"Four Dances For Clark"
By Mari2Anne
Author: Mari2Anne
Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine; I do not own them or Smallville.
Pairing: Only saying that this DOES belong in the Clark and Chloe thread
Spoilers: References to "Crimson," "Arctic," "Committed," "Abyss" & "Bride"
Status: Completed/One shot. Just my take on the "Bride" episode mostly told from Clark's point of view.
PG/PG-13.
Hope you enjoy; please forgive any grammatical or other errors. Thank you so much for reading. Comments are always most welcome.
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Dance Number One
Clark knew deep down somewhere in a hidden continent of his heart known as the "Land of Denial" that there could be problems with Chloe not remembering his secret. He did admit that a large part of his soul feared that she would forget him completely. Some lingering trust issue with Jor-El he hadn't completely conquered yet Fortunately, she had remembered him and even that they were best friends. So he convinced himself he was happy, for her anyway. His happiness he'd worry about some other time when life got back to normal.
But he got a wake up call about how "not-normal" things could get when, on her wedding day, he carelessly jogged up the stairs to his loft looking for Lois and the bride and almost fell back down, nearly doubling over from the sudden pain as Chloe innocently held out the open lead box containing his lovely shining green Kryptonite rock.
Problem number one recognized and instantly categorized as serious and possibly life-threatening: her not knowing his secret could be very painful to him physically and could actually get him killed. As he hung onto the railing trying to steady himself he vaguely registered Lois' explanation, "…something borrowed…how about she carry your piece of Smallville's finest meteor rock down the aisle?"
As he convinced Chloe to close the box because he had a better item she could borrow, he wondered what would have happened had he not come up the stairs. What if Chloe had borrowed the rock without asking and just merely hidden it in her dress or bouquet of flowers? Escorting her down from the loft to the makeshift aisle in the barn could have been his final act of friendship.
Luckily she adored the idea of borrowing his sentimental flower enough to forget about the meteor rock and he buried his worries deeply back into that land of denial. He ignored how large that continent was becoming as the hour of the wedding drew closer.
And other than Oliver's urgent visit, the rest of the pre-wedding preparations went off without any other major hiccups.
Clark was speechless at how beautiful she looked as he escorted her down the stairs and towards her future husband and he buried the momentary sadness that clouded his eyes when he couldn't stop the irrational thoughts that he'd lost her and he would live to regret what could have been. He put on a brave supportive smile as he released her arm to Jimmy.
For a while afterwards things were a bit of a blur for Clark as he tried to concentrate on the vows the happy couple made to each other and not on what he was losing by not stopping this fiasco.
He was drawn out of his troubled thoughts when someone announced over a PA system, "We'd now like to ask Chloe's escort to join her on the dance floor." He looked at Chloe in time to see her enticingly wave her index finger at him with that "come here, farm boy" smile that had always had a way of stealing his breath.
"Hey, Clark. It's time to boogie." And her hand softly grabbed his and pulled him to the dance floor.
He danced holding her in his arms and thought of all the times he'd held her close over the years and sanity left him as he wished he could dance her right out of the barn and steal her away. It was his first dance with her while she belonged to someone else and he couldn't quite get that ache out of his head or completely shield the pain from his eyes.
Her voice interrupted his wayward thoughts, "I know it's weird, isn't it?"
He looked at her lovely face, her eyes smiling up into his and wondered what terrible thing had he done. "A little, Chloe."
"Thank you for letting us have our wedding here."
"Yeah, well, it's the least I could do. You were always the best friend I ever could have had."
Her look questioned his sadness, "You say that like something's changed…Clark, trust me, we've been through too much together. Nothing is going to make me forget that."
His heart shattered at the self-admission that he had done exactly that! But he only murmured, "You're right." And then tried to be more cheerful, "The important thing is that your life is everything you want it to be."
His eyes begged her to convince him of that, to give him some justification for the damage he had done.
Her smile was bright and her soft chuckle almost lifted a burden from his heart as she replied, "It is. It's like I've been carrying around this weight. And I don't know why but a few days ago, I finally let go." Her smile had a sparkle he didn't recognize as his Chloe's, "…like I can move on…"
Had she remembered the real Clark she would have recognized the too quickly shuttered shock in his eyes as he realized the unfinished, forgotten ending to that sentence: move on…from him. He tried to smile, but couldn't quite manage it for more than a half a second, and was saved from making a response by Jimmy's "OK, C.K., my turn to dance with my wife." And then suddenly she was no longer in his arms as the groom stole her back.
Clark was left with the consequences of his meddling with her mind. And if it weren't for the smile on the bride's face as she danced with her brand new husband, he'd have whisked her away back to the Fortress and begged Jor-El to undo the mind-wipe. Because he realized too late, as ALWAYS was his way, this wasn't the Chloe he knew and loved, this was a phony, artificial shell of who she should have been.
Clark's first dance was over and he tried not to think that there might never be another.
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Dance Number Two
He could have cried, but another suddenly caught his eye. And he concentrated hard to forget the blonde beauty who owned his heart and focused on another memory hidden in that buried land in his heart. It was the memory of a Red-K affair that had brought out the dare-devil Kal-El in him who had thought nothing of carelessly exposing every secret to Lois. And Clark now deliberately concentrated on the wild kisses she had forgotten.
Maybe, this time, she could remember and use those lips to make him forget for a change. Since drink wouldn't dull his senses any, he suddenly wished for a nice small piece of Red Kryptonite for the guts to carry Lois off to the nearest bed and finish what they'd started in Oliver's pent house almost two years ago.
The woman believed she loved him; he knew she'd lied in the elevator at the Daily Planet when she'd said the sensor was not on her finger when she'd told that maniac jeweler that, yes, she loved Clark. He'd watched her when he'd told her to not outthink the question and just tell the truth. That sensor had been on good and snug enough to register each pulse beat. He'd remembered his surprise as he'd stared at her while bracing himself for the pain of the electric shock to follow her admission. The pain never came.
She'd be easy to keep close, she was wild and sarcastic enough to keep him on his toes and if her previous kisses were any indication, he could easily find forgetfulness in her arms. It was an unworthy trail he was mapping out for himself to follow; he knew it as well as he knew that he would nevertheless follow it.
She'd get tired of him soon enough and leave him just as she'd left Oliver. Because she'd eventually find out he was now married to the secret red and blue life that blurred through Metropolis. She had already told him that she wouldn't ever again settle for being number two. She never stuck with any one man for very long and maybe they both needed to get whatever was going on with them underneath the surface out of their systems. This unanswered tension was often making it uncomfortable to work together and they had to get past that as neither was ready to give up their work at the Daily Planet.
He just had to make sure she didn't get hurt because it would be his fault and he was not ready to carry the burden of another guilt trip. He'd make the first move but let her lead the way after that. He might live to regret it, but at the moment he didn't really care. He wanted a second dance.
As Lois tried to walk away with a quickly muttered excuse, "I guess I can give these well-heeled puppies a rest," Clark had grabbed her hand and led her to the dance floor to music that was meant for gazing into your partner's eyes and zoning in on the hunger that loneliness and regret give birth to, the careless longing that seeks only to forget a pain that will never die.
They dance slowly, not quite comfortable with each other, almost embarrassed, afraid to get too close, looking over each other's shoulders. Suddenly another dancer carelessly bumps into them and they separate for a moment and finally look into each other's eyes, trying to find something to bring them closer. He's not sure he should take the step but his hands have other plans as he slowly reaches out with his right hand to touch her left arm and she tentatively reaches out to touch him just above his heart.
He's encouraged enough to dare to kiss her but he's in no hurry, looking into her eyes to make sure he can gauge her willingness to take that step. She doesn't pull away and within seconds their lips are but a breath away from the touch that would fill the void and drown the sorrow for the moment.
"Oh, my God! No way! I can't believe it! Oh, my God!" The sudden delighted squeals of the bride instantly separated Clark and Lois before their lips met as theirs and everyone else's attention was directed to the barn entrance where a late arriving guest was making an unexpected appearance.
Chloe quickly left Jimmy's side and flung herself into a close hug with her life-long best friend.
Lana Lang!
Clark's dance partner walked away from him, unsure and insecure in the presence of a previous lover who seemed to still have a hold on him. He seemed to have completely forgotten Lois as he stared at Lana, his face an open book of mixed emotions trying to stay hidden. Lois hoped he would look back at her and somehow reconnect to the moment before Lana's entrance, but he seemed frozen to the spot so she walked off towards the liquor table. And unknown to her and maybe to him also because his heart wasn't really in it anyway, he wouldn't have known any words that would have kept her in his arms to finish the dance.
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Dance Number Three
Lana's eyes found and locked with Clark's and as he was unable to look away from her smiling face, he knew he would know no happiness this day as the darkness and anger and broken heart surfaced and warred for control as he tried to absorb the shock of seeing her again.
He slowly followed her up to the loft. Her back was to him when he found his voice. "Chloe's glad you came. I could have used some warning." He knew he sounded bitter and he was revealing the depth of the pain she had caused him. He was too confused to disguise his true feelings.
She turned around and before she could even say a word, he accused, "You weren't planning on coming back, were you?"
She didn't deny it. "Yeah, not until a few hours ago."
For a moment he could only stare. She had become more beautiful than he remembered, but it doesn't enthrall him as it would have six months ago; it was merely a fact that his mind registered amidst its anger. A fact like the one that his heart's beat did not increase with the acknowledgement of her increased beauty. Had he gotten over her? Or had her selfish, heartless departure truly been a cruel kindness that he just now realized when all he felt was a remnant of that cruelty feeding the anger that had replaced the cracks in his wounded soul?
He climbed the last stairs and came closer to her, "So what changed your mind?"
Her evasive expression showed she could feel his anger and disappointment and before she could make up a lie he spared her the effort, "I'm not expecting you to say it was me."
She looked relieved and smiled. "I read about the mysterious blur saving lives in Metropolis. I'm proud of you, Clark. It's who you should have been all along."
He hadn't expected this dance.
But it had always been how she dealt her way out of a corner. He wasn't fooled by her attempt to evade the answers he needed by buttering him up, "Does that mean you're happy you left?"
"It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. But I'm glad that I finally had the guts to do it."
The pain that he thought he'd gotten past surfaced with a strength he wasn't prepared for. Her decision! Her gladness! As though it only involved her life. Nothing for him! No choice but to suffer the consequences of her actions. Alone, deserted without a reason why.
A part of him wanted to believe her but he was still too angry at the cowardly way she had abandoned him and their life together. To not even have been allowed to ask forgiveness for Brainiac's invasion of her mind and body for which he still felt guilty. Guilt multiplied a thousand times when her leaving seemed to reinforce that she did blame him for it. He wondered now how it was possible that she could still reach him deep in his soul. Deep enough where he didn't want to hurt her back for all that she had caused him to suffer.
He smiled sadly as she suddenly changed the subject as though everything was okay with their world. "I would have died before I admitted this, but I used to sit on my front porch and look across the field at this barn, imagining a summer wedding here. Of course, I always thought I'd play a bigger part in it."
He stepped closer to her and reluctantly admitted, "You probably would have if I had given you Chloe's wedding gift. I had Jor-El erase all the memories that Chloe had of the real me. I wonder if that would have made things different between us."
Her eyes showed disbelief. "I understood the lies that you told me to protect your identity, Clark. But I could never forgive you for taking that away from me."
It was his turn to show disbelief. How could anyone want the burden his secrets brought to their life? "You can't mean that," he asked, astonished, "Lana, it turned your life upside down." And he stopped himself before blurting out how it had caused her death and the price he'd paid for asking Jor-El to reverse that. That had become his burden alone and he would never trouble her with it.
"Maybe it was exactly what it needed. I could have landed in a lot of places in my life, Clark. But without you, none of them would have led me here."
His eyes filled with pain and regret, his land of denial surfacing with uncontrollable speed, threatening to overflow and drown him.
He could barely get out, "So that's it." It was a statement not a question. "It's all over."
And then the question that bothered him the most, "It's that easy?"
The accusing tone was not lost on her. "No, but where I am now, for the first time, it feels right."
It was vague and, again, left nothing for him.
She finally tried to explain it to him the only way she knew how, without blaming herself or him. "Clark, I know neither of us could say it…but maybe Clark Kent and Lana Lang just weren't meant to end up together."
His eyes saddened. Maybe she was right. He had wanted a reason, to know what he had done wrong. So he could fix it. Or just to be told that she didn't really love him, never had and he had to live with it and move on. He might have been able to get over it with greater ease if she hadn't kept telling him she still loved him. Even in her farewell video she had professed to need him but blamed the world for needing him more. She wasn't willing to share. She had even said she loved him more than he would ever know. It had given him hope that she could return. It had been a false hope. He knew better now. His broken heart could heal completely now. It was a chapter in his life that was over. There would be no sequel.
The noise of the crowd in the barn below chanting, "Kiss! Kiss!" finally ended their illusion of privacy. They both turned to watch as Chloe and Jimmy gave in to their wedding guests and embraced and kissed. The audience whistled and applauded. Clark and Lana slowly went downstairs and joined them.
Clark later gave a sad resigned smile back to Lana as they watched Chloe and Jimmy
cut the cake. Suddenly the table and the whole barn started to rumble and shake, followed by loud pounding before all hell broke loose. People were screaming as they scrambled to get out of the way of a collapsing barn and a horrific creature bent on death and destruction.
Clark, trying to make sense of the chaos, suddenly sees Lana get knocked down by parts of the barn wall falling on her, but as he checks her she assures him, "I'm okay. Go!"
He leaves her to face the creature and lunge a powerful punch at it, but it has no effect and Clark finds himself tossed up to the loft where his hidden green meteor rock falls on the floor right next to him.
The creature heads for Chloe and Jimmy, tearing at Jimmy's chest with its tentacle-like hand and then approaches Chloe holding her face in his hand. Her terrified screams force Lana into action as she climbs towards Clark and hides the Kryptonite back in its lead box to save Clark. As they both make it back up on their feet, Oliver approaches them.
"It's too late. That thing took Chloe."
Much later at the Smallville hospital, Clark is shocked at all the injured wedding guests being treated for various wounds.
He finds Lana in a hospital room. Right away she asks, "Any word on Chloe?"
He sits down on the bed, "No. But I'm meeting with Oliver. He's using every satellite in his company to try to track down where that thing might have taken her."
Lana groans and grabs her back. Clark reaches out to her, "Are you all right?"
"Clark, there's nothing more you can do for me. You don't need to stay."
He looks at her to reassure himself she's really okay and then tells her, "I know. I need to find Chloe."
In the hall outside Lana's room, he sees a devastated Lois, "Lois, how are you holding up?" he asks in a very worried voice.
.
"Jimmy's in bad shape" In a broken voice she explains that he'll be taken to another hospital in Star City for surgery and that she'll be going with him and staying until they hear from Chloe.
Clark pulls her into his arms to comfort her as she questions why all these horrible things keep happening to them, "I promise we're going to get Chloe back."
Her doubting question, "What if we can't?" tears at his soul.
.
He lets her go and watches her leave with regret and a dark foreboding clouding his mind. He knew the answer to her question was that he would not be able to go on if Chloe could not be found.
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DanceNumber Four
As he walked out of the hospital his head started to ache, an unfamiliar and unwelcome pain on a day when he'd hoped to do only good for the one friend who'd always stood by him, accepted him and loved him. Unlike Lana, Chloe wanted to share him with the world, encouraged him constantly to embrace his destiny, and willingly helped him in any way she could.
All he'd wanted was her happiness. And he'd royally screwed that up as well. Who was he to decide what would make someone else happy? Lana had only justified the guilt and worry that threatened to consume him. In his attempt to fix one mistake he had destroyed everything important to him and to the one person he loved and trusted above all others.
He had thought only of Chloe's welfare and happiness when he'd brought her to Jor-El to rid her of Brainiac's control of her mind. He had told Jor-El, "Chloe never would have gotten hurt if she wasn't trying to protect me." He knew that as he took more risks helping people, it would get more dangerous for her. "Chloe deserves a life free from the burden of my secret. When you restore her memory, I don't want her to remember anything about Krypton or my abilities."
He had knelt down on the ice ground and as he stroked her hair away from her face he'd whispered to her, "You've been the best friend and ally I could have had, Chloe. The truth is you've saved me more than I ever could have saved you." He'd kissed her gently on her forehead, "I'm sorry to go back to hiding the truth from you. But the best way that I know to protect you is to let you go."
And now, when it was probably too late, the memory of his arrogance shocked him. What right did he have to take away from her the memories that were most precious to him? The countless brave things she had done, the courage that flowed through every one of her bones. Her willingness to help him and even Oliver and his band of heroes to save the world. The hunger for truth. The unconditional acceptance and love for her alien friend. His Chloe would never have married Jimmy after he'd betrayed her to Lex. His Chloe would have fought to get back into journalism. What right did he have to take away all the things that made up the wonderful, smart and courageous person she truly was? He'd robbed her of her soul.
Not only had he lost his Chloe. The "real" Chloe, the enthusiastic heart and soul of her no longer existed. He had erased her.
Too late he remembered Jor-El's warning. A warning, like most others Jor-El had given him over the years, he had not heeded. He, in his foolish arrogant pride, had always thought he was smarter than an alien intelligence with knowledge of all the galaxies.
He was a slow learner. And Chloe was paying for it.
After he had used the crystal to rebuild the Fortress, Jor-El had greeted him warmly, "Welcome home, my son."
Clark had needed more convincing. "Home? I wanted to see it that way, Jor-El. I wanted to learn more about my family; about my destiny and then you tore it all away."
Jor-El had calmly responded, "I programmed the fortress to remove your powers and self-destruct if you became a danger to the planet."
"When you sent me here you had no way of knowing how I would use my abilities; you trusted me. When I betrayed that trust you were willing to sacrifice your only son to save this planet. But now I know what it truly means to protect people, not just my family and friends."
"You've made great progress my son."
Clark heard the unfamiliar pride in the AI's voice and felt encouraged to improve their relationship. "One thing needs to change, you call me your son yet you treat me like your enemy. I think it's time you stopped punishing me and start trusting me again."
"You've grown up, Kal-El. Your trials have matured you."
"My trials are not over, Jor-El. Brainiac was not destroyed. He managed to infect one of my friends and now he's taking her over. I need your help."
"I can translate the Kryptonian code corrupting your friend's mind back into human memories; however, the being you call Brainiac is highly unpredictable. It posses a tremendous threat to all of us. There is no way of knowing what the outcome will be. Are you willing to take that risk?"
Not only had he been willing. He had taken the risk for her, without Chloe's permission!
Not thinking that she wouldn't want to forget what was so special about him, or the many times her courage and smarts had saved him. Not thinking of all the negative side effects such a mind-wipe could have. If he finds her; if he can get her memories restored, he knows she will never forgive him.
He collapses against the wall of the hospital in the back parking lot, his negative thoughts overwhelming him. The tears sting his eyes as he sees a memory he has always held in his heart, treasured and never forgotten, dancing with Chloe in high school, holding her close as she smiles up at him her eyes bright with happiness.
It gives him the strength he needs. He takes a deep breath and stretches to his full height. And as he ignores the tears that still flood his eyes, he superspeeds towards Oliver's penthouse in Metropolis, knowing that he will never give up searching for Chloe. He will find a way to restore her memories and bring back the real Chloe.
And he will do anything she asks to earn her forgiveness enough to hold her close for one more dance to remind him of that time in high school when dancing in his arms had brought the happiness to her eyes.
~ the end ~