A/N: yes, a Kick-Ass/Deadpool crossover. Your geeky heart is throbbing. But there are a few things you need to know.
Ok, this is a non-continuity type crossover where things don't have to make sense. And I'm not just saying that because I know this crossover can't possibly happen what with all Marvel/DC and such characters being fictional and me not discovering this plot hole until after I wrote it. *ahem*
Also, yes I made callbacks to the movie and that cute drawing the mutant kid drew in that Black Swan Deadpool arc. I hope you enjoy.
Hit-Girl meets Deadpool
It is the type of night in New York City that really lets you take a deep breath in the cold of the night. Across is the tower of the infamous Wilson Fisk, the Kingpin of Crime. A young girl around 11 years of age studies the room at the window facing her through night vision binoculars. She is dressed in all purple, her hair included. A mask covered the upper portion of her face as a scowl spread across. She had promised her father – stepfather to be precise – that she would stop this, that she would return to an ordinary life. But one name kept popping up in New York and she had to try it. Just once.
The Kingpin would finally perish.
With a running start, Hit-girl jumped off of her building's ledge. What with the height of the tower, to get to the main room her best option was to scale the outside. She expertly shot a grappling gun into the cement of the side. The wire began to pull her in and she tucked her feet to withstand slamming against it. The security seemed simple enough. Hit-Girl crept along the panes of glass, inserting her gloved fingertips into the wall lining and her feet narrowly stabilizing themselves on the windowpanes. She can't just break in for sensors that are sure to be there, but she then observed as the hired help of Mr. Fisk seemed to run off somewhere one by one sparking curiosity. Hit-Girl quickly scanned the area – a large office void of her target. She took a chance and broke open the window knowing that if the boss isn't here and the henchmen are gathering then there is already suspicion. They knew she was there; the question that plagued her was how.
By chance, a worker ran in but she quickly took care of it by a swift slit in his throat and a puncture in the stomach by her staff. Hit-Girl could hear the thump of footsteps down the hall accompanied by a couple of screams. One after another they seemed to come. She collapsed her staff and put it in one of her belt's weapon straps. Hit-Girl pulled out a revolver, kept close to the wall, and preceded down the passageway.
As she approached, a blood-splattered body in a business suit landed at the wall next to here, leaving a thick crimson syrup coating the spot. Holding up her gun in defense, she looked to see a man dressed in red and black – filling her with anger as the color scheme only served to remind her of Red Mist. The suit itself had many pockets but achieved more red than usual with blood both new and set in, but the only thing that told her was he never bothered to wash. The man held a katana in each hand as he visibly took deep breathes to calm his self down from the obvious bloodlust. His face was to the ground for a momentary rest. When he looked up, he asked the young girl "Kid? What … what the hell are you doing here?"
"You ruined my position! You attacked Fisk first, you motherf*****!" Hit-Girl let loose about five bullets to pierce through the man's chest and skull and he collapsed in a heap. She just looked down for a second before she started walking off again. Fisk had to have gone somewhere and she figured if she would hurry then she could kill him before he causes more harm. Behind her, a sound which brought the imagery of crawling spiders to mind pierced her ears. Hit-Girl turned to see the man fully healed and an impressed air about him. He said with a smirk under his mask, "Wow, look at that grouping! It's like Deadpool #68 all over again! Pure art, tre magnific!"
Hit-Girl stood, dazed. That should have killed him definitely. She shook her head and mouthed the word "what?" Deadpool swept his katanas back into their holsters at his back and turned to her. "And, y'know, you have quite a mouth on you. 'But that language and violence made about 37 mil at the box office.' Ooh, rub it in!"
Instinctively, Hit-Girl pulled out a gun to keep the weird man at bay. "What the hell? You should be dead right now."
"Again with the guns? So I got hired to pop this guy," he continued, circling around her. "At least I have a reason. You just decide one night that you wanna kill Fisk? Lazy writing, I swear …" Hit-Girl still being half dazed, Deadpool took this opportunity by grabbing her by the arm and folding it around her back; He then placed a knife by her neck. Angered, Hit-Girl slipped the gun back into its holster, grabbed her staff, and kicked Deadpool down below.
"Eat this, c***sucker." She stabbed Deadpool through the stomach and used one of her staff's blades to swiftly decapitate her opponent. Hit-Girl waited only seconds to be sure he was dead and again the man healed. This time, he came back mad.
"Little girl wanna play?" Deadpool rapid-fired an AK-47 her way, but Hit-Girl hid behind a sofa in the stylish, criminally financed workplace. A handful of ammo made its way to her, but a bulletproof vest kept her safe. She shot back wounded him, but of course Deadpool is quick to heal. The sound of gunshots alerted the building for what little henchmen the Kingpin had left. Soon, the duo was surrounded, but barely. Hit-Girl never turned her back to Deadpool but shot off her grappling gun which pierced through one man's hand. He howled in pain while Deadpool began shooting the others. Hit-Girl yanked the cord causing the gun in the man's hand to jerk up; he shot himself. She flipped over him to shoot a few others remaining; when she landed her guns were still pointing towards Deadpool. An alarm was blaring and Hit-Girl looked one more time down the hall.
"Hey, you. A**hole. We gotta get outta here."
"No Fisk, no pay."
Deadpool ran down the hall, pushing random henchmen out of his way. Mindy thought, Well, fine. Get killed. I'm leaving. She went to a window and was almost ready to jump out. Then, she stopped. After a moment passed, Hit-Girl ran after Deadpool, her staff in hand. She kicked open the main door to find Wilson Fisk and Deadpool … shaking hands – though Wade looked like he was in pain from Fisk's grip.
"What the f***, man? I thought you wanted to kill this guy."
"He doubled the pay."
"He's a drug lord!"
"You kill for your reasons, I'll kill for mine … though to be honest, most of my reasons include fancy Mexican restaurants and porn bills to pay off. Plus, my apartment blows up every other arc … "
The Kingpin was outraged. He had been infiltrated by two assassins poised to kill him. He looked to Deadpool for any sign of his and Hit-Girl's partnership; he found none. Fisk rushed over to her and lifted her by the neck with one hand. Hit-Girl dropped her staff, clutching his fingers in an attempt to breathe – but to no avail with those sausage-like iron bars that were tightening around her.
"Another costumed nuisance. This I will be happy to dispose of myself." Hit-Girl let out a groan, signifying she had just run out of air. Kingpin's expression grew fierce, focused on there not being an adversary to live another day, to grow up and be a real threat. It was interrupted by a click. Both turned their heads, though in Hit-Girl's position it was difficult, to Deadpool who aimed a gun at Fisk.
"Let her go."
If anything, Fisk was a business man. He had just bought a temporary alliance and to kill this girl would waste a considerable amount of money. The girl will meet her death another day; she has forged a powerful enemy. He released Hit-Girl and she collapsed on the ground, gasping for breath. Fisk gave them a menacing stare, throwing a chair as Deadpool helped Mindy out the balcony, about to jump.
"And another chair turned to firewood. But that happens every time you sit down, don't it, Fatty?"
Fisk turned red with anger. Deadpool used the teleporter in his belt to transport Hit-Girl himself out on the ground of the building. Then Hit-Girl reminded him of her staff and made him go back and get it. She snatched it from him and put it away. Deadpool took a hand and pushed her backwards. "You're welcome!"
Under his mask, Hit-Girl could see a very serious demeanor. Almost angry.
"I … I guess … thank you. Kingpin would've killed me."
Then, Deadpool's expression changed. Mindy could've sworn she saw a smile spread across his face.
"Yeah, sure, Skippy! But if I were you I would wash my mouth out with soap, cut off my tongue, and sew my lips shut! Jeez!"
And he just walked off. Hit-Girl stared at him for a little bit; she couldn't wait to get home to Marcus, maybe see Dave again. These people are weird.