'Cause you've been the one, you know this will never change. But everyday, I still wait for you.
"I Still Wait For You" by XYLØ
APRIL 2015, 5 PM.
Forget-me-nots noun.
"A low growing, typically blue, flower that is associated with memories and true love - the love that never dies."
The blue and red lights reflected through the giant glass windows of the house. Meredith stood by the window and an overwhelming feeling came before her. Police cars rolled down her driveway, as she clutched the phone that had his number dialed on it.
She prepared for the worst. Meredith took a deep breath while her heart pounded in her ears. She felt like she was drowning again, only this time, no one will be there to pull her out of the water.
She felt her legs walk her towards the front door. She hesitated opening it at first. This is a joke, right? Meredith reached for the door knob and twisted it open.
"Ma'am? Is this the home of Derek Shepherd?" A police officer asked.
I'm not gonna die. I promise.
Good. 'Cause that would be the worst breakup ever.
He promised. The police officer spoke again, interrupting Meredith from her thoughts.
"Ma'am? Is this the home of De—"
"Yes," Meredith responded solemnly, "He's... he's my husband."
The police officer looked at her sadly. Meredith sucked in a breath. She was on the verge of breaking down in front of the officer.
"I'm afraid there's been an accident." The other one explained.
Meredith didn't know how to react. She wanted to laugh, of course there was. Bad things always happened to them. Instead, she just nodded her head and looked down at the ground.
Where was he? Was he in the hospital? Is he stable? Was he asking for her and the kids? Was he de—
"He wasn't found along with the wreckage, unfortunately."
What?
"So he's alive?" Meredith asked hopeful.
"He's missing."
Missing. Derek Shepherd was missing. Meredith could deal with that. She could deal with him missing than Derek being dead. Meredith was filled with hope again.
If he was alive, then surely he'll call soon. In a few minutes or in a day or two.
That's the thing about missing people, you're either waiting for someone who's going to return, or you're waiting for someone who's never coming back at all.
Meredith survived a day with Derek being missing. That day turned into a week. It turned into a month. It turned into a year, and then another.
So when do you know when to let go? When to move on? How do you move on from a person when there's a possibility of getting them back?
EARLY 2017.
"It's been two years. Mer, you should go out with Nathan." Alex nudged Meredith, who was holding a chart of a patient.
Meredith set down the chart in a nearby counter and looked at Alex, "No."
"Mer, it's just a date, you don't have to be serious with the guy." He joked.
"What if it turns serious, what about then Alex? Am I supposed to let go of the fact that Derek might still be alive?" Meredith said.
"Geeze, okay, relax. Consider the topic dropped."
Meredith gave Alex a weary smile, "Sorry. It's just, I know that if I were missing, he wouldn't give up on me."
It has been two years with Derek has been missing and there has been no new leads since then. Meredith moved back into her mother's old house, along with Amelia and Maggie.
The dream house was still standing, she just refused to continue living there without him. It was his and her dream house. It felt wrong to make new memories in there without him. The kids continuously ask about Derek's whereabouts and Meredith has ran out of excuses for the kids.
Daddy's on a trip.
He's still in Washington.
He's visiting Nana Carolyn.
The worst part of the two years he's been gone is the fact he hasn't met their new daughter yet. She saw him in her. Meredith named her Lexie, after her late sister. She's one now.
No one really had the courage to bring up the topic of Derek's disappearance with her except for Alex. occasionally Amelia would, only if it's about a new lead. A lead that usually turned out to be false hope
"Hey, wanna go out for drinks later?" Maggie asked as she slid next to Meredith on the bench.
Meredith put on the ferryboat scrubcap. She was hoping that she would only have to wear the scrubcap temporarily. She hoped that one day, she'd have to give it back to its rightful owner.
"Yes, but..." Meredith hesitated to tell Maggie, "Nathan asked me earlier. I said no."
Maggie chuckled.
"Meredith, it's okay. I'm over Riggs."
"Really?" Meredith laughed back, convinced that her sister was lying.
"Shut up." Maggie said. She patted Meredith on the knee and stood up, "So 8 ish?"
"8 ish it is." Meredith agreed.
Meredith was grateful that her sisters, Amelia and Maggie has been there for her and the kids. Derek was right, having a big family is fun. Hectic, but fun.
The two had been there on her side when she was giving birth to Lexie, they had fetched her ice chips, and tolerated her painful squeeze to their hands when she was pushing. Meredith smiled at the memory.
She wished that Derek had already been home that day, to see their beautiful baby girl.
"Grey?" Meredith felt Bailey's hands on her shoulder. She looked up at the woman, her mentor.
"Yeah?"
"The OR is ready." Bailey informed.
"I'll be there in a minute." Meredith reached for the drawstring on the back of the scrubcap and tied it, tightly.
She stood up and took a deep breath. She just wanted five almost perfect seconds. If only, if only he was there.
She entered the OR, ready to start the day.
Meredith finished her operation with Bailey successfully. The patient was stable with no complications. A day where no one dies is a good day.
It was around 8:30 when she met Maggie in the main stairwell.
"So how'd your day go?" Maggie asked, while they walked towards the elevator.
"Good. Good, no one died on my watch today which is a bonus." Meredith smiled as she pushed the button to head down, "How was yours?"
Maggie shrugged her shoulders, "Meh. Could be better."
"Is Amelia coming?" Meredith asked. Maggie checked her phone.
"No, she's stuck in the OR for the night."
The two entered the elevator and headed to the Emerald City Bar. They both approached the bartender and ordered their drinks.
"The usual for us." Maggie smiled. She glanced over at Meredith who was spacing out.
"Tequila coming right—" The bartender started, but Meredith interrupted him.
"Actually, can I get a single malt scotch instead?" Meredith asked.
"Sure, but why the new option?" The bartender said looking at Meredith curiously, "Since I started working here earlier in the year, I've seen you two drink tequila - nothing else."
"Just...missing someone." Meredith smiled sadly. The bartender nodded his head in understanding and handed the women their drinks.
Maggie and Meredith sat in the middle of the bar, catching up with their days. They still had a good thirty minutes before the sitter's time with the kids is over.
"So why the scotch?" Maggie questioned.
Meredith sighed, "Derek. It's his favorite."
"Oh," Maggie said appologetically, "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring him up."
"It's okay, Maggie." Meredith assured her sister. There was an awkward pause before Maggie continued telling Meredith about her day.
Meredith zoned out.
It was two in the morning. The day Derek went missing. Meredith was fast asleep but was awakend by the sound of Derek's voice.
"You still snore." Derek said with a smile. Meredith clutched her pillow and sleepily replied.
"I don't snore anymore."
"Yes you do." Derek chuckled. He moved closer to her and hugged her from behind. Meredith craned her neck to look at Derek, who was happily staring at her.
Meredith grabbed a hold of her pillow and hit Derek with it. She giggled. He grabbed the pillow on his side of the bed and hit her too. They both laughed, they laughed and talked and laughed more that night.
"I missed you. I missed the kids." Derek whispered.
"Me too."
Meredith hit Derek with the pillow again. Derek erupted in laughter.
Meredith could hear his laughter. It was a sound that she had memorized. It was a sound she could recognize anywhere. She could still hear his laughter almost as if he was there. Maybe I'm tipsy. Meredith thought.
"Meredith? You okay?" Maggie asked, reaching for Meredith's hand.
"Yeah," Meredith snapped out of her thoughts, "It's just, I swear I heard his laugh."
Maggie gave her an understanding look.
"Maybe it's the scotch getting in your head."
"Maybe." Meredith said.
"Let's go home." Maggie suggested. Meredith nodded her head in agreement.
They headed towards the door that led up to the stairs that led to the street. Maggie reached for the knob and stepped outside. Meredith took a step out and heard laughter again.
His laugh.
Meredith looked back at the bar. She was still holding the door open. She saw a familiar red shirt.
The red shirt that belonged to a guy in a bar.
If you couldn't tell, this is a new story! This is my take on season 11 and beyond. A different look of the seasons if Derek's fate had been different.
I hope you guys enjoyed the first bit of this story! Please leave your thoughts below (if I should continue this or not.) Thank you!
I also hope you guys don't mind me changing Ellis' name to Lexie. I felt like Lexie would've made more sense to honor (but that's just my opinion lol).
Yes, this is a MERDER fanfiction.