Title: The Long and Winding Road
Author: DizzyDrea
Summary: They had both been suffering under the burden of this for so long. And yet, instinctively, they had both known that they weren't alone. They had each lost hope at times, but somehow they had never lost the one thing that mattered: each other.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Any and all episodes, specifically Children of the Gods, Divide and Conquer, Window of Opportunity and Threads
Author's Notes: So I was listening to the Beatles on my last road trip, and then when I got home, the new issue of Sci Fi Magazine was waiting, with a nice article about Stargate. Some things Amanda Tapping said about Carter and O'Neill made me think—very bad thing, that. So, since it doesn't appear that the writers will be giving us closure on our favorite couple, I thought I'd take a stab at it. It didn't turn out quite the way I had planned, and for that you can thank my Muse. She hates sad or ambiguous endings, so this isn't one of those.
Disclaimer: Stargate: SG-1 belongs to a whole lot of people who aren't me. The only thing I own on these pages is the original idea, and if the Stargate gurus want to borrow it, they are welcome to it. Just as long as they give me the credit. And credit goes to Paul McCartney and John Lennon for writing the beautiful song, "The Long and Winding Road."
Author's Note 1/8/11: Well, this is the second time I've posted this story this weekend. Apparently there was some trouble with it before, so I deleted it and reposted. Hopefully it'll work this time. As I said in my previous posting, you'll notice that this was written in the run-up to Season 10 on the SciFi Channel. I don't get Showtime, and hadn't started watching after the show moved to SciFi, despite wanting to, but after hearing that the show was ending, I got ahold of the DVDs and started watching. When I heard that the writers would probably leave the J/S thing unresolved, well I just couldn't handle it. So, this is what came out.
~&O&~
The ringing doorbell echoed in the quiet room, startling General Jack O'Neill. He'd actually left work on time that day, for once, completely shocking his secretary and causing her to wonder if he was feeling well. He was currently reviewing some of the more recent mission reports from SGC field teams, figuring he could just as easily, and perhaps more importantly more comfortably, do this at home with a cold Guinness and a hockey game on TV.
He rose from the couch, padding towards the door on bare feet, running his hand through his hair in a vain attempt to bring some order to it. He had changed out of his uniform immediately after arriving home, and was now wearing jeans and a snug black t-shirt. He hadn't been expecting anyone, so he hoped that whoever it was would excuse his casual attire. Of course, if it was a salesman, he wouldn't care. Not that he got many of those in this neighborhood. Not many salespeople felt comfortable going door to door in a neighborhood filled with generals, admirals and other Washington movers and shakers.
Jack pulled open the door, ready to drive off the offending salesman, but the person on his front porch gave him pause. Colonel Samantha Carter stood staring back at him, dressed casually in jeans and a white shirt under her favorite leather jacket. She was wearing her hair a little longer these days, and it seemed to frame her face in a golden halo that set off her skin and eyes to perfection. She looked amazing, as always, and Jack's eyes traveled the length of her, admiring every curve and line, starting at her feet, until he got to her face. There was an amused smile there, as if she knew what he'd been up to. Jack smiled in return, but made no move to let her in.
"You gonna make me stand on the porch all night, sir?" she asked.
Jack stepped aside and waved his hand towards the interior of his house. "Make yourself at home, Carter," he told her.
Sam stepped into the foyer and took in the view. She'd never been to the General's home before. Like his home in Colorado Springs, though, this home spoke of the man that lived there. It was Colonial in design, with a wide, sweeping staircase leading to the second floor. Sam could see the dining room to her right, and caught a glimpse of the kitchen beyond. To her left was the living room, decorated in the casual but elegant style that was uniquely Jack's. She spotted the stack of papers he had been working on before her arrival, as well as the cold beer and the hockey game on the LCD above the fireplace.
"I'm interrupting your evening," she said, turning apologetic eyes to him.
"Nah," he told her, moving past her to the couch to clear out some space for her to sit. "I was just reviewing the latest mission reports. I figured it'd be more fun if I could catch the hockey game and a beer at the same time."
Sam nodded, still unsure of herself. It had been a spur of the moment decision to head to Washington. She'd been given a few days leave, but hadn't really known what to do with it. The last few days had been a whirlwind at best, and her head was still spinning. She hadn't even realized what she'd been doing until after she heard herself book a seat on an early flight to DC on Thursday.
She watched as Jack stacked the papers into something approaching order. He was still as handsome as ever, even in the jeans and t-shirt he was wearing. His hair had grown more silver since the last time she'd seen him, but it only made him sexier. Sam blushed at the thought. She still wasn't supposed to think of him like that, but it seemed that her heart hadn't gotten the message that her mind had been trying to send for the last six years or more. Which was why she was there, in Jack O'Neill's house, a thousand miles from home, on a whim.
Sam sighed. Jack heard the sound and turned puzzled eyes on her. He knew something was up with her, and he had a pretty good idea what it was. Sam Carter wasn't the sort of person to do anything on a whim, so he figured she needed something from him that she could only get in person. He'd just have to be patient. She'd tell him eventually. If she even knew herself.
"Would you like a beer?" he asked, trying to play the good host.
"Sure," Sam replied.
As Jack left the room, she wandered in and examined it more closely, shedding her jacket onto the nearest chair as she went. The couch and chairs were anything but formal, a contrast to the stately appearance of the house itself. There were pictures on the bookshelves flanking the fireplace, some of Sara and Charlie, some of others that Sam didn't recognize. It was the ones of the original SG-1 that caught her eye. The one where they had been caught in a rainstorm off-world and all looked like drowned rats—their teammate, Daniel Jackson, had insisted on taking that one. They had nearly ripped each other's heads off in the course of the two day mission, finally breaking into hysterical laughter as they neared the gate and realized how non-life-threatening it all had been. Their smiling faces reflected their amusement with each other. And the one of Jack and Teal'c, taken at O'Malley's when Jack was teaching their friend the finer points of the game of pool. Of course, a half hour later, Jack was cursing himself for teaching the big man the game—since he'd been beaten five times in a row.
But it was the one of her and Jack that surprised her. It was a candid shot—she didn't even remember when or where it had been taken—but they were obviously not on duty at the time. Sam was wearing a blue sundress, and Jack was in jeans and a Hawaiian shirt that Teal'c had given him. By the look of them, she figured the picture had been taken several years ago. She smiled at the expressions on their faces. They seemed so carefree back then. Sam fingered the frame, sighing again.
"That was a good day," Jack said from a few feet away. He had noticed her looking at the photos, but didn't want to interrupt her stroll down memory lane.
"I don't even remember when it was taken," she confessed, not turning around.
Jack moved to stand beside her, handing her the beer bottle before lifting the picture from the shelf. "It was a picnic at George's—General Hammond's—house, before he moved to DC," he filled in the details.
Recognition dawned for Sam, and she smiled again as she leaned over to look at the picture. "I remember now," she said, the details coming back to her. "It was the Fourth of July. SG-3 almost set the deck on fire with their fireworks."
"That's the one," Jack beamed.
"How did you get this?"
"Daniel was testing out his new camera, remember?" When she nodded, he went on. "I saw it when he was flipping through the images and asked him to make me a copy."
Sam nodded her head as Jack replaced the frame on the shelf. He gestured to the couch, and they both took seats. Sam sipped at her beer as he reached for his own. Silence descended on the room, and it appeared that Jack was going to have to dig a little if he wanted to find out what had brought her here.
"So, what's going on, Carter?" he asked, preferring not to beat around the bush. "You didn't come a thousand miles just for a free beer."
Sam winced a bit. She had nowhere to hide now, and she desperately wanted to. She had been second-guessing the decision to get on that plane since she'd landed on Jack's doorstep. She just hadn't come to any conclusions. So instead, she started with something safe.
"I got a promotion," she told him, even though she thought he already knew. "Full Bird Colonel."
"Yeah, I'd heard that," he confirmed. "Congratulations."
"And a command of my own," she put in, glancing up to catch his reaction.
Jack smiled slightly. "I know. I was the one who recommended you."
Sam's surprised look was priceless. "You?"
He smiled wider. "You deserve it, Carter. You've worked long and hard for this. It's time."
Sam digested that piece of news. It hadn't occurred to her who might have recommended her for the vacant command slot at Atlantis. But it was true that she'd earned it. Her time on SG-1 had been a valuable learning experience, but it was well past time for her to step out on her own, and she knew it.
"I just hope I don't disappoint anyone," she said. Truthfully, the only person she was worried about disappointing was the man seated next to her. A fear he put paid to with his next words.
"You were the best 2IC I've ever had," he told her honestly. "You'll do fine."
Sam smiled at the compliment. But the smile left her face as quickly as it came, and Jack knew that wasn't what had driven her to his door.
"So what's the real reason you're here?" he asked, his eyes pinning her to the couch.
Sam took a deep breath. Now or never, she thought. She lifted her eyes to his and spoke her heart. "Where does all this leave us?" she asked.
Of all the things she could have said, that wasn't even on Jack's list. True, they'd been dancing around the issue since the zaytarc incident six years ago, and he'd even resigned his commission once just so he could kiss her, but like everything else, he'd thought their time had come and gone. Apparently, Sam didn't think so.
"I guess we've never really talked about this," he observed.
Sam shook her head. "No, we just left it in that damn room."
And Sam knew that was her own fault. It was her idea to leave it there, rather than deal with it. It had seemed easier at the time. Now, though, she knew that was not necessarily the truth. Letting the issue of their unresolved feelings for each other fester for the last six years had done nothing but create havoc in her life, and she suspected it hadn't done Jack any good either.
She got up and paced across the room to stand at the windows, looking out on the quiet street. "I guess it's a little late now," she said quietly, crossing her arms protectively over her chest.
Jack's voice drifted to her from the couch. "Not if you don't want it to be."
Sam turned around, startled. She could see him in the dim light of the lamp beside him. His face was a mask, keeping her from seeing what he might be thinking. Or feeling. But his words told her that maybe things hadn't changed as much as she'd thought they had.
Jack rose and joined her at the windows, turning to watch the street beyond instead of staring at her. He knew his face was unreadable, but he had never been very good at sharing what he was feeling, and tonight was no exception.
He'd been in love with Samantha Carter for a long time, but his devotion to the Air Force—both of their commitments, really—had prevented him from pursuing anything more than friendship. And after the Pete and Kerry fiascos, he'd just figured that it was better that way. They both seemed incapable of sustaining an adult relationship without messing it up somehow. And he desperately wanted not to screw up whatever he might have with Sam.
He heard her sigh beside him, and turned to look at her profile. Her forehead was creased in worry, and Jack could well imagine what was going through her head. She always was one to over think any situation. Deciding to share some of his thoughts, he turned and leaned back against the arm of the chair nearest him.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he dropped his head and spoke in a hushed voice. "When I first met you, I thought you were cocky as hell." That statement earned him a ghost of a smile. Encouraged, he continued. "Funny, me saying that. Anyway, I learned pretty quickly that you were the one person besides myself that I knew I could always depend on. Your friendship has been a bright spot in an otherwise difficult life."
Jack reached out and took Sam's hand in his, causing her to turn and look at him. "I knew, even before the zaytarc testing, that you had become the most important person in the world to me. I guess I didn't really know how important until then. But when you suggested we leave it in the room, I guess I was relieved. It meant I didn't have to worry about how badly I was going to screw us up."
Sam smiled but didn't say anything, so he continued. "I suppose I should have known that leaving it in the room wouldn't change anything. I still screwed up—"
Sam opened her mouth to protest, but Jack held up a hand to stall her. "I did and you know it. I could have said something any of a hundred times that I didn't think you should marry Pete, but I didn't, and you almost made the biggest mistake of your life. I'm just glad you listened to your heart on that one. And before you say anything about Kerry, I only started seeing her because I was lonely, and she was there and willing to take me on my terms. Doesn't sound very romantic, but there it is."
"I always knew you were a lady-killer," Sam rejoined with a slight smile on her face.
Jack smirked but kept his peace. "So we've lurched along all this time, hoping that someday we'd find a way to do this without making a huge mess of it. In the meantime, we've robbed ourselves of happiness. We haven't been very fair to ourselves, but then again, the Air Force hasn't been very fair to us either."
Sam didn't know what to say. It seemed that Jack had given this a lot more thought than she'd given him credit for. And it seemed to matter to him a lot more than she thought it did. She was amazed, not because he'd been so open and honest, but because for once, she and Jack seemed to be on the same page emotionally. That hadn't happened in the ten years she'd known him. It lit a spark of hope in her heart that maybe this trip wouldn't end as badly as she'd imagined.
"Life's not fair," she told him, meeting his eyes for the first time since she'd arrived. "I learned that a long time ago." She turned back to the windows, and her eyes took on a faraway look. "I remember what a thrill it was to meet you for the first time. I'd practically memorized the mission report from the first trip to Abydos. So meeting the great Jack O'Neill was going to be the highlight of my career. I almost fainted right there in the conference room when I saw how handsome you were. Then I got to know you, and I realized how unfair the universe had really been to me. You were smart—"
Jack opened his mouth to object, but it was Sam's turn to forestall his objection. "You don't want people to think so, but you are smart. You're a good tactician, a loyal friend and colleague. I should have seen it coming," she said, shaking her head ruefully. "I should have known that I would start caring for you more than I was supposed to. But I thought I could keep it under control. Even after the zaytarc testing, I thought that if I could just put it away in that room, and never let it out, that I wouldn't be affected by it. Boy was I wrong."
Jack squeezed her hand, lending her silent support. They had both been suffering under the burden of this for so long. And yet, instinctively, they had both known that they weren't alone. They had each lost hope at times, but somehow they had never lost the one thing that mattered: each other.
Jack squeezed Sam's hand once more, then dropped it and rose to move across the room. He pulled a file out of his briefcase and returned to her side. "Read this," he offered.
Sam took the folder, glancing up at him with confusion in her eyes. She opened the folder and skimmed the contents. Her eyes went wide and her head snapped up, eyes colliding with his.
"What…when…" Sam's mind couldn't seem to form the right question, so she just looked at Jack helplessly.
When he didn't answer right away, she dropped her eyes to the folder and read it through once again, more carefully this time. It outlined new regulations for the SGC, ones that specifically related to the issue of fraternization.
"I've been working with the Joint Chiefs since I took the Homeworld Security job," he told her while her head was still bent over the page. "Because what we do there is so secret, we are all very close to each other. The whole base is like one giant extended family."
Sam looked back up at him and nodded her head, encouraging him to continue. "Most everyone there is single either by divorce or choice. It's hard to do what we do and then go home to someone and have to lie about what exactly it is we do. You can't sustain a relationship like that. Even Sara got tired of all the lies and half-truths when I was working black-ops."
Jack grew silent for a moment, contemplating that truth. It hadn't been what had ended their marriage, but he had no doubt that if they'd been able to survive Charlie's death, they would have divorced anyway, because she'd grown to hate the secrets.
"So you did this for the SGC?" Sam asked in a small voice.
Jack looked deep into her azure eyes, wanting the truth of his actions to sink into her soul. "I did this so no one else would have to go through what you and I have for the last ten years."
She nodded again, the ember of hope burning a little brighter in her chest. "You've done a good thing," she said, her smile reaching her eyes for the first time.
Jack reached out and caressed her cheek, seeing Sam's eyes fall shut as they both reveled in the skin on skin contact.
She sighed, and opened her eyes to look into Jack's chocolate gaze. "That still doesn't answer my question. What about us? I'll still be going to Atlantis soon. And this change to the frat regs won't change that."
"Do you remember the day your dad died?" he asked, knowing full well she would never forget. He saw her eyes darken as the pain of that memory washed over her. "Do you remember what I said to you when you thanked me for being there for you?"
Sam nodded. "You said 'Always.' That you'd always be there for me."
"I always have been, and I always will be," he reminded her. "I'm not going anywhere, Sam," he said, using her name for the first time since she'd arrived on his doorstep. "You go and do what you need to do. Go have your big adventure in Atlantis. I'll still be here when you get back."
Sam's eyes filled with unshed tears. It was perhaps the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her. She stepped closer to Jack and slid her arms around his waist, feeling his arms encircle her shoulders to pull her close, his hand entwining in her hair to hold her head to his chest. The folder she'd been holding slipped silently to the floor.
They stood that way for long moments, content in the knowledge that they'd gotten at least one thing right. Sam was the first to pull away, leaning back to look into Jack's eyes, seeing his raw emotions displayed there for the first time in a long time.
"I love you, you know," she whispered.
"And I love you back," he said freely.
Sam reached up and caressed his cheek, memorizing the depth of love reflected in his eyes. It didn't solve all their problems, but at least now she knew he'd be waiting for her when she came home. The hope that had been burning faintly in her chest bloomed into a full-on riot of joy, and the smile it produced on Sam's face could have lit up half of DC.
Jack noticed her mood change. "What's that smile for?" he asked, his own lips turned up in a contented smile.
"When I got on that plane in Colorado, I thought my world was coming to an end," she confessed.
"And now?"
"Now," she said, "I feel like I've come home."
With that, she leaned up and brushed her lips across Jack's. It was the barest of kisses, because she was mindful that she didn't want to start something she couldn't finish. Jack, however, had other ideas. When she made to pull away, he followed her, and covered her lips with his own.
Long moments later, when Sam had actually become dizzy from all the sensations flooding through her, Jack finally pulled back. He ran a finger across her forehead, pushing some of her hair out of her eyes. The intensity of his gaze pinned Sam to the floor, helping her to stay standing when all she really wanted to do was collapse into his arms.
"Have you eaten yet?" Jack asked in a subdued voice.
Sam shook her head. "I came straight here from the airport."
"Okay, I can scare you up a little something. Where are you staying?" came the next question. Jack nearly laughed out loud at the shocked expression on her face. "Let me guess, in your rush to get out here, you didn't think about needing a hotel room?"
Sam sheepishly nodded her head. "I guess I wasn't thinking."
"I know what you were thinking about," Jack told her with a knowing expression and a waggle of his eyebrows.
Sam boxed him on the arm. "I wasn't thinking about that!" she admonished him.
"Striking a superior officer. Very unbecoming, Colonel," Jack scolded her, a playful smile dancing around his mouth.
"And what is my punishment going to be, General," Sam said coyly, playing along.
"I'll think of something appropriate," Jack assured her as he claimed her lips in another kiss.
Sam melted into his arms, thinking briefly that the long road that had brought her to this moment was definitely worth it. Then Jack deepened the kiss and she couldn't think at all.
~Finis