of a prize but I can be better! I will be better for you! I'm sorry…" she continued to cry out through the rain, her knees giving way.
"No Becca! Not for me!" Chloe's hurt and anger dissipated when she saw how regretful her girlfriend was so stepped towards her, closing the distance between them. She gathered the distraught girl in her arms as she stooped down. "Not for me… I want you to want this. I want you to be better for yourself. I know you can. But baby, do it for you…"
Their eyes met. "Becca, if you become a proud person, it is because you wanted it for yourself, it will forever stay with you. You will always be proud." Chloe whispered but her words pierced the howling wind.
"I….I love you so much." Becca tightened her hold on her lover, the rain forgotten.
Those words were seared into her mind and soul. Those words helped her be proud of who she is; those words made her to be the best person she could be no matter what anyone else thought; those words helped her to the best music producer since she made the music that made her happy. Becca's eyes were glassy and had to compose herself before continuing.
"It's the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would."
Chloe gasped in delight and awe as she stepped through the door . She turned this and that; she couldn't see enough of what she had done with the roof deck of their apartment. Strings of white blue lights were twinkling around them and the expanse of the floor were filled to overflowing with different flowers and blossoms. In the midst of it all was her, standing there with a lit candle and the biggest smile she had ever had in her whole life.
"Baby, what's all this?" Chloe whispered in amazement and wonder.
"Chloe… I have something to tell you and…maybe, can you not…like, interrupt? I might mess this up." She let a nervous giggle escape her lips."..and maybe, you can take a seat there…?" Chloe looked beside her and saw a small wooden backed chair. She nodded and pretended to zip her lips, her smile only growing in anticipation.
She breathed deeply and stepped towards the ginger. "Chloe,Let me tell you what love is to me. Love is friendship that has caught fire." She bent down and lit the other candles that were hidden before. Each step she took equals a small lit candle." It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses." She reached the redhead and took her hand, pulling her to her feet. "You have taught me all these Chlo… with the love you gave me, even when I pushed you away, you taught me what love is and how to love." She placed a chaste kiss on her lover's lips and pulled her towards the flowers.
They stopped at the first selection of flowers and she took one and handed it to the redhead. "This is called Amaryllis. It symbolizes splendid beauty and also worth beyond beauty. You are so beautiful Chloe, inside and out."
They moved on to the next collection and a second flower was handed out. "And this is an Aster. It symbolizes patience. Thank you for always being patient with me and my stubborn streak."
A third flower was bestowed to the redhead with a giggle. "This one is a Bouvardia Double. It is your personality in a flower; enthusiasm and zest for life." Chloe chuckled as she held the flowers to her.
The fourth amassment of flowers were a sea of red Carnations. "These symbolize love, pride and admiration. You showed me how to be proud, you gave me love and my admiration for the person that you are is beyond measure."
The fifth kind was an assortment of red and white chrysanthemums. Chloe's growing bouquet smelled like heaven and she bit her lip in expectation. " Red for love and white for true and loyal love. You loved me through thick and thin. Even before anyone believed in me or when no one did, you were there. Thank you."
They almost have gone around the roof deck and Chloe was starting to get dizzy with elation.
"Babe, no matter how many times I say thank you, I can never express it enough. Hydrangeas. Heartfelt gratitude for being understood. I'm not that good with words so I'm stuck with 'thank you for always understanding what I cannot say'".
Finally, they reached the last cluster of flowers and the seventh blossom was handed to the ginger. "This last one… Orange Blossoms… speak of eternal love and marriage. And what I'm trying to say is…." She fell down on one knee and pulled out a tiny box from her back pocket. "…what I want to ask is.. Chloe Beale, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"
"A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. " she closed her eyes as a painful memory swam before her mind's eye.
Chloe lay on the hospital bed looking drawn and pale but she brightened up as she entered the room.
"Hey…I'm sorry I…"
Chloe held out her hand and nodded her assurance.
"She's a handful huh? Doctor said so…." She chuckled awkwardly, her eyes drawn towards the bassinet just to the right of her wife.
"Yeah… I swear she laughed instead of cried when she popped out." Chloe laughed quietly. "She will be an angel. Come over… tell her.." she took a deep breathe. "Tell her we'll forever love her."
She tentatively stepped towards the baby and her eyes lit up at the wonderful bundle of joy looking up at her with clear blue eyes. She gently picked up their daughter. "Heard that Emily? Mama and I will always love you and be there for you…" Emily gurgled her thanks and Becca laughed. "Check it out babe, she said thank you."
Looking up, she gasped in panic. Chloe had her eyes closed, a faint smile on her lips but her skin had a waxy pallor and no one could mistake the shadow of death. "CHLOE? Chloe babe! Oh my god!"
In a whirlwind of doctors, nurses and hospital frenzy, Becca was left holding their daughter in confusion and unimaginable heartbreak. The words"unexpected", "hemorrhage" and "maternal death" left her reeling with shock. Denial. Anger. A cacophony of emotions she couldn't understand, couldn't accept. Not Chloe. Not her Chloe.
The funeral was simple. She couldn't remember much of it. She did remember laying a single orange blossom on the casket and whispering."I'll love you forever. You'll forever be with me, with us."
Becca wiped a stray tear that fell as Emily looked on. She looked up towards the setting sun; staining the sky with a burst of mauve, pink, crimson and yellow. She almost swore she saw Chloe's face among the clouds smiling down at them. She smiled.
"And no matter what happens.. you'll always love them."