Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
The news hit me hard and fast. I watched as people gathered in Hogsmeade and joined together in a great celebration.
Watching them only made me feel more separated from the world. How could they be celebrating when Lily was dead? How could anyone be happy when her beautiful green eyes would never look upon this earth again? How could I live knowing that it was entirely my fault? I sunk to the floor and clutched my head.
Time passed, but I hardly noticed. All I could think of was Lily. My beautiful Lily was gone, forever. I would never again hear her laugh. I would never again see her smile.
In my mind's eye, I could still see her the day I had met her in the park. I could still see her on the day we boarded the Hogwarts Express. I could imagine her beautiful smiling face as she sat in the same cabin as me. How could she simply not exist anymore? She had been so real. I had touched her. I had played with her. We had talked. How could she not exist anymore?
I watched as night turned to day, and I felt my stomach growl. I refused to eat, though. How could I bear to eat when Lily would never eat again? There was a faint knock on my door, but I didn't answer it. I couldn't bear to have anyone see me right now. The house keeping entered the room and looked at me confused.
"Oh, I'm sorry, sir," the hag said awkwardly. I realized that I was crying. I was mesmerized by the tears that flowed from my eyes, down my cheeks, and onto the floor. They reminded me of when I had made her cry. When I had said that one word, and lost her forever.
"Sorry to disturb you, sir, but someone came by and wanted you to know that Lily Potter's funeral is this afternoon." With that the hag left me to wallow in my own pain.
I went to the funeral, although I have no idea why. I didn't deserve to be there. It was my fault she was dead. It hadn't mattered how much I begged and pleaded with the dark lord, he had still killed her even. I had loved her, and as a result I had killed her.
I stood in the back of the cemetery so that no one could see me. I watched as they lowered her into the ground, and I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces as they buried her, knowing that I should have died before I let her die. I'd felt pain from the cruciatus curse, but it felt like a tiny pin prick compared to the throbbing emptiness in my heart.
I watched as people left the cemetery. I watched as they smiled and laughed and I hated them.
When night came again, I approached her freshly made grave and I touched her headstone. I felt the tears fall again as I imagined the last time I had seen her. She hadn't even known I was there, but I had watched her as she left the church on her wedding day with Potter. I had never seen her so happy. And in my anger and my own sorrow, I had taken away everything she had ever loved.
"I'm so sorry, Lily," I heard my voice whisper, "I'm so sorry."