A Day in the Life of Shawn Spencer's Voicemail, a psych fanfic

A Day in the Life of Shawn Spencer's Voicemail

Disclaimer: Psych is not mine. Nor are any of the characters. I am not making money off of this. Blah, blah, blah.

7:20 a.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, you've --#

BEEP.

Shawn, Where are you? You told me to meet you at the docks. Well, I'm standing here. I've been standing here since six thirty, and I don't intend to miss the bikini contest at eight. Goodbye, Shawn.

7:54 a.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Shawn Spencer, Psychic Detective. I am currently on another paranormal plane right now, and am unable to take your call. Please, leave me a message and I will call you back later, if I remember to.

Please leave your message after the tone. To skip this message in the future, press the # key.

BEEP.

Mr. Spencer, the cat has to go. Yes, I found it. No, you can't have it in the building. Look, I'm giving you until twelve O'clock today to get the thing out of here, and I won't take further action, okay? Bye.

8:12 a.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Sh--#

BEEP.

The ship is leaving, Shawn. And you're not on it. You had better show up soon, because I will not have this cruise stopped to look for your body. I am going to enjoy myself, Shawn. Oh, and by the way, the bikinis are wonderful, Shawn.

9:41 a.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Please leave your message after the tone. To skip this message in the future, press the # key.

BEEP.

Hey Shawn, it's Jules. We need help. The case we've been working on the past two weeks just got sticky. We'd really appreciate it if you could come give us a hand with your—psychic—whatever it is you do. Anyway, just give me a call back, you have my number. How you got it I'll never know. And don't say you psychically read it off of me. Bye.

10:37 a.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, you've reach--#

BEEP.

Shawn, I found another box of your crap in my attic. I need you to come pick it up; it's taking up space on my coffee table. Sometime today would be nice.

11:14 a.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, you--#

BEEP.

I have checked the pool, the bars, the casino, and you aren't anywhere, Shawn. This thing is sailing away, and you had better be on it somewhere, or I am gonna kill you, Shawn. Seriously. Kill you.

11:57 a.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, you've reached the voicema--#

BEEP.

Hey, Um…Shawn, if you could give me a call back soon it would great. Yeah, Things are getting crazy around here, and we have no idea who to point the finger at and the chief is getting impatient. Hold on a sec—Carlton, wait don't—Shawn, I gotta go.

12:12 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, you've reached th--#

BEEP.

Twelve O'clock has come and gone, and the cat is still here. If it isn't gone by five this evening, you are out. I won't put up with this any more. Y'know, I'll try that other number on your record.

12:47 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Please leave your message after the tone. To skip this message in the future, press the # key.

BEEP.

Spencer, It's Lassiter. You had better listen to this, because I am only saying this once, and only because the chief is breathing down my neck at this very moment. We need your help. Things are escalating out of control, and we have enough suspects in custody to start a baseball team. Get over here, now. O'Hara—who are you call—

12:49 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi,--#

BEEP.

You didn't tell them we were on vacation, Shawn? I just got a call from Juliet asking why you weren't answering your phone. She said they need help on a case. How are we going to take a case when we're three thousand miles away, Shawn? And where the hell are you?

1:11 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, you've reached the vo--#

BEEP.

Shawn, I need to go to the grocery store. I need to go to Home Depot. I expect your stuff to be gone by the time I come back.

1:17 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi you've--#

BEEP.

Shawn, Um, things are getting desperate. Really desperate. We need your—abilities—pronto. Not kidding. I think that---hey! I was talking—Gimme—Carlton!

SPENCER. Unless you want to be charged with hindering a police investigation I suggest you get down to the station within the next ten minutes.

1:43 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Shawn Spe--#

Is there any particular reason you have my cell number on your apartment records? Now I have to go get that stupid cat. If you're at my place when I get home, you take it and figure out what to do with it. The fleabag is not staying with me.

2:01 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, you've rea--#

BEEP.

You didn't tell your dad either? Who else did you not tell that we were going to be on a week long cruise? And you left a cat in your apartment? I'm surprised the thing's not dead. Shawn, you need to call me. I will not take the beatings meant for you, Shawn.

2:02 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, yo--#

BEEP.

You mean to tell me that you have somehow managed to get lost between Cozumel, Mexico and Ocho Rios, Jamaica? God…Shawn…

Your junk will be on the front porch, rain or shine, and the cat is leaving. Period.

Bring me another shirt. I think I deserve something for all the trouble.

And call me as soon as you get this.

2:31 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, You've reached the voicemail of Shawn Spencer, Psy--#

BEEP.

Thank you for sending someone to get the cat. Much appreciated, although I find it rather pathetic that your father still has to take care of your problems.

3:17 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, you've reached the voice--#

BEEP.

Yeah, Um…Shawn? Did you break your phone again? Why aren't you picking up? Look, first chance you get, come down to the station. I—I can't stress how hectic this is right now. You want to know where I'm calling you from right—right now? Right this second? Inside of a closet. It was the only place I could find where I couldn't hear Lassiter yelling. Shawn, please. Now would be a good time.

3:27 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Please leave your message after the tone. To skip this message in the future, press the # key.

BEEP.

Ah, so you're psychic now, eh? This is Maria Carmen Pico calling. As I am sure you know, the Brazilian Carnaval is coming up. We would really love it if you would come help us again. Last year's float was only great because of your designs, you were fantástico!

I'll even pay for your plane ticket down here. Call me when you get this, okay?

Obrigado!

3:53 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, you've reached the voicemail of--#

BEEP.

I am proud to say that your furry friend had found a home at the Santa Barbara Humane Society, and according to your landlord, you will not be seeing Fluffy again, nor will you be allowed to have a Fluffy II.

Come get your crap when you get home.

4:46 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hi, You've reached the v--#

BEEP.

YOU JUMPED SHIP TO WORK ON A PIRATE SHIP? Yeah, that's right. I asked around. I talked to the girl at the desk, and you signed out this morning. You didn't tell me? Now I'm stuck here while you sail around the Cayman Islands? And how could you invite the lady at the desk and not me? Shawn, I am gonna kill you!

5:34 p.m.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Please leave your message after the tone. To skip this message in the future, press the # key.

BEEP.

Mr. Spencer, it's chief Vick. I don't know how you did it; I am not sure I want to know how you did it, but thank you, and your check will be waiting for you whenever you get here.

FIN.

I hope you all enjoyed this! I certainly liked writing it. :D Please, R&R!!!

~A7~