I've been writing tons of sad or dark stuff lately. I've been having a rough time here at home. Writing has gotten shoved aside in favor of work or sleep. Guilt has slapped me multiple times for this.
For a while, I've been trying to write a randomized Pokemon story. I have four or five started because I couldn't stick to simply one idea…and the plot bunnies refused to stop breeding. I've lost interest in them for the moment, but I might upload them if anyone asks simply so they can see how insane I got with some of those ideas.
Anyhow, I needed something humorous to do. I'm still stuck on the randomizer thing, so this…THING…was born. Keep in mind, nothing in this fic is to be taken seriously. This is merely to keep my creativity going and my guilt/boredom at bay. Sorry to all of you awaiting updates on my current stories.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Pokemon. That belongs to Nintendo. I do not own the random Pokemon generator I am using. That belongs to Wyn Corporation.
CLAIMER: I own Perry, Joe, and Roderick. No stealing or you will be buried beneath the limitless supply of plot bunnies taking up residence in my head. It's a lot. You have been warned.
I hope you like this insane piece of…something…that popped out of my brain. Enjoy!
Pokemon: Randomizer Fun
Chapter 1: Intro Time!
A.K.A. Damn You, Old Man In A Lab Coat!
Congratulations! You've caught a wild PERRY and a wild JOE!
"Since when the FUCK were we WILD?"
"Let alone capable of being caught?"
"I mean seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?"
"Well, we are intruders in a world full of wild animals capable of using supernatural powers that can only be tamed through the usage of a spherical red and white capturing device. Said animals are fair game for capture to just about any random ten-year-old child that wanders from home and tosses said capture device at them, effectively owning said creatures and getting them to obey the every whim of their owner. Said every whim involves brutal battles between opposing kids' creatures that should result in death but apparently only cause fainting, unless you toss in poisoning, burning, paralysis, freezing, sleeping, confusion, attraction, and other such conditions that hinder said creatures' ability to do battle. Said conditions can be instantaneously healed at a center that specializes in healing said creatures. Said centers tend to have identical nurses in charge for reasons yet unknown to manki—"
SMASH!
Congratulations! You've caught a wild RODERICK!
"…Damn it."
"See what I MEAN, Rod? What the HELL is wrong with these kids?"
"Perry, calm down before you hyperventilate to death."
"Shut up, Joe! I'm trying to RANT here!"
"Well, we have to have been brought here for some as of yet unknown reason. Hopefully it's a scientifically good one. I was reading an extremely interesting book before we somehow ended up here."
"And why the FUCK is it so DARK here? Where's the fucking LIGHTS?"
KA-CLICK!
The room lit up to reveal three men standing in an empty white room. One was a short man with slightly-messy red hair. One was a tall man with chin-length brown hair. The last one was in between the heights of his two companions, had black hair pulled back in a ponytail that went past his shoulder blades, and wore rectangular-framed glasses.
"Finally, some FUCKING light!" the redhead shouted.
"Perry, seriously, calm down," the brunette begged, wringing his hands in front of him worriedly.
"Now where in the universe is this illumination originating from? I don't see any exterior light source. Could the room itself, if you can call it that, be the source of the illumination? Then why was it so dark before now? Curious…" the raven-haired man muttered, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
Hi! Welcome to the world of Pokemon!
"Where the fuck did THAT come from?" the redhead, Perry, screeched.
"Dude, it's an old man in a lab coat," the brunette, Joe, corrected.
"There was nobody present in the room before now. Where in the universe did he originate from? The same place as this mysterious illumination? This goes against all logic…" the raven-haired man, Roderick, said.
The old man in the lab coat ignored them all, continuing to speak.
You're about to embark on a journey full of dreams and wonder! Unfortunately, you don't get a starter Pokemon to protect yourself! You've got to catch your own!
"Oh, what the FUCK, man!" Perry shouted.
"Why don't we get a starter?" Joe asked nervously.
"I assume that an explanation is in order," Roderick replied.
Nope! Assuming just makes an ass out of you and me! Only I'm not an ass! Not yet anyway!
"What the FUCK!" Perry yelled.
The world's been messed up by all the cheat codes kids these days have been using! Since you get no starters, I'll give you something else instead! Maybe it'll help you live through the terrors of your new lives! Enjoy!
"T-T-Terrors?" Joe squeaked, instantly terrified.
"New lives?" Roderick repeated, confused.
"Give me my FUCKING starter, you ASSHOLE!" Perry screamed, pouncing upon the old man in a lab coat.
The old man in a lab coat disappeared, causing Perry to crash into a trio of bikes. "Ow! What the FUCK, man?" he cried.
Congratulations! You've received a BIKE, an OLD ROD, a MAP, and a bunch of POKE BALLS!
"HAH! Get it, Rod? OLD Rod? HAH!" Perry laughed after climbing off of the bikes.
"It's not that funny," Joe said. After a moment, he clapped a hand over his mouth to stop his laughs. "Okay, never mind! It's pretty funny!"
"Hah hah… Hilarious," Roderick said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
Either way, it's time for you to go! Have fun with the wild Pokemon roaming the planet! Bye!
The floor suddenly opened up, tossing the trio out and into the sky. They were hundreds of miles off the ground.
"FUCK YOU, OLD MAN IN A LAB COAT!" Perry screamed as he fell.
"MOMMY, I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Joe wailed as he fell.
"This is all scientifically and logically impossible," Roderick said as he fell.
Within seconds, they all crashed into the ground. Oddly enough, none of them were seriously injured. Getting to their feet, the trio looked around.
"Where the FUCK are we NOW?" Perry complained.
"In a never-ending field of grass?" Joe guessed, gesturing to the endless stretch of tall grass surrounding them.
"It's scientifically impossible for any plant matter to have no end, Joe." Roderick corrected, pushing his glasses up his nose. "It must and will end somewhere. We just have yet to pinpoint exactly where it ends."
"So, now what?" Joe asked.
"Want to ride our new bikes somewhere in THAT direction?" Perry asked, pointing in front of them.
Joe shrugged, nodding. "Sure, sounds cool to me."
"At least we'll be making some type of progress in this unknown world we've been thrown into." Roderick muttered.
"Dude, it's the world of Pokemon. Not an unknown world." Joe reminded, hopping onto his bike.
"Yeah, get it RIGHT, man!" Perry agreed, hopping onto his bike.
"…Whatever," Roderick muttered, hopping onto his bike.
"Let's ride into the SUNSET, guys!" Perry cried.
"But there's no sunset," Joe pointed out.
"Then let's MAKE a fucking SUNSET!" Perry shouted.
The bright blue sky above suddenly became a wild mix of red, orange, pink, and purple. The sun was setting in front of them. Ignoring Roderick's complaints about things not being scientifically possible, the trio rode into the sunset as planned…
…until they were stopped by a huge three-headed dragon bursting out of the grass in front of them.
"Holy FUCK, what IS that THING?" Perry yelled.
"I believe it's a Hydreigon, a Dark/Dragon-type Unova native Pokemon," Roderick replied.
"Um, guys! It kinda looks mad. It's even charging up its—" Joe yelped.
Enemy HYDREIGON used HYPER BEAM!
"—laser!" Joe finished.
"We're blasting off AGAIN!" Perry howled as he was sent soaring into the distance.
"But Perry, we've never blasted off before!" Joe cried as he was sent soaring into the distance.
"This is all scientifically impossible, you know," Roderick grumbled as he was sent soaring into the distance.
"No one CARES, Rod!" Perry and Joe shouted.
"Whatever," Rod muttered.
The Hydreigon watched them become nothing more than a glittering speck in the sky. Then it turned and headed back the way it came. Two green-haired people suddenly showed up in the distance.
"Hydreigon, there you are! Blowing up some insignificant pests, I hope!" Ghetsis praised, patting it on the head lovingly.
"I hope it wasn't some poor Pokemon enslaved by cruel trainers!" N whimpered, staring in the direction that Hydreigon had come from. "I must go make sure! I'm coming, my friends~!"
N dashed away into the grass, calling out to the innocents blown away by Hydreigon's Hyper Beam.
Ghetsis groaned. "Damn kid. If it wasn't for his foolishly blind love for Pokemon, I wouldn't need him for my plans of world domination. Such is my life. Come along, Hydreigon. We can't lose that brat, can we?"
Hydreigon shook its head in agreement with its master. The pair promptly followed after N. All three would forever remain unaware of the fate of the three intruders that were dropped into the Pokemon world for seemingly no reason at all.
…Or was there a reason after all?
DUN DUN DUN!