Sparrows and Beansprouts
"Kanda, look."
Kanda looked up from the mission report he had decided to reread. They had finally arrived in Norway after a storm full night on the ferry. Surprisingly, there had been good weather when they arrived in Bergen; Komui had warned him that the city was known for being very rainy and to keep their coats on most of the time since the weather was very unpredictable.
When they had met up with the finder they were led to the hotel where they were supposed to stay. The finder had given them more details before they went to their room to relax. Allen however, had been restless and taken a walk to look around, a walk he had just returned from.
"Hn?"
Allen held his hands out, showing what he had found.
In his hands was a dot of brown, but when Kanda looked closely he could see that the dot of brown was not a dot, but a very scared sparrow.
"Why the heck did you pick up a fucking bird? It looks like it's about to die from fear."
Allen bit his bottom lip.
"But I think it's wounded, because when I got closer to it, it seemed like it wanted to fly, but was unable too." He explained, looking worriedly at the little sparrow in his hands. It wasn't shivering as much now, but it still didn't seem like it was comfortable.
Kanda sighed and put the documents away and made his way over to Allen to take a look at the bird.
"I tried to see if there was a nest somewhere in the nearby trees, but I couldn't find any." Allen continued as Kanda inspected the bird. Kanda could clearly see that the bird had wounded its wings and was unable to fly, and he knew what it meant when a bird somehow damaged one of its wings.
"He has a wounded wing, which means he's as good as dead."
Allen stared at him, his eyes becoming all glassy.
"B-but, it's still alive…can't we help it somehow?" He whispered the last part and held the bird closer to his chest, wanting to make it feel more comfortable by warming it.
Kanda sighed, Allen was too naïve sometimes; most people knew that when a bird was unable to fly its life had already been lost, Allen just didn't want to accept that it was already too late.
"No, there is no way to help it, as I said; he's as good as dead, the only way we can help him is to ease his pain."
"B-but…" Allen's lip quivered when he talked, something that made Kanda a little angry. It was just a goddamn bird, and it was as good as dead, why bother to even try to help it? Their attempts would be fruitless anyway.
"Just, argh, if it's so hard for you, let me do it." He was about to unsheathe Mugen, but Allen didn't seem to like the idea at all.
"NO, you can't…just like that…he still has a chance."
Kanda growled in frustration; he had completely forgotten how stubborn Allen could be. Allen would never let him kill the bird. Even though Kanda told him it was for the best, Allen would still think that there was a way to save it.
"Please Kanda, just let me keep him for a few days. I'll bandage his wing, feed him and keep him warm, I know it will help."
Allen smiled at Kanda, but Kanda could see that it was a strained smile.
Kanda sighed once again, "Fine, keep him, but for god's sake, don't forget you're on a mission; you'll barely have time to take care of it." He went back to his bed and sat on the bed side, picking up the documents again.
In the corner of his eye he could see Allen walking over to his bed and placing the bird in the warm sheets. He then stood up and left the room, leaving Kanda alone with the bird.
Kanda looked at the bird who helplessly tried to flap its wings. It was a useless struggle, Kanda knew, and it would be better to kill it right now then to let it suffer. But Allen had insisted on taking care of it, and maybe that was the only way to make him realise that it never had a chance in the first place.
After a few minutes, Allen re-entered the room carrying a box, paper, a few woollen dots and two bowls; one filled with water and the other one with bread.
Kanda rolled his eyes at Allen's childishness as Allen started to rip the paper in bits, placing it in the box over the woollen dots. Birds weren't human and didn't need to keep the warmth the same way humans did, and it didn't seem like Allen knew the difference. But Kanda decided not to interfere, this was what Allen wanted, as long as it didn't disturb the mission in any way Allen could do whatever he wanted for all Kanda cared.
"We'll be fighting tomorrow Beansprout, get some sleep, you'll need it."
Allen scowled at him. "I will, and my name is Allen, BaKanda."
He went to the bed and gently lifted the bird in his hands. It didn't protest as Allen placed it in the box together with the water and food bowl. Kanda knew that was a bad sign, but Allen smiled at the little bird, stroking it lightly on the feathers.
"Good night!" Kanda heard Allen say, as he put the lid, which had been pierced many times to make holes so fresh air could enter through it. Allen got up and changed into his night shirt before he threw himself on the bed, quickly hiding underneath the sheets.
"Good night, Kanda"
Kanda grunted in response.
--
The next day, Allen and Kanda were out searching the whole day, which means, the sparrow had been alone the whole time. They had run into a couple of Akuma, a few level three and some level ones, but they hadn't had much trouble with taking care of them. Allen, like the genius he was, had gotten himself hurt by falling down from a building and Kanda had not been able to save him. This had resulted in that Kanda had to carry Allen piggyback to the hotel.
"Next time you fall, do it in a way that won't make you an invalid."
In other words, Kanda was not in a good mood. He knew Allen was unable to take care of himself, and it almost seemed like he was taking it out on Kanda, unintentionally.
"For the fifth time, I'm sorry! It's not like I wanted to fall." Allen huffed in response as he continued to cling to Kanda. Kanda had been complaining for the last 10 minutes and when he wasn't complaining he would be making unpleasant growling noises. Allen decided to change the topic.
"How do you think the sparrow is doing? He looked really comfortable didn't he?"
Allen asked Kanda, his voice a bit happier. Allen had checked the sparrow in the morning, and it had been sound asleep. Kanda had also checked, or rather, he had been forced to check on it by Allen who had been very enthusiastic.
Kanda however, knew that even if the bird was comfortable now, it could never fly again, and a bird that couldn't fly was already doomed.
Still, Kanda chose not to beat it into the thick scull of Allen's because he knew that it always took a long time for Allen to cheer up again and he didn't know if he could handle a sulky Allen on a two week long mission.
Kanda shrugged at Allen's questions.
"It's still alive." "Most likely", he mentally added. He didn't knew why he didn't say it out loud, but Allen would probably get all worked up over something trivial as a simple comment, and he was in no state to get worked up.
Allen nodded and rested his head on Kanda's shoulder.
When they were back at the hotel, Kanda had a hard time dragging Allen away from the bird. The bird was the first thing Allen checked when he came into the room and the last thing he checked when he went out of it.
"Get over here right now or I'll swear I'll make that wound of yours look like a scratch compared to what I will do." Kanda yelled angrily at Allen who had once again slipped out of his hands and limped over to the bird. Allen ignored him as he checked the bird. It didn't seem like it had eaten anything though he had put the food right in front of him. He had even tried to force feed it with wet bread, but it still didn't want to eat.
"But Kanda, he hasn't eaten anything." Allen protested as Kanda once again dragged him away from the damn bird.
"I don't care, now sit still." Ha pushed Allen down on the bed and pulled up his pants to check on the bleeding wound. It didn't look good, but there was no danger in it, all Kanda had to do was stop the bleeding, cleanse it and bandage it. Allen remained silent through the whole process except for a few whimpers now and then. The wound didn't look so bad when the blood had been removed, but Kanda knew that Allen shouldn't strain it too much or the wound would reopen.
"Don't walk around too much if you want it to heal."
Kanda breathed out heavily as he stood up and watched Allen move his leg up and down to test it. He winced now and then, underlining what Kanda had said. Allen wouldn't be able to walk for a while, but since it didn't seem like there was Innocence nearby at the moment, Allen could take his time to heal.
"Thanks." Allen smiled at Kanda.
"Hn."
"and Kanda?"
"Hn?"
"Food?"
"Che"
Kanda crouched down, his back against Allen. Allen grabbed his shoulders and got on Kanda's back.
"Thanks."
--
"Kanda, he's not moving."
Kanda walked over to where Allen was and sat beside him. The bird in the box lied completely still, it didn't even move when Kanda touched it with his finger. There was just as much water and bread there as it had been when Allen had brought the bowls in. Allen had changed the water once or twice, but Kanda knew that the bird hadn't been drinking any of it.
Kanda sighed (he had been doing that a lot lately). "It's dead." It seemed like the bird had been hurt more than just the broken wing. Kanda refrained from sating "I told you so", though the situation was just like he had imagined it would be.
He packed the bird in one of the paper bits, removed the bowls from the box and put the lid back on. He glanced at Allen, who had been quite since Kanda had told him it was dead.
Allen's shoulders were shaking and Kanda could see by his facial expression that he tried his best to hold the tears in. He was fiddling with the coat arms and didn't dare look up, fearing it might cause the tears to start leaking.
He really was a kid, Kanda thought as he pulled Allen against him with his right arm, offering Allen his shoulder. Allen started to sob as soon as his face was hidden in the pit between Kanda's neck and shoulder. It didn't take long before Kanda felt cold liquid running down his neck, but it didn't bother him. He would let Allen cry on his shoulder all he wanted if that was what he needed.
They sat completely still for a long time, Kanda holding Allen and Allen leaning on Kanda. Allen had stopped crying, but he didn't want to move just yet, Kanda's embrace was warm and comforting. They had been sitting still for a long while, not letting the silence bother them and Allen began to feel drowsy. He still didn't feel like moving and only closed his eyes and continued to enjoy the warmth Kanda provided.
"Oy, Beansprout, I won't let you sleep on me, if you're tired then go to bed." Kanda suddenly said, making Allen crack his eyelids open in hope of getting more awake. He made a small protesting sound, not wanting to move just yet, but Kanda wouldn't let him lean on him any longer.
Allen felt Kanda shift, and the hand that had been around his shoulders being removed as Kanda got up. Allen looked at the box in front of him and felt sadness wash over him once again. It seemed like Kanda noticed his expression as he grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet none too gently.
"Owowowow…"
Shit, Kanda forgot that Allen's leg hadn't healed yet. Allen grasped Kanda's shoulder to steady himself, he had a pained expression for a while and his breathing came in small hiccups for a while, but the pain seemed to go over fast and Allen limped his way over to his bed and sat down.
Kanda followed Allen's example and sat down at his own bed which was on the opposite side of Allen.
"Can we…make a grave for it? I couldn't help it so it's the least I can do." Allen asked Kanda after a few minutes of awkward silence. Kanda looked up in Allen's swollen red eyes and Kanda couldn't help but think that Allen was much too naïve for his own good, though Kanda had always known, this was a perfect example. But did he really have to feel remorse for the death of a single bird? It's not like it was the first bird to ever die.
Still, Kanda nodded slightly.
"We'll do it tomorrow morning, I'm going to bed." He said as he changed into his night shirt and laid himself under the warm sheets. It didn't take long before he was deep asleep, and Allen, after saying the normal "good night", followed soon after.
The day after, it rained.
--
There had been two days since the bird had died, and Allen just couldn't bear with the fact that it was still in the box inside their room. They had been out patrolling, the rain didn't stop them from doing their mission, but it did stop them from making a grave for the bird.
Luckily, the clouds looked like they would break up a little so maybe they would have some time then.
They had found traces of the Innocence, but they had yet to find the Innocence. Those long patrols through the streets were getting boring and at the moment it seemed like the mission would take much longer than two weeks.
Allen had asked Kanda why they had been sent away for two whole weeks when the mission had been in a neighbour country and Kanda had answered that it was because there might be more than one Innocence.
Allen didn't feel like fighting at the moment, the only thing in his thoughts was to bury the bird. Kanda knew that, and it frustrated him more than anything. First Allen had been sad when the bird was alive, then he had been sad when the bird died, and now he was sad because they couldn't make a fucking grave for it?
Kanda knew he was overreacting, but that kid really needed to get a grip. They were exorcists and…
Kanda stopped his trail of thoughts when he noticed where it was leading. He remembered saying something similar to Allen on their first mission together, and now that he thought back, this whole situation seemed like it was Mater all over again.
Back then, Allen had also cried for not being able to save the doll and the human with it. The Akuma had removed the Innocence from Lala, turning her back into the doll she originally had been and in the same strike killed Guzol, the human, right after Allen had told Kanda he wanted to protect them.
Seriously, Allen was much too soft for his own good.
Kanda was standing outside watching the weather, the faster they got to bury that bird the faster Allen would be able to even bother listening to what Kanda told him. It was no longer raining, and Kanda, who thought that this would be the only opportunity they would ever get, went inside to get Allen.
"Oy, Beansprout."
Allen looked away from the box and at Kanda who nodded at the window. Allen followed Kanda's gaze to the window and noticed that it had stopped raining. Allen nodded, still staring at the clouds, and stood up, bringing the box with him. His leg was as good as healed, only a tiny cut left, and he was able to walk all on his own.
When they were outside, the clouds had cleared up even more, though the sun still wasn't able to break through.
They walked over to the place where Allen said he had found the bird. It wasn't far from the main entrance and there were a few trees, almost circling around the spot where Allen stopped. He sat down, placed the box right next to him, and started digging in the ground with his hands. The ground was soft because of all the raining and it made it easier for Allen to dig, though it still would have been convenient with a spade of some sort.
It took Allen almost 30 minutes to finish digging a grave where the box would fit (Kanda had asked him why he bothered digging the box down, at which Allen had said that "he might be small, but he deserves a proper coffin like everyone else"), and it took him almost 5 minutes only to put the lid on the box before throwing the soil back where it belonged.
Allen had completely forgotten about Kanda and turned around to see him standing right behind him with two wooden sticks. Allen looked questioningly at him, at which he frowned at.
"Every grave needs a gravestone." Kanda said, as if it had been obvious from the very beginning.
Kanda sat down next to a chuckling Allen.
"Thanks Kanda, though you can't really call this a stone now, can you?"
Kanda hrmph-ed, giving the sticks to Allen, who took them with care. He then furrowed his eyebrows, as if in thought.
"But what should I tie them together with?" He asked Kanda, holding one stick in each of his hands.
"Che. Surely you can do something yourself?"
Allen glared at him, before an idea hit him. He undid the red ribbon he always wore around his neck and tied the two sticks together as a cross. It was small, but a cross none the less.
He then stuck it to the ground right above the grave, and brought his palms together in a silent prayer.
For the first time Kanda decided to keep silent as Allen once again showed affection for the dead bird. Kanda respected the dead that much, and though the grave was small, it was still a grave.
After a minute or two in silence, Allen folded his hands in his lap and stared a little at the grave before he turned back to Kanda.
"Do you think it's at peace now?" Allen asked Kanda, still a little worried if the bird really was comfortable the way it was now.
Kanda looked at Allen for a long time before he answered. Allen still cared for the bird, even though it was dead, and he wanted it to rest peacefully. Kanda found it ridicules, but seeing Allen's seriously worried face, he decided to not state his opinions. It would clearly not lift Allen's mood.
Instead he sighted and stood up.
"I'm sure he is, together with all the other souls you've saved."
He held out his hand to a slightly shocked Allen.
Kanda knew that one of Allen's strongest wishes was for all souls to be saved, but he didn't include himself in that project. He fought only for others, forgetting that he himself was just as vulnerable, if not more. That was why Kanda did what he did, the reason why he was angrier with Allen than with anyone else;
He needed Allen to realise that.
The kid just didn't see the big picture, like he had told Kanda; his heart only reached out to what was in front of him. But why couldn't he see that what he did only brought himself pain? Was he really that stupid?
The thought of Allen turning himself into some kind of sacrifice made Kanda furious. Allen wasn't a sacrifice, he was Kanda's equal and he was a precious friend. He would of course never admit that to anyone, but that was his true feelings.
In one way, the sparrow reminded him of Allen. If he hadn't been there to take care of Allen, who knows what would have happened. The sparrow had died
Kanda wanted Allen to realise that he wasn't alone; that someone would be there to pull him back on track when he needed it, and that he had comrades.
Because Kanda had once thought he was alone and he knew that the feeling was hellish. But since Kanda didn't know how to tell Allen what he meant, he did it through his actions.
That was why, when Allen accepted his offer and grabbed his hand, he pulled Allen into a stiff, yet tender embrace.
"Kanda, wha—"
"Shut up."
And Allen shut up and accepted the embrace. Kanda was acting weird, but Allen found the embrace strangely comforting.
"You know Kanda; many people knows what to say in any situation, but you don't say anything, you just act based on your emotions."
Kanda grumbled. "What do you mean by that?"
Allen chuckled and looked up at Kanda's face. He released the grip he had on Kanda's back and placed his hands on each of Kanda's chins instead. He raised himself on his tip-toes and then lightly pressed his lips on Kanda's. he pulled away almost at once, wanting to see how Kanda reacted.
"I kinda like it."
Random ending? Noo, can't say that sarcasm
I liked this one shot. The ending was rushed, but I've been glaring at this story for a month or two now, not knowing how to end it, so I just added a yullen moment and ended it at that. I might change it later though...
Review? :3