Hello everyone! This is my first ever fanfiction that I wrote about the TID characters so I hope it's not too bad. If you don't want to be spoiled don't read on! ******* This was inspired by Cassie's new post on her blog where she reveals that Emma has sex before the TID series begins which made me wonder what it would be like for Emma. I couldn't envision her actually enjoying her first time so here's what I think would more or less happen. This may become a 3 part story, although I'm happy with it being a 2 parts story, I guess I'll just see how it goes. The story is rater as M due to language and possible sex scenes. Hope you enjoy and leave a review to let me know what you thought and how I could improve! xxx
DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own anything, all credits go to Cassandra Clare.
Chapter 1
'That's not what it was supposed to be like' Emma thought rolling over to her side of the bed. The bed wasn't hers, nor was the side because at home she would always sleep on the left side of the bed and keep the right side clear in case Julian decided to come in the middle of the night. 'Oh Julian... What will he think of me when he finds out...' Emma didn't want to even think about it. "You know how to satisfy a man, Carstairs" said Riley Bluebell rolling onto his back, his weight no longer pressing Emma down into the mattress.
Riley was a 19 year old boy Emma met in the club by the bar a few hours ago. Apparently, he went there often. He offered her a drink and things took off from there. Obviously, Emma didn't plan for them to go so far but when he offered to get a bottle of Vodka and drink it at his place, back then it didn't sound like such a bad idea. Normally, Emma wouldn't glance twice at someone like Riley; he was very pale, a little taller than Emma and skinny with a 2 day stubble and pair of eyes that looked almost as clear as glass. He had brownish hair that fell over his eyes reminding her of roots. In the darkness of the club Emma didn't notice any of these things, it was as if the darkness put some sort of filter over Riley's features to trick her. However, she wasn't picky last night. It was her parents 4th death anniversary and Emma desperately needed a distraction.
She's tried alcohol before and aside from killing demons, it was the second best thing that took her mind off things. Unfortunately, the more Emma drunk the less control she had over what she was doing. She didn't protest when Riley put an arm over her or when he began to move his hand over her thigh until it reached the zipper of her pants. She hasn't stopped him but she wish she has, only she felt so depressed and the alcohol was no longer enough to keep her mind off of her parents.
Emma heard a lot about sex making you feel great and how you forget about everything except for the desire and lust you feel. So she went for it. Only it was nothing like she imagined it would be. It was clumsy and awkward and just a mess of limbs and bodies moving against each other to get some sort of release. Riley wasn't violent but he wasn't careful either. He didn't wait for her to adjust when he entered her, only carried on moving not waiting a moment to consider how she felt. Once he was done, he didn't ask her if she was too. He just groaned into her ear, the mix of the alcohol, cigarettes and earth in the air, and pulled out with no warning. No sweet words of reassurance, no carefulness, no three magic words, no nothing.
"Were you expecting anything else?" Emma asked pushing the duvet aside and swinging her legs off of the bed. She tried to go for confident but her voice shook too much so she tried to pass it off as a yawn. She felt as if the mattress was burning her skin, her head felt dizzy and she was confused as to what has just happened. "Ah, no. A pretty girl like you could definitely not be bad at fucking." Emma flinched. Fucking. Is that what it was to him? Fucking? They definitely weren't making love but the word he used to describe it was very blunt.
Emma tried to locate her clothes in the dark room lighten by the first sun beams slipping in through the open widow. She realised her clothes were all over the place and all of the sudden she felt very much naked even though she has been for quite a while now. "What are you doing?" asked Riley very much surprised seeing Emma reach for her trousers. "Not that I mind the view, you have a nice ass". Emma stopped herself from making a rude comment and answered only with a short "I'm going home."
Riley tried to make her stay but Emma was dressed and standing in the frame of the front door before he could get out of bed. "I think I'd get bored" she threw over her shoulder before she shut the door as an answer to him proposing to 'do it again sometime'. Emma knew she was being rude but it was the last thing she cared about.
The moment the doors were closed she ran for the stairs and then for the main door of the building. When she was finally outside and the morning air brushed her skin, she considered catching a taxi or a bus but she knew she wouldn't be able to sit in one place long enough to arrive at the Institute so she ran instead. She ran until her muscles were screaming in pain and begging for a break but then she pushed herself even more enduring in the feeling which, even though only for a second, took her mind of things.
Finally, the Institute came into view and Emma flung the front door open to then sink to the floor, her back against the hard wood. She wasn't sure how long she was sitting there for but at some point she heard quiet footsteps and her name spoken in such a gentle and delicate way that she would doubt she heard anything if not for the footsteps that confirmed someone's presence. Emma knew the voice very well but her pride didn't let her look up. She knew full well that Julian was looking for her when she was gone and she was in no form or shape to face him right now.
"Emma" Julian repeated himself, this time a little bit louder, kneeling in front of her. She flinched when his hand laid on top of her knee, where just hours ago she's been touched by Riley. Straight away Emma realised her mistake, only too late because Julian moved his hand back. "Hey, look at me" he said instead. Emma knew she had no choice but to do what he asked of her. Obviously, she could have ran up the stairs and into her room but Julian would just follow her so there was no point.
Emma straightened up from her curled up position but did not dare to make eye contact with Julian. She was staring at the wooden floor that decorated the front room of the Institute and wondered how old it must be. "I was looking for you, you know. Everyone was getting worried." stated Julian softly. "Well, you didn't do a very good job at finding me, did you?" Emma snapped back but regretted it straight away. She was angry. Not at Julian but just at everything in general. At her parents' death, at Riley but most of all at herself.
Julian cupped her chin and forced her head up so now they were facing each other. "I know you don't mean it" he said and for the first time Emma looked him straight in the eye. His eyes were more green than blue in the early sun light and were accompanied by dark half-moons that told her he stayed up all night waiting for her to come home. His hair was messier than usual, the curls distorted probably from countless number of times he ran his hands through it, Emma realised. But his hands were warm and his smile was reassuring as always and before she knew it she flung her arms around his neck and let herself cry.
She cried for her parents death. She cried for wasting her first time on Riley. She cried for being unable to make the right choices and find who killed her parents. She cried for being so lost and for disappointing Julian. She just cried for everything that night and Julian just let her. He didn't ask questions, only picked her up and carried her to her bed where he laid her on the left side and he himself laid on the right.
Later that day when Julian was softly smoothing her hair she realised he didn't ask questions because he assumed that the only reason for her meltdown was the anniversary of her parents' death. In the quietness of the moment she concluded that she's not going to change that and not tell Julian about what happened that night. Some things are better left untold but what Emma didn't realised yet was that sometimes those things reveal themselves at the worst of times.